Well, i guess this is the start. I wanna set some ground rules for everyone reading my book.
1. Chances are i probably already died if this is published
2. I dont got a number 2
Well, i guess i should say what this book about my life is about.....
When i ran away from the large walking trees i knew i was done for, running from trees and death as a cancer patient was not on my bucket list. I definitely did NOT want to end as a pancake looking 24 year old. I personally think waffles are better, soon after i heard my friend screaming in my head 'Focus' and i realized i stopped running after thinking about waffles. As i started running again my mind once again wandered of like always. I remember once seeing a video about 'Not so Fun facts' and remembering hearing one fact that i definitely did NOT want to remember. As i once again remembered to continue running i was already out of the large forest holding my small cheap dagger i bought for 2 bucks of of Aliexpress.
"Thank god i made it" I say hunched over breathing heavily.
Some of my friends come running up to my side worried as i was the slowest in the group.
"Hey! Focus up man, you kept slowing down" Friend number one said.
"Yeah, remember you had me tag along since otherwise you wouldn't make the team member requirement." I said. Currently as you can see i had no idea what i got myself into, i mean these guys found me on the side of the road with a cup of coffee and a jacket sulking while thinking about some assignments i had to do for college. I mean, i dont even know their names.
"You almost got yourself killed man, are you okay?" One of the random dudes said.
"Yeah, yeah im fine man" My dumbass said completely serious knowing i was absolutely not fine.
As i slowly stand up dying on the inside from both cancer and my insanely good stamina (Pure sarcasm) the other guys already start running again while one stays behind with me.
"Are you sure you're okay man?" The random guy whose name i remember says.
"No worries man, i'm fine." I kept saying while in my head i was apparently fighting my own shadow and chasing my own tail which now thinking back on it is quite the feat for someone who could barely run a mile.
"You don't look fine man." The guy once again got me backed into a corner.
"You got me man.....Im great." I say while lying straight into his face grammy worthy of my performance, hell they could have given me a nobel prize for my acting.
"Okay man, just say it if it's getting hard. And what rank are you?" The random dude asked me. I probably forgot to say but in this world, people are ranked based of their magic powers or called mana. I myself got the S-Rank (Lie detector noises go off) Okay maybe i got a A-Rank (Lie detector noises go off) Alright alright i got an E-Rank, maybe not the best, maybe it is the worst.
"Uhhh im an E-Rank man" I say this time not lying for the first time in this conversation.
"E-Rank? I'm a D-Rank, we aren't to far away in ranks then." Says the guy while he grabs his expensive sword that now i look back at it, i should have grabbed it and ran because that thing could have paid for that weeks groceries.
"We should start going again, the others are probably already done fighting the dungeon and are getting out." As i start running again with my new friend i remember i never asked his name, well now it's too late to ask i've been talking to him for a good 6 minutes.
As we catch up to the main group we see them waiting in the car with most valuables loaded in the back and me and my new friend get in the car with them as we drive into the sunset.
That is what i wanted to say but knowing my luck that wont happen so when we made it to the car we stepped in like always and maybe, very maybe we will have the movie ending this time. As i and this ragtag group of friends drive into the sunset leaving behind the forest we get the movie ending we wanted.....
For 4 minutes till we crashed into a wall and crashed the car completely. As we all get out the car mostly unharmed we all look visibly defeated and tired as we look around looking for shelter for the night knowing we are not getting out of this predicament. We quickly find a cave and go into it with 8 dudes tired and dead in the eyes.
While 2 of us went out to find food and 2 went to find sticks the other 4 of us would go explore the new cave. We found a good amount of things: Sticks, rocks, random dead corpse, weird glowing large door, a suitcase or 2, wait, glowing large door and a corpse? All 4 of us ran to the exit of the cave to find the other 4 that went out already eating with a nice fire going on. At the fire we all started talking amongst ourselves and we told the others about the big glowing door and we decided we would go in the day after, well they would, me and my friend decided to sneak off during the morning and start walking to the main city 36 miles away.
In the morning me and my friend had bad luck, both of us relied on an alarm clock to wake up and we soon found ourself getting dragged along into the big glowing door and if the corpse wasn't a good enough warning, we do not know what would be since 8 dudes with a combined IQ of 40 wasn't smart enough to deduct that whatever was behind that door was bad, we do not know what would be.
Stolen novel; please report.
As one of the guys opened the door to reveal a weirdly looking throne room we knew we were done for, i mean most guys in a video game seeing a throne room know they are dead. The only safe throne rooms i can remember are the one from Peach in Mario and the rest i dont know. We instantly knew we would not all survive but apparently these guys dont play Mario but only gacha games and they must be addicted to it in that case. And addicted they surely are since after we walked in it did not get better. We saw a few things in the throne room: Large gold statues, an amount of food that even Dwayne Johnson wouldn't be able to eat on his cheat day and a large gold statue sitting on a large throne at the back. Run that back so we saw a LARGE GOLD STATUE SITTING ON A THRONE AND THEY DIDN'T THINK TO TURN BACK. In my head i'm thinking about what could go wrong and boy was i close minded in that moment.
"Hey guys, there's a note here saying some stuff but i'm a dumbass that wanted to die." One guy said while i might have paraphrased a bit what he said but that's the gist of it. When me and the others walked over to see what was on the note. As one guy grabbed the note and looked at what it read he read it to all the illiterate dudes currently in the room.
"Beware the golden throne, for it is cursed. Those who sit shall find themselves trapped in eternal servitude, enslaved to the whims of the dark lord. No food nor drink shall satiate your hunger, and the only escape is death.
P.S. The snacks are great, though. Good luck!"
"So the gist of that paper was to say some dumb stuff? Alright who in their right mind would actually sit on that thr-" I tried to say after 4 of my comrades already jumped on each and over eachother to sit on the throne. As the other 4 notincluding me drew their great weapons i drew my kitchen knife from my backpocket ready to fight the supposed 'Slaves of the Dark Lord'. As one of the 4 smarter dudes that did not jump on the throne grabbed the note he read ir right for once.
""Beware the golden throne, for it is cursed. Those who sit shall find themselves trapped in eternal servitude, enslaved to the whims of the dark lord. No food nor drink shall satiate your hunger, and the only escape is death.
P.S. The snacks are great, though. Good luck! P.S.S It's a Sex slave not a normal Slave"
"Wait, so those guys that jumped on the throne now......" As i scaredly look over to the throne to see 4 glorified naked Korean dudes i quickly shield my younger friends eyes as i do so. What a good guy am i?
"SHIELD YOUR FUCKING WIENERS MAN!" The guy right to me yelled while the guy left to me yelled a different sentence.
"YASSS GIRL SLAYYYYY" The gu left to me yelled as we all turned to look at him weirdly.
"Not the time for that man, time for you to slightly get back into the closet and help us figure this predicament out." I say thinking i am smart for using the word predicament.
"This is quite bizarre i might say." The guy right to me says.
"Bizarre?" the guy left to me says smiling and as i write this now i realize i remember his name, Joseph i think it was but all his friends call him Jojo, well Jojo this was quite a bizarre adventure i must say.
Back to the story, as we shielded our eyes from the glowing naked Korean dudes that could not seem to stop hitting poses like a scrawny 21 year old looking in the gym mirror trying to look big.....Could not be me.
But after 30 minutes of Jojo fawning over the glowing Korean dudes and one guy eating all the food the Dark Lords voice starting to speak.
"Meow."
I should have known, cats are the most evil creatures to exist how could they not be the Dark Lord.
"Silence"
Now i suspected this was the Dark Lords voice and he was only a cat enthousiast and my thoughts were confirmed.
"Who dares to disturb the throne room of the Great Lord of Darkness"
Suddenly the glorifed Korean dudes turned into glorified suns with how hard they were shining, kinda ironic that the Lord of Darkness has brightly glowing naked Korean dudes. One of the Korean dudes suddenly launched at the guy that was eating all the food and the dude eating just stuffed some pancakes in his mouth.
"Waffles are better." I mumble angrily
As Jojo suddenly goes wild after seeing his comrade get jumped by his crush he quickly threw a purse at the Korean dude he was holding slapping his face.
"GO JOJO!" I screamed grabing my kitchen knife and stabbing the Korean dude with pancakes in his mouth in his back. The guy eating snapped back to reality and swung his arm at that Korean dude just trying to enjoy the pancakes when i jump back and run to Jojo.
"Jojo, GET back!" I shout trying to sound heroic while i have a voice crack mid sentence.
As i try and clear my voice nonchalantly Jojo jumps over me athletically and slams down on the Korean dude, in my mind i think '2 guys left, we got a chance' but while writing this i think to myself that that was stupid. The 2 guys we thought we had down suddenly came back standing. I realized we had one thing that coudl work.
"Jojo undress now!" I exclaim trying to sound cool and confident
Jojo quickly shot me a happy look that was quite weird now that i think about it and he undressed and threw his clothes to me.
"One shot, one chance." I scream as i tackle a Korean dude and force the vest on his body.
The Korean dude turns normal again and passes out immediately after.
"It worked?!" I scream not nonchalant at all and i try to keep my mind of how i am currently sitting on a naked dude. As i get off the dude i see Jojo absolutely blasting a dude with glitter while dressing him up nicely and i see the other dude stuffing food on his Korean guy and i wonder, wasn't there another guy with us?
As i look for the last dude and his Korean dude i am horrified to see a scene i did not want to see and i grab Jojo.
"Jojo...." I say slowly.
"Yes?" Jojo says just as slowly like we are in a 1920's black and white detective movie.
"Get them out of that room, you are the only one ready for a job that big...." I say smoking my imaginary pipe.
"The job will be done boss." Jojo says roughly and trying to sound masculine while he's covered in glitter as he walks over to the last Korean dude.
*5 minutes later*
Jojo walks out holding a cat, a video camera and the Korean dude passed out and our dude also passed out.
"Boss i saw this cat taking pictures of their horrific attempts at doing gymnastics." Jojo mumbles angrily.
"Good job man. Now we head out hopefully unscathed." I say to Jojo grabbing the dude thats once again eating food.
"Not so easily" The Dark Lord says grabbing me with some weird powers and smacking me into a wall as Jojo and the others run for their lifes, and yes i am blaming them for not even attempting to save me.
"No....not me man...." I said coughing up blood.
"Yes....yes you...." The Dark Lord says forming a body of skulls and bones as the outer layer.
"What are you gonna do to me?" I mutter scared.
"You will become my vessel..." The Dark Lord says.
"Vessel? What is this some dumb manga?" I mumble angrily. At this point i realized i had 2 choices. One, accept his offer and become his vessel or two, bargain.
"You dare try and call me dumb?" The Dark Lord boomed through the throne room making it shake.
"I want to offer you a choice." I say with fake confidence.
".......What is your offer?"