I woke up, confused by the strange bed.

~Was I on a job? Where am I?~ I thought as I focused on the dim surroundings. I stood and opened the curtain, and the spectacular view brought the events of the previous day crashing back into my mind.

~Right,~ I thought, my mood dampened. Turning away from the window, I spotted some fresh clothes lying over a chair. My natural wariness kicked in, and I hoped the clothes had been warped in rather than brought in mundanely. The thought of someone in the room while I slept was instinctively disturbing.

After changing, I breathed a sigh of relief. While the clothes I'd had for schmoozing on the boat weren't uncomfortable, they stank of sea salt from the chaos the day before, and I was glad not to have to wear them longer than I had to. What I had on now was a white t-shirt, maroon cargo pants and sneakers. I checked myself out in the mirror, noting with distaste I looked slightly like a woman trying to hold on to her youth with clothes too young for her. I made a mental note to ask Elli for different clothes. Given how well they fit, particularly the underwear, I refused to entertain the idea that the clothes might have come from Janus.

Opening the door, I was greeted by the sight of Elli with her fist raised to knock on the door. She looked surprised for a moment, but the dazzling smile that followed blew me away.

"I came to let you know breakfast was ready, if you're interested in eating with me?" She asked. I nodded, speech unavailable as I struggled to reclaim my ability to think. She smiled again, thwarting all my efforts, then took me by the hand and let me to a cosy room with large windows. Sunlight was streaming in, illuminating a round table set for two people.

We sat down and began eating, while Elli talked about various aspects of Iburn, like the culture and natural oddities. I occasionally made noises to mask the fact that I was doing my best not to just stare at her throughout the meal. Now that some of the shock had faded away and my mind was working more stably, it was actually harder to dismiss the woman's stunning beauty.

Halfway through the meal a thought made its way to the forefront of my mind. I looked around, then interrupted Elli. "Is Janus not planning to join us?"

She blinked. "He's actually working on a few things for you at the moment. You'll be able to see him later, although I could take you there now if you really want to."

"No rush!" No need to separate myself from Elli any sooner than I had to.

We finished the meal and sat by the windows, sipping steaming cups of tea and looking at the city. "Why is the design of the city so...varied?" I asked, pausing to change my words to something more polite.

Elli gave a thin smile. "Gods are, as a general rule, somewhat selfish. Iburn has gods from many different eras and planes, and no one can tell a god what his house should or shouldn’t look like. Given that it's more trouble than it's worth to enforce a uniform city image, Janus just let them do as they will."

I frowned. "Why are there so many gods here? Is this some kind of god trade city?"

"There is a good deal of trade going on, but that's more a by-product of the different gods already being here than their goal to come. The real reason's a bit more complex, so I'll have to let Janus deal with it." It sounded like she said his name with a slight questioning tone, but I decided I must have misheard. I turned back to look at the city.

After a short silence, Elli put down her empty cup. "It looks like Janus is ready to meet you. Shall we?"

I stood, and we exited the small room.

* * *

Back in Janus' office, I stared at the tan man across the desk. He was holding a slim helmet in his hands.

"This," he began grandly, "is your guaranteed pathway to divinity." He paused, clearly waiting for a reaction. I had one, only it ran in the direction of wondering once again if he was actually a god. After he saw I wasn't about to drop in shock and awe, Janus coughed and continued.

"In essence, I've loaded this helmet with a visual display to show you the essence of the world around you so you can see the effects of divine power and learn faster, along with assistive programs to help with any learning problems you may encounter. "

~That explains the goggles on the helmet.~ Now that I thought about it, the helmet looked similar to the ones worn in Star Wars. What were they called again? Insurgents? Revolutionaries?

After recalling they destroyed some floating space ball, I stopped trying to remember. That was a childhood memory, and pushing too much reminded me of other things; wooden walls, marble floors, two male voices laughing outside. I tuned back into Radio Janus in time to hear "– put it on and we'll start."

He moved round the table and handed me the helmet. I looked at it for a second, then dumped it on my head and looked at Janus.

I screamed.

As soon as it came out, I hated myself. I had spent most of my life being a self-confident, unflappable diva who lived like the world was hers, and yet in two days I had screamed more than I had in years. If you didn't count certain bedroom activities.

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Despite that, the mirage that came into view slightly to Janus' left was terrifying. I became a firm believer in Hell at that very moment, because this half-human creature could not have possibly come from anywhere else. It stood between Janus and his chair, putrid open wounds on its side and a spine curved in an impossible arch as it moved on all fours. It was easily as tall as Janus was, and the look on its ugly face vaguely matched Janus' surprised one.

"What–" he started, before a golden spear came flying through the wall and pinned the creature next to the window. He whirled and looked at the intruder, while I tossed the helmet away in the corner. Unfortunately, that didn't help, as the creature was now visible to my eyes even without the helmet.

While I adjusted to the fact that this hadn't been Janus' sick joke, the man under suspicion turned to face the door and took a combat stance. "Piper, behind the desk, now."

That put me closer to the inhuman thing than I liked, but something was clearly wrong, and I trusted him enough to believe he'd keep me alive.

As I slid behind the heavy table, the office door burst into splinters, revealing a burly giant of a man. "Your guard dog is loyal as ever, Gatekeeper." A mocking laugh followed. "As soon as she realised you were in danger, she didn't hesitate to throw her spear." As he walked in, I went cold at the sight of his right hand. More precisely, what it was emerging from.

Elli had been skewered through the stomach, the man's arm buried up to the elbow in her body and emerging out the other side. Silver fluid dripped from around the wound and stained the man's arm. Ignoring the damage, she was weakly attempting to batter at any part of the man she could reach, but the difference in sizes and the awkward position meant she couldn't hit anywhere of note.

"Ore." Janus growled. "I take it this abomination is your doing?"

The light-skinned giant chuckled. "Oh yes. You wouldn't believe what I had to do to foster that thing here. Your eagle eye on anything coming to this plane cost me years!"

"What's the plan here, Ore? You kill me and this plane disappears, along with everyone here. Surely you didn't plan to rule over Iburn."

"Oh, don't be so small-minded! I'm well-aware Iburn will disappear, but I'm more than willing to give my life to restore Primus to its rightful place in the cosmos." Janus must have made an ugly expression, because the man laughed again. "Now, no more stalling, Gatekeeper. I know you're trying to heal a wound from the Mindless."

Janus shifted, and now that I looked I could see deep claw marks in his left shoulder. When had he been injured? Unlike Elli though, the blood leaking from his wounds was scarlet-gold. I idly wondered if gods could choose their blood colour.

Ore threw out his arm, sending Elli flying off to the side, and charged at Janus. Blows were exchanged almost faster than I could follow, when Janus failed to block a side-swipe and took a hit to his injured shoulder. He staggered back two steps. Unexpectedly, Ore also leapt back, stretching his hand out at Janus, palm down.

Ore clenched the hand into a fist, and a rainbow cage sprang into existence around Janus. He struggled against it as it compressed, then yelled, "Break!" The cage shattered, eerily quiet, and I let out a breath. I had no desire to be caught up in dimensional collapse so soon after avoiding death.

I glanced over at Elli, who was leaning against the wall. She was still moving feebly, so she was alive, but there was no way I could get to her without involving myself in the fight.

I blinked. My view had suddenly changed to a shifting tunnel, at the end of which I could see Janus holding a tower shield with one arm while pointing at me with the other arm. Looking around at the chaotic surroundings, I realised where I was when I felt pulling at my body and nausea rose up.

~Portal? Again? Really?~

I tried to struggle back to the office, but the pull was too strong for me, and I was resigned to watching Janus get battered by flashing lights and golden daggers. He made a coaxing motion to something out of sight, and the helmet flew into his hand. As soon as he wasn't pointing at me, I began sliding with the pull, and I panicked a little. Janus looked at me, his mouth moving, then reached back and threw the helmet at me. I'd like to say I caught it gracefully, but it instead made impact under my breasts with all the speed and courtesy of a rocket. I cursed Janus eight different ways as my body picked up speed. I succumbed to my nausea just as the whirling lights disappeared and a night sky appeared, and I crashed into the ground at god-knows-what speed.

My last image before I blacked out was the helmet crashing down some distance away.