CHAPTER 556
MOON-HUNG
Rather than sticking around, Lino left right after addressing the hall, flashing a faint smile at Hannah and the rest before departing toward the back wing of the fortress, into a small garden, bushes encasing a petite, crystalline clear pond of water at the center. The night had slowly begun to fall, the bright, full moon hanging far above, casting sets of shimmering, faintly silver rays of light onto the world.
He plopped himself against a ragged rock, taking out a gourd of ale and settling it beside himself, averting his attention onto the starlit sky. Flocks of his black hair swayed ever so often in the wind's rhythm, hiding and revealing a pair of black eyes that seemed lost in thought. It was over, Lino knew – at least for now. The warring, the battling, the endless stream of shadow-encased clouds… were all purged. At long last he had accomplished what he set out to do from a long time ago – create for himself, and those he loved, a peaceful world in which they can do whatever their hearts desire without fear of dying.
Yet, eerily so, he found himself somewhat empty, his heart unsettled. For too long had he been in a constant state of alert and alarm, always expecting a battle to pour cold reality over his dreams, that neither his mind nor his heart were quite yet settled on the idea of peace and calm. This sort of restlessness scared him, perhaps more so than any battle he had fought through and prevailed. The possibility that he was simply unable to imagine a warless life anymore left him feeling cold and hollow, distant from the rousing lights, chatter, and songs that he left behind.
Taking a sip of the ale, he slumped further back, nearly lying on the shallow grass beneath him. A familiar set of footsteps echoing behind and, soon, near him awoke him from his slumber and limpidness, causing him to shuffle his gaze sideways and onto the figure that sat just on the opposite end. Between them, a rough, dirt pavement pierced, circling the flower-encased pond and winding around to the other end, extending past the hedges and onward.
He was still the same, Lino reckoned, yet vastly different. Tall, stalwart, muscular, aged… nothing on the surface of things has changed, but the look in his eyes was different. He knew, Lino realized.
“… Hannah talked to you?” he asked, taking a sip of ale and passing another gourd from his void world to Eggor who grabbed it.
“Hm.” He replied, taking a sip. “Can’t believe you relayed it onto your wife, tsk, tsk.”
“… she volunteered.”
“Of course she has,” Eggor said. “She’s an angel.”
“… she truly is,” Lino chuckled. “More so than I’ve ever been, I think.”
“… you used to be a lot more like her, at least,” Eggor said. “But, whether you ever admitted it to yourself or not, years shaved away at your heart, Lino.”
“… I know.”
“… did you really mean what you said inside?” Eggor asked. “Or was it just a story for them to fret over?”
“… a little bit of both, I suppose,” Lino said, sighing faintly. “I’ve tried… I really did.”
“Nobody said you haven’t.”
“… I killed her.” Lino admitted, shifting his gaze sideways, back onto Eggor who met it squarely, the black pair of eyes barely flinching. “She told you even that?”
“… no,” Eggor shook his head. “But, there was nobody else that could.”
“… there’s a special place in hell for the likes of me, I believe. No… chances are, this is all there is to it. I can’t quite reconcile it.”
“… some years ago,” Eggor spoke out after short silence. “Ella confided something in me.”
“Hm?” Lino exclaimed softly.
“She told me that, one day, you two might stand on opposite ends. As she described it, it was just a ‘mother’s instinct’, the sort of gut feeling… the same sort of the gut feeling that was telling her, all this while ago, she didn’t belong with this world. To be honest… I was preparing myself for today ever since.”
“…” Lino remained silent, taking a sip of ale.
“You are our son – always were,” Eggor said. “And parents stand by their children no matter what they do. You’re a father now as well,” he glanced at Lino with a faint smile. “You already know you’d forgive that little devil everything and look the other way. It’s just something we do.”
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“… there are limits to everything,” Lino said. “I’d much rather you yell at me and punch me, old man, than try to rectify what I had done in your mind so you don’t lash out.”
“… would it help your guilt?” Eggor asked.
“No,” Lino replied honestly. “It would help yours, though.”
“You don’t need to worry about me.”
“Of course I do,” Lino chuckled. “I’m an old man myself, now. The sides have switched.”
“The sides never truly switch, Lino,” Eggor said. “To me, you’ll always be a young, slightly bashful boy too proud to ask for help. That won’t change whether you’re sixty or sixty thousand years old. Whether you’re an Emperor, or a simple, local blacksmith, or even a side-street beggar. You’re my son before any of them.”
“… she was different.”
“Who?”
“Mom.”
“Different how?” Eggor quizzed.
“… it’s hard to explain,” Lino sighed, taking a deep breath right after. “She always seemed to be on the cusp of… something. Like there’s a perpetual battle going on inside her mind. She lacked that calm… the eternal calm that permeated her no matter what. I know it sounds like a lame excuse,” he pushed out a bitter chuckle, lowering his head into his breasts. “But… aah, I don’t know…”
“… she finally managed to make you speechless, eh?”
“Hm?”
“She used to say it was one of her goals in life,” Eggor chuckled, taking a sip. "To make you tongue-tied and shut you up, if for but a moment. I guess she finally managed to do it."
“… you both left me speechless plenty of times,” Lino said after a short silence. “I wish I had expressed my heart each time I held it in instead, embarrassed.”
“We always knew.” Eggor said.
“… I also know Aaria loves me,” Lino said, taking a sip. “But, by god, when she tells me, it’s like the whole of the world lights up in these colors I never thought possible. No matter how tired I may be, it’s like her simple words breathe life back into me.”
“… aye,” Eggor nodded. “Kids… really are a marvel, aren’t they?”
“… at first, I mostly wanted to have a kid ‘cause I knew Hannah wanted a family,” Lino spoke out his heart, sighing lightly. “But… things changed. They changed so quickly, it felt like I was hit by an invisible boulder going at the speed of light. Suddenly, I was watching this little creature crawl about the house, hot at her steps, fearful she might bump against something. Anything she did, no matter how little, would make my day and more. I found my eyes repeatedly drawn to her tiny figure, and, soon enough, I couldn’t imagine my life without her. No matter what future I pictured, she was in it. And she was happy, rid of the sorts of ills we had to go through.”
“… that was El’s greatest regret in life,” Eggor said after a brief silence. “That she imposed on you the life no one heart should ever need to experience… and that neither one of us were able to help you in your greatest time of need. Instead, we sat by the side and watch you burn in a blaze, so brightly it left us blind. Truth is, we’d do anything for our children, Lino,” he added. “But, the difference between a parent and a good parent… is that they knew when to leave their child alone. Give them the tools to achieve something in life, and watch over them as they fly. Should a day ever come when their wings are clipped, our job is to be there and accepted them back with open arms. To provide a place they will always be able to call home, no matter what other storms may rage on the horizon. Yet, because of it, you had to endure so much… too much.”
“… life never gives us anything we can’t overcome,” Lino replied, glancing at the old man that seemed all-too-fragile all of a sudden. “Would I love to go back in time and right so many wrongs I’ve done, fix all the things I couldn’t, and prevent all the bad things from happening? Of course. But, good or bad, all those things led me here. And, however horrid it may sound, there’s no other place I’d like to be.”
“… I loved her,” Eggor said all of a sudden, his voice cracking slightly. “For nearly all my life, she was the only light in my life, Lino. My reason for living.”
“…”
“But, little by little, lanterns, like stars, began shining around me, without me ever even noticing. Soon enough, she was not alone in my heart. You took just as deep a root in there. Then, one by one, I’ve found myself drawn to others, opening up the doors of my heart that I had thought locked for the longest time. Had she died before I met you and the others, I wouldn’t hesitate in the slightest to follow her.”
“…”
“Back then, my life would have been purposeless without her. But now… now… I can’t leave,” he lowered his head, the sound of the grounding teeth escaping in-between his words. “And… the guilt… the guilt is ravaging.”
“…” biting his lower lip, Lino got up and walked over, crouching next to him. “There’s nothing you should feel guilty about,” he said. “Mom would beat your ass if she saw you like this, you know?”
“… I know.”
“She would yell at you and lecture you for hours.”
“… yeah, she definitely would.”
“She loved us,” Lino said, corners of his eyes growing moist. “More than we can probably ever know. One way or another, she was the light that led us through the otherwise darkened days of life. Not just us, but many others. She made all our stories come true, and all the happy endings we’re writing right now a reality. You… have made her happy, dad. That much was clear. Just as she was yours, you were her strength, the courage when she needed it the most. But, now, others need our strength. Guidance. Let us not leave the heaven hung in black and lay content, but give it the same light she afforded us.”
“…” Eggor’s reddened eyes peeked through the muscular arms as he got up to his feet, Lino following soon after. At long last, the latter was right there in height, though not quite the width. The two stared at each other for a moment in silence before Eggor spread out his arms and dragged Lino in, the latter replying in kind. “I’ll trust Hannah,” Eggor whispered gently, his lips curling up into the faintest of smiles. “Somehow, when both your mom and I failed, she was the one to pull you back, no matter how far you were gone.”
“… she has the magic,” Lino chuckled lightly right after. “That seems to make all my walls irrelevant.”
“Good,” Eggor nodded as the two drew apart. “I’ll leave the rest to her, then, and go dance with my granddaughter. Ho ho ho, I didn’t know she was that good of a dancer. I’ll really have to teach that bastard son of mine some new things. If it goes on like this, he’ll die only ever having learned to read and scribble…”
“…” Apologize to all the bards in the world, you old bastard! Lino’s lips hung in a tender smile as he watched the broad back vanish beyond the garden, leaving him standing solitary beneath the shine of the moon, his heart faintly lighter – though barely noticeable, for now… it was enough. Just enough.