All the girhuma were back in the village when Owin climbed out of the hatch. The one sitting at the table barely acknowledged them as he continued drinking from a mug, which caused Katalin to chuckle.

Owin stopped them just north of the village. He finally took his lich bone knife and added it to his belt now that there wasn’t luminous damage all over that could shatter it. Hopefully the trident would serve as a good weapon, but he fell back on his knives often enough that using the lich bone would be more helpful than still using the old stone knife from his days as a mindless mob.

“What’s a prazene?” Owin asked.

“We talked about this before going below,” Ernie said.

“Horrors,” Katalin said. “That’s the real name for Baby Head’s species. Most people call them horrors because . . .”

“You’ll see,” Ernie said.

They left the girhuma village and started back into the kelp forest. The long strands of seaweed moved gently in the water, making the shadows of the dim sunlight dance across the sand.

Katalin coughed and held her hand over her mouth.

“Are you okay?” Owin asked.

“Fine. Revive potions are a little too strong for people as weak as us,” Katalin said. She wiped her mouth with her ruined sleeve. “Hopefully you never find out how they taste.”

“So, I can’t eat the horror?”

Katalin stopped and grabbed Ernie’s shoulder, pulling him back. Ernie just sighed. Katalin crouched to meet Owin at eye level. “What did we talk about before?”

“I should stop eating things?”

She nodded slowly.

“But it makes me stronger.”

“What if you eat something poisonous?”

Owin stared blankly at Katalin. He had never experienced poison. What did it taste like? Would it give him a buff? “What’s poison?”

Ernie laughed.

“Poison is something that can kill you or make you violently ill. A lot of things are poisonous, especially a lot of assassin skills. Some mobs have poison or venom too, which can be just as dangerous. Basically, stop eating things before eating one of them kills you. There’s—” Katalin turned and vomited again. Pink puke glowed just like the revive potion.

Ernie patted her gently on the back as she groaned and rinsed her mouth with drinking water. The ocean water was also present but couldn’t be consumed. It was as if it never entered their mouths even though Owin did taste the salt and anything else floating about.

“I think that was the last of it.” Katalin rinsed her mouth one more time. “I hope.”

Owin took a step away as the puke spread into the water. “Did it actually help if it’s all coming back out?”

“Revive potions take effect immediately,” Ernie said. “Just like buff potions. Haven’t you noticed how quickly you get the buff?”

Owin hadn’t noticed. He hadn’t even ever thought about it. The numbers in his vision were too distracting to ever think about anything else when he had drank buffs in the past. He started walking, slowly encouraging the alchemists to follow him. Katalin groaned but walked while using the trident for support.

“Isn’t it worth eating things to get stronger? The demon flesh, the ocular heart, Graliel’s face . . .” Owin shrugged. “It all made me stronger.”

Ernie put his arm around Owin’s shoulder. “What do you think an alchemist does?”

“The first one I met outside the dungeon just wanted to light stuff on fire.” Miya’s cackle and crazed look as she lit the scaltari newt on fire was burned into Owin’s brain.

“Some of us do love burning shit,” Katalin said. She lingered a few steps behind, but was keeping pace. Owin kept glancing back, but each time she glared at him and pointed forward.

“We make things with mob parts and ingredients found in the dungeons. That’s the whole point of an alchemist.” Ernie’s hand that hung right by Owin’s head turned blue, chilling the water. “Our spells are made to work with ingredients. That’s one of the reasons why you’re here. Alchemists don’t fight. Despite what Katalin did back there, we aren’t made for combat in really any form. We can make explosives, sure, but other than withstanding our own grenades, what are we meant to do?”

“You can’t even take your own explosions,” Katalin said.

“Yes, we’re all aware I made a bad choice by not taking Ward. The point is, alchemists and entertainers generally aren’t hero classes. Some people find ways to make it work. Althowin obviously did as the only 7 Shard alchemist any of us know about. Even she doesn’t know of another alchemist who conquered all seven dungeons. Katalin and I don’t want the shards. Nothing good comes from them. It’s a struggle the whole time. Once I become a master, I don’t intend to enter the dungeons at all anymore. That won’t be a problem with Althowin’s first rule, though she won’t explain it to us. If we did want the shards, her rule would be a huge hurdle in obtaining one. Still, it doesn’t matter. Someday, I won’t see mobs anymore.”

Owin poked Ernie’s frozen hand that hovered near his face. “How will you get ingredients?”

“I’ll send an apprentice in just like Kat and I have been doing for Althowin. It’s the perfect cycle. They learn about the dungeons and the ingredients, and I get the benefit of not risking my life for some mushrooms.”

The seaweed thinned out as they continued walking, revealing a small mountain of moss-covered rocks. Other plants grew from the moss, waving gently in the water. A girhuma sat on a rug tucked between a few rocks with crates and a few canvas bags at her side.

Ernie pulled Owin away before he could turn toward the new mob. “That’s Arimeda. We don’t have any money to trade with her and we failed the quest, so we don’t get that deal. She’s worth talking to next time you’re here.”

“I could talk to her now.” Owin tried turning again, but Ernie yanked Owin to the side.

“It’s not worth our time right now. We wouldn’t be able to afford anything unless you just have a bunch of gold on you.”

Owin reached into the bag at his side and pulled out a handful of coins. “I don’t know how many I have.”

“The goblin is loaded,” Katalin said with a laugh.

“What’s the water elf sell?”

“Potions. Random trinkets. Sometimes a weapon. It changes every half hour,” Katalin said.

Owin slipped from Ernie’s grip. “It’ll just take a second. What if she has buff potions?”

Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

“A dex buff is a necessity,” Katalin said. She followed Owin over while Ernie remained in the seaweed.

“I wish anyone listened to me.”

“Stop being so grumpy. I’m the one who almost died,” Katalin said.

Owin wanted to sprint over, but Katalin was on his side and was excited for him. Waiting a minute for her wouldn’t hurt anything.

Arimeda waved upon spotting Owin. “Are you looking to buy anything?”

“Do you have any buff potions?”

Arimeda didn’t move. She just stood with her arms folded across her chest. A menu appeared, filling Owin’s entire vision. He stumbled, tripping over sand, and fell right on his face.

Katalin pulled him up and brushed sand from his nose. “Store menu catch you unaware?”

“Yeah.”

There were more options than Owin had imagined. With only a few small boxes and bags, he had thought Arimeda would only have whatever was inside, but it appeared that stores in dungeons didn’t follow the same rules as the real world.

“It says I have forty gold. That’s more than I thought I had.” Owin kept scrolling through. There were a few dozen apprentice weapons. Knives, swords, bows, maces, staves, and more. There was one of each type of weapon, from what Owin could tell. The potions quickly jumped in price from the weapons, especially as it swapped from apprentice to journeyman rarity.

“Thirty five for apprentice dexterity buffs and fifty for journeyman. So, I’ll take—”

Katalin grabbed Owin’s bag and dropped coins into it. They clanked against the bottles and coins. “Buy the journeyman.”

“. . . okay.” Owin selected a journeyman dexterity buff and closed the menu. Arimeda went to work digging through a bag until she found a pink potion. It was darker than the revive potion Katalin had drank in Ligala Lepis.

Arimeda walked over, handed the potion over, and shook Owin’s hand. The coins vanished from the bag, immediately making it lighter. “Come back soon.”

“I will.” Owin immediately turned on Katalin. “Why?”

“Apprentice buffs are so small. That’s not going to do you much good. Might as well get a better deal. You’ll need a lot more than twenty to get you up to speed, but it’s a start.” She patted him on the head.

“You know, I’m the one working for you.”

“Consider it a partial payment for a future job.”

Owin nodded and drank the potion.

Journeyman Dexterity Buff

+20 Dexterity

Duration: ????

Dexterity +20

Dexterity: 50

Hero

Owin

Deficient Wizard

Nimble Hog Hero Company

Level: 1

Strength: 216

Constitution: 140

Dexterity: 50

Intelligence: 155

Wisdom: 24

Charisma: 60

Owin hopped back and forth, feeling incredibly light on his feet. He couldn’t wait to test out his new speed. With the Goblin Cunning racial feat, he would be even faster.

“It would be great to get your wisdom up too,” Katalin said.

“How would that help me?”

“You would stop asking questions like that.” She patted him on the head. “Let’s get moving before Ernie’s head explodes.”

“At least you would live through it.”

Katalin laughed and shoved Owin forward. Ernie’s index was already flashing as he looked over Owin’s attributes. He didn’t comment and fell into line as Owin started leading the way back into the kelp forest.

“Are there any enemies before Baby Head I should watch for?”

“Crabs,” Katalin said. “You’ll hear them before you see them. They are wandering mobs. There’s also the wandering boss, which, unsurprisingly, is also a crab.”

“Etosai is a pain in the ass,” Ernie said.

Tall strands of seaweed swayed in the distance. Ernie tensed, but said nothing. Owin watched between stalks, trying to spot anything. As they left Arimeda, the forest grew denser and darker again.

“What are the chances we avoid the boss?” Owin asked.

“Honestly? Low,” Ernie said. “Etosai roams through the back half of the floor, which is where we’re headed. The wandering bosses won’t stop chasing you once they spot you, and Etosai will see us before we see him.”

“Okay.” Owin cleared his throat. “What’s a crab?”

Katalin snorted.

“Dammit, Owin,” Ernie said. “I need to start assuming you don’t know anything.”

“That’s a good idea,” Owin said. How could he keep an eye out for something when he didn’t know what it was?

“Maybe dex could’ve waited,” Katalin said. “That wisdom is really hurting you.”

Ernie walked over, nudged Katalin, and whispered something in her ear. She nodded.

“What are you talking about?” Owin asked.

“You’re going to fight Etosai.” Ernie smiled. His mustache had something sticking to it, which wiggled near his mouth. Owin watched the little green slime. “Owin.”

“What?”

Ernie wiped his sleeve over his face. “Did you hear me?”

“Yeah.”

“Anything to say?”

Owin shrugged. Fighting another boss wasn’t anything surprising. “I thought you wanted to move faster.”

“We’re already late, and I’ll be honest, it’s fun watching you fight the bosses. Would’ve been fun seeing you eat the cathkabel’s face if the cetanthro hadn’t swarmed,” Ernie said.

“They also do,” Katalin added.

“Is Etosai strong?”

“Very, but he’s slow. The Golden Bull we had with us last time was able to crush Etosai easier than Baby Head. Speed means a lot.”

Owin grinned. “Okay.”

“Great. Because good news . . . Etosai definitely saw us a while ago and has been heading this way.” Ernie took a big step back and pointed ahead. The stalks of seaweed wobbled in the distance. “We’re going to go somewhere safe.”

Ernie helped Katalin clamber onto the algae-covered rocks to the side until they were a few feet into the air. Owin dropped the Thunderstrike Maul into the sand at their feet and caught the golden trident as Katalin tossed it down.

“Anything I should know about Etosai?” The seaweed parted closer. He would be there soon.

“Crabs are armored creatures. They have a chitin that isn’t easy to crack. Especially Etosai’s. There are weak points—”

“I don’t need weak points.”

Ernie clapped his hands. “Fascinating. Can’t wait to see this go horribly wrong.”

Katalin punched him in the arm.

Something crunched in the sand, causing more seaweed stalks to shake. Owin turned from the alchemists and raised the trident. He bounced on his feet, kicking up sand with each little movement. With his higher dexterity and being in the water made it feel like he floated between each little jump off his toes.

A colorful, bulbous creature burst from the dense forest. It was about four feet wide and two feet tall with four pointed legs skittering on each side. Huge claws snapped in the water, causing bubbles to rise with each snip.

Owin didn’t wait, jumping straight into action. He flew through the water and drove the trident down into the creature. The prongs scraped on the chitin, breaking off a few colorful stones before slipping into the sand. Owin flipped, landed, lost his balance, and fell onto his bottom. The crab immediately turned and snapped, barely missing Owin’s head with its oversized claw.

Owin drew the lich bone knife and dove forward, only to find the second claw. His forehead hit it first, causing him to flip over and land right on top. The colorful stones and little plants growing from the top of the crab fell off as Owin scrambled for footing.

Ernie laughed loudly until Katalin punched him again.

“I can do this,” Owin said loudly.

“Sure!”

Owin stood as the crab twisted again, causing him to fall right back onto the shell. Claws snapped blindly, too far away to reach Owin. He lifted the bone knife in both hands and drove it down, shattering the chitin with ease. The crab didn’t drop. If anything, it became more agitated, twirling and snapping as fast as it could. Owin put the knife back into his belt and reached his hands into the hole he made. He dug his feet into the stones, pushing them off the chitin, and pulled with every point of his strength. Chitin ripped straight off, exposing the guts of the crab. Owin placed both hands and cast Discharge.

Electricity shook the whole crab, causing it to drop lifeless. Owin let himself fall off the crab where he landed on his back in the sand. He grabbed the trident and took a deep breath. He had drained his mana in the single spell. Discharge consumed every point of mana available, leaving the bar blank in the lower part of Owin’s vision..

“Good show, Owin, but, uh, that was only a normal crab,” Ernie shouted.

Owin sat up. “What?”

“Etosai is called the Overgrown Crab for a reason.”

Owin turned, looking into the seaweed forest. Something much bigger shook the stalks and churned sand into cloudy water.

“How much bigger?”

“A whole fucking lot,” Katalin said.