Gillywix cowered beneath a bush, curled up in the loamy soil and praying to the darkest, most sinister demon lords that the vindictive succubus wouldn’t spot him. He adjusted his position slightly so he could look up through the leaves at the sky.

He saw Aurelia flying over the city like a sinister hawk ready to swoop down and snatch up poor, noble, intelligent, and incredibly handsome imps. A whimper escaped his throat as he curled up even tighter into a ball, accidentally rustling the leaves slightly.

“Hello? Who’s there? What are you doing in my garden?” came a female voice, croaking with age.

Gillywix froze.

No no noooo, he cried internally, if old human lady causes scene then Aurelia will find me! No. Must use big brain. Must find way out of this! Must keep hiding spot!

“You come out of my bush this instant, or I’ll jab you with my cane!” the old woman threatened from the window right above Gillywix’s bush, but just barely out of sight.

Gillywix’s fantastic mind, the envy of all in every realm, whirred to find a way out of this dire situation. It produced a plan of such cunning and devious genius that it could not possibly fail! A plan that would surely be the salvation of Gillywix the Marvelously Handsome!

“I’m counting to three! One… two…” the old woman said.

“Meow?” Gillywix said, giving the best impression of a cat he possibly could. Which was to say, a better impression of a cat than cats could hope to do, for what cat could possibly do anything better than Gillywix the Magnificently Brilliant?

“Aww… hello, kitty,” said the old woman, “I’m sorry to frighten you like that. You poor thing. You must be scared stiff out there. What with all the demons running around the city. Why don’t you come on in?”

Gillywix looked back at the sky and saw that Aurelia was still searching for him. He had no intention of leaving the safety of his bush!

“Now you come on in or I’ll have to come to get you. Come on, you. Come on,” said the old woman.

Gillywix cursed his foul luck. Why did humans have to be so compassionate and caring and cause trouble for his flawless plans? Curse them!

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“Come on now,” said the old woman, “I’ll heat up some milk for you.”

Aurelia circled away and Gillywix took the chance. If the old woman was going to scream then best she scream and wave about when Aurelia wasn’t looking. He burst up out of the bush and scurried up through the window, moving as fast as he could into the woman’s home, and hoping that if he were fast enough, she might not notice his lack of fur and other non-imp failings. Perhaps he could find some dark corner in her home that he could hide in? He thought.

But, rather than slipping in unnoticed, he collided face-first into the old woman’s stomach.

“Oof!” she grunted as she grabbed him with surprisingly powerful hands that held him fast, yet without inflicting pain. It was something of a novel sensation for Gillywix, but he was sure it wouldn’t last once the old lady noticed what he was. He squirmed and wriggled all he could, but couldn’t break free.

“My! You’re a feisty one, aren’t you? There there… settle down little one and let mummy take care of you,” the old woman said.

Unable to wriggle free, Gillywix stopped bothering to resist. His great and wondrous plan was crumbling apart. How could the world be so cruel to handsome, wonderful imps? He wondered.

The old lady stroked him, her fingers seeming to explore his back and wings.

“Goodness, you’re leathery! You must be one of those exotic cats I’ve heard about,” the old lady said.

Yes, yes condemn the Most Wondrous Imp in all the… cat? Old lady still thinks Gillywix the Breathtaking is a cat? Gillywix thought.

He looked up at the old lady’s face and saw her eyes were grey and milky and stared off into nothingness rather than at him.

The blind old lady set him down on a counter and began heating fresh milk while Gillywix watched in stunned silence.

“Now you just settle down and relax. There are demons attacking the city. It’s no time for kittens to be wandering the streets, you understand?” the old lady said.

“Meow?” Gillywix said, unsure of what else to do.

“I’m glad you agree,” the old lady said, “your milk wont be but a moment little one. So don’t you worry, old Esme will take good care of you.”

The old lady continued talking, but Gillywix stopped paying attention as he considered his incredible luck. Nooo. Not luck. Wondrous foresight! Mhm. Let dumdum Aurelia fly around in the sky looking for Gillywix the Infallible. All while Gillywix The Wise And Infinitely Cunning enjoys warm milk. Yes! Yes! This is most excellent plan! Gillywix thought as the pleasant sweetness of cooking milk filled his nostrils and made his tense muscles begin to unwind.

True to her word, the old lady didn’t take long, and soon Gillywix found himself curled up at her feet, drinking tasty milk that settled in his stomach with a comforting warmness and made his muscles turn to jelly as all worries of fat dwarves and mean succubi drifted away.

The sounds of battle seemed a distant thing to Gillywix then and he began to wonder if it would perhaps be best for the dwarf to kill all the other demons and send them away from this place. After all, he had a warm spot on the floor and even warmer milk. All with no beatings, threats of violence, torture, or humiliation! What could be better?