Oh, woe is me !!! My Life is over !!! My sense of passion and fashion has been assaulted !! I have been brutally beaten back by the vicissitudes of life !??!
Floating around my little hedge maze as a disembodied spirit, I once again sighed at the futility of my existence. I made sure to mope extra loud as I slowly phased through a vibrant yellow flower with orange highlights.
The flower, as if sensing my utter despair, began to drop and slowly shiver as it continued to release copious amounts of iridescent pollen.
A wise man once said that " Life is like a box of chocolates " while sitting next to a woman in a lovely pink sweater. A pink sweater that I just happened to pick up from a yard sale in my previous life but that's not the point. The point is that I agree with that lovely little statement, albeit with a few caveats.
The box of chocolates that represented my life currently was not ordinary in any way shape or form. My box of chocolates was flower-shaped, rainbow-colored, and completely flattened by a runaway segway.
What kind of segway flattened my box of chocolates someone may ask ??? Well, it was an all-powerful purple segway fueled by betrayal and rectangles.
In plain old English, it was Mrs. Purple who has done something unspeakable.
Like a corporate lawyer, she threw down an ultimatum that I could not reject for I had no legal right to do so !!! Apparently, the law holds no sway over rectangles with godlike powers !! The IRA trembles in fear, the politicians can do naught but flee from such a devious oppressor. Run, comrades! For she is the personification of capitalism, authoritarianism, and gender inequality all wrapped up into one !!!
With unimaginable power, she threw down a curse that will no doubt plague me for the rest of my life !!! A curse so powerful, I dare say that no amount of bathing in holy water will purge it from my system.
That withered soul of a rectangle that I once felt was a kindred spirit has betrayed me !!!
I am so aggrieved that I can do naut but quote Shakespeare as I float around morosely !!
O, well-a-day, that ever I was born!
Some aqua vitae, ho!
* Ding
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Oh, do go onnnnn...
I find your helpless struggles quite amusing..... Stimulating even....
Though I fear I must inform you that what you have received is far from a curse. Many of the other dungeons found within my realm would gladly take upon such a.... gambit if you will..
Though... I do guess in your eyes the consequences... almost outweigh the benefits..
But not by much...
But on the bright side, it's entertaining, isn't it ???
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Ah, my sadistic oppressor has come to torment me some more, spouting some nonsense that I couldn't not agree with more.
The gambit forced upon me by that purple rectangle was irregular in nature and completely unprovoked.
You see, once Mr. Blue started up the minion creation catalog for me I was presented with millions of flowering options that all tickled my fancy. I was even presented with the option of forming my own monstrosities as well.
An option that I intended to use and abuse to the fullest extent.
With my imagination fueled by eldritch horror and a catalog of millions of organisms, I could come up with ten million different plant-based minions that could have made my maze a life-changing experience for anyone willing to give it a go.
I could have integrated a little Greek mythology into my maze with a flowering bull of vines and petals. A perfect blend of orchids and the messed-up actions of Greek gods. A perfect little Minotaur if I say so myself.
I could have incorporated some tanglevines that would have perfectly accentuated the height of my lovely horrible hedges. Perfect for overhead ambushes and psychological warfare these long lovely vines would do well to frame my purple shrubbery with a variety of colors.
From the catalog itself, I could have introduced a stunning vampiric albino pine tree to the center of my maze. Parasitic and predatory in nature, its long white branches could have drained the life out of any maze goer desperate enough to try for my core. Slender and elegant its far-reaching branches and roots could have been quite spectacular. The whiteness of its leaves could have contrasted quite well with the darkness of the widow's hair grass and potentially allowed me several good storytelling opportunities.
All this and more could have added to the plant-based wonderland that I was building up.
But instead, an ultimatum was forced upon me. Something so destructive that it completely derailed my fantasy. It was the Violet Queens Gambit.
As it turns out, Mrs. purple is a member of royalty.
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- The V̷̧̡̱̻̫̮̙͍̤̤̲̓͊i̵̧̛͇̮̳̖̹̥͓̍̈̄̒̀̎̽̏̐̌͝o̵̡̟̗̹͓̲̝͖̭̫̿̉̋̊̎̂̐̆̔̅͑̈́̐͘͘ͅĺ̸̺̫̖̥̦̬́̍͋̃̑̂͊̎̔̊̓ͅĕ̵̱̼̳̜t̵̢̛̗͙̟̺͖̯̙̦̗͇͙̺̹̍̈́́̊̀̈́̉̚͝͝ͅ ̸̝̙̣̜̳̞̤͇͍͎͍͊̂̂̐̀͆̽#̷̡͚͚̬̙̦̖̗̭̼̝̭̩͓͑́̀̅͌͌͊͒̈́ͅ@̶̤̺̤̮͙̪̝͕̭͒̀̈́̀͑̉̀͋̀̄̕ͅ&̷̧̡̧͕̖̳̳̻̦͈̤͉͈͑̇͆̀̕͜͝@̸̖͙̫̺͖̞͔͎̽͜^̶͉̚#̷̞̦͈͇̭͛̈̄̔̂͘̚͜T̸̢̩̺̮̱̪̟̪͓̉͂̉̊̈̎̊͜@̸̧̧̤͚͚̉̓̇͐̽(̵̛̛̪̰͔͚̫̪̭̣̌̓̅̀̇̄͋͊̍͒͒́͐^̷̧̤̤̫͖̥̤̻͍͔̭̽̉̾͝ has noted your affinity and knowledge of plant life.
In an attempt to further entertain herself she has placed an ultimatum upon your head.
- The Violet Queens Gambit - Ever so twisted, your beautifully corrupted mind has become the breeding ground for images of plants so horrific that it would almost be unfair for any delvers wishing to steal your very soul in the mad chase for immortality. It would also leave you incredibly vulnerable if one of the many creatures in this wide universe that just happens to know their way around plants comes knocking.
Thusfor as ruler of this ascendant plane in which you reside, I pass down a gambit.
- Exclusively plant-based minions will be blocked from your sight, although you may still incorporate non-minion plants throughout your sectors.
- As a reward to balance out this gambit, one selected sector statistic can be boosted in every sector post creation.
Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on the original website.
- Plants introduced during sector creation will not be affected.
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I was forbidden from creating plant minions.....
This was incredibly heartbreaking and was the cause of all my mental anguish at the moment.
Gone were my many fantasies and wonderful ideas !! Tossed to the wind !!! Curbstomped !!
Brutally murdered before they could leave the womb that was my very imagination !!!
My disappointment is immeasurable and my day was ruined!
Though begrudgingly... sparingly and with big fanfare, I do have to admit that the gambit forced upon me would only better my dungeon in the long run. It even indirectly allowed me to introduce more plants to a sector if I decided to boost dungeon vitality over any other sector statistics.
Even then, if created a dungeon that was completely and utterly reliant upon plants; I would introduce a glaring weakness in my defense. Anything and anything with decent knowledge of common agricultural practices would be able to stroll through my dungeon with relative ease.
Even post dungeon core corrupted me could probably easily walk through my lovely little plant maze without batting an eye. I would have probably enjoyed the experience as well as I marched toward a defenseless little dungeon core.
To any other eldritch creatures with an interest in gardening, my little floorboard of reality would be nothing but a pleasant promenade. A pleasant rest stop along the way to a delicious meal. A delicious meal that would allegedly grant them immortality.
That would most definitely not do. Thus, I need a good mixture of minions to support the plants that I was planning on including throughout my sectors in order to maintain my safety. Although I'm still very much annoyed that I was forced away from including any entirely plant-based minions. There was just so much more I could have done, but I guess I'll have to save those ideas for my next sector.
Though thinking there were also several other loopholes in the restrictions placed upon me by Mrs. Purple. Even though I'm not allowed to use minions that were entirely plant-based, there were no stipulations requiring me to entirely forgo the use of plants within my minion creation process.
That line of reasoning would require further investigation, and would only force me to become more creative in my minion placement and creation.
As I always used to say, If I can make ruby red pumps and a small beard a fashion sensation then I can do absolutely anything !!
It wasn't as if I hadn't taken advantage of the positives that came out of that little forced gambit either.
Although it was incredibly tempting to just increase the vitality of the sector to add more plants, I did the smart thing and boosted my lovely maze's constitution. As I recall thinking before, all my maze really needed to work its magic was a little bit more room to grow.
And lets just say that little boost gave my maze quite a bit of room to grow into.
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Stat - Dungeon Constitution - 5 - Boosted By - Queens Gambit -
- Set basic sector diameter to 5 km. -
̶-̶ ̶E̶r̶r̶o̶r̶ ̶-̶ ̶F̶l̶o̶o̶r̶ ̶d̶i̶a̶m̶e̶t̶e̶r̶ ̶s̶h̶r̶u̶n̶k̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶.̶5̶ ̶k̶m̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶s̶u̶p̶p̶o̶r̶t̶ ̶e̶c̶o̶s̶y̶s̶t̶e̶m̶ ̶-̶
* Error Removed - Total floor area is 25 square km
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Vast and wide, the purple shrubs now stretched as far as the eye could see. Allowing the true utility of my first sector to show itself.
Like most mazes lackluster mazes, all that my purple little paradise needed was a bit of extra space and maybe some funding. I didn't have any extra funding on hand but boy did that extra bit of space help.
No longer constrained to a diameter of a measly .25 kilometers, my maze would now force anything confident enough to attack my core through a long 25 square kilometer pollen-filled adventure filled with talking moss and space grass !!!
Something that would undoubtedly shake their souls and bring them to their knees in utter joy and happiness. Hopefully to the extent that they would completely forget about the vulnerable little dungeon core at the end of it all.
Hopefully....
Depressing thoughts aside, it was rather fulfilling to see something I had gotten so emotionally attached too, expand and grow.
I know I had a horrible habit of getting to attached to plants in a short period of time, but in this case, it was completely valid !!! These big strong hedges were going to be defending my very soul !!
But alas the contemplating the concept of defending my very soul with a well-decorated hedge maze pulled me onto the next item on the corporate agenda.
It was time to choose my minions... Uahahhhh !!!
The very thing that I have been procrastinating this entire time has come for me !!
Oh, the agony!
Agony aside I really was going to only create one minion because at this point I was fairly set on creating a - Tier Two - minion instead of the wimpy - Tier Ones -.
I needed something strong to act as a last resort in case something managed to get near the end of the maze, not a bunch of wimpy extras.
If I was going to hire outside help I was going to bring in an expert, not a few interns that only know how to make coffee.
Throwing myself past a sea of discomfort, I tried my best as I put myself to the task of sorting through the millions of nonplant options in the catalog to see if anything would pop out at me or provide inspiration.
Scrolling past hundreds of different types of minions at once I slowly built a mental collage of all traits and unique specialties that I wanted to base my minions off of.
So far my list consisted of four stipulations
-It was absolutely necessary that my minion wasnt affected by pollen
- It had to be strong enough to defend my core before I was able to expand.
- It had to mesh well with the environment.
- It had to fit a garden/flower aesthetic
And as an extra bonus, If I could, I would still like to tie in some mythology or storytelling just to make it all the more reminiscent of my old life. Not even eldritch flowers could remove my fondness for tea and literature.
I still did remember quite a few stories and myths that I used to find quite entertaining and It would be pretty interesting If I could incorporate them into my new life.
Scrolling past an infinite list of - Tier Two - minions and marking powers that I found interesting such as the ability to phase through plants and the ability to slowly petrify biological creatures I accidentally found myself looking at the - Tier One - catalog for a moment.
It was then that I found what I was looking for by accident in the tier one catalog as I was looking for inspiration.
Animated Marble Statue - Tier 1 - Level 1 - Just an animated statue not much to see here. Comes in marble. Strong and fast but unfortunately fragile.
It was just a perfect blank canvas for my first-ever minion. The basic template even fit the theme I was going for so well that I was shocked that I didn't think of such an idea myself. Of course, marble statues lived in gardens !!! Why not make them full-time employees and defense mechanisms as well.
Strong, aesthetically appealing, and probably brainless. They were all that I could want in a partner * COugh I meant minion.
Tossing the -Tier One - -Animated Statue - template into the frying pan that was my very mind I got right to work.
A dash of marble, a trickle of artistry, a smidgen of taste.
A good swig of size, some strength, and a nice pinch of speed.
A lovely little bit of silver and gold climbing ivy and of a good helping of mythology....
Pausing for a moment I couldn't help but feel that something was missing from my creation before it hit me ...
Ah! Abbs !!!
Tossing in the final ingredient, I took a step back and watched as my creation started to slowly began to manifest at the center of my great maze.
I couldn't help but cackle madly as I announced my newest creation to absolutely no one in particular.
" Muahahaha !!! Cat boys and catgirls step aside for I have created the next unholy vehicle of seduction !!! I present to you, the great marble minotaur of this magnificent maze !!! Put your hands together for Minos of Gold and Silver Ivy, the newest and only resident of our amazing maze !!! "
Standing at seven meters tall, a marble miniature clothed in only silver ivy stood proud within the centermost hallway of my maze. Its bull-like head was adorned by a cage of golden leaves threading between its massive horns, in between its eyes, through its nose, and from deep within its mouth. Absolutely chiseled this great beast held no weapon as it only weapon it needed was its own body and the razor-sharp shrubbery that surrounded it. Any intruder that came upon my staunch marble defender would have to face the reality of getting smashed into a wall of razor-sharp leaves.
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Minos of Gold and Silver Ivy - Tier 2 - Level 4 - A hulking monstrosity crafted of well-polished marble this muscular minotaur resides within the Horrible Hege maze. Featuring great speed and strength this bull lacks conventional means to inflict harm upon its opponents. That is unless you count smashing something into razor-sharp leaves as conventional.
- Will repair itself once every cycle
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Giving myself a pat on the back I quickly read through the description of my newest defender.
Well, that was until a strange noise caught my attention.
Concerned I floated over and stared, metaphorical mouth agape as I saw reality turn inside out in front of my very eyes. A deep lingering sense of hunger floated through the air as a rift into the material realm was slowly established.
It was then that the realization hit me.
The slobbering and eternally hungering masses of the material realm seem to have sniffed out my scent. I do hope that I prove to be more than they could ever swallow.