We had spent so much time together already that I hadn't even realized how quickly the days were passing. I was beginning to worry-what if a whole year flew by like this? And yet, despite all this time, I still hadn't been able to confess my feelings properly.

Every time I tried, my body would tremble, and an inexplicable fear would take over me. Perhaps a visit to Vrindavan, under the blessings of Radharani, would give me the courage to finally speak my heart. I started plotting-maybe I could take him there without telling him. That way, he wouldn't refuse. Or maybe I'd come up with some other plan. I had to think of something.

That night, when Krishna returned, I sat next to him and casually asked,

"If I ask you for something, will you give it to me?"

"What kind of strange question is that?" he replied, narrowing his eyes at me.

"Just answer!" I insisted, my eyes shimmering with anticipation.

"That depends on what you're asking for."

"Think of it as a Diwali gift and just say yes! Please?" I begged, folding my hands dramatically.

"Alright," he said with a smirk, raising an eyebrow. "But if I agree to your gift, you'll have to promise to do something for me in return. Deal?"

"Fine! Whatever you say,... I'll agree to it. Now tell me, what do I have to do?" I replied with a grin.

"First, I'll fulfill your request. As for my condition, the right time will reveal that to you," he said teasingly, pulling my cheek and flashing a mischievous smile.

"Okay, okay! So, you have to come somewhere with me. Be ready,!! no questions and answering session will be done by you in between !" I said, gently pushing his hand away from my face.

"You sound like you're planning to kidnap me," he said, giving me a sly, sideways glance.

"Think of it as kidnapping, then!" I replied, pulling at his rosy cheeks this time.

"If my kidnapper will be you...., Then I have no objections,!!" he said, looking straight into my eyes.

His gaze sent my heart racing. I quickly pulled my hand back from his face and placed it nervously in my lap. Trying to hide my flustered state, I changed the topic and started rambling about random things. I didn't know why, but confessing my love to him always made me anxious.

A week later, I had booked train tickets and somehow managed to get a week-long leave from work. I hadn't taken many days off for Diwali this year, so this worked in my favor. With everything planned out, we set off for Vrindavan.

I still hadn't told him where we were going, and as promised, he hadn't asked any questions about it. He quietly sat by the window on the lower berth of the train. It was 4 a.m., and we were just an hour away from Vrindavan. I climbed down from my upper berth and sat beside him.

"So you are unable to sleep?" I asked, pulling out a lip balm from my purse.

"I can't sleep in a moving train.... I need peace to sleep," he replied, glancing at me.

"Don't worry; we'll reach soon," I said while applying the lip balm.

"Why are you putting on lipstick so early in the morning?" he asked, looking surprised.

"This isn't lipstick; it's lip balm-strawberry flavored. Maybe the tint makes it look like lipstick. Want to try?" I teased, holding it out to him.

"It may be called lip balm, but it works like lipstick. Changing the name doesn't change its nature," he said with a smile, turning to look out of the window.

Sometimes, I didn't understand what he said, but it felt like he was teasing me.

We sat quietly for a while, watching the scenery outside. Just then, my phone pinged with a notification that Mathura Junction was approaching. I used this chance to distract him-I plugged earphones into his ears and pulled the curtain over the window. Successfully keeping his attention elsewhere....As I want to give him a surprise...., I felt a sense of triumph as the train pulled into Vrindavan station.

"Get up quickly; we've reached!" I urged him to get off the train.

As we stepped down, he grumbled,

"Why do you rush everything? ...You could've told me where we were getting off;.... I wouldn't have been shoved around like this....Where are we, anyway.......?"

He paused mid-sentence when he spotted the signboard that read Vrindavan.

"You were saying something?" I asked, teasing him with a playful smile.

"Let's just... keep going," he said softly, his voice barely above a whisper.... I could see some kind of strange nervousness on his face.

As we stepped out of the station, we got into an auto-rickshaw. Krishna remained silent the entire way, staring out of the window as though searching for something lost. He seemed distant, almost as if lost in his own world. When the auto stopped at our destination, Krishna got down first, and to my surprise, he crouched down and touched the soil of Vrindavan. It felt as though he was meeting an old friend after ages. He took a pinch of the soil, applied it to his forehead, and slipped a small stone into his pocket. Watching him, I, too, bowed down to the vrindavan soil in reverence.

We decided to visit a nearby temple first, as it was close to our hotel and the morning aarti was about to begin. Upon entering the temple, Krishna took a deep breath and closed his eyes during the aarti. I couldn't understand what he was thinking; the expressions on his face were unreadable. The temple resounded with chants of his name, but in the middle of it all, he suddenly stepped outside. Puzzled, I followed him.

"Why did you come out? Aren't you happy?" I asked him in a concerned tone.

"Can we go back now?....You've done the darshan, haven't you?" he asked, looking at me with a strange restlessness.

"Why do you want to leave? What's bothering you...?" I pressed, but he kept insisting on leaving.

When he didn't budge, I finally grabbed his hand and said firmly,

"If I mean anything to you, then tell me the truth. Why are you feeling so uneasy out of sudden?"

"I don't know ....How can I explain this to you?" he began, pulling his hand away. "Ever since we came here,.... I feel like I'm losing control over myself.... And being here with you... I don't want to..."

I didn't let him finish. I held his hand again and said,

"Stop worrying about me. Don't you want me to meet your loved ones?.... Don't you want to introduce me to them? ....I didn't come here just to wander around with you..... I came to meet your people!"

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He looked at me for a moment, he was thinking something , then suddenly smiled.

"Will you meet my sister?" he asked softly.

"Shubhadra Di?" I asked, surprised.

"No... my elder sister, Maanvi Didi!" he said, squeezing my hand with excitement.

"Who is she?" I asked, confused.

"You'll find out....soon...Why do you ask so many questions....?" he said, looking around eagerly. "She must be on her way now!"

A short while later, a woman approached us, holding a child in her arms. Krishna pointed at her and said,

"Look, my nephew(bhanja) is coming too! Can you stop them for me? I'm scared of Didi's scolding!!," he added with a sheepish grin.

As she came closer, I stopped her on the temple path and pretended to need directions. While she was helping us, the child in her arms suddenly began crying uncontrollably. She struggled to calm him, her hands already full with a bag of offerings. Seeing her predicament, Krishna asked if he could hold the child. The moment the baby was in Krishna's arms, he stopped crying and calmed down immediately.

"That's strange....," she said, surprised. "He's never done that before....And.... He doesn't go to strangers so easily!"

"Didi...Maybe it's because of an old connection," Krishna replied, cradling the baby lovingly. "By the way, can I call you Didi?"

"Of course," she said with a smile. "You're like a younger brother to me...Even.... I came here in this temple to meet my little brother, Kanhaiyaa .... I almost skipped coming this morning because I overslept, but then I thought he might be angry and will make faces towards ke afterwards.... He's more troublesome than this little babu!" she added, laughing.

"True....True!" I said, laughing and covering my mouth.

"Are you seriously badmouthing for your innocent little brother in public, Didi?" Krishna protested, feigning offense. "I'm sure he must be a great uncle (mama)!"

"Yes yes..., sure,...." she said, rolling her eyes sarcastically. "He's just like this little babu- or you can say he is more little then babu ... He is so stubborn...And have his own tantrums!!"

"But if he can't share his heart with his elder sister, then who else will he turn to...?" Krishna replied in a childlike tone with puppy eyes.

"Why are you defending him so much?" she asked, laughing.

"Because ....I have an elder sister too. I know the struggles of being the younger one," Krishna said with a grin.

"Alright.., fair enough," she said smiling. "I'd better head inside now.....Time is running so fast today.... If Kanhiyaa gets upset, it'll be more trouble... To make him happy.... and There's so much work to do today!"

"We'll join you inside, Didi,!!" Krishna offered. "I'll carry the little babu.... Seeing him reminds me of my own nephew back home!"

She agreed, and we went inside together. I did another round of darshan, but Krishna had completely transformed-he was playing with the child, holding him close as if he couldn't bear to part with him for even a moment.

When we stepped out, Krishna handed the baby back to her and said,

"Didi, I bought this chain for my nephew back home, but seeing your son reminded me of him.....Can I gift it to him, from his uncle(mama) side?"

"Why don't you put it on him yourself, Bhaiya?" she replied with a warm smile.

And so he did, his eyes sparkling with joy.... He was continuously smiling and looking at didi and baby.

The three of them were looking so beautiful together. Krishna was smiling brightly as he put the chain on the child. After that, we bid farewell to them... Krishna touched the didi feet before going and kissed on little babu small hands.

Later, I told Krishna we should head back to the hotel. But Krishna, with a mischievous grin, said, "If we are staying here, let's stay properly." He then took me to a dharamshala named Shri Ju, where we stayed in a shared room with other devotees.

After settling our belongings, we roamed around the area together. Krishna narrated stories and his bond about every person who were roaming in street of vrindavan we passed, as if they were all part of his family. He spoke of countless mothers, sisters, brothers, friends, and even lovers with such intimacy that it felt like he truly knew them with so closeness... Along me He even took initiative to talk with most of them. Those seven days felt nothing less than heaven to me.

He guided me through the narrow lanes of Vrindavan, reliving his childhood tales. He showed me the spots where Yashoda Maiya used to chase him, where he hid, and even the places where he secretly used to met Radha Rani. Together, we explored both secret and famous places-like Keshi Ghat, Prem Mandir, ISKCON Temple, Nidhivan Ju, Radha Raman Ju, Madan Mohan Ju Temple, Govind Dev Ji Temple, Shri Radha Damodar Temple, and Rangaji Temple.

In the last three days, we even visited Barsana. I still remember Krishna's flushed cheeks when we were inside Shri Ji's palace. He didn't say much there-just kept smiling endlessly. He was watching shreeju every art and photo like a admirer.His silence, combined with his radiant smile, made the moment unforgettable....

I remember on One of the day, Krishna took me to the house of one of his Maiya. It was mid-day when we arrived, and she was resting on a bed. Krishna walked in and, in his playful tone, said, "Maiya, are you going to sleep without eating today...?"

Hearing his voice, she sat up and tried to recognize him. Krishna approached her, touched her feet, and said, "I'm the son of Pandit Ji... Have you forgotten? He sent food for you from the temple feast(bhandara) today!.... And this is my friend-she has come from far away to have darshan, so I brought her here too," he added, pointing towards me. The love in his eyes as he looked at Maiya was unmissable.

I took the prasadam inside to serve it on a plate, and when I returned, I saw Krishna holding Maiya's hand with tears in his eyes. He was gently caressing her hand, repeatedly asking her, "Why don't you take care of yourself, Maiya?" When Maiya replied, "My Thakur takes care of me," Krishna's tears began flowing. "Your Thakur is so small, Maiya....You must take care of yourself.....Look at your hands-they are so frail..... You don't eat properly, do you...?" he said, his voice trembling.

When I entered the room, Krishna quickly wiped his tears and pretended that something had fallen into his eyes. Then, with such tenderness, he began feeding Maiya with his own hands, even eating her leftovers with no hesitation. Watching him, I couldn't hold back my own tears. At that moment, I realized why I loved Krishna. It wasn't just admiration-it was a connection beyond logic or time...It was connection of love a pure love....I watched them from behind the door ...Krishna was hugging his maiya like a 1 year old baby....I don't think words can describe those moments .... It just felt like I am seeing spring season in this December.

Who says I'm meeting Krishna for the first time? I have met him many time earlier also.... this was not the first time seeing him... I have seen him already....-in the eyes of his devotees, I have heard his melodies voice earlier ..... in the sweetness of his devotees voices singing his bhajans and poems .....,I have felt his touch warmth earlier also .... in their blessings of his lovers that touch the heart like his gentle caress.

Coming to Vrindavan made me realize why I loved him so much..... I think I can now say.... I am the luckiest person who have seen love with my eyes which is known as abstract feeling ....I have seen love in the form of krishna ....Sometime I think.... If his devotees carried such immense love in themselves like a river, imagine the ocean of love that Krishna himself must be...He is the source of love. That day, I tasted a tiny drop from that ocean-a feeling so profound...So divine.... that it cannot be described in words.

Another vivid memory was from the time we sat by the Yamuna River. Krishna scooped some water into his hand, touched it to his forehead, kissed it from his rosy lips, and whispered something I couldn't hear to the Yamuna's ju water . I kept gazing at him, my heartbeat quickening with every passing moment. Then I noticed Krishna staring at a girl across the river ghat, his eyes brimming with tears. I urged him to go to her, but he simply said, "I want to meet her too, but not now.....Do you think it's fun to play hide and seek with your loved ones? It's so hard to be so close to someone you love and yet hold yourself back. That's why I wait for the perfect reunion... so that there will be no going back.....and....." Before finishing his sentence, he walked away, hiding his inner emotions...His eyes were shining in sunlight because of tears. I stayed behind, glancing back and forth between Krishna and the girl.

On our way to the station, we came across a Sufi man singing songs of devotion to his God(allah). Krishna sat near him, listening intently. When the song ended, Krishna smiled, gently touched his hand, and gave him some money. As the man blessed him, Krishna's eyes filled with tears again, though he tried to hide them.

Later, on the train, I couldn't resist asking him, "That man wasn't even your devotee. Why did you meet him?"

Krishna replied with a smile, "If someone calls me by another name, does it change...who I am???.... You may or may not believe in me, but I consider you mine regardless."

His words brought a smile to my face. How strange it is that we humans divide God into so many fragments, forgetting that the creator is one and the same,.... no matter what name you call him by.

As the train journeyed on, I found myself lost in the memories of Vrindavan. When we reached our room, Krishna just kept smiling silently, as though carrying the entire world's happiness in his heart.... He didn't spoke much to me...But his eyes and smile was telling so many unspoken words.

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🌹Krishnaaa ..... Thank you for making me write this ....!!🌹

🌹Radhe Radhe🌹