Kittypunk Christmas Special

"Hmm," I said.

Sharp sighed.

"Maybe... but no."

I felt Sharp's grip shift ever so slightly so that she was holding me on her other arm. She shook the arm I'd been resting on out. Had it fallen asleep? I suppose that was possible, I'd been resting on her arm for a solid hour or so.

"I don't get why this is taking so long," Sharp said.

"That's because you don't understand the target. You can't just approach them with anything and expect it to work. Not everything works on every target. When possible, pick something tailored to the job, otherwise you might just be wasting time and effort for nothing."

"But... we're just buying cat toys," Sharp said.

We were currently standing in the middle of a long row of toys in one of the city's larger pet stores. This one was opened the day before Christmas, because... well, why shouldn't it be? It wasn't like it had that many human employees.

There was an entire alley dedicated to cat toys and accessories. Feather wands, catnip mice, spring toys, balls with little bells in them, even plushies and crinkle balls.A selection of thousands, and so far I'd only picked out two items.

The first was a tiny plush snowman, with a little hat on. It had the enticing scent of catnip and was very soft. The inside had one of those little chemical pads that warmed up when squeezed. Dangerous for dogs, but fine with cats.

Obviously, that was going to be Arsenic's gift. The silly baby boy was the cuddly sort, but not when around others so much. This was exactly the kind of thing he'd love.

For Cyanide, I'd gotten a plush new bed. Hers was getting a little ratty, and I think she'd like this new one. It was very soft, and came with a matching blanket.

There was nothing cuter on this green Earth than a snoozy kitty wearing a blanket.

Mercury was tougher to shop for. My shy baby wasn't as vocal about the kinds of toys he liked. He liked playing on his own, but Arsenic would just steal anything too... interactive.

"Maybe..." I muttered.

"What about that?" Sharp said, pointing to an interactive puzzle feeder.

"Oh... you know, that might work. Good job, Sharp," I said.

Yes, he'd like that, I thought. It was a food-dispenser that required that a clever kitty fiddle with paddles and moving blocks a little. Arsenic would give it a try, but he'd grow bored with it, and Cyanide wouldn't touch someone else's toy. Mercury would have fun solving this one, even if it took him a long time.

"It's perfect," I said.

"Cool. So, that leaves Belladonna, right?" Sharp asked.

"Oh, yes. I know what she'd want, but I'm not getting that," I said.

"What would she want?" Sharp asked.

I snorted, then nodded my head to the far end of the petshop where there was a wall of bird cages. "Something alive... at least before she gets to it. But we're not unleashing mice and birds in the house."

"There's some toys that look like mice and stuff," Sharp said.

"Yeah, I've tried those. I think the lack of... life in them insults Belladonna. She smacks them around a little then leaves them behind."

"Ah, well... that's annoying," Sharp said. "She's tough to buy gifts for, then?"

"Tell me about it," I said with a shake of my head. "Maybe something practical? A new collar, maybe? I think she really liked the one I bought for her a few years ago. It had spikes. Eventually it was worn out and I had to toss it, but I think she liked it? I can at least ask now, which is nice."

Stolen story; please report.

We did find something nice, a collar with star-shaped spikes around it. They weren't quite sharp, but they were rather pretty. And it was pink!

Sharp and I went to the cash registers and paid for what we bought, then it was off to a gift store where each item was packaged up into itty-bitty boxes. My kitties liked ripping into those, and it was very cute to see them go ham on wrapping paper.

Once that was done, it was back home!

We took an auto taxi, and while on the ride, I directed Sharp to a site where we could order already-cooked meals to be delivered at home. We ordered the smallest Christmas feast option, which was half a turkey and cranberry sauce and a few other seasonal things. It was pricey, but that was okay. The leftovers would last a while!

When we arrived at him and stepped out of the auto-taxi, I immediately noticed that there was a small package by the front door. It was a brown envelope, left by the front step by a no doubt careless delivery person.

"What's that?" Sharp asked.

I peaked down from her shoulder and read the text on the front.

Ah.

Well, it was too late to hide it now.

"It's your Christmas present," I said.

Sharp blinked, her grip on the package tightening as she tilted it to examine the front more closely. "What?"

"It's your Christmas present," I said again, my voice perfectly even, though my tail flicked nervously behind me. This might have been a mistake. It was... a little presumptuous, but... well, it was a legal loophole that needed closing. It was just the sensible thing to do.

Sharp didn't say anything for a moment, just stared at the envelope. Her silence stretched, the city sounds around us muted by the snow blanketing the street. I let out a small sigh, shifting on her shoulder.

"It's not a big deal," I said, ears twitching. "I just thought... well, you're already part of the family anyway. This just makes it... official."

Sharp finally tore the seal open with her thumb, pulling out the papers inside. Her eyes scanned the text quickly—of course she was a fast reader—then froze on the bolded words at the top: Adoption Certificate.

Her mouth opened slightly, then shut again. Her eyes darted back to mine. "Caroline... you..."

I shrugged. "Like I said, not a big deal. Now let's get inside. I don't want to sit around in the cold."

Sharp didn't move. Instead, she held the papers in one hand and reached up with the other to gently lift me off her shoulder, cradling me in both arms as she studied my face. There was something strange in her expression, something sharp but soft at the edges. Then she blinked rapidly, her lower lip wobbled, and she started to cry, though silently.

"Thank you," she said, her voice quieter than usual, like she was trying to keep it steady. "You didn't have to—"

"Yeah, yeah," I cut in, looking away. "Just don't get sappy on me, okay? It's Christmas. Let's go feed the cats."

Stupid child. It was just the logical and legally expedient thing to do.

The cold was playing games with my sinuses too. I didn't know cats could cry.

***