(From the Secret Archives, Private Journal)

They say that age makes a man's thoughts turn inwards, both toward his past and to his legacy. I suppose that's true enough. Certainly, as the seasons continue, I find myself less preoccupied with what's around me, and more and more it seems I cannot escape my own thoughts. The final days are closing in now, I'm sure, and that's a good enough reason for contemplation.

I've always been a careful, driven, deliberate man; selfish, too - no point in denying it. But because I never cared much of titles or the opinions of others, I guess that it was just too easy to put aside whatever talk might have been going on, and the rumors that always seem to spread whenever one's back is turned. In truth, I know what I am. I'm a villain.

Oh, it sounds a bit melodramatic, I know - but the difference between me and the "evil" protagonists of folklore is that I understand and embrace what villainy actually represents. Villainy, true villainy, is no more and no less than the pursuit of power over all else. This is actually a completely different axis than the moralistic good vs evil that so many seem to try to box human behavior into - for villains can be good or evil. Of course it works in reverse, too; plenty of bishops want power, and some bad men care little for personal gain, and want only chaos. Yet it always seems to be that villainy and evil are terribly, inextricably linked in the minds of the weak and powerless.

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The simple fact is that power trumps all. Power over others, power over self, power over environments, governments, economies. Power has another dirty secret, though; it's addictive. Only those that can operate comfortably in the confines of that addiction - the true villains - are those that can achieve greatness.

That careful dance, the pursuit of power over any concern, relationship, or self-image, breaks all but the most self-assured. As a villain, I suppose, it's fair to say that I never cared much for how I got the power, so long as I did...I like to think I was a bit more calculating than that, but maybe that's just the delusion of a man who was lucky enough to grow old. The paths to power are many, and some of them are surprising, possibly even "amoral" if one cares about such things. I never did, and it freed me more than I can say. It's always been the secret to my success, I guess.

However, as the years have worn on, the effects of that addiction have finally begun to work through the cracks in my hardened exterior, and I know I am losing the battle. In my weakest moments, I am upset, seeing it all as more than a little unfair - for haven't I done enough to deserve my rest? - but I know better, that power always goes to he who wants it the most, and will do the most to get it. The more power one has, the harder it becomes to hold onto. Once attained, it is unfathomable to let it go, and surely for me it meant stopping at nothing to both keep my hard-won gains, and to grow even stronger.

Now it all seems to be at a breaking point. But I will be strong. I know myself; even if I need reminding every now and again.