My thoughts disappear from me. The silence that settles between the three of us gives way for the infernal noises of the environment to break their way into my conscience once again.

Looking back at Kaytlinn, I couldn’t help but pair her figure with the commotion of the hospital, associating those horrifying shrieks with my current state of mind—and at that point in time, blame it all on her.

For a moment, even though no words were exchanged, only the two of us existed.

I stared at her, mixing what felt like the betrayal of the only person that could be my leg to stand on into the boiling pot of my emotions, another drop into an already overflowing container.

“Ans… I’m sorry.” Kaytlinn says, attempting to shorten the space between us. “You weren’t supposed to find out like this.”

“Find-”

My face turns away in anger, as I try to suppress the extreme feelings with the little self-restraint that I have left in me, then look back at her.

“Find out like this? So you would’ve kept it to yourself until the time I was to be taken away, when it wouldn’t have been your problem—when I wouldn’t have been your problem anymore?”

“No, t-that’s not-” She tried to reply, but no further sounds escaped her. She knew denying it would be a lie, and that she wasn’t particularly good at those.

I think back to when I told her about that night, about the forest. Good thing I didn’t mention my encounter with that creature.

“You don’t believe me… you think I’ve gone mad!”

Her expression turned to one of fear, akin to that of a mother who just heard the news of her son dying in battle, as she raises her clenched fist up to her chest.

“Ans, please, listen.”

“No. I’m not-”

“ANSEL!”

Kaytlinn suddenly yells. The volume of her voice shutting me up, completely freezing myself at its surprising intensity, loud enough to contest the chaos in the background.

“I-I can’t… I can’t lose anyone else, Ansel. Not when I’ve just met you again.” She says on the verge of tears.

“Whatever you saw is a clear symptom of trauma. I can’t allow you in good conscience to go back out there, next time you may not come back in one piece.”

“Honestly.”

I don’t have enough time to think about what Kaytlinn told me before the nurse chimes in, and with an irritated tone of voice, she reprimands me. “She’s right, you know? You don’t have the slightest clue how lucky you are to just step foot in here while still breathing.”

She looks towards Kaytlinn with wandering eyes, almost as if recollecting about something, or someone.

Upon hearing those words, I think back to the boy on the stretcher: his missing arm, his pained scream, his erratic eye looking at me—as if it were pleading for death’s release, an image that will probably be burned into my thoughts forever.

But then, I think of my mother, of the visions from that night, the overwhelming urge that compelled me to walk those heavy steps. Whatever I saw, even if not real and just a vision of my delirious state, what I felt was real, the purpose driving me forward is still somewhere out there. I just needed to find it again. It might be the only way to find an answer to everything that has happened to me.

“Whatever I saw out there could explain why I’m like this… finding answers about that one night is just something I have to do.”

My words took a moment to sink into Kaytlinn’s mind, before she closed her eyes shut and looked down defeated, now teardrops flowing down her cheeks in streams, audibly sobbing. I felt bad for her, but at the same time, still felt betrayed enough to avoid consoling her.

Dragging myself along by grabbing my leg with one arm while using the other to prop myself along the walls of the hospital corridors, I limped my way away from the two, leaving Kaytlinn be with her own thoughts. Going where? I didn’t know, all I wanted was to get out of that place.

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“Mr. Necci, where are you going?” The nurse with the clipboard interrogated me.

“Don’t know. Away from here.”

“I don’t think so. As far as I’m concerned, you’re mentally unstable.”

I turn my head, just in time to see the woman raise her hand, looking around as if searching for someone, likely trying to call for security. Kaytlinn, however, shuts her down, gently grabbing hold of her arm.

“It’s okay Julie, there’s no need for this. I’ll talk to him.” She says, lowering it and wiping away her tears with the back of her free wrist.

The nurse then begins to whisper something to Kate. She answers her, lowering her voice to match hers, starting to have a hidden conversation masked by the loudness of the hospital.

With my body weight pressed onto the elbow against the wall, impatient, but also frustratingly knowing that my wounded body could definitely not run away from armed guards if called on me, I decided to let it play out. From the looks of it, it seemed to be a pretty heated back and forth.

After what felt like several minutes had passed, I noticed Kate stopped crying, now instead wearing a mask of sincerity on her face.

“Ans.” Kaytlinn calls to me, facing my direction.

“Let’s go outside. Here.” She gets closer to me, delicately grabbing my shoulder and offering her hand to me. “I’ll help you walk.”

“I don’t need help.” I exclaim aggrievedly, moving my shoulder in an abrupt motion, so as to remove her arm from touching me.

“I can walk fine on my own.”

Kate backs away, staying silent, her expression pained with sadness at my response.

Glancing at her reaction, I felt a bit culpable, questioning for a moment my decision of retorting so aggressively. Nevertheless, still feeling backstabbed, I decide again to not say anything, choosing instead to double down on my impulse decision and hobble my way forward, dragging my stiff leg along.

She followed me closely, letting me stubbornly lead her down hallways and turns without clear direction. Somehow, though, after a somber trip through the chambers of the underworld itself, the noise grew weaker. I had luckily taken the correct path to exit the building.

As I pushed the wooden creaking door outward, strong sun rays collided with my vision, forcing me to adjust to their potent light before proceeding.

Stepping outside, taking in a deep breath of fresh air, I observed my surroundings.

The outpost was remarkably advanced for being just a makeshift military destination. Its fortifications were no mere palisades, made out of hickory logs about twenty feet tall, stacked compactly against one another, cobblestone and metallic alloy reinforcements at their base, even some mounted cannons along its perimeter. Roads were paved in stones and gravel, having the traffic of a few dozen people, all seemingly busy with their own task, organized and walking for their own reasons, with the occasional guardsman dozing off or playing card games.

There were numerous erected buildings, each with their own unique purpose, populated by civilians and knights alike coming and going in and out of these places. This was no simple outpost, it looked more like an all-out settlement.

Most of the troops wore a half-plate, which I recognized to be Raspelian, the same one I had on me in that accursed forest. Their protective capabilities were nothing to scoff at, adorned with red tabards bearing the Emperor’s insignia, known by its enemies as the Dark Sun, and by the Raspelian people as the Advent: a large dot encircled with eight thorns, the northern and southern ones of which resembling spearheads, while the side ones were thicker, more elongated than the rest.

They held steel polearms the size of them in one hand, with shortswords sheathed on the sides of their multiple ambiguously practical belts as backup weapons—and finally, square shields with unique, singular spikes protruding from the center point, hanging off their back.

Some of these soldiers though were blatantly more recognizable than the others, wearing intricate, elegant full armored garbs, scantily resembling an opaque bronze, with gold trimmings for decoration, alongside meticulously placed pieces of red silk hanging from the shoulder pads and chestplate, converging their flow into an imposing scarlet cape. Their outfit screamed of importance, needlessly complicated but nonetheless meant to strike fear to whoever would dare oppose them, uncharacteristic of the usual Raspelian soldier attire I was accustomed to; a crude and overly simplistic standardized equipment.

Seeing Raspelia’s army icons made me feel extremely nostalgic. Even though I thought I’d despise everything they stood for, I couldn’t bring myself to. Was my burning hatred drowned by the positive change of panorama, or was there something else at play, something that I couldn’t remember?

The outpost’s contrasting atmosphere, the lively mood of various different people conversing with one another in drunken laughters, the sound of clinking and clanking metal coming from roaming infantry, the smell of freshly baked bread from a nearby cooking station, it almost sufficed to drown the state of mind the damned place I just left had caused me.

While taking in the scenery, I had failed to notice Kaytlinn, who had already sat down on a nearby bench, and was just waiting for me to snap out of my mesmerized state.

Her expression of sadness was unchanged, seldom daring herself to even just look at me in shame. Perhaps, I thought, I might have gone too far.

I was unaware of her reasoning for wanting to keep me here, and although I hardly want to admit it, I could have indeed suffered from hallucinations while on death’s door, it was not something outside the realm of possibility.

Asking a friend for help, then abandoning them in their times of need, it made me remember my father. Just the thought of becoming his shadow was something I did not even want to believe possible.

Dear heavens—I owed Kaytlinn an apology.