Mathew finished dinner around five in the evening, having nothing better to do before he left, he cleaned the dishes and without hurry left towards subway. The subway was in the opposite direction from the park, the entries on a large intersection surrounded by office buildings and an art gallery "Edison" that only showed printed copies of classical art.
The mage had to wait for about two minutes for his train and to pass time studied the faces of other people at the station. The other side of the platform was packed, but the traffic in the direction he was going in was rather sparse. Before him on the sides of the name of the station "Swan" in blue lettering, were adds for a biography of the CEO of a company leading in creation of magical smart phones and the other for an affordable fridge that "talked", supposedly voice acted by an actual house spirit. When the train came, Mathew noticed some people getting into an argument over some magicall jewelry interfering with a phone call. The owner of the phone either not understanding how magic works or using an old phone reffited with some crude enchantments.
Since Mathew left his phone at home, he just napped leaning against the door that wouldn't open before his station three stops away. When he woke up to the door opening, he looked around confused and picked left. Once he got up to the surface he found it was the wrong side and with a grumble turned back. "How many months has it been since I last came here? Time can be so confusing when you have nothing to do." Emerging on the correct side, the man looked around the familar sight, the kiosk inside in front of the entrance, some people giving out brochures outside by the crossing. On the way to the psychologist, living about hundred meters away from the station - after office hours he accepted some clients in his home, Mathew chuckled at a kid that missed the change of lights, too focused on his phone. In front of the about seven floors tall, white apartment building the man took a breath and pressed five on the intercom. After two rings, the characteristic sound of the door unlocking sounded and Mathew came inside.
He took the right corridor and few doors in, Jacob was already waiting, the door open. "Hey, good to see you!" exclaimed the older man. "Been a while, come in, come in." The man was about half a head taller than Mathew, at about one hundred eighty centimeters tall. He had light blue and gray eyes, short, black graying hair and a straight nose on a soft, roundish face. While in good shape, he had a typical for a man in his fifties belly. He was dressed in gray sweatpants and a causal, plain, dim light yellow shirt.
The inside was cozy, walls packed with bookshelves, a small kitchen counter with concrete shelves, some still life paintings between the bookshelves. Behind a wooden rocking chair and a beige corner sofa covered in pillows a window with wooden panels. One of the windows had a hole for psychologists cat to come through. After taking off his shoes and jacket, Mathew sat on the sofa and Jacob put down two glasses of water on the table before sitting down as well.
After a moment of silence, Mathew spoke up. "So.. Hi. I finally resigned from.. deluding myself that I'd try and regain my fire magic and psionic abilities. I've picked up the System and... have been doing daily practice." The man reclined on the sofa and stared at the ceiling for a while.
"How's you apartment?", came the reply.
"It's fine, it's perfect. Yeah, I somehow cleaned it out the first day. It was embarrassing as hell, just dozens of trash bags. I dusted, even cleaned the bathroom and the counters in the kitchen. That took some effort. My laptop broke, so I couldn't just think, oh fine, I will watch a video or two and get back to it later." Mathew said with some cheer in his voice.
"Thats great!" Jacob said and leaned forward, "This is good. You know, how did the past months go? I tried calling you a couple times. I was a little worried since you didn't pick up, but I'm happy you are doing okay."
"My phone was off for a while. I think.. I turned it on two or three weeks ago, needed to clarify something about the bills. When I was feeling down I let it run out of battery and just forgot about it." Mathew scratched the back of his head. "Honestly, it's the phone why I came. The laptop is out, but I can still just forget about it all and just watch stuff on it. Even if not, sooner or later I will get through Systems instructions and it won't keep me practicing until I will become a proper mage and upgrade it. I need, I need to anchor myself somehow." After some thought, he continued, "The past few months... I'm really not sure. I watched stuff. I tried playing some games.. they bored me after a week or so. I tried a job charging simple artefacts.. I still have the core, not like it could go away. I accidentally pulled from the psionic side, the mana channels didn't really work well for me... I had a damn headache for two days and just didn't go back to work. After that.. I couldn't convince myself to do anything.. I wasn't hurting or... anything really. Took until last week.. I got that job like a couple of days after our last meeting.. how long exactly has it been since then?"
"Did you go unconcsious for long?", came a worried reply. "What? No, no... I just don't keep track of time. I'm curious if it was... five, six months?", the patient quickly clarified.
"Just four. You do always mention you don't care for clocks or calendar" Jacob said, a warm smile on his face. "The System... the one you kept for a child? So what are your plans once you become an Apprentice?"
"Yeah, there won't be a child if I stay shut in my apartment" Mathew replied and laughed, "My mana channels will be properly repaired and functional. Honestly, I don't know how casting Ice magic will affect my body... Fire used to leave me somewhat drained.. maybe Ice will be opposite? But just channeling pure mana should be easy enough. I will have more of it, than my body could handle in elemental state, for quite a while. I will just do whatever jobs, hope I will train myself up to good enough level to do something exciting before I will become too bored."
"What if it will take long?" The psychologist said, a caring look on his face.
"Hm... Maybe I could go over to Maa, join some teenagers on their first dungeon trips? Maybe there will be some bored office workers going to easy places. It would do for some extra pocket money, and should help me figure out how my magic ticks now.. and all. Also, should be fun." Mathew slowly said with a thoughtful expression. He noticed he finished his water so he refilled his cup and poured some for Jacob.
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"Thank you. How does that work? I never participated in adventuring...", the psychologist was interrupted as his wife came out of another room to grab something from the fridge. Mathew nodded his head towards her and she greeted him back, going back with a bottle of water in hand. Jacob excused himself, going after her to make sure the door was closed. "Sorry, Monica works there with headphones on her head. I close the door for some added privacy", the psychologist came back to the sofa saying so.
"No worries, we are in your home. As for adventures... things change quickly in our realm, but Maa is an old world, so it should work the same way it did those ten years ago. They have some sorts of adventuring agencies. For a cut of your haul in a dungeon, they permit you entry... there are some background checks etc, the agency badges check your activity inside to make sure you don't fuck with other people... but otherwise it's a simple process, especially if you come in a prepared party." Mathew said, reminiscing the few times he visited dungeons. He didn't keep any souvenirs, aside from some pictures he drew. "Maybe this time I will keep some loot. Back then I thought I'd just outgrow it and didn't think about keeping memories beyond the sketches... but maybe the trophy of the first dungeon after I got my shit back together, would be a good idea?"
"Sounds like an idea. You would fight monsters inside, correct?" Jacob said with curiosity in his voice.
"Yes... the ones inside are monsters. I think on Earth people just call everything magical a monster, but the creatures outside dungeons are thinking, feeling beings" Mathew thought for a second, "Maybe by now some more information trickled into universities, but from what I heard some gods have been tinkering with things like that for a long time."
"So, the ones inside don't think or feel? It's like in a game?" The psychologist asked curiously.
After a frustrated sigh, Mathew replied, "Yes, I suppose it is. Well, if I lost myself in something real that feels like a game... I wouldn't feel frustrated. It provides real exercise and... Well, I guess killing the monsters, feels real too. I heard people who spend extensive time in dungeons have to go through mental check ups."
"You never talked about dungeons before, would you mind me asking why?" Jacob asked as he leaned back, keeping his hands together, palms up between his knees.
"Well, it was just everything else that I had to unload. I enjoyed the few trips I took back then. The first time I expected it would be difficult... I think it was spiders. When the first one jumped out, I just stood in place. I wasn't really terrified, but I fucking didn't know what to do. There was five of us..."
Peter and Michael jumped to the spider, wailing at it with the swords they managed to save up for with their pocket money over the past few years. Mathew looked to the left and saw Patricia smashing a smaller spider away with a metal baseball bat. Behind them Sarah was screaming bloody murder about Nopes and Spiders, while walking back. Mathew himself just stood, locked somewhere between amusement, fear and curiosity. He could only cast spells and wasn't sure if he wouldn't hit one of his friends. Large spiders, also somehow didn't creep him out as much as the smaller ones. For a few years now, he always tried to just carry the little fuckers out, even when the bastards jumped onto his pillow when he was falling asleep. He didn't feel in danger, he didn't feel like hurting something. Logically, he knew those were mana constructs, not animals that would feel pain. It was largely his idea to go into a dungeon. Yet, he kept imagining the smell of burning flesh, the viscera that would splash out of the bodies. Then a third spider came out, jumping straight at Mathew. The teenage boy fell on his ass, holding the creatures head from biting into him. The monsters legs were waving around, scratching into him. Before the mage could think of anything, the desire to scream and blast the thing off combined and a small torrent of fire came out of his mouth. The creature was gone. Relief flooded Mathew as he saw the parts he didn't burn just turn into shining, dust like particles. He didn't notice his clothes were on fire until his three friends came and started putting them out. He laughed his fucking ass of.
"So... we walked Sarah back to the entrance and continued. It's not like it didn't affect me in any way, I couldn't eat meat for a few days after that. For our second trip we checked what sort of dungeon we would be entering and Sarah didn't have any problems dealing with Slimes." Mathew said and half smiled, "None of us started hunting normal animals or magical creatures. I think Patricia and Michael talked about trying something, but nothing came out of it..."
"Ah, those made for some bloody good stories. We drank over fire, talking how we will go into the greater dungeons. We would conquer a different realm for ourselves, ride on dragons...", with those words Mathew looked down, then continued, "Then... they all went to normal universities. Lawyers, doctors... That type of stuff. I moved here to the Moon, some wealthier family members bought me an apartment. I enrolled in the university, oh fuck. Streets have names, the one by the Crystal Palace. I think it was the first one that opened on the Moon. I just didn't make any friends here, didn't feel like getting a job and I couldn't move up to the better dungeons... I just barely became a Mage, but I didn't have any structured spells so I couldn't make it in harder dungeons. I guess I could have joined some military? Slowly, week by week, month by month I just... gave up. I got into university on the formed core, and creativity in spell use. Then came the subjects, part learning from the instructors hired from Maa, part discovering the workings of the methods born out of Earths mythology. I... didn't know shit. Didn't do the projects, so I didn't want to come in empty handed, since I didn't come... I kept falling further behind. I promised myself to study up, make up what I lacked... but I just played games, read fiction. I began calling in sick, then I would actually get sick so I'd be gone longer. I left my apartment less, broke up with the new girlfriend... whatever her names was. Then I didn't get new dates, since I just talked about how much I suck. Now... well, I told you those parts of the story before." With those words Mathew finished his water and poured himself more.
"You practice magic again, you keep your apartment clean." Jacob said slowly, "Mathew, you are doing good."
"Yes, yes. No, I know. The System will take me back to being an Apprentice, then a job, and the dungeon outings. I will practice back up to being a Mage. The proper capital M. I will drop the dreams about being a Great Mage, or whatever is beyond that. However the fuck one goes about going those solar systems further and becoming a Deity. Mage, just Mage...", the mage waved his hand. "I'm not putting myself down. I will, just get where I can. Find something to be happy about there, my steps will carry me however far I can go. My head, my heart will find satisfaction there, wherever it may be."
The two continued talking for a while longer, on his way out Mathew paid a hundred Moon Dollars. When he saw the clock at the subway, it turned out it was already nine. On the way back home, he enjoyed the sights around him and got himself some chocolate cookies and few juice bottles.