The fishes were happily jumping in the little stream down below. The first orc was looking at them. He scratched his head and turn back twoards the trees. He sized them up. Knocked on the wood before settling on a large birch tree. He grabbed it with both arms and with great efforts and a few growls, he uprooted the trunk. He proceded then to smash the trunk in half on his knee and sized his new, huge and crude mace. He took a few swings with it in the air, but the treeline was dense in this part of the forest and he hit a few more trunks with such strenght that they fell over. It made him laugh. He got back to the fish-filled stream and swung his hastly-made club. The blow created a huge crater in the water and flooded the shoreline. The water quickly receded, but the stunned fishes were now stranded. The orc danced of joy. Think of it as mixing douchey poses to show off his muscles and a toddler tapping his feet without rythm or logic. A sight you wished you would forget. The big green guy then picked up the fishes, sat down and started eating the poor creatures still alive, head first. I could feel Teeco's disgust. A faint smile grew on my face.

- Oh so now you know how I feel when you eat mice and vomit pellets all around my room, Teeco.

Through our mental link, I could feel the outrage of my bird.

- How dare you compare me to this filthy creature ? I am not a foul monster, Killian Collins, I am a black-striped owl, born and raised as the wisest of the avian kingdom. Although, I must admit that I never knew orcs could fish.

-You learn something new everyday. 'Bet you didn't know those savages could dance either... Tell me, wise and noble bird, what about the wind over there?

- I did read they could, a long time ago. They can sing and dance. Very light breeze heading your direction. North-northwest as you call it ? Nobody realise how difficult it is to teach a bird about cardinal points until they have to. Which probably includes just me in the whole history of mankind.

  I aimed my rifle. stopped breathing and focused. About five hundread meters. Up on the hill, I had a good vantage point through the valley and an almost perfect shot. The bullet whistled and hit the orc's head. It went throught his skull like a knife through butter. It forced him backwards, a fish still dangling in his mouth.

  Calmly, I ejected the casing and reloaded. I could feel a faint nudge of approbation coming from my lovely flying chicken, which would be akin to a "Wow, pretty impressive shot Killian" in a normal conversation. Oh well whatever. One down, five more to go.

-----

  The second orc was rummaging through a pile of scraps, ill kept equipement, body parts and other kind of exotic garbage inside of their camp. It is, for orcs, the equivalent of a well kept wardrobe, a neatly tided up storage chest, a dump, and a flea market all at once. The bigger and shiner the pile, the better. This one was quite large for such a small camp. They must have been here a long time.

  I scouted through the scope.

-There, Teeco! They threw him on the pile. Man is this a bad way to go. Wouldn't wish to be mauled and kept as a trophy even to my worst enemy.

-Great, we finally found the thief. What about the stolen goods?

-I don't see the runes anywhere, but they must be in there somewhere. I sighed. The prospects of having to searched through a foul smelling dump for a few inscribed plates wasn't enticing. Nothing could be easy, can it?

-Killian, do we really need to kill them all? We could just grab the runes and fly away once we find them.

-We could Teeco, indeed we could. However, orcs are far faster and stronger than either you or me. Moreover, once they realise that a human has been rummaging through their pile, they will be very, very pissed. As I cannot outrun nor overpower an orc in a fair fight, I will headshot them all, undetected and safe from harm. And then, and only then, will we dare go through the shit-pile and search for what we are looking for. I do not wish to end as a raging orc stress reliever.

My owl didn't answer, but I could feel his approval. He knew that I was right, just didn't want to admit it. So tiny yet so prideful!

-We have to take him out, but I Can't get a clean shot Teeco. He has his head burried under this pile of scrap. Can you do something about it?

-Of course, send the little bird to taunt the big green savage ! Nothing could go wrong!

-Come on, Teeko! We still have four more to go after this one! AND as I am the only one with hands, who do you think will need to go through this pile of putrified corpses and broken stuff. At this rate it will take ages!

  I could feel my bird cursing through my mental link. Who would have thought that such a wise and noble creature would know so much degrading material relating to my genitalia.

- I will haunt and curse you for eternity if he touches even ONE feather of my plumage!

  Teeco then flew atop the pile of scraps and started to hoot. The orc suddenly stopped what he was doing and stared at the bird, dumfounded. Orcs eat almost anything that moves, they are even perfectly cappable to eat each other in time of hunger. As such, wildlife from all over the world have developed an instinct to stay clear of the particular stench of an orc camp. An owl willingly landing into their camp would indeed be a bewildering sight for this green pile of muscles. A godsend. A juicy snack that he already drools about. He climbs the pile of scraps slowly, as sneaky as an elephant in a porcelain store. I can sense the fear coming from my companion. Pressing me to kill the foul beast. Praying that I won't miss and end up being eaten. I brushed his thoughts asides. I have his neck in my line of sight. I focus and stop my breathing. Teeco's alarmed word are ringing in my head, but I do not hear them. No. I feel the wind. The pressure of my finger on the trigger. The cold metal of the sight becoming warmer. Not yet. A little bit more. The orc stops, almost in reach of Teeco. He extend his arm slowly, open his hand and... falls limp at the bottom of the pile, a huge hole in the back of his head.

-Dammit Killian! That was WAY too close for confort! I'm never doing that again!

-I did get him, didn't I?

-And what do you want? a medal? Let's go to the next one. The sooner we finish, the better. This quest will be the death of me.

-You always say that, yet you seem pretty lively for a dead bird!

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-I still can't see them, Teeco. I need to come closer.

-I'm flying right above. Can't get closer, they are in the trees and they might have bows. The smell is coming from the biggest oak. Wait! There's one near you!

-What? where?

- He's carrying a dead stag on his shoulder. He's coming back to camp. South by Southwest.

-He'll see his kin and raise the alarm, I need to take him out now. Am I in his way?

-Yes, a few more minutes and he'll be on top of you.

-No, I'll be on top of him.

   I fixed a knife on my rifle and climbed with the made up bayonnette on the nearest tree. I didn't have to wait long, I could already hear him trampling the fallen leaves along the way. I waited for him to come close, right under me. Without a sound, I jumped, and landed on top of him. Alone, I would have only staggered him, but the weight of the dead beast made him fall forward. He growled, furious, and with my legs screaming in pain, I wasted no time. I dodged a wild backward swing from his free hand by a hair's breath. It would have had sent me flying. Never underestimate the reflexes of an orc. Before he could do anything else, I landed on his back and planted my improvised spear through his neck. A huge stream of blood splashed me. A spasm, two, and then nothing.

- Ugh, You better throw those clothes now.

  The adrenaline was coming down. I wiped my face and undressed. My legs didn't like the fall, but nothing seemed broken or sprained. I had spare clothes back in camp, but that would have to wait. I kept my shoes, my belt, took my rifle and contacted my snarky companion.

-So, how many left?

  I could feel him whistling me as a whore. Whistling. I swear, one day I would eat roasted owl and not even feel bad about it.

-Ha ha ha. So can we get back to business now?

-Sure my apollo! I counted three. two in the big oak. The last one on the other side of the camp, by the huge boulder.

-Then we circle around and take the lone orc first.

  I was halfway there when the owl panicked.

- Killian we have a problem! someone is coming!

-What? who? a villager? Does he have a death wish?

-No, it isn't a he, Killian, it's a she.

  I climbed the nearest tree and scouted. It wasn't hard to find the girl. A young woman in her twenties was walking seemingly without a care in the world, in the woods, alone, towards an orc camp. However, that wasn't the strangest part. She had firelike hairs and no weapons or armor to speak of.

-It's a mage Killian. An ember mage at that! That's not something you see everyday.

- How do you know that?

-The firelike hairs and the sigils drawn all over her clothes. Those are the Academy's insignas. Fire is so difficult to control that half of mages are too scared to conjure even a tiny spark, while the other half gets burned to a crisp doing so. Do you know how rare to see a full fledge ember mage in the flesh?

  Great. A moving incendiary weapon in a forest waiting to be jumped on by orcs. As if this quest didn't stink enough as it is.

-We have to warn her! She's heading straight to the two orcs hidden in the oak. They will maul her!

-Yes that's what orcs do to most, if not all, living things. I tried to convey this sentence in the most sarcastic way possible over a mental link. Sometimes, the slow reaction and lack of judgement of this bird amaze me as much as the sheer amount of knowledge he possesses.

-Now, Teeco, as much as I would be pleased to meet such an interesting woman, I am currently a naked, orc-stinking, unshaved, and armed young man. I can't realistically go and say hi. Neither can you, because I don't want to risk you flapping over and getting roasted for nothing. She can't hear you. At the very least, she'll be a good disctraction for the two dingos up there. I might get a decent line of sight. Too bad her Academy never told her not to walk unprepared in the wrong neighborhood.

- Almighty Avian, that one is cold, Killian! We have to help her! I don't care, if you don't I'll go.

-Come back here you... you... birdbrain! Too late, he was already flying over.

  I had to do something before my bird killed himself, but I needed a new vantage point. I passed by the fishing orc -the fish was still squirming in it's mouth- and circled around their camp. On the outskirts I found my spot. I set up on an old stump, and scoped the orcs. Just in the nick of time. They had spotted her and she was almost upon them. I pressed the trigger. My target fell on the ground. He didn't stand up, but I knew this wasn't a kill shot. The mage immediately reacted. She dodged the other orc's fall and stroke him with a fireblade. It just pissed him off. She dodged gracefully the wild strikes the berzerking giant threw at her while hitting back everytime he left an opening. She was dancing around him, and from the lashes and strikes, you could see the damage piling up, little by little, but It didn't stop his rampage. The orcs wasn't tiring and the other one was starting to regain consciousness. She would die at this rate, but I had no clear shot.

- Teeco, do something! I need him still for a second!

  Teeco dived the orc and landed a claw in one of it's eyes. The orc growled of pain, and just before is big arm could land a fatal blow on my bird, I shot him through the lungs. He stumbled and stopped his momentum, and the mage quickly conjured a ray of fire straight through his heart. It was about time, the second one was up and about. tossing aside the corpse of his kin, this one seems even more pissed of than the other. Unfortunately for him, the shot had landed in his knee and his right leg was bleeding heavily. He could not move as swiftly as his brother. The fire mage stepped back and prepped the exact same move. The orc shielded himself with his arms, but that didn't stop the ray of fire coming from her hands blasting a hole through the juggernaut's chest. I breathed. Then remembered something.

-Teeco locate the last one! Now!

  Teeco started looking, but there was no need to. We heard an earth-shattering roar fulled by pure feral rage. I briefly saw him through the trees and emptied my charger on the giant. It didn't stop him. However, instead of charging the mage, the juggernaut was now heading my way at full speed.

-Shit!

  I reloaded and shot him agin, but no matter how many bullets came through, the furious green beast wouldn't stop. I wasn't as nimble as the mage, there was no way I could evade. I was almost down to my last bullet. I needed to hit his brain. I stood up and threw the scope aside. Three hundread meters. Focused, I could still sense the alarmed bird begging me to get out of the way. Two hundread meters. I aimed carefully. Just a little closer. One hundread meters. He was almost upon me. In a fraction of second that seemed almost as long as a lifetime, the mage swept the orc with a blazing kick. I pressed the trigger, but it was too slow. It grazed my falling target. The orc tumbled forward at full speed. I crouched, he bounced sideways on the stump and went crashing in the pile of filth just aside. Amazingly, the beast still wasn't dead. He stood up, slowly, but was suddenly engulfed in a torrent of flame along with the pile.

  I can honestly say now, with a fair amount of certainty, the only thing stinking worse than a pile of orc scraps is a pile of orc scraps on fire. It took me a moment to regain my senses and let the reality sink in. She had just torched ten magical runes each worth a king's ransom. Fucking mage. She looked at me like I was either an alien, the worst pervert she ever saw, or both.

"- So, hum, friend! You know where the runes... the magic plates are ? You know, magic!" She made big gestures and a little flame with her hand to really illustrate her point.

"-Yeah, you just baked all of them. Good job. For a fire mage, you aren't very bright! " I said, bitterly. sighed and notified my bird. Come on Teeco, we're leaving. I turned away from her and headed back to my camp.

"-Hey! I didn't know..." She was visibly offended but I didn't really care.

" Look, next time, just be more... Nevermind. I'm tired, I have a long way back and you just wasted two months of my life for nothing." As I was getting away, I could hear her calling me names she probably didn't learn at school.

The night fell when I arrived back at my camp. I washed and went almost immediately to sleep, trying not to think at this whole fiasco. I lost the runes and almost got killed for saving an idiot. A gorgeous, graceful and powerful idiot. It's time like these you start to wonder if you didn't get cursed with extremely bad luck. I closed my eyes, Teeco's hoots made me drowsy and slumbering. You could still see the burning pile from miles away, shining brightly as a foul beacon in the dark.