With every second that passed Ryker’s treading steps took him farther and farther away from the suburb that was likely swarming with military personnel right about now. Feeling a conflicting mix of both immense joy at how he was able to get the military to act before they were crippled by useless politics and a gnawing worry as he skirted the outskirts of civilization.

Hours passed easily as Ryker marched. The sun already sinking well below the horizon as Ryker built up as much distance as he could. The forest around Ryker only illuminated by the stars and dim glow of the moon as he shifted his eyes to see properly in the low light.

There was a lot to think about to keep him occupied as he traveled. The possible changes to the future, the intervention of the military, and one thing much more important than the others.

Where’s all the fucking food? Ryker thought tiredly. Lamenting how despite the bright glow of fast food signs in the distance they weren’t going to supply what he’d need. Granted if he completely emptied out multiple fast food freezers like the one he’d emptied at the Garden Olive it might be enough to push him to his Capstone ability but that was the problem. Just barely good enough wasn’t good enough for Ryker now. Not at the speed things were progressing.

Almost reluctantly Ryker stopped himself from moving on and stared through the trees at the illuminated buildings and street lights. All of it shining brightly enough he had to blink away his low light vision to a degree until looking at it all became manageable.

This is taking too long. Ryker thought with a grimace as he stepped closer. Standing behind a tree to shield his bulk from any prying eyes, however unlikely it was anyone was actually looking into the woods at night.

Ryker had kept mentally probing the air waves for information as he’d traveled and felt a mounting pressure with every report and comment he’d heard. There was still an abundance of skepticism in people, mixed with the usual conspiracy theory remarks that dismissed so many of the early reports of Kaiju the first time around. But the rhetoric was different now. It was subtle but the reports felt more natural in this timeline, lacking the normal tells of pre-written and scripted responses that would have come from higher powers desperate to keep the peace.

For a moment Ryker felt a pang of regret as he looked at the untouched normality of the large town through the cover of tree branches. It would all start changing soon. People moving to the safety of larger more heavily defended cities, the constant patrols and rumble of tanks down empty streets. It had been one of the things he’d loved most about being sent back in time, being able to see the world as it had been. Now it felt like he was playing a part in ruining it. Forcing the world to come to terms with their new reality by shoving proof of it into their faces.

Stop getting sidetracked. Ryker admonished himself. I need to find food to get stronger. So where can I get some?

With a discerning eye Ryker’s gaze roved over the town as he crossed out office buildings and apartment blocks as places he could get food. The fast food restaurants were an appealing option especially since they were glowing so brightly, but he crossed those out as well.

Too many people at this time of night. Not to mention that I won’t be able to break into their freezers without tearing open some part of the building at my size. Ryker thought. Resting his weight on the tree as he laid his arms on a thick branch, his chin on top of his forearms as he let out a puff of air from his nose.

And tearing open buildings is gonna be my one way ticket to getting found and taken out by the military. It would be best if I could find a farm but I don’t exactly have a GPS to get me to one. A zoo would be… doable but not something I'd enjoy. Ryker thought.

It would be for the survival of the human race, so he would do it if he found one but he wouldn’t deny that the idea of going into a farm or zoo to eat all the animals was one that left him mildly uncomfortable. Cows were one thing. But what if the farm had horses? Those had gone extinct in the last timeline and Ryker felt a reluctance to start slaughtering the once beloved animals.

The zoo idea was almost worse. All of those animals had gone extinct as well. Penguins, monkeys, birds, and a whole lot of others. Accelerating their extinction might have fed him, and was objectively the correct decision to make to help humanity but it still felt like a morbid idea. He'd never even been to a zoo in his first life. The only penguins he'd seen had been on TV.

I wonder what penguins taste like? Ryker thought traitorously before reigning himself in. No, no a zoo won’t work for what I need. Chances are that whatever zoo I find is gonna be smack dab in the middle of a major city or town. Getting there would draw too much attention. A farm would be preferable since those are usually out of the way, but in the absence of those two…

Ryker tapped his chin as he pondered. The light ting of his claw ringing against his Enhanced Scales as he weighed his next course of action.

I could go dumpster diving again. Ryker thought after a moment. His eyes roaming over the town towards the portion that held less activity overall. He could see what could have been a restaurant or two edging up against a larger district made up of warehouses.

I have to give it a shot. Ryker decided. I don’t have time to wait for the perfect opportunity to fall into my lap with things moving as quickly as they are.

It took some time for Ryker to circle round to the best portion of the town to enter into. The major roads in and out had to be avoided, even at this late hour there were plenty of cars and pedestrians moving along the sidewalk. Large department stores and other stretches of connecting shops acted like walls that kept Ryker from entering with the amount of people moving around them. On the surface there didn’t seem to be a convenient alley anywhere that was available for him to squeeze into but he was hopeful there was a way in he just wasn’t seeing.

With a pilot’s patience Ryker’s eyes scanned and evaluated his options. Tracing his gaze across the area over and over again. His low light vision picking out details in the dark before he cautiously moved closer to the tall chain link fence that separated the forest from the back wall of a long flat building that connected to some kind of shopping plaza. When his eyes took in all they could Ryker shifted the portion of his mind that governed his senses. Wrapping everything in the familiar swirl of mixing Synesthesia. With the combined effect of his already enhanced senses Ryker could make out the light patter of people moving inside different shops. The sound coming in ripples of smell and splashes of color that danced across his retinas.

I’d circle round the entire building if I could but those paths around don’t lead to alleys, they lead back out into the plaza. There’s an empty store there in the middle with nobody inside. I guess I could go through and pop out the other end, but again it lets out into that same parking lot on the other side. Maybe…

Unlike the front of the shopping plaza, the large back area of the small department stores that made up the large building was less crowded, but not empty. Down a ways to his right he could make out a crew of people unloading a Semi truck at a brightly lit loading dock. Fortunately, the layout of the large building was like a series of “L”s connecting from one top to the other. Making up for the large amount of open ground between the building and the parked cars of employees next to the back fence by having part of the building shield him from view of the dock workers if he entered at a certain angle. There was some trash piled up in a nearby dumpster that caught Ryker’s attention but Ryker could already tell by the smell that there wasn’t any food inside. Just plastic and cardboard in different shapes and sizes. He could smell a restaurant or two and their dumpster on the breeze though, but those were beyond the crew of people loading, well before the forest petered out into shrubs too small to conceal him in the moonlight. On the surface it looked like Ryker wouldn’t be able to make it anywhere without being spotted, but the Kaiju’s lips drew back in a small smile as he came up with a plan.

Cautiously, Ryker approached the chain link fence with a cat’s natural grace… well a giant cat’s grace maybe. Resenting all the while how he couldn’t risk jumping over the fence due to how much of a commotion he would cause. With his luck he might inadvertently trigger one of the parked car’s alarms if he landed on the other side heavily enough. Hyper aware of how much the fence would rattle if he touched or got caught on it, Ryker took his time carefully stepping over the tall fence. Holding onto a tall branch that extended over the fence to steady himself as he carefully lifted one clawed foot and raised it over. Sucking in his gut as if it would help, he carefully planted his foot in an empty parking spot on the other side without a sound. Ryker held still for a moment, eyes locked on the unloading dock and any wandering eyes as he straddled the fence. Then his calm almost broke completely in one terrible moment as he shifted his weight and felt the sharpened metal tip of the fence scrape a line across his crotch.

Fucking shit man! Ryker grimaced with fangs silently bared as he brought his other leg over. The uncomfortable metal on scales feeling finally passing after a moment as Ryker crouched low between two parked cars. Gingerly dropping a claw below his waist for a quick damage report before letting out a shaky breath.

Hoo boy, that could have been bad. Thank God for small blessings. Ryker thought relived. Unusually glad for once that Kaiju lacked the vulnerable weak spot so common to the rest of man.

Pushing the brief moment of phantom pain aside Ryker kept low, barely able to keep his back and shoulders from peeking over the roofs of the parked cars next to him as he carefully leaned his head out to make sure it would be safe for him to cross. At the angle he’d entered from the protruding back end of the building extended out far enough that most of the loading dock and its workers were hidden from view.

Rather than sprint across like his instincts told him to Ryker left the safety of his hiding spot one slow step at a time. Careful to make as little sound as possible and not cause any noticeable vibrations from his steps as he moved over to the back of the long building. Head moving from side to side to make sure no one was out back taking a smoke break. In the next few seconds Ryker was clear of the open space and pressing himself flat against the back of the building. Making sure he was right behind the empty department store. The back door of the place barely looked big enough to fit Ryker’s leg as he shifted to look down at it. Accidentally scratching his toe claws against the concrete before raising them up a few inches. Listening hard for any movement responding to the light noise he’d made before relaxing slightly.

Nobody inside to cause a ruckus if I make some noise, and the walls between the stores should be thick enough to dampen the sounds of me moving. Ryker assured himself as he gave the back door of the department store a wan smile. At thirteen feet tall himself, the back door was less than half his size. Plus, it wasn’t nearly wide enough to allow his large frame through without tearing out of a massive chunk of the wall. He doubted he’d even be able to fit his shoulders through now.

Doesn’t matter. That’s what the plan’s for. Ryker thought determinedly as he turned towards the back wall of the building. Digging his claws deep into the structure as he got a good grip on the surface and started climbing.

As tall as he was he only had a short way to go to reach the top of the one story building. When Ryker found the proper foot holds to push himself up onto the roof he eased his weight onto it gingerly. Slowly moving into a crouch that braced himself against the roof with his claws and feet bearing his weight so he didn’t put all his weight on one spot.

He could almost feel part of the building groan beneath him at the pressure he was putting on it but it held mercifully. Only after taking a second to listen carefully, watching how the people in the shops below him were continuing to walk and talk without a care, Ryker moved.

Stealthy thoughts Ryker. Stealthy thoughts. He breathed out in a huff. Tail slowly twisting through the air behind him in tense agitation as he made his way across the roof. Still crawling forward on hands and feet as he distributed his weight properly. It should have felt awkward but moving on four legs was less of a hindrance than he felt it should have been. It was easy to forget at times but his body was capable of permanently evolving itself into becoming quadrupedal like some other Kaiju eventually would at later Stages. For a second the idea of becoming like those Kaiju intruded into his mind, before Ryker shoved the thought away with an annoyed shake of his head.

Hell no to that man, no way I’m giving up walking around on two legs. Ryker thought. Just the idea of becoming a four legged Kaiju like Glacier Fang irritated him. Wasn’t it enough he was already a monster? At least on two legs he could keep some of his human dignity and combat ability, no matter how large he grew.

That last thought made Ryker pause suddenly as he looked towards the town sprawled before him. He knew he probably shouldn’t have but he inched towards the edge of the roof over the parking lot. Drinking in the noises of people going to and from places as he looked at all the town’s glowing lights.

From his vantage point Ryker could almost see clear across town if his view hadn’t been obstructed by several large office buildings. The sight was painfully beautiful. The unnamed town was the second Ryker had seen in his short time as a Kaiju. It held less of the small town mystique of the first town he’d visited, Fairview. With more lights and activity moving through its streets that gave it more in common with a small growing city. But it was the sheer normalcy of it all that Ryker loved to see most. His combined senses submerging themselves in something that he’d only glimpsed in his youth. Humanity as it once was, and should have remained.

He could hear a couple through the roof in a store below him talking about family as they shopped. Their voices mixing with others in the shop as they moved between rows of shoes. The smell of new rubber wafting up from below filled his nose as his enhanced senses picked out the old car freshener inside a beat up pickup truck as a man carefully packed away a birthday balloon and gift bag.

Not entirely meaning to, Ryker edged even closer to the roof overlooking the lot. Careful to remain low against the building in case anyone looked up but that wasn’t an issue. Nobody saw or noticed him looking down from above.

Ryker’s gaze scanned the lot with a familiar but troubling feeling. The cars looked like toys from this high up. The people like figurines. He’d seen the same sight countless times before from the cockpit, but that had been when he himself had been the same size as the people below. When he could have rejoined them at a moment’s notice.

Then something changed.

For a brief moment it was as if Ryker experienced the call that he’d felt during his Adrenal Trigger again. The same one that made him see the people below going about their lives as the easy prey they were. A food source he hadn’t even tasted yet. The feeling disturbed Ryker with how natural it felt. Like it was somehow normal to get hungry looking at innocent people.

That fucking Adrenal Trigger. Ryker cursed his own body as he shoved the insidious desire into the back of his mind. Leaving him silent as he searched his mind for the feeling again. It wasn't like the Adrenal Trigger had reactivated on its own, it was just that it felt like the ability had torn something open in his mind during that mind numbing frenzy when he'd activated it.

The adrenaline... Could the adrenaline have altered my brain chemistry? Ryker thought with a worried certainty. Pushing something out of balance that was there before. I didn't feel this way before at all looking at people.

It was a terrifying thought but Ryker quickly assessed his mental state again and found no further fault within himself aside from the differences he already knew were there. Like the lack of reaction to eating garbage and Kaiju without a shred of revulsion. He waited for the feeling to return, ready to punt it back into the recesses of his mind where it belonged. But there was nothing.

Damn it all. Why is there always something going wrong? Is it too much to ask to get sent back in time without any more issues cropping up? Ryker thought sourly as he refocused on the small people below and deliberately tried not to think hungry thoughts. Whatever, its just one more problem to deal with. I'll live. Now feeling a different concern altogether bloom inside his chest. One that had been on his mind for much longer than his recent discovery of how his body's bloodthirsty instincts were affecting his human side's perception of things.

How long until I’m looming over everyone like this on my own two feet? And not just because I’m standing on top of a building. Ryker thought without the irritation or melancholy that usually came from such thoughts for once as he pondered.

Every time he’d grown he’d gotten angry at the change. He’d told himself it was because it was a process he couldn’t control, that allowing something so important be governed by his Kaiju nature disturbed him. Only…

That wasn’t really it was it?

Every time he’d grown larger it was a visceral reminder that he wouldn’t be able to go back. One that felt like it was slapped across his face with how blatant and unchanging the transformation was whenever it happened. Because it was going to keep happening. There was no such thing as getting out of the cockpit when you were a Kaiju. He would always be this way.

He felt a pang of regret at the thought certainly, he wouldn’t be human if he didn’t. But more than that was a growing… acceptance?

Well, maybe acceptance is too strong a word. Ryker thought as he took a deep breath of the town’s night air as he closed his eyes. Drinking in the living, metal, and concrete scents of untouched humanity as they spilled into his other senses. The colors dancing before his eyes in a show that put even the vibrant town’s night lights to shame. I think it’s just hit me that if anyone were to get turned into a Kaiju… maybe it’s a good thing it was me after all.

For all his faults Ryker was one still of the best pilots humanity had ever fielded against the Kaiju before the end. He was more accustomed to moving at the sizes he was going to grow to than almost anyone else would be. It buoyed Ryker’s mood to think on the things he knew he could do right at least when that happened. Growing larger would rob him of the close personal interactions he now sorely missed but he’d make up for all of it with a lifetime of experience in battle and saving lives in ways only he could.

Cities, towns, suburbs. Ryker thought meaningfully as he opened his eyes and looked out at civilization. The cool wind brushing over his scales as his tail waved in the breeze.

I know how to move through them all, how to fight in and defend them all. Even as Anti-Kaiju weaponry advanced and became more and more destructive I was the one with the lowest collateral damage rating across the board. Period. As much as it bites to be stuck as a Kaiju instead of being in my real body, I know that once I reach the end of Stage One or Two or Three… I’m going to become a more effective asset when it comes to killing Kaiju and protecting people. Then all that effort I put into learning proper “handling” of civilians can be put into practice again.

Ryker looked down at his good claw, flexing his three fingers as he remembered fondly the times he’d successfully moved small groups of people away from active combat zones in his Armor’s cradled hands. The first time he’d done that he’d nearly been deafened by his commanding officer as he was yelled at for attempting such a risky pickup of survivors in a combat zone. He’d been dressed down for a solid ten minutes in front of everyone, before being walked around the corner by that same officer and told how damn good of a job he did saving those people. Before firmly being told to never do it again.

It was an order he’d go on to disobey regularly.

For obvious reasons it was expressly forbidden for anyone in Armor to try and handle people except under very specific circumstances. One wrong twitch of a pilot’s controls could have meant the difference between saving a life, accidentally breaking someone’s bones, or pasting that same someone to a red smear. Despite Ryker’s insistence on changing military doctrine when it came to moving civilians with Armor to expedite rescue efforts, the military’s view on the risky maneuvers went unchanged. Thou shalt not pick up what you can fuck up.

The claws would change how I did things a bit now though. That and having only three fingers instead of five. Ryker thought worriedly. Realizing all of a sudden that if he were larger he wasn’t sure he’d be able to pick up anyone safely like he used to. The problem wasn’t one he could fix without practice but it didn’t stop Ryker from seeking out a solution all the same as he curled his clawed fingers. Pretending to hold an imaginary toy sized human being on his palm as he pictured the best way to brace them in his scaly claw.

Like all skills, holding living breathing people in your Armor’s grip was an art. Two cupped hands held together were the best for non-combat carries but you could also palm people one handed if you needed to during combat and you did it right. You had to start by forcing them to lie flat with their back against the palm, because relying on anyone to stay crouched or semi-standing while Kaiju were trying to kill you was a fool’s errand. Then you used all five fingers to support the body of whoever you were holding properly. Little finger bent flat against the palm to give them something to brace their feet against with the other fingers secured over legs, waist, and stomach. But you absolutely had to be careful not to press against the chest. Better to leave that finger free and slightly in front to guard against shrapnel or debris. The thumb was best held close over the palm to give a civilian’s arms something to hold onto. Especially if you had to move or fight.

I could still do it if need be but better to save that for a last resort then. Ryker thought. More than a little concerned he might not be able to whisk a lost civilian out of danger without cutting them with his own claws in the process. I still know how to pick up cars properly and grip them without crushing the people inside at least. That’s something I can still do even with claws.

Maybe it was because Ryker had lost his own folks to Kaiju. But he was almost hyper sensitive to the safety of people on the ground. Especially when Kaiju were raging and the fighting got ugly. Other pilots choked or seized up at the thought of active combat in unevacuated cities. When people were crowding the streets as they ran for their lives. But the pressure only honed Ryker’s perception further and forced him to act without hesitating.

It had pushed him to immediately engage Kaiju and draw them away from crowded streets into the unpopulated city parks to let loose with a salvo of heavy ordinance. To brace himself against a building and using his own Armor to keep it from collapsing as the people inside evacuated while he took pot shots against a Kaiju. To risk everything ducking and dodging breath weapons as he held a small family against his chest, only returning fire with weapons that wouldn’t immediately cook the vulnerable people alive in close proximity to high output lasers.

Ryker had scoffed at calling himself the pilot of an Archangel when the cutting edge mech was first created. The title felt far too lofty and ill fitting for someone of his temperament, even if he had salivated at the weapons systems of his new war machine. But in the times lives were on the line and people needed saving… He’d lived up to the name.

Curling and uncurling his fingers reflexively Ryker let himself fall back out of his human memories as his Kaiju senses drew him back into the present.

Nostrils flaring Ryker caught a whiff of food gone bad and left to rot. Something that he knew he would probably have gagged at as a human but that same smell promised a sweet meal for his current self.

That’s not too far away. Ryker thought as he moved away from the edge of the roof with one last glance towards the sprawling town. I may not be happy with what I am now. I may not ever be able to do the things I used to do as a human. But… I think I could grow to like parts of this at least as long as it ends up helping people.

Ryker’s time piloting Armor hadn’t been all combat. He’d been rounded up with other pilots to help with reconstruction efforts for a time. Clearing debris, building pre-fabricated homes for refugees, and reconnecting power lines to the grid.

It was all a pipe dream of course. Especially with the military just starting its Anti-Kaiju efforts. But it was nice to think about the good he could do one day if he killed all Kaiju. Scratch that, when he did.

But until then he had too much work to do.

Finally moving past the dock worker’s below Ryker found the dumpster he wanted off to the side of the main department building. Hidden from the street and covered in shadow. Wafting up the promise of garbage for Ryker to consume.

Must be from that Thai restaurant a few stores down. Ryker thought. Wistfully entertaining the idea of entering the restaurant itself for the good stuff before dropping the idea with a wistful shake of his head.

Peeking over the edge of the building to the ground below, Ryker made doubly sure there was no one on the ground he’d missed. The last thing he needed now was to draw attention to himself with someone screaming their lungs out at the sight of him.

After confirming no one was in sight, Ryker crouched down on the edge of the roof. The distance to the ground would have been perilous for any normal person, but for Ryker the drop was only a double his current height. He would have climbed down but the wall was smooth and lacked any obvious divots or hand holds capable of holding his weight. His claws might have been able to brace himself but falling to the ground in a heap was something he wanted to avoid if at all possible.

Just got to fall like a cat. Ryker coached to himself as his tail waved in anticipation as he stared down at the concrete. Like a big scaly cat that won’t crack the pavement when it lands.

Without waiting another moment Ryker dropped off the roof. Hitting the ground with a jolting but less than loud “Whumf!” as he crouched on all fours. His digitigrade legs eating the majority of the impact’s force as he listened hard for any movement, any commotion…

Nailed it. Ryker thought with a grin as he turned towards his prize. Now to eat my fill and… oh.

Ryker was standing right before the same exact type of dumpster he’d made meals of back in Fairview. Back then he’d been what? Seven feet tall? A bit on the large size sure, but he’d easily been able to step inside the dumpster to chow down without standing out too much. Now though, that had changed. And not for the better.

Well shit. Ryker turned away, claw held over his face in exasperation as he looked back at the dumpster again. As if hoping through some miracle that the dumpster that barely reached mid thigh at his current size would grow to match his stature.

Ugh, you’ve got to be kidding me. Ryker thought indignantly as he crouched over the dumpster. Looming over it like the vengeful dumpster dragon he was.

I snuck over here and everything… Ryker grumbled softly as he reached into the dumpster with one claw and angrily chomped on a garbage bag that he palmed as easily as a large apple. I even nailed that landing for nothing. Damnit, I can be such an idiot sometimes.

Just like the way he couldn’t recall himself growing after attaining a new ability Ryker had apparently forgotten that food sources like dumpsters would not magically grow with him as he increased in size. Which begged the question, where was he was supposed to go next?

There’s got to be something nearby. Ryker thought as he squatted, casually resting one arm on his thigh and using the other to shovel refuse into his maw. But where else is there going to be things for me to eat? No farms nearby, no zoos, where else is there gonna be food in large quantities?

Ryker looked back at the rear of the Thai restaurant responsible for his meal and tapped out a frustrated beat on his scaled thigh with his claw as his jaws worked reflexively to eat the trash. Spoiled food, plastic, and all.

Again, there’s the usual. Restaurants and super markets. But going for those comes with the risk of exposing myself. Hell, that risk is probably a certainty with people becoming aware of Kaiju as a whole and me being too big to sneak inside.

Ryker was already scraping the bottom of the garbage bin and licking his claws clean of the rotten residue as he brought a clawed fist to his head to lightly pound his noggin. As if he could force the answer to fall out of his brain if he hit the right place.

Think, think, think. Ryker thought with each soft impact of his balled claw. Ryker tried tracing the production line of food in his head. Fruits and stuff grown on farms went straight to market right? So that was out. That wasn’t true for meat though, but he would have definitely smelled some kind of butchery nearby if there had been one. What did that leave? Canned food?

Isn’t food canned at the farm? Ryker thought hard. Trying his best to remember bits and pieces of food production facts he’d absorbed overtime instead of learned. No, wait. Food goes to a cannery to get canned. Is there a cannery nearby? That wouldn’t give off a smell though would it?

Ryker’s tail swished slowly in the air behind him in sinewy curls of motion that mirrored Ryker’s twisting train of thought. Winding back and forth searching for an answer but finding none.

Damn… Ryker thought after a moment of profound reflection. I really do need those Neurosensory upgrades to boost my brain power don’t I? I got no clue where to go in this town for food. A cannery would be big enough operation for me to spot I think and I didn’t see anything like that from the roof. Just a few warehouses that-

The lightbulb finally lit up for the man turned Kaiju as Ryker pounded his fist into his other open claw. Yes! That’s- Ow fuck!

After a long minute of gingerly nursing the claw with the still healing broken finger he’d punched in his eureka moment. Ryker got back on track as he pointed himself towards the side of town he’d seen the warehouses from the roof.

There’s a good bit of town between me and there. Ryker surmised as he mentally traced the best pathway to his goal. He may not have had a mind for remembering details or even important things but when it came down to navigating cities and towns in Armor his intuition had been honed to an almost sixth sense. It only took a moment for him to readjust his estimates for places he could squeeze through at his reduced size compared to the standardized models of Armor he’d been first trained in.

I’m not as bulky as I am in Armor. Ryker thought, mentally calculating. I’m not as heavy either, much less actually. Certain buildings should be able to bear my weight like the department store did and I’m agile enough to dart in and around alleyways with all the abilities I’ve gained so far. That should keep me out of sight.

Ryker looked back at the cleaned out dumpster with a monstrous sigh. If only it could have been that easy. Ryker thought wanly.

Now, I’m going to have to stealth my way across town.

If there had been a more discreet and direct route to the warehouses Ryker spotted he would have gone that way in a heartbeat. But the warehouses weren’t jammed up against the woods for easy access. They were located in the town proper, surrounded on all sides by small businesses and the occasional apartment building. Not anywhere near the more crowded downtown area thankfully but still it added an extra hurdle for Ryker to overcome.

Stepping as lightly as he could Ryker moved through the darkened alleyways between buildings. His Synesthesia on full blast as he scanned every inch of his surroundings for anyone that might see him and cause a panic. He kept to the path he’d made in his mind, only doubling back at times as he avoided areas with higher concentrations of people.

He darted across streets only where the gaps in lighting were greatest. Only moving in the dark made by shuttered stores and the shadows cast by taller buildings. Moving through spaces between buildings that felt much more claustrophobic since the last time he’d gone sneaking through civilization. The random assortment of trash and debris held up Ryker as he was forced to shimmy through gaps more than wide enough for normal people and leap over dumpsters blocking his path stuffed to the brim with everything except food.

But even in the dark of night his Synesthesia lit the way. Warning him of movements within buildings when their occupants moved to windows that could overlook him. It made him a silent observer to the world all around him. The soft breathing of sleeping people in their apartments reaching him as sound and feather light touch. Like puffs of wind across his scales. It wasn’t like he was trying to spy on these people, it was just that his senses were only slightly impeded by brick and concrete walls and reached out all around him.

That nagging predatory instinct had come back again and despite Ryker’s constant refusal to acknowledge it he felt it pushing at him all the same. Like something in him couldn’t understand why he was ignoring all the sleeping food behind thin brick walls. The damn feeling was like a stress ball, no matter how many times you crushed it the ball slowly returned to its original state. A little bit more resilient than before.

A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

Stupid fucking body. Ryker cursed at himself. Hating the way the hunger made him look at people. I’ll cut out every part of you that isn’t me, just you wait. The instant I get my Neurosensory upgrade I’ll fucking lobotomize you.

The intense emotion in his denial was more than enough to squash his predatory instinct for now but the fact he had to resist it in the first place kept Ryker’s senses alert for the threats in his own mind as well as any threats outside of it. It should have been easier to resist with Ryker’s entire human life being spent defending humanity but the impulse didn’t feel like something outside of himself. It wasn’t the intruder he wanted to believe it to be, it was like a temptation. Making him believe the desire was born of his own thoughts, as if the sleeping innocents in their homes were snacks left lying in the open.

Like it wouldn’t hurt anyone if he just took a little bite.

Ryker gritted his teeth and forced himself to calm. Counting his breaths as he balled his claws and relaxed them. Letting out a deep breath as he stood in the dark. For a moment Ryker felt a surge of jealousy at all the people around him. The ones he could sense breathing gently in their sleep and the ones playing video games and watching movies. The ones who walked down the street without a care while he had to hide in the dark. As he wasn’t even human anymore, as if he wasn’t the one fighting the hardest to help them.

That’s not fair and you know it. Ryker sighed, feeling drained despite his stamina as he continued down the alley. These people are going to suffer just as much as you in the years to come. They may still have their bodies but they’ll lose their homes, their loved ones, and their lives. Not one of them deserves that and you should be grateful for having the chance to change it. Even if you can’t fix everything. Ryker thought softly. Reaching a dead end of an alley and listening to any movements inside the buildings around him. There was a dreary looking apartment building to his left and a sheer brick wall of what might have been a decommissioned factory to his right. In front of Ryker was a smaller building he could climb over if he moved up the apartment building and hopped onto the roof but it was only two stories tall with too many buildings having clear lines of sight to the roof.

Reexamining his memory again and the best path forwards Ryker sighed as he knew what he'd have to do next. Looking up at the apartment building with a dubious expression. I know there's not enough alleys between me and the warehouses to cross town safely. There's just too many lights on the ground covering too many areas I could move through. I know the best way to move without being seen is going across the rooftops but still...

Ryker turned to look back down the alley and remembered the damnable urge to feed when he looked at people. Just recalling the feeling made Ryker stiffen and look up at the apartment building with determination. Locking his eyes and mixing senses on the people inside to make sure no one was looking out into the dark alley before he carefully started climbing up without hesitation. As if he could leave his worries behind.

Ryker made his way up slowly at first. Testing his weight as claws made handholds of entire windowsills and his tail bunched together to press against the brick wall of the factory behind at his back to push him upwards. With his senses double and triple checking his giant frame was hidden by the building's long shadow, he moved carefully up to the second story. Finding his rhythm as he found small balconies to plant his feet on that had the lights off inside. It was rough going for a time trying to move upwards with so many lights on inside the apartments but Ryker kept his senses open. Shifting his position as he climbed when the people inside moved to different rooms or when he avoided passing by rooms with too many people in them.

He was able to clear multiple stories working his way, methodically passing them by one after the other on his way to the roof before stopping on the seventh, right before the top. Holding himself suspended nearly seventy feet above the ground Ryker held his breath as he waited for a man inside his apartment to move from his sofa facing the window and the TV in front of it. Tail pushing hard against the brick behind him to ease the strain on his outstretched arms and legs as they kept him aloft.

During his climb Ryker’s body had shifted from a normal climbing position with his arms up and legs below him to something akin to the kind of painful contortions you could only get from a drunken game of Twister. Ryker’s right leg was fully extended at a horizontal angle so his claws could dig into the side of the balcony an apartment length to his right. Toes scrunching up between the rails on the potted plant covered balcony as he held on to not draw attention from the people inside that apartment. Leaving Ryker’s other leg drawn up and held close under him so it didn’t dangle over a brightly lit window directly below him.

Ryker’s left arm, with the broken finger throbbing all the while, was giving his aching claw a rest by bracing his forearm along the bottom of the window sill right in front of his ducked head. Letting him distribute his weight evenly as the man inside delayed his progress. His right claw was digging deep furrows into the brick and mortar next to the window as Ryker resisted the urge to reach out to the window to his left to grab onto the AC unit he’d undoubtedly rip from the wall the moment he put any weight on it.

It was a precarious position. But Ryker could feel his body bearing the strain better than his human body ever could. Despite his body steadily evolving into a more agile Kaiju Ryker knew he had more than enough strength and stamina to hold his place on the side of the building as he let the minutes pass. Quietly waiting for an opportunity to move as his gaze wandered. Eventually even allowing his free leg to casually dangle beneath him and sway in the wind as he heard and tasted the people inside the apartment below him move to another room through his Synesthesia as they turned out the light.

Looking down Ryker felt almost comforted by the familiar sight of the ground so far below. It was what he expected to see every time he hopped into an Armor’s cockpit. Even if his view of the street was blocked by the two buildings he was hiding between Ryker closed his eyes and gauged the distance he’d traveled and how far he still had to go to the warehouses. Letting out a puff of air from his nostrils as his chin rested against his chest as he tried not to focused on how the closeness of people inside the apartment building made him more aware of his hunger.

Shame I can’t just string a line between two buildings and make a hammock. I would kill for a nap right about now. Ryker thought wistfully as he lightly swung his free leg back and forth. Tapping his foot against the barren wall below as his claws scraped it in different places to try and find purchase but coming away empty. His attention moving away from the world he was hanging above back to the reason he couldn’t risk moving up the last stretch of wall to the roof.

These people can’t stay here for much longer. Ryker thought, unable to get annoyed at the man inside unknowingly impeding his progress as he thought on how soon his life may change. Maybe I already bought them some time taking out as many Kaiju as I have. Some of those would have grow up big enough to be a threat to this place I’m sure but…

Curling his toe claws deeper into the balcony cluttered with plants Ryker shifted his grip. Freeing up his left arm by grabbing onto the windowsill with his right claw to reach over the window mounted AC unit to tap the glass with his good finger. The bedroom inside was empty but adjacent to the living room the man wat watching TV in. Ryker continued as his taps steadily grew more and more insistent for a few moments until the man’s head finally turned towards the noise.

“W-wha…?” He said blearily. Getting up and cautiously moving towards his bedroom the same moment Ryker moved past his window to reach the roof. The man’s head turning back to look out the window after Ryker had already gone.

Finally after the arduous climb pulling himself up over the top with a grace that almost didn’t fit the monstrous body moving so easily in the wan moonlight. Crouching low, Ryker shook the soreness out of his tail for being used to support his weight in one controlled spasm as he looked over the rooftops towards his goal.

I’m getting closer. Ryker thought double checking his memory of the path he’d chosen. But I’m still way too far. Closer than I’d be if I took the other routes on the ground but still…

Moving through the town had been a strange mix of the familiar and the novel. He’d made a career on carefully moving through towns like these, that part almost made him feel at home navigating the buildings. Only now instead of standing tall for all to see he was hiding. The very people he was so used to making feel safe with his presence now becoming threats to his safety if they saw him for what he was and raised the alarm.

Ryker stalked to the edge of the roof. A short jump more than enough to clear the alley below as he moved from rooftop to rooftop. Despite the caution of his movements though, he could hear and feel the vibrations of the people directly below him turn to look at the roof. A mix of cursing and worried words the only thing Ryker caught before he was beyond them.

Ryker was on alert for anyone who could point him out, but there was a part of him that grumbled at how even sneaking to the best of his ability he couldn’t pass people by completely hidden.

I’m as small as I’m ever going to be with the current abilities and modifiers I have. Ryker thought tensely as he ducked behind a row of vents from a window overlooking a rooftop as someone glanced outside. The Fast Twitch Muscle Fibers mod is doing work for me, I can feel that at least. But I’m still a big ass scaly monster at the end of the day. I just wasn’t built for this shit.

Ryker had just finished low crawling beneath a series of windows where the sounds of partying people washed over Ryker as he slid off the roof of one building down to a two story building. The alley behind the shop drawing Ryker forwards as he carefully made his way down part way before dropping to the ground with as small of a thud as he could manage.

This way then. Ryker turned, pointing himself towards the direction he needed to go as he padded down the long gap between buildings. Gripping the edge of a building Ryker peeked out towards the bright lights and neon of the street proper. Confirming no one was looking towards him as he crossed the few open spaces he could find.

Then he hit a snag.

Ryker stopped as something entered his awareness. The same sound of breathing he’d heard inside buildings, now coming from the alley in front of him. The barrier that separated him from the human meals his body wanted finally removed.

Ryker held in a groan and roughly shook his head of the desire as if it were a fly that could be brushed away. His eyes darted around the small alley, finding no other routes, and knew going around this one man would cost him far too much time.

Some drunk passed out in the alley. Ryker huffed softly as he crept closer. Maybe if they’re completely passed out I can get by without…

The man was sheltered in the hollow of a canvas tarp stretched over a turned over shopping cart. The paltry shelter barely containing the homeless man and the assortment of items he’d packed tight to protect from the elements or thieves. His breathing was labored, but steady as he slept. Covered head to toe in an ancient looking blanket.

Ryker stared even as he slowly crept closer. His steps as cautious as they’d ever been that night, more like a predator stalking their prey now as he quietly made his way towards the man. The sight of him bringing back the primal instincts of his body and too many memories. In the middle of the fighting like he’d been in his past life it had been easy to get absorbed by his problems. By the war. He’d seen other pilots do just that, block out everything else and focus entirely on the fight. Ryker had fell into that trap for a time.

But with every new refugee camp constructed and group of people he saw making lines for food Ryker felt more than his own pain. He felt for those who had lost everything like he had. Saw the humanity he was fighting for in the struggle of those around him. It added fuel to the fire of his anger every time he’d seen it, the injustice of it all. The wanton destruction of people’s lives that left families huddling together to share a blanket and children too young to understand what they’d lost.

Despite the usefulness of the ability Ryker let his senses drift apart until they stopped feeding into each other. The world’s return to the simplicity of five separate senses helped but it was that earlier emotion more than anything that helped block out the perverse hunger gnawing in Ryker’s gut. Allowing him to gather himself before ever so carefully stepped over the man’s outstretched legs slightly shifting under the blanket. Though Ryker did have to admit the man’s grime covered state and absurd assortment of goods packed in with him did wonders to help distract Ryker from the way his breathing made Ryker’s senses laser in on him.

Sorry, I can’t help you out. Ryker thought softly. I can barely help myself as I am now. Stay safe alright?

Ryker took another careful step and froze when he felt something crunch under his foot he didn’t notice. Wincing at the noise but seeing the homeless man still sleeping soundly Ryker lifted a leg and spotted the remains of what must have been a can of some kind. Though it barely resembled a can even before Ryker stepped on it. It was torn apart like it had been beaten and cracked open with a rock before being pried open.

He spotted another unopened can with a number of dents in it near the wall across from the man. Like it had been thrown away in frustration.

No can opener huh? Ryker paused. Looking back at the man for a moment, feeling the itch in his teeth that wanted to bite him before he forced the feeling aside and crouched down anyway. Picking up the dented can in two large pinching claws. The thing looked like it was sized for dolls in his massive grip but Ryker was determined to do something good tonight for someone, even if they were a stranger. Carefully he positioned the can with his good claw and brought up his thumb on his other claw. His broken finger occasionally sparked a bit of pain as it was jostled but Ryker ignored it as he deftly carved an opening in the top of the can. His razor sharp claw cutting through the thin metal like butter with barely a sound as a twist of his finger propped open the top like a lid.

Ryker barely had to reach over to place the can in front of the sleeping man. Setting it down with a gentle thud before carefully backing up as he stirred in his sleep.

Not much farther. Ryker thought briefly. Pulling his attention gently away from the homeless man and back towards his objective. His heart a little lighter than it was a few minutes before. The fear of losing control was still there, but it was more bearable now.

Reaching the end of the alley after a few minutes Ryker paused well before the opening to the street so he blended into the brick wall he was pressing against. The street wasn’t crowded by any stretch of the imagination but with every street lamp illuminating the road stepping out into the light felt far too exposing.

I should be able to dash across but those lights are a problem.

The lights in question were four bulbous street lights. Two that flanked his alley on either side roughly thirty feet apart and the other two were shining right in front of the opposing alley he needed to get to. The road was relatively clear of nearby pedestrians and cars judging by his Synesthesia, but even if the road was completely clear rushing across would highlight him for anyone outside and looking to see him bright as day.

Four lanes of road and a turn lane in the middle is a lot of space to cross without being seen. Ryker frowned as much as his snout would allow.

Hoping that people would just pass his thirteen foot frame off as a trick of the light just wouldn’t do with the news reports undoubtedly playing on screens in every nearby barber shop, store, and bar. They might not use the word Kaiju to describe them for weeks or months yet, but people would recognize a monster like him in the middle of town was the same kind that had a dust up with the police in the suburb. Through the dense brick wall of the building next to him Ryker could make out the muted drone of a TV inside, one that quickly sharpened in quality as Ryker’s senses intertwined to make the muddy words into a clear audible flavor he could taste on his tongue.

“-Centennial Pines. A home for many now turned into a heavily restricted disaster zone.” A deep voiced reporter spoke. The sound of his voice leaving a shifting mass of violet in Ryker’s eyes that somehow helped him focus on it more. “Just this morning families and other long time residents of this development fled with nothing but the clothes on their backs as they tried to escape the creatures too many people are describing as- yes, monsters. As you can see behind me the gates of the suburb are now blocked by military vehicles accompanied by armed National Guardsmen. Over the roofs of damaged homes, thick plastic tents have been hastily erected before we arrived to cut off our view of the remains of these strange creatures responsible for so much destruction and suffering. With me now is one of the displaced residents of Centennial Pines who just wants to go back home. What’s your name miss-”

Ryker tuned out the news report as he glared up at the street lamp preventing him from crossing. The baser part of his Kaiju nature wishing he could just bite the thing to make it go dark and finally get it out of his hair- er, scales.

Maybe I can use my tail to whip each of the bulbs from a distance? Ryker thought before shaking his head. Nah, the angle’s too sharp to hit it properly. I’d probably miss and shear through the lamp post entirely. And that would definitely draw attention I really don’t need. Maybe I could-

The sound of voices made Ryker’s thoughts cut off as his head snapped sharply towards the right. A group of people coming down the street and casually talking to each other as Ryker pulled himself deeper into the shade of the building next to him. The group, likely friends judging by their banter, walked towards his location with a slowness so painful Ryker almost believed it was on purpose. Forcing Ryker to freeze in place and close his eyes shut so they didn’t reflect the light of the street.

Even when standing still Ryker’s body shifted in irritation at being held up like this again. The scales of his body rippling ever so slightly in the absence of light as his natural Adaptive Armor primed itself in response to his growing tension. Preparing itself to shift to defend against an attack that he knew wouldn’t come as Ryker felt the group come closer. Literally felt them, as their voices bounced off the walls of the alley and his Synesthesia registered them as mismatching taps and touches against his scales.

His tail was almost frozen in place as the group passed in front of Ryker without giving him a single glance. Hanging low and flush with the ground behind him in an elongated “S” to break up its silhouette in the darkness of the alley. For an annoying moment some of the group paused in front of him to rifle through their pockets, causing the rest to slow down as they continued their conversation. Completely unaware of the monster looking down at them as they enjoyed their night.

Ryker held his position and was unable to suppress the uncomfortable sensation of looming over the civilians, even as he crouched as low to the ground as he could. The group’s movements clearly visible to him even with his eyes closed as his Kaiju brain drank in every sensory detail they gave off and built a picture out of the details in his mind. Only the colors that made the people up was a gaudy mesh of scents and sounds he could see behind his eyelids. One of them had put on too much body spray, the artificial scent of something minty hanging around him like a stink cloud. One man drew his attention immediately as Ryker’s predatory instincts locked onto the faint drum of an accelerated heart beat in his chest. He was talking to a woman of course and Ryker couldn’t blame the man for being so nervous. The human in him empathizing with the young stranger.

The monster in him however…

Unconsciously, Ryker’s jaws parted slightly as he slowly breathed it in. Breathed all of them in as he took a long, silent breath through his mouth. Sending the taste of their colors through his body like a warm tide. The rapid heart beat of the man in particular rippling through his head, the sound/scent/taste of it far too similar to the quick patter of a frightened animal. In a way his Synesthesia almost made it worse as he silently prayed for the group to move on but something within Ryker couldn’t bring himself to look away by untwining his senses from each other. He’d been pushing down his instincts this entire night. But even getting within arms reach of people in their apartments or the sleeping homeless man hadn’t set him off like this. And Ryker knew why.

None of them had been afraid.

The fear scent wafting off the man talking to the lady was clearly the product of nerves but his body didn't make a distinction between different types of fear. It was still an intoxicating aroma and the sound of the prey like heartbeat set Ryker off in a way that wasn’t so easily ignored. The sound mixing with the scent of his fear and the sweat beading on another's skin and the lingering aroma of food on every breath from the people in front of him from a recent meal. Each sensation flowing in his ears and nose kaleidescoping through him in a way that teased Ryker’s control over his Kaiju instincts.

It was the same as before. Not the raw bloodlust of his Adrenal Trigger driving him into a frenzy but the urges within Ryker called to him in a way that felt worse somehow. It could still be resisted, because Ryker was resisting it. But it was frightening all the same because it made Ryker not want to resist it. To give into the simple temptation gnawing at the inside of Ryker's stomach. Blurring the line between the place where his human mind reigned and his Kaiju body hungered.

“You go ahead guys, I just gotta make a call to the office then I’ll catch up.” One man said to the others as he pulled out his cell phone.

“Again Barry? It’s supposed to be our night off.”

“Ah, you know how it is.” The man said waving the others off. “The office goes to shit every time I leave the building. Patrick may be a fuckup, but he’s my department’s fuckup. Can’t let him leave us too big a mess when we get back eh?”

“An alcoholic and a workaholic. You’re an inspiration to us all.”

“Bite me.”

“Well twenty bucks is twenty bucks, I guess-”

A small peal of laughter left everyone in the group as the others walked away and the man made a call on his phone. His back to Ryker as primal urges called and he refused to answer. What was worse was that primal instinct didn’t feel wrong. There was no barrier against it except Ryker’s own will. As a human you didn’t feel any desire to eat other humans if you were hungry unless you were an insane cannibal. The human brain was built to empathize and recognize others as people. But a Kaiju’s brain was built for hunting down prey. Designed to seek it out in whatever form it took and now his brain was telling him food was right in front of him.

Ripe for the taking.

That’s not food…. That is not. Food. I’m still human. Not a cannibal. Not a monster. It would be wrong. Eating him would be murder. I have never taken a human life, I will. Not. Start. Now. Ryker thought fiercely. His rationality unable to string together any more reasons to push back against the dark urge. The part of him that didn’t want to listen to logic or reason.

The man had taken a casual step backward as he talked on the phone. His voice rolling over Ryker as the words devolved into nothing but noise. Their meaning slipping away from him as Ryker focused in on the man’s breathing. The sharp tang of alcohol on the man buzzing in his ears as the thing inside him wanted and wanted and wanted.

To taste… that meat gathered in his round belly under his jacket as the skin parted before his teeth. To feel his jaws close over the man’s head and shoulders he just knew would all fit inside his mouth if he took one big bite.

Ryker was so close to the man. He wouldn’t even have to move to reach out and grab him in a claw. It had been so easy to tell himself earlier he was the right person to do this. How he could help the world and its people even as a monster. But it was another thing entirely to hold onto that belief when he was hungry and food… was right there.

The memory of the Adrenal Trigger was dredged up to the surface of Ryker’s mind. But underneath the shame of nearly losing control was something Ryker hadn't wanted to admit or even think about. Even as he laid the blame solely on his adrenaline fueled bloodlust. What if the desire to spill human blood hadn’t come out of nowhere? What if it wasn't just a product of biology affecting his psyche?

What if this hunger... what if it was his?

Could he still be trusted around innocent people? If these instincts lurked behind every thought and decision he made? When that hungering violence in his core had grown so frantic with excitement after activating his Adrenal Trigger he'd nearly lost himself in its pull.

Ryker was so lost in controlling himself he nearly missed the man ending his call and walking away as if nothing had happened. As if his life hadn’t just been spared a violent end by a monster struggling to remain a man.

Ryker rode out the nameless urge to pursue the man as he walked away, his claws dug deep into the wall of the alley beside him. Shivering as he came down from the sensory high of being so close to a human being and refusing his own twisted desire to feed the gnawing hunger in his chest.

I just… I just need to hold on a little longer. Then I’ll eat something safe, nip this fucking shit in the bud. Skip the damn capstone ability for the Synaptic Defrag if I have to. I’ll do it, I’ll do that in a heartbeat if it means I don’t end up… Ryker rested a claw against his head, not willing to finish the thought. Looking up and across the street with a fresh surge of urgency to the outline of the warehouses he could spot in the dark. The place he hoped and now prayed held the food he needed.

Ryker forced away the urge to rush across the street to the warehouses and settled himself down. Closing his eyes to sink himself into the meditation exercises Riley had taught him so long ago. Not to view his own genetic potential this time but just to focus on the breathing. To center himself and bring his mind back to baseline instead of giving into his roiling emotions. The desire to lash out at himself for feeling instincts that were a product of his inhuman biology and feeling shame at urges borne of his Kaiju brain.

I’m okay. Ryker assured himself after long minutes spent within himself. That wasn’t me. And I’m… I’m still okay, just got spooked something fierce. Man, that was way too intense. Ryker thought shakily as he stared into the empty space the man had once been. What the hell set that off?

Was it the food he could taste on those people’s breath? That heartbeat? Was all that really just the fear like nervousness he'd smelled earlier? There wasn’t anything special about the man or his friends. They were completely normal people.

Jesus, there must be something I’m missing. Ryker thought looking inward for an answer. Something I’m doing wrong. I don't want to hurt these people but...

Ryker thought back, to all the way back from his rebirth as a Kaiju still in its egg till now. The feeling had clearly worsened when he'd activated the Adrenal Trigger but he'd be kidding himself if that had been the only moment instinct and bloodlust overcame him. Even before his fight at the construction site, the monstrous instincts had been there. Right out of the egg. Asserting themselves the second he’d rushed forward clamped his teeth around another hatchling’s throat.

A trickle of real fear slipped into Ryker's mind as he focused on himself, really examining himself this time. Taking a moment to finally stop hurling himself forward so he could think. He’d known by now that being in a Kaiju’s body had altered his consciousness to an extent. Even to the point where it convinced him he’d liked the taste of Kaiju as a human. But Ryker felt in control. Didn't that mean he should be getting better? He wasn’t imagining he’d felt more control over himself when he’d been born compared to now. Even trying to picture his genome had been harder in the beginning, where now it felt almost like second nature.

Maybe it was different then because I had just been planted in this body’s brain. Ryker thought seriously. I was new to this, moving like this, but now I’m more comfortable with this body than ever. What if that’s not just me learning over time but something worse? My mind getting more in sync with my body. My body affecting my mind more as those two separate pieces grow more and more in tune. Maybe the Adrenal Trigger affecting me isn't just a fluke, what if it just pushed that progress forward?

Ryker had tried to shove down all his worries about his state of mind after waking up in the forest. But now they threatened to come back in full force. The questions without answers piling up in his head as worry gripped his heart in a vise.

Ryker retreated away from the opening of the alley, his claw outstretched and pressing against the wall as he felt a wave of unsteadiness come over him. He stopped, finding a spot in the darkness and put his back to the wall as he leaned into it. Scales skidding over brick as his back slid down the wall to sit, with his legs taking up the rest of the alley in front of him. His claws nearly touching the other side before he shifted and drew his legs close to his chest. His tail naturally wrapping around his knees as Ryker let himself fear.

It would be different if the instincts were more obvious and more direct, but they weren’t. They made him want. Made him yearn to eat living breathing human beings. Made him think about them in ways that should have been horrifying but only made his mouth water.

Everyone he’d run into until now had been strangers to him. Strangers he’d had to remind himself over and over tonight that were people with names, and families, and jobs like he had. People who would be missed if they went out on the town one night and never came home.

It shouldn’t have been that hard just to see people around him instead of meat but he didn’t. It was hard, and felt like it was getting harder the longer he stayed around people. Like surrounding a starving dog with squares of beef he wasn’t allowed to eat.

What if he found his family one day and felt the same?

Saw meat instead of his mother and food instead of his father... and didn't feel a shred of the love he'd always held for them?

Ryker shivered as he drew into himself. His arms and tail tightening painfully around his knees as he hugged them close. That question going round and round in his head as he stared into the wall across from him and felt the world around him with inhuman senses.

He'd changed so much already. In such a short amount of time. Was it really that out of the question to believe that he couldn't change to that degree?

I do... Ryker confirmed in his mind over and over as he thought about his family. I do still love them. No matter what I go through, that couldn't change. I don't believe it. I still miss them. Oh, God I just wish I could see them again... see them and tell them how much they mean to me. Even if I'm different now I... still care. I still love them. I do.

The fear that could change spread through Ryker like a roiling cloud. What would he be if he looked at his family and didn't feel what he'd felt as a human. The idea that he may find them one day and look at them with anything less than the rending heartache he'd carried with him all his life felt worse than death. Ryker stewed in his fear for a time and looked inward. Towards the genes that set him so far apart from what he once was.

And the solution inside himself dangling right in front of him.

Ryker had been trying to ignore it with the boost in power a capstone ability would provide being so close, but he could end all his worries right here and now. All the food and Kaiju he’d eaten till now may not have been enough to gain the musculoskeletal capstone ability… but it was barely enough to pick up Synaptic Defrag right here and now.

It might have seemed like an easy solution but Ryker’s fight at the construction site was too painful a reminder that he wasn’t strong enough as he was now. What if taking the Synaptic Defrag now meant he’d be unable to unlock his capstone ability for a fight he might not win without it? What if people died because he’d chosen an ability to soothe his own personal feelings and fears instead of waiting to gain one that could kill a dangerous Kaiju?

Ryker wavered on the idea, despite his own logic trying to dispel it. He could solve all his problems right now.

If he just gave in.

No. Ryker thought suddenly. Clinging to the flash of anger that boiled up with the word like it could burn away his fears.

Fuck. You. Ryker thought with a barely restrained snarl that revealed all his fangs. The curse wasn’t directed at his busted Adrenal Trigger this time or himself, it was directed at the Kaiju nature his body was forcing onto him. The drive to feed and kill and slaughter his own fellow man. That wasn’t him- had never been who he was. And even if taking the Synaptic Defrag wouldn't hurt him if the warehouses held the food he wanted, just the idea of giving into his fear to that extent felt like a betrayal. Against himself and the battle he'd spent his life fighting. Because if he took it... didn't that mean he thought the Kaiju in him was stronger than the man?

Fuck you. Ryker thought with a savage smile. Pushing himself to his feet with his tail. And fuck me for getting so fucked in my head I let this shit get to me. Even if I have scales instead of skin and three fingers instead of five I’m human down to my fucking core! Ryker thought with a growing determination. No way in hell I’m turning cannibal because the body I hijacked is getting hungry. I’ll eat fucking rocks and dirt before I ever cross that line. And I know for damn sure I’m not gonna pussy out and grab the Defrag before I get that capstone ability to up my Kaiju kill count. Because that's what I fucking do! I'm the Arsenal for Christ's sake! And I got an upgrade just waiting for me in that warehouse that's gonna give me another weapon to use against the monsters so let's! Fucking! Go!

Psyching himself up Ryker clapped his claws together finally forcing down the disquieting fear of losing himself that had been haunting him all night.

And also forgetting one simple thing.

Mother shitting fuck! Ryker swore in silence as he quietly hissed and cradled his yet to be completely healed, broken finger.

After another few minutes of nursing his broken digit Ryker was more than glad to put all the disturbingly bloody urges and fears he’d felt tonight behind him as he planned his next move. Examining the problem facing him as he looked at each of the street light’s bulbs in detail and tried to figure out the best way to snuff them out. Each was housed in a large upside down cone with some decorative flourishes in the metal. More than a little old fashioned with LEDs being so cheap and common but…

That’s a pretty big target. Ryker pondered, the solution finally coming to him. He held his gaze, staring at the bulb of one street light intensely even as his arms flexed and bone needles rose out of his scales. Rising with barely a whisper as taut muscles held his bone ammunition ready to load.

Four targets. Ten rounds. Gonna have to fire quick and move faster as I cross. Can’t afford to miss either. Ryker thought mechanically as he went down the mental checklist he’d used to pre-check weapons in his Armor. It fell apart almost immediately since there were so many things different or missing altogether in his Kaiju body than traditional Armor, but it felt good to finally have a proper ranged weapon regardless.

With a barely audible movement, muscles both relaxed and pulled around a bone needle on each arm as the bones were shunted into the fleshy barrel inside Ryker’s forearms specially grown to house and fire them.

Ryker took a moment to point each arm at a street lamp on either side of his alley and rotated each one on its own. Looking for the best firing position for his arms to rest at for a precision shot.

Would have been nice to have a mental cross hair at least. Ryker pouted as he pointed his arms out and nothing filled his view. After a lifetime of mentally uplinking to advanced war machines, Ryker felt a sharp pang of loss for the heads up display that typically filled his vision. He could still go by feel, he’d lost core processing capabilities enough times fighting Kaiju to make that a necessity. But it was nice to have a built in range finder with trajectory arcs for long range ballistics when you needed them.

I guess I aim by doing… this? Ryker mused as he splayed his claw like thumb and pointer finger on one arm. Making a poor imitation of an iron sight as he sighted on the nearest street lamp with his target sighted in the gaps between his two outstretched finger claws. Then shifted his aim to the lamps on the other side of the street. Feeling the weight of the bone needle in his arm and the taut muscles around it ready to send it flying towards his target.

With his other claw’s finger still recovering from its break earlier in the day, Ryker grunted softly as he realized he’d be able to land a needle in one of the lamps closest to him but couldn’t guarantee he’d be able to hit the lamp on the other side of the street. The problem exacerbated by Ryker being right handed instead of left handed.

The one to my left first. Then I’ll use my good arm to clean up the rest and dash across the street once there’s a gap in traffic. Ryker thought. Crouching slightly as he prepared for a sprint across the four lane road. That alley there may be a dead end but I can get onto the roof from there since its only two stories tall. With all these rooftops connected to each other I can stay off the street and get most of the way to the warehouses I saw from earlier.

Ryker counted every car that passed by in the street before him. Waiting until their head lights were well past him and couldn’t illuminate him in the dark he needed to cross. Until there was enough of a gap in traffic that even the lights from cars coming down the road towards him were far enough away from him to act safely. Three, two, one-

With the relaxed movements that could only have come from experience Ryker pointed and fired at the lamp to his left. The needle shooting out of his left arm in a white blur as the muscles in his arm constricted violently enough to be seen bulging under his scales. Ryker barely registered the sound of the street lamp breaking apart in a shower of sparks and glass as his other arm fired as well. Causing another eruption of quickly fading sparks that dimmed the area around the alley enough to make it safe to cross.

Ryker dashed out of the alley as fast as his large frame would allow. His eyes twitching to seemingly random spots of color in his vision as his Synesthesia fed information from his other senses into his mind that bled into his eyes. He crossed the dark patch he’d made for himself on the street in seconds as he raised his good arm straight out and another needle shunted into the hollow of his forearm as he still moved. Unconsciously bringing his left claw up to brace his elbow against recoil like he’d done in Armor before later models were built strong enough to fire arm mounted weapons independently.

The needle barely had enough time to get used to the inside of Ryker’s arm before it was shot out into the world again. Impaling itself in the lamp on the other side of the street dead center, sparking as it gave off one last show of dazzling light. Then Ryker was firing on the last. Finally sending this part of the street into a darkness safe enough to conceal him. One that quickly grew brighter as his eyes better shifted to accommodate the total dark before he ran for the ally full tilt.

Then he was across. Errant sparks from the destroyed street lights fizzling in the air before dying out before they could reach the ground. Moving as silently as possible and crouching down to keep a low profile Ryker entered the safety of the shadows. A triumphant smile on his lips as all his senses focused behind him on the street reported no screams of terror or alarm.

He made it halfway down the alley before he stopped cold.

For the past few minutes Ryker’s senses had been entirely focused on scanning the street for anyone who could spot him. Even with his Synesthesia that didn’t mean he saw everything. Things could still slip beneath his notice if they were far away enough or his focus was diverted elsewhere.

Which was why he was staring down at a rough, wiry looking man who'd raised one hand to keep the bright sparking light from the street out of his eyes. A man who was currently looking up at Ryker like a deer in the headlights with his mouth a quivering line on his face.

They both stared at each other, neither daring to make the first move as Ryker’s senses took in the world around him on this side of the street.

The scent of blood caught Ryker’s attention like a fish on a line as his senses reached out towards the back of the alley around a corner. The blood, unmistakably human blood, stirring something dark in his chest as he tasted the air. That and the familiar tang of gunmetal. He could hear quiet cursing from around the corner and grunting as people moved to hit something soft. Ryker having been in enough fights in his life outside of the cockpit to instantly recognize the sound of fists pounding into flesh. The pitiful grunts of whoever was being attacked barely reaching his enhanced senses as flickers of dusty white in his vision.

Staring down at the man- no, the lookout judging by the scared and frantic flicks of his eyes back down the alley towards the mugging. Ryker felt it. That old anger that only flared up towards the worst of humanity that had preyed on their own kind even with the monsters at their gates. Thieving and murder had been rampant as the Kaiju wreaked havoc on the world. But as unjust and cruel as it was it had at least been understandable. People stole food, water, and supplies. The essentials needed to survive one more day in a world overrun by living nightmares.

What excuse did these men have in a world still so full of life? In a world without ash choking the air and monsters prowling in the dark of dead cities?

The first thought to come to Ryker in that instant was that he needed to stay hidden. Absolutely needed to. Being discovered in the heart of a town like this would instantly bring the world down on him and wouldn’t give him the chance to get away clean or shake off the military that would undoubtedly pursue him.

The second, more a feeling than a structured thought. The same one that had been constantly gnawing at him this whole night, told him that he was still hungry…. and that he’d finally found something to eat.

The last was realizing with a pang of dreadful certainty that those two things, as much as he didn’t want to admit it, were not mutually exclusive.