“EVERYONE, DOWN ON THE GROUND! THIS IS A ROBBERY!”
Heads turned towards the bank’s door in mild panic, yet no one noticed him. How typical. No, instead they noticed Acolyte’s rotund form as he maintained a strange pose with his chest outstretched, only morphing their original panic into confusion.
He really should’ve insisted he not wear spandex, but the man would’ve never stopped complaining. Regardless, he needed to gain control before things went off the rails. The Grand Meister of All Things Evil lifted his foot tall staff – a massive feat of strength, if he were being honest – and pressed a button on the side. A beam shot at the ceiling and panic returned.
“HE’S NOT IN CHARGE!” the Meister yelled. “I AM!”
The people in the bank realized someone else was there, yet only a few spotted him. An irritated groan came out.
“DOWN HERE!” he supplied and, finally, they noticed him. The Meister smirked, breathing in their… wait a moment.
“MINION!” he yelled at Acolyte. “WHY AREN’T THEY QUIVERING IN FEAR AT MY EEEVIL PRESENCE?”
“Uhh,… I dunno boss,” Acolyte drawled with a scratch of his belly. “Probably ‘cause you didn’t do all too much yet.”
The Meister clicked his tongue. People were always like this. Clearly, he needed to demonstrate just how powerful he was. He pointed his staff and-
A tile fell, shattering on the ground inches away from him. He squeaked. He was under attack already! He hid beneath Acolyte, utilizing the man’s fat stomach as a shield to protect his head and-
Wait, that tile was burned… Ah, that was from his own beam.
“You okay there boss?”
The Meister coughed. “OF COURSE! I MERELY… TOOK PRECAUTIONS. SAFETY FIRST. NOTHING TO FEAR.”
A snort came out from the crowd, followed by a laugh. The Meister’s grip tightened on his staff. They were laughing at him, just like they always did.
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A guard finally braved forward, seeming encouraged by the crowd’s lighthearted reaction. “Alright, that’s enough. I don’t know what kind of prank you’re playing at, but you’re like a foot tall. You’re a little too small to be robbing a- “
“Disintegrate,” the Meister calmly spoke with a point of his staff. A beam shot out and struck the guard in the knee, instantly vaporizing him-
“Fuck!” the man yelled out as he gripped his knees. “What the hell man! You burnt my kneecap!”
-or not. How strange. That was usually lethal. It worked on all the rats he had tested it on. Hm… Well, it disabled the guard, so at least he could gain control of things again. It wasn’t as if a mere guard could stop a supervillain.
“Hey, uhh, boss,” Acolyte spoke up, earning the Meister’s attention. “You mind if I take care of the line? Looks like it’ll be a while if I don’t get to it now…“
“YES YES, YOU DEAL WITH THE HOSTAGES IN LINE.” The Meister answered with a dismissive wave, ignoring the guard’s agonized cries. Acolyte sloppily saluted before stumbling towards the line.
Now, what was the next step of a bank robbery? Oh, right.
“EVERYONE! PUT ALL YOUR MONEY IN THE BAG!” he demanded, yet no one stepped forward.
“Uh… what bag?” a hostage spoke up.
The Meister’s sighed in irritation. Right. Acolyte was supposed to have the bag. He turned towards the man and-
“ACOLYTE… WHAT ARE YOU DOING AT THE BACK OF THE LINE?!”
“Oh,uhh, I had a few paychecks at home that I wanted to turn it,” Acolyte explained. “Thought it’d be mightily clever of me to hit two stones with one bird or whatnot.”
The Meister worked his mouth quietly before facepalming himself. Well… that’s what he deserves for using Craigslist to find Acolyte. Besides, they always said your first heist would be your hardest, so it was a wonder nothing else was going-
“Halt, criminal scum!” a voice spoke up. The Meister turned, spotting a man in white spandex floating passed the door with his finger pointed at Acolyte. “You and your miniature minion’s crimes end here!”
Oh for the love of- “I’M NOT A MINION!”
“Ah-ha! But you are miniature!” the hero retorted.
The Meister eye twitched. Yet again, he was made fun of for his height. But finally, after all these years, things would change. Now that he had power, no one would ever make fun of his height again.
Especially not a hero.
--
Thirty-six seconds later
“I surrender.”