Kano looked out at the decaying urban wasteland around them. None of it seemed familiar. “Just admit that we’re lost,” she said.

Head bowed, Urick mumbled, “I never said I knew where we were.”

Hearing what he was saying with perfect clarity, Kano smiled. “Ah, but I told you to know where we are.” She nodded sagely. “Therefore, it’s your fault we’re lost. Now find us the way to the necromancer’s fortress. Why don’t you just ask for directions already?”

He threw up his hands in frustration. “From who? There’s no one here.”

Kano pointed to a gun barrel protruding from a ruined building ahead.

“Oh, shit,” Urick exclaimed, throwing himself to the ground. But whoever was holding the gun either hadn’t noticed them or didn’t care.

Kano sighed. “Just get moving already.”

“What if he really does get shot?” Nove asked, pausing in her own survey of the area.

“So what?”

“Didn’t you want him to guide us?”

“I did, but he’s doing a terrible job of it. It wouldn’t be much of a loss. Besides, maybe I can demand compensation for them shooting my ghoul.”

They watched as Urick made his way over to the building. It seemed to be more intact than most in the area; it even still had a roof. Keeping low, he got to the edge of the wall, where his next step would expose him to whoever was holding the gun, and paused.

Kano’s voice carried clear across to where he crouched. “Keep going!”

He stepped out of cover and turned the corner. For an instant, he remained there, then turned tail and sprinted back toward Kano and Nove. Had Kano been carrying a gun she probably would have shot him, but she couldn’t be bothered to go over and hit him.

“Didn’t I tell you to ask for directions? What do you think you’re doing?”

Urick took a deep breath. “I couldn’t. That’s not a person. It’s a turret.”

“So?”

“I can’t ask a turret for directions… I’m lucky I didn’t get shot!”

Kano scoffed. “You didn’t even try. Maybe it can talk.”

“I am not going to try to talk to a turret on the one-in-a-million chance that instead of shooting me, it wants to talk.”

Chuckling, Kano raised her index finger. “Ah, but that’s where you’re wrong. Because you see, I can order you to do whatever I want. I want you to go get directions.”

Nove put her hand on Kano’s shoulder. “Wait, let’s not be hasty. If there’s a turret set up there, someone must live in there. We should ask them about the necromancer. They’re meant to be holed up somewhere around here.”

Shrugging Nove off, Kano felt like she understood at least half of what the grotesquery before her was saying. “Fine, if you both want to talk to the turret so badly, go ahead. But don’t blame me when you get shot.”

“What are you going to do instead?” Nove said. “You may as well come with us.”

Furrowing her brow, Kano fell deep in thought. “I’m going to… do important.... stuff.”

She watched as the other two left, still confused. Not wanting to be left out, she caught up after a few paces.

Nove glanced at her. “I thought you weren’t coming?”

She could see how her actions might seem strange after what she’d said, but Kano already had the perfect explanation ready. “Shut up.”

When Nove closed her mouth, Kano wondered if she could get whoever had tampered with Urick to do Nove as well. Because sometimes she didn’t listen, especially when she was told to shut up. Having one servant who obeyed her every command was great and all, but having two would be even better. Then again, they were both pretty dumb. What she needed was a third, smarter servant, who could command the other two for her. Then she’d be able to… get things done.

Smiling at the perfection of her plan, Kano walked up to the turret. Its solid, squarish body was partially concealed by concrete rubble. Spongy pink flesh leaked out from inside its metal casing, marking it as the work of a necromancer. The barrel of its weapon tracked her as she approached.

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A voice crackled to life, projecting from the turret. “Halt.” Emotionless and androgynous, it was clearly artificial.

I knew it. It really can talk. And those idiots doubted me. “Hello, Mister Turret. We’re lost, and we need directions.” She gestured back to her companions, who were huddled behind a nearby wall, watching the scene unfold. Still smiling, Kano waited for a reply.

A few seconds passed, and the voice returned. “This building belongs to the great necromancer Yon. Leave or be destroyed.”

Walking toward it, Kano raised her hands in a gesture of peace. “Now, now. There’s no need for violence. We come in peace.”

“You have five seconds to comply.”

Nove poked her head up. “You should probably do what it says.”

“Four.”

Why was everyone around her so impolite? Had they no concept of manners? The turret was just upset; all she had to do was calm it down. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to hurt you. There’s no need to be scared.”

“Three.”

Why was it still counting? She picked up the pace. “Come on, I’m trying to be reasonable here.”

“Two.”

Feeling a little nervous as she approached the rather large-caliber weapon, she sprinted over the remaining distance.

The count continued. “One.”

But she was already standing within arm’s reach. Unsure which part was its head, she opted to just pat it on top of its armored gun mount.

“Opening fire.”

She grabbed hold of the gun as it spewed a stream of hot lead, wrestling with it to keep it from shredding her beautiful form. Hydraulics groaning, the turret tried to bring its weapon to bear. “Listen to me, darn it, you stupid thing!” She pounded her fist against its metal exterior for emphasis, but it seemed to take no notice. Why did no one listen to her? What on earth was wrong with everyone else?

A figure, their body concealed by a loose black robe, stuck their head out from a window on the third floor, and a woman’s voice carried down to her. “What the hell are you doing? Unhand my turret at once!”

Kano scowled. It seemed the owner was just as rude. “Then tell it to stop trying to shoot me already, you idiot!”

She fiddled with something on her wrist, hidden beneath her robes, and the turret stopped firing. Kano let go, and the gun returned to pointing straight ahead rather than at her. “Finally.”

“Who are you people?” the turret’s owner called. “Why are you on my property?”

Kano shook her head in disbelief at the lack of manners. “If you want to talk, then come down here. It’s not polite to shout,” she shouted back.

“Fine, fine. I’m coming down.” Pulling her head back in, the robed woman disappeared back into the building.

Kano walked over to where the other two were still sheltered. “See? It’s easy as that. People are reasonable—you just have to give them a chance.”

Narrowing her already narrow eyes, Nove scratched her head. “Yeah, but aren’t they a necromancer?”

A necromancer? What was Nove talking about? “Why would you say that? You can’t just accuse people of being necromancers.”

“But that’s what her turret said. It said this was the territory of the great necromancer Yon.”

Kano waved her hand dismissively. “Whatever. We’ll ask her about it in a bit.” Then they’d find out that she was right.

“Fine.”

When the alleged necromancer arrived at the front of the building, she was flanked by four figures in full sets of polished composite armor. Kano could tell they were ghouls at a glance, just by the way they moved, but she was still far from convinced. Just because she owned ghouls, it didn’t make her a necromancer. Lots of people owned ghouls.

Staying behind her bodyguards, the woman gestured toward Kano. “You asked that I come, and here I am. Now what do you wish of the great necromancer Yon?”

Kano closed her eyes and thought long and hard. What did they want anyway? It seemed strange that they’d wanted anything from a necromancer; usually they just tried to destroy them. Well, there was probably a good reason if she’d led the others all the way out here. Lowering her voice to a whisper, she leaned over to Nove’s scabrous ear, though she took care not to get too close. “Why are we here again?”

“We were going to stop the necromancer that hired the Red Company to get rid of us,” Nove replied at her normal booming volume. She looked past the ghouls to Yon. “Are you the one responsible for that?”

The black-clad necromancer drew back, her multicolored eyes shimmering. “What are you talking about? I’ve never even heard of the Red Company.”

Nove gave Kano a knowing look. “Then you weren’t the one who wants to take over Shorinstown? Do you have any idea who that might be?”

The hood of the robe bobbed up and down in agreement. “But I can’t give you that information for free.”

Kano jerked her thumb toward Urick. “Okay, I’ll give you this slave if you tell us.”

“I don’t want him.”

“Yeah, but neither do I.”

“That’s really not my problem, is it? Don’t you have anything better to offer?”

Kano groaned. Whoever this person was, they sure were demanding. She clutched her wrist to her chest protectively. “I’m not giving you my bracelet.”

“Okay… I don’t want it. Do you guys seriously not have anything to offer?”

“Hmm,” Kano said, reevaluating, “what if I give you the big one as well? Is that a good enough deal?”

“I don’t need any more bodies.” She stepped out of her protective square of ghouls and inspected Nove more closely. “Though I wouldn’t mind examining her in exchange for the information. Whoever made her did an exceptional job.”

Kano looked from Nove back to the necromancer. “Are you blind? Also, if you’re interested in exceptional bodies, mine is the best you’ll ever see.”

“Really? It doesn’t look like much to me. What’s so special about you?”

Blue light flickering around her body, Kano gestured toward herself. “See? Isn’t it amazing?”

“What exactly is it?” Yon asked, her voice tinged with curiosity.

“Uh, it’s a force field. Duh. Watch this.” She struck what little remained of a concrete wall with her hand, bisecting it.

The necromancer hurried over toward her, her voice rising several octaves as she shouted, “Amazing!”

Making a sound of satisfaction, Kano struck a pose and disabled her force field.

Putting her hand over her mouth, Yon coughed. “Very well, I accept. I’ll tell you everything I know about this other necromancer, but only if you let me examine both of your bodies.”

Nove was opening her mouth to voice some kind of protest or dissenting opinion when Kano proffered her hand to the necromancer. “We accept.”