AN: I must confess one thing before you get too into this story.

I am a scumbag.

No, really, I'm a horrible person. Just one example of it is my nasty habit of writing stories, making a small portion of the people who read it chuckle out of pity, and then stopping for no reason at all.

Take the last two months as proof. So I must say sorry in advance, and also...

You didn't think I'd write from the generals' POV did you? You don't think I'd actually write something interesting for once? A terrible person like me?

Hah! I just teased you. I'm gonna wait for a while before going back, but until then, you'll have to wait with baited breathe...or not. You could just stop now, since I'm bound to disappoint you.

But hey! Sometimes something is beautiful just because of the contrast.

For me, contradiction and contrast is everything. How far can I push something before it's too ridiculous?

I myself am contradictory. But, I talk far too much about myself already, so I'll just get to the chapter.

(Also, please don't lynch me for teasing you in the prologue...I still need to troll the world. :3)

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-Abalon, Capital city of The Aselin Empire:14th district-

Hi hi hi! I'm Lilea, age fifteen, five-foot-ten, blue-haired, dark-skinned, kinda bony, and clumsy. My habits include collecting interesting things, doing things for my neighbors, stal-observing interesting people, and making fun of my uncle. Some interesting things about me include that I'm heterochromatic, I'm better with my left hand, and I fall over a lot. I'm clumsy, after all!

I live here-in Abalon! The center of the empire, the hub of commerce, and perhaps the city with the largest population on the continent! As you can probably see, I also get excited easily-but I just can't help that the world is so energizing!

I should also mention I talk to myself, sometimes in the third person, but I haven't gotten the urge to strangle people while they sleep-except those who deserve it-so I'm most likely mentally stable... I can't be the only one who talks like this, right?

Right.

Well, now that that's resolved, I can give myself a tour of the city!

I placed my hands behind my head, then did a perfect jump-bend onto my feet, followed by a cartwheel, then a running-jump-screw-flip to land with bent knees, then straighten up with both hands held to the side. Finally! I di-

I felt the familiar rushing of air as my feet slid out from under me, and I hung suspended perfectly horizontal for about a second before gravity got tired of teasing me.

Oww...every time....

Getting back up, I walk over to the board over my bed, and chalked-up the fifty-seventh failure. This month. I don't want to think of all the other boards stashed in the shed out back...my uncle wouldn't let me burn them because he said, "We should treasure memories like this."-which would be touching, except he said that while curled up on the floor holding his stomach and miming my falls. A second later he was holding his stomach for another reason!

I nodded to myself while walking over to the closet. For a bachelor like him, known around the neighborhood as, "creeping terror" he needed a firm, womanly hand. I just had to find one, somewhere...

The problem was, only the women called him by the nickname. All of the other men just slapped him on the back and complimented him!

Of course I can't say anything, since I sort of respect him too...hey! It takes skill to hang upside-down from a tavern sign with a raccoon stuck under your shirt and two twisted-ankles just so you can peek into the woman's baths!

Ah...good times...I mean, uh, bad uncle! Bad, bad uncle!

I sighed with exasperation as I pulled on a long hooded brown cloak and leather gloves. I won the gloves in a bet with the cobbler.(The bet was that I could stuff a raccoon in uncles shirt and he'd still manage to peek)

Next I wrapped a red scarf around the lower part of my face, which was also acquired via a bet. (The bakers' son dared me to trip uncle as he was jumping off a roof, resulting in two sprained ankles)

After that, I carefully took a black silken eye-patch and placed it over my left eye. (Received from a grateful mercenary that I let into the baths while uncle was being chased by the inn-keep)

Hmm, I think I've actually gotten more due to uncles' irresponsibility than I've lost... Funny, that.

If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

I took one last look at myself in a broken window, straightened the scarf and pulled the hood lower, then stepped out of the slightly crooked door.

At first I held my hands over my eyes, blocking out the bright sunlight before feeling the sweltering heat of a summer sun. I took a second for my eyes to adjust to the light, while starting the daily process of being cooked in my clothes. Honestly, if these clothes didn't prevent so much trouble I'd never even consider them.

Taking my second step out the door, I picked up the sturdy walking stick that leaned against the door frame and strode out into seventh day of summer, AKA seven days into the preparation of slow-broiled Lilea. A favorite dish of the locals.

Well, there's always a silver lining! Since I wrap my feet in spare cloth, (I used to have shoes, but that dastardly bakers' son beat me in a game of pokori. Well, I had cheated him out of his entire basket by that point, so I guess it was only fair to let him win one. Plus it means he'll come back for more!) Because I didn't have to wear that infernal leather deathtrap, my feet were at least able to breathe. Which was good, as my work required me to use them quite a bit.

At my sixth step out the door, I was feeling excited by the prospect of a new day, the effect of the sun was slowly receding to the back of my mind, and anticipation was starting to dig into me. Which is, of course, when I stepped on a slightly crooked pebble and all of a sudden the world turned sideways.

My first thoughts were, "Huh, that took twice as long as usual." and my next ones were: OH SHIT!

However, i felt that glint in my eye, and smiled, knowing that I had bested gravity this time. With a triumphant yell, I planted my staff straight into the ground, while mentally giving karma the middle finger!

...A shame my staff planted on a particularly smooth pebble, granting no protection from the fall whatsoever. Fuck.

As I looked up into the sky, suspended in free-fall, I thought deep, philosophical thoughts. Which, in my dictionary is a fancy way of saying profanity. Hey, it takes a lot of thought to make good swears. The arrangement of the words, the correct word for posterior, a suitably cutting insult, and something to say around your buddies when you don't give a damn what other people think.

Ahh...the world is so full of wonder~so full of life~ so full of--

"Crack" Went my head against the ground. "SHIIIIIIIIIIIT!"

I let the length of wood(don't make the obvious joke) clatter to the ground while holding my head and curled into as tight of a ball as possible. I felt the lights swirl in front of my eyes, and tried my best not to cry while It faded away. As the ringing in my ears faded, I heard the clip of shoes on the stone, followed by a voice.

It was exasperated and mocking, but had that tiny bit of kindness hiding in the back. "Really Lilea, I know I'm good looking, but I don't think that's how you fall for someone..."

I forced my eyes open, looked up into the sorta-handsome face of my friend Aliben. I grasped his outstretched hand and allowed him to help me up, and up, and up, until I was looking down at him from a three-inch slope. When Aliben was reminded of the height difference, he seemed to deflate slightly, and his ego seemed to get back in check. Once up, I looked pointedly at my hand, which was still clutched in his own, and raised an eyebrow.(Even though he can't see it cause' of the hood, I can give off a feeling that accomplishes the same thing as an expression.)

He followed my gaze, then turned the same shade of red that uncle did when spying on a hot one, and jumped back a few feet. He started looking at the interesting trees, the interesting grass, the riveting birds, and the breath-taking rocks. "H-hey, shouldn't you b-be somewhere?"

i stood still for one more second, just to watch the sweat slide down the back of his neck, before nodding. "Yep. Today's gonna be reeeeeeal busy! I shouldn't be wasting time with shorties like you."

Leaving a sputtering, red-faced and humiliated hormone-drunk adolescent male behind, I felt a sincere smile cross my face.

Best way to start your day!