I got up at nine. How my brain allowed me to sleep soundly all night was a miracle—I was sure that the excitement of the evening would keep me up.
I immediately set another alarm, this time for 9:28, just to give me a couple of minutes so that I could wake up Kailey at exactly 9:30.
As I was washing my face and getting ready for the day, my mind was already thinking about how to properly organize her morning. What should I do first when I enter her room? What’s the best way to wake her up? Does she prefer to be woken up gently? Will she need to be given some time?
I also began getting some inspiration. If she read till late at night, maybe her phone lost a bit of the charge. It wasn’t fully charged to begin with! Of course, she might’ve plugged it in for the night, in which case good, but if I find it on the table beside her bed, I should plug it in for at least a little while.
Another thing was the backpack. Yesterday she was with it all day. Did she have a smaller one, for the day to day? Mine was the run-of-the-mill Decathlon. All I had to do, was remove stuff like spare socks and such, and it immediately became manageable. If she had a smaller one, I should then put together some necessities for her.
What about a water bottle? I didn’t remember seeing one, so maybe I should ask her about it, and if she’s got it, I should fill it up for her.
There were, of course, many unknowns. Like, what was her morning routine like? I imagined she would wash her face, brush her teeth, maybe apply some sunscreen. That could all be done in her room because there was a mirror and a sink. That’s how I did it, and maybe that would also be more comfortable for her, instead of going to the communal area.
Just in case, I went there to check it out, and good thing I did because to my surprise it was quite crowded. The hotel seemed virtually deserted in the evening, but now men and women were gathered in the shower area, and some were even waiting in line.
I went back to my room, gathered my own things quickly, filled my water bottle and then set everything by the door. A quick glance at the phone revealed it was 9:27. I canceled the alarm and stepped out into the corridor.
The wait didn’t feel long because I once more mentally went through everything that needed to be done. When it hit 9:30, I touched the keycard on the lock, then knocked on the door and opened it.
Kailey was fast asleep. She was under her blanket, so I didn’t have to worry about anything awkward.
I went to the window and then loudly brushed away the curtains. The sun burst in, and I heard Kailey move.
“Good morning, ma’am! It’s 9:30!”
“Mhm…”
Had I not thought things through beforehand, I would’ve been lost at this very moment. She didn’t even open her eyes yet, and without a plan there would be nothing for me to do than wait. But I knew that I didn’t have much time to organize everything—the queen may enjoy her morning, but I am the one making sure it’s enjoyable. At least she began to stretch her arms above her head, which was definitely a good sign.
I glanced at the table by her bed and saw that her phone was there. I took it, tapped the screen and saw that the charge was at 45%. Either she was indeed reading late into the night or else her battery was already old and lost charge quickly. I carefully put the phone on the floor and plugged it into the charger.
I then took the towel from the armchair and hung it on the only towel hook available near the sink. With me I brought an empty glass into which I put her toothbrush.
By this time Kailey sat in her bed and looked around.
“Ma’am, it’s very crowded out there. Would you be okay with washing up here? I set everything up for you.”
She was still a bit unfocused. “Yeah, okay…”
She got up and went to the sink, whereas I approached her bed and fluffed up the pillow. It was still warm. I covered it with the blanket and straightened the blanket out. Then got the cloth that I put on the armchair the previous night and covered the bed with it. It wasn’t a perfect job, but I had to cut corners in order to get everything done in time—I wanted to make the setting as presentable for Kailey as possible while being relatively quick.
I then got out her jeans and shirt, unfolded them and laid out on the bed. I also opened the drawer with the bra, so that she could see where it was.
“Ma’am, do you have a smaller backpack to take to the hikes?”
“Yeah, it’s in there somewhere...”
I began rummaging in her backpack and eventually fished it out. It was brown with a green tartan patch on the front. I also found a water bottle, which made me happy because I wanted to ask her about it, but also didn’t want to bother her with unnecessary questions.
I set the backpack near her bed and opened it. I didn’t know what she would want to put there, so I left it like that so that she could immediately start packing it.
“Ma’am, I will go fill your water bottle. I’ll then wait by the door, please let me know when you finish changing.”
“Okay.”
“Thank you, ma’am!”
When she called me back in, it was already 9:18. Her tartan backpack was on her bed and she was finishing with it. I handed her the water bottle and she slid it into one of the backpack’s side pockets. I took her hoodie from the closet and brought it to her. She didn’t put it on and instead tied it at her waist. Then she put on the backpack and looked around.
“Where’s my phone?”
The table with the lamp was on the other side of the bed, so I went around it, picked up the phone from the floor, unplugged it and brought it to her. By this time she was already sitting on her bed and putting on her orange hiking boots. Then she got up, took her phone and pointed at her feet.
“Shoelaces, please.”
“Yes, ma’am!”
I honestly did not expect she would ask me to tie her shoes, but before I could melt through the floor, I had to actually do it—and who doesn’t screw up even when tying their own? I kneeled in front of her, while she began tapping on her phone.
Thankfully, the Goddess of Service was kind to me that morning and I somehow managed to get it done quickly. The most challenging part was figuring out how tightly I should do the laces because I definitely wanted her to be comfortable. It would’ve also been so embarrassing if she had to redo them later! But thankfully, the boots were quite hard, and I realized I can really tighten them up without hurting her feet.
I got up and our eyes met.
“Ma’am.”
She held her eyes on me for a couple of seconds, then gestured towards the door. “Go,” she said softly, “otherwise the bus will leave without us!”
The ride on the bus was nothing special. We made sure to remind the Swedish lady about her sunscreen, which she thankfully hadn’t forgotten. When we arrived to the group and joined them for breakfast, Kailey immediately began to mingle with other folks, and so did I.
The hike was supposed to be going up one of the mountains, all the way up to its peak. We were divided into smaller groups and Kailey ended up in one that was walking in front of us. Just yesterday she was simply one of the hikers, today I couldn’t stop thinking of her, watching her, recognizing her voice even from afar. She was animated and chatty, and I really enjoyed seeing her being happy and having a good time.
And I realized I couldn’t help but pay attention to her well-being. I would notice her drinking from her water bottle and mentally note if she still had enough water. When we made a stop, I was prepared to come up to her and suggest to refill it, but later saw her do it herself. I also realized I kept glancing at her shoes, to make sure that the laces were still tight.
When I did try to focus on the hike, my mind kept wandering off as if it was on a hike of its own. The folks in my group weren’t too talkative and that gave me some time to myself.
I didn’t know whether this was a one off or whether Kailey would call me up to serve her this evening as well. What made me question myself was that she took her keycard back. What if she wasn’t happy with how I attended to her? Then again, I remembered how she looked at me right before we left, and it felt like a small ‘thank you’.
And if she did call me up, how can I make her even more comfortable? What can I improve? This was a very pleasant subject to mull over, and that’s what I was doing for the first couple of hours.
But then the trail finally forced us all to focus on its tricks and traps. Voices died down and we naturally organized ourselves into a long line that scaled the ridge of the mountain. It was the part of the journey when your head tires from thinking the same thoughts, but as you attempt to change the subject, nothing else comes to mind, and so you give up and just plow on in this haze of utter thoughtlessness.
We started at around eleven, and when we finally reached the peak, it was four.
“That was the easy part!” Arthur said. He and Bella, the guides and organizers of the whole enterprise, seemed unperturbed by our migration to these immense heights, whereas the rest of us, mortals, still worked on catching our breaths. I noticed Kailey sitting on a stone and running her fingers through her dark brown hair in an attempt to stop it from being completely tousled by the wind. It was a marvelous landscape and we could almost touch the clouds. I admit, there was several seconds there when I felt it was worth it.
Our way down was indeed difficult. I don’t know if it was harder, but it was challenging in its own way. It was definitely a bit faster, but I was surprised at how taxing it was on muscles that I didn’t even know I had. I also marveled at how folks much older than I seemed to not mind the exercise. One older guy with an impressive white mustache looked so fit that I bet he could’ve gone back to the peak one more time easily.
We eventually descended to the proper sea level at about eight. The sun was nowhere to be seen but its rays still reflected from beyond the horizon, trying to hold on to the crones of trees. By this point we were rather rowdy, even if mostly because we were so tired and so happy to have made it back.
But for the three of us there was still the final leg of the trip. The bus deposited us back at our hotel only at about nine. The Swedish lady, whose name turned out to be Majken and who was allegedly made out of pure stamina, kept chatting with us throughout the ride, as if we haven’t just covered tens of thousands of miles. She also seemed to be unfazed by the fact that the next hike was already tomorrow. I personally found it difficult to even think about walking anywhere again, which is why when we were forced to traverse several meters from the bus to the hotel, I secretly hoped that an avalanche would come down at night and the whole thing would be called off.
Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.
Majken definitely had no need for such hopes, and instead she suggested we order some tea from the bar in the lobby.
“They make excellent tea here, actually,” she said. “Only you have to specifically ask for whole leaf tea. See that big pot? They are putting exactly the right amount of leaves into the infuser and brewing it at exactly the right temperature and for the exact amount of time.”
“Oh, that’s so sneaky of them!” Kailey said. “I think yesterday I just got the normal one and they never even suggested there was a better option!”
“Yep, you gotta specifically ask them.”
“But is it green tea?”
“They can do green tea and they can do white tea. Sold? Let’s go!”
Majken went for the bar, when Kailey, who largely ignored me throughout the day, suddenly turned to me and looked me straight in the eyes. “But there will be no tea for you,” she said and handed me her backpack. “I’m so exhausted right now! I think I’m just gonna shower and then probably lie on my bed and read. So, go upstairs and start preparing my room for me.”
“Yes, ma’am!”
She gave me her keycard—and off I was.
I don’t remember how I got up the stairs, nor how I briefly popped into my room to leave my own backpack and jacket there. I know I did all those things, but I was too preoccupied with trying not to melt into the carpet to take note of such trivialities. It seriously looked like trying not to melt was becoming a recurring challenge. Any tiredness was now gone, and I guess my heart did beat slightly faster for a while.
I entered her room. The cleaning crew had clearly been there, and the bed was again properly made, with the cover and blanket tucked fiercely under the mattress. It looked neat, but I didn’t need neat. I needed cozy and welcoming.
I set Kailey’s backpack on the window sill. I removed the water bottle so that I could wash it and refill in the morning. Then I opened the backpack in order to see what she put in there. This was one of the things I noted for myself while thinking it over during the hike. It bothered me that I couldn’t pack her backpack for her because I didn’t know what she would want there, so I decided that I’ll take a note of it when unpacking.
There was a sweater, a sunscreen, one of those compact warm jackets that could be folded into a small ball, a blue kerchief, a small bag with some blister pads and a couple of more things. I liked how thought through it was and how well it was packed. She packed it so quickly, too! This might very well mean that she expects high standards.
It made sense to keep most of it there, and the only thing I took out was the sunscreen which I then put on the table by the sink. I also noticed that her sweater got a bit messed up, so I took it out, refolded it carefully and put it back in.
I then made her bed, just like last time. I took great pleasure in fluffing up the pillows and making it look cute and inviting, and anticipating how cared for and cozy she would feel. I again lifted up one corner of the blanket to reveal one of the pillows. If I was ever tired, I didn’t know it. My thoughts were only about her comfort, about how awesome it would be for her to finally lie on the bed and how relaxing it would feel after a whole day of hiking.
Then I decided to prepare everything for her shower. I put the towel on the bed. Her T-shirt dress that she slept in was on the armchair, so I folded it neatly and put it on top of the towel, and then a small purple pouch where she kept her toothbrush went on top of that. I also put her hotel slippers by the bed.
Everything was now ready for her. I left the door slightly open so that she wouldn’t have to knock, and waited by the bed. I was ready to wait for as long as necessary, but soon there were footsteps and the voices of Majken and Kailey. They were in the middle of a lively discussion, and then I heard them say their goodbyes.
I can’t express how the room changed the moment she finally entered. It was as if everything became infused with life and purpose because everything in this room, including myself, was there for her. She yawned and began taking off her hoodie. I hurried to take it from her, but before I could put it away into the closet, she said, “And the shoes.”
“Yes, ma’am!”
I sat on the floor in front of her and untied her laces.
“You may take them off.”
“Yes, ma’am!”
I loosened the boot and carefully took it off, then took off the other one. She immediately went past me. As I was putting her boots neatly by the door, I watched her take off her socks and throw them casually on the floor. She then grabbed the towel and the rest of the things I prepared for her, put on her slippers and left, walking past me again.
“Oh, I forgot,” she said, momentarily popping into the door and handing me her phone.
“Thank you, ma’am!”
It felt so nice to see her just pick up the stuff I prepared for her, taking it completely for granted, ordering me around and expecting me to fully obey her. When she said things to me, it was always in this calm, almost indifferent tone which made me feel like I belonged to her.
While I waited for her, I took care of several more things: I put away her hoodie, plugged the charger into her phone, switched on the lamp by her bed and closed the curtains. I also took the socks she threw on the floor and put them in a drawer into a separate bag.
I scanned the room. Everything seemed to be ready for her. I thought to sit in an armchair to wait for her, but then decided that I shouldn’t. It was her armchair that she never gave me permission to sit in. So I just sat on the floor by her bed.
This got me thinking. Strictly speaking, this was indeed Kailey’s room. I was in her private space. She might’ve been ordering me around, but she also trusted me to handle her phone, to organize her stuff, to keep her keycard overnight. That was not something that you normally share with a man you barely know. The small bag with clean socks also had some underwear there. I barely glanced at it and didn’t touch it. Yesterday she let me pick up her clothes from the shower area, including her bra, and I did it because she told me to. But in the morning I opened the drawer with the bra and didn’t dare touch it myself. I hoped she noticed it because I wanted her to feel safe around me. I wanted her to know that she was in control. That her boundaries were sacrosanct. Throughout our so far very brief relationship I had not even once touched her unless she explicitly told me to. In fact, come to think of it, I only ever touched her boots.
Not only that, I even avoided looking at her directly unless she was talking to me. Each time our eyes met, I felt grateful. It was a gift I didn’t deserve.
Maybe I got too lost in my thoughts, but suddenly the door opened and she entered the room. She was again in her T-shirt dress. She glanced at me and gestured me to get up.
“I thought you would be waiting for me in the corridor!” she said.
“Oh, I’m so sorry, ma’am!”
“Go, go, I left everything there.”
“Yes, ma’am! Apologies, ma’am!”
Kailey didn’t seem to be upset at all, but I felt blood rush to my face. I guess it was bound to happen at some point. The fact that everything went so smoothly up to now was almost a miracle. I was still amazed at how gracefully I was able to take off her shoes.
When I brought her things back, she already picked up her phone and got into her bed.
“I set it on Airplane Mode,” she said, “but still, the battery was almost totally drained! I think I need a new phone. I mean, this one is just what, two years old? Maybe two and a half? Yeah, I guess it’s old…”
She didn’t seem to expect an answer, so I decided not to say anything. I folded and put away her clothes and then hung the towel on the back of the armchair.
“Oh, and now I want you to bring me some tea. It was so good! I want it again.”
“Yes, ma’am! Which one?”
“Whole leaf green. At least, that’s what Majken ordered for us.”
“Yes, ma’am!”
I was now her Sophie, bringing her tea whenever she wanted it.
As I was going down the stairs and then into the bar, I was thinking that she must know that unlike her, I haven’t had a shower, not much chance to rest after the trip, nor have I had any of that special tea. Yet, she never suggested I get one for myself, even as she said that it was good.
When I brought it to her, she was already seated in her bed, leaning comfortably into the pillow, her brown hair spread all over it. She looked at me and gestured at the table by her bed. I set the cup there.
“I might still need you,” she said. “You can sit yourself here on the floor again.”
“Yes, ma’am!”
The beds in the hotel were relatively high, so when I sat in front of her, my eyes became level with her hands. Of course, I dared not look at her face. She took the cup, made a couple of sips and put it back down, then went back to scrolling on her phone.
Sitting like that in front of her, I wondered if I looked weird. I wanted it to feel good, but by this time my senses were completely overloaded. I began to feel that I was tired and that I wanted to sleep. I also got a bit thirsty. All this distracted me and the focus I felt before evaporated.
But as I kept sitting in front of her, and as she kept sipping her tea and scrolling on her phone, ignoring me completely, I slowly felt my thoughts and sensations calm down. The inner monologue began to be less and less comprehensible, and then fell silent completely. A warm quiet feeling of comfort filled my whole being, and a sensation of complete vulnerability in front of this woman began to recolor the world around me. One by one, the gray colors were becoming warmer and warmer, the coarseness of edges was becoming more silky, and a kind of inner light began to illuminate me from within. Suddenly, the world felt exactly right. Everything was where it needed to be because I was where I needed to be.
I didn’t know how much time had passed. It could’ve been ten minutes, twenty, maybe more. It was quiet, but not awkward. My attention was sometimes drawn to Kailey’s hands. She had narrow palms and long delicate fingers. Her nails weren’t painted but they were very neat and clearly cared for. She would tap on her screen, and it was pleasant to see her do that, hear the soft taps and sometimes watch her slide her finger across the screen.
Then her hand stopped and covered her phone. She sat like this for a while, then put the phone on the table, drew her hand towards me and lifted my face up.
I looked at her, sitting above me. Her face was relaxed and her fingers felt soft and dry under my chin. She moved her hand away slowly and put it back over her blanket, and then for a while she watched me.
“I like seeing you like this,” she said.
Although she paused, our connection in that moment was so strong that I knew she didn’t want me to say anything back. She was taking it all in, and being under the gaze of her eyes felt peaceful. There was no usual urge to look away, and instead I basked in the gentle intensity of her presence. It was as if I wasn’t looking at her, but she was looking at me. And she could look at me for as long as she wanted because the whole of me was in front of her, open and defenseless.
“I haven’t felt like this before, you know,” she said. “You are melting in front of me, I can see that. But I am melting too, in my own way.” She paused again, clasped her hands softly and looked around the room. Then smiled and looked at me again. “I wanted this so much. To have someone be in front of me like that, listen with such attention and adoration. To feel what I’m feeling now.” She shook her head. “I’m sorry, I cannot describe it. It’s too unfamiliar. Too overwhelming. And yet… I feel so centered. So grounded.”
She paused again, this time for longer, allowing me to silently watch her, while she watched me. If I felt like I belonged to her before, now I was sugar fully dissolved in water. She was my Universe, my whole world. My existence in that moment was that of pure perfection. It was as if she was the only thing that truly existed, and everything else, the room, the things in it and I were rays of energy emanating from her.
“I didn’t plan for any of this,” she said. “Just two days ago this would’ve been a mere fantasy. A remnant of a thought before I’d doze off to sleep. And it all happened so fast, too. But maybe that’s how it’s supposed to happen. I was thinking that maybe we were preparing for this all of our lives. You were there for me to take, and I took you.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Her voice was warm and pleasant, and she tended to pronounce words slowly and deliberately, voicing all the consonants at the end of words. And at the same time nothing she said felt forced or rehearsed.
My voice, on the other hand, was quiet and a bit hoarse the first time around, probably from not speaking for so long, but I didn’t feel embarrassed by this.
“You should probably get a shower yourself. Tomorrow is a big day again. But on the other hand, I am so glad to have you here by me, and I don’t even feel bad about it. You belong here, don’t you?”
“Yes, ma’am,” I said, almost inaudibly.
“What would you say to the idea of you just sitting here on the floor for the rest of the night?” I didn’t understand whether she was serious about it or not. Perhaps, for a moment it was. She chuckled. “Don’t worry, I’m kidding. But what would you have said?”
“I would’ve said yes. But also, I’m so tired right now that I’m afraid I wouldn’t be useful to you tomorrow! And I so want to be useful to you!”
She smiled back and booped me on the nose playfully. “‘Ma’am’! Don’t forget the ‘ma’am’! Not when others are around, of course. But when you’re alone with me, always address me as ‘ma’am’. I take note.”
“Of course, ma’am!” I said and bowed to her. “I am so sorry, ma’am!”
“And When people _are_ around, you can find other ways to show me respect. Use my name often. Talk to me kindly. Don’t argue.”
“Yes, ma’am!”
Suddenly she took her phone and gave it to me. “Plug it into the charger and go! I need my sleep.”
“Yes, ma’am!”
I set the phone on the floor carefully and plugged the charger in. Then slowly got up, realizing my feet went numb.
“Wake me up as usual tomorrow,” Kailey said. “And don’t forget the keycard!”
“Yes, ma’am! Goodnight, ma’am!”
I went for the door, took the keycard, then turned back to look at her. She was still sitting in bed, running her fingers through her long hair. She saw me looking at her and gestured me out. “Go away!”