It feels so calming.

Being here right now gives me a strange sense of bliss, even though I go here every day. Could it be because of the lack of students here? Could it be because I am alone that I am able to feel like this?

It is so quiet yet peaceful. It is not bad.

As someone who would normally have 3 to 4 people around you almost every time, getting an opportunity like this is quite uncommon. That’s what you get for being a social person, I guess.

But maybe that’s what makes it special as well.  The fact that you don’t experience it that often makes it feel unique every single time.

It may be because of the place… or the timing… or even just the person you are with.

“Like I thought, today just seems more different than usual…” I muttered quietly while staring at the windows beside me.

Besides the overwhelming silence, the surrounding outside really set the mood as well. I looked up to see the orange-lit sky, with faint white snow coming down to the ground. It looked so beautiful, almost mesmerizing.

“Akari, did you say anything?”

After hearing that voice, I looked at my side to see the person who I have been walking with this entire time. He seems intrigued to what I just said earlier.  

If anything, I should be enjoying this kind of atmosphere. Like I said, this doesn’t come often. And I like the sensation this kind of atmosphere give. But…

…

How can I enjoy this if my heart and mind can’t calm down for even a second?

“Oh, it’s nothing!” I immediately respond, “I just notice how beautiful the sky is right now.”

“The sky?” He questioned, “Well, it is beautiful alright. If only it isn’t that cold, maybe I would have appreciated it more.”

“Seriously, Yuichi, you really can’t handle the cold…”

As I said that, I carefully looked at him. He is wearing a thick black trench coat, wearing as well a blue muffler and mittens. Even though we are still inside the school building, he is still cold amidst that thick clothing.

“You can’t say that if you can’t handle the summer heat.” He responded back.

“Hey! I mean, do you have any idea how scorching hot the summer heat can get!? I mean seriously, we are not some eggs trying to be fried here.” I ranted.

“You really don’t have to start stomping because of it, you know.” He deadpanned at me, trying to get me to calm down as the sound of my feet resonated across the empty hallway.

And this is why I like winter more. It both look and feels more magical and wonderland-like than any other season. Not to mention how cheerful and happy everyone looks. But even more than that…

“It feels cozier to just laze around in the kotatsu table. I can literally stay there for hours. If only I can live in one forever.”

“Are you still a child or what?” He bluntly asked me as he chopped my head.

I responded back with a “Teehee~” with my tongue sticking out a little.

Of course, I was joking. Staying there in the summer doesn’t seem to be the greatest of idea. But seeing his reaction, sighing at me, it made me feel like making the joke was worth it.

…

I wonder… how many times have I joked around with Yuichi?

Now that I think about it now, probably more than just few times now. I mean we have known each other since childhood, so I am sure this is nothing more than a common habit for us now.

Well for me atleast, I don’t know for Yuichi, which is funny.

…

Somehow… thinking of that, makes me feel nostalgic.

Amidst that calm peaceful feeling I was already experiencing, a new one started welling up inside me. Happiness perhaps? If that is the case, then it is not the usual kind. With that happiness I also feel a sense of warmth.

Ahh… this is bad. If I keep on feeling like this, I can’t calm myself down.

“Hey, Akari.”

“Hm?”

A bit surprised, I immediately looked at my side to see that Yuichi is not there but rather he is now in front of me. It seems we are now in the shoe lockers. Time sure flies, isn’t it?

“What is it, Yuichi?” I asked him gleefully.

I was waiting for him to answer when I noticed his face being a bit disturbed. I cocked my head a little to the side. I wonder what he is thinking?

“Oh nothing, I guess.” He tried answering, “It just that… I realized how much of a great friend you have been.”

“Eh…?”

*throb throb*

W-wait, what!?

W-what did he said now? Oh no, I can feel my face burning up, like crazy! I feel like there is smoke coming out from the top of my head!

“Akari, calm down. Deep breaths.” I told myself as I put my hand in my now fasting beating heart.

I took some deep breaths, calming myself down to some extent. Making sure that my face isn’t red anymore, I looked at him.

“Why are you saying that just now?” I asked, calmly as possible.

“Well, I don’t really know. Maybe because I just realize just now how much you have done to just help me.” He spoke.

...

Oh…

So that’s what he is trying to say… I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes high…

“Ahaha, you really don’t have to say that!” I exclaimed, giving my biggest smile, “Treat this as my payment to all those tutoring sessions you have done for me.”

“You mean those years of dreadful tutoring? No no, this isn’t enough.”

“Ehhh~ Why!?”

“What do you mean why? Do you have any idea how hard was it to teach you? Seriously, I just wonder how are you still getting failing marks.”

“Are you seriously asking? I am only passing because of those teachings. Also, I am sorry for being dumb!” I pouted as little tears appear at the corner of my eyes.

I mean I know I was giving him a lot of trouble with just helping me study, even though he has his own studies to take care of. That is why I was willing to help him with his problem. I really, sincerely, helped him because I want to repay back all of the things, he has done for me this far.

…

What kind of excuse was that, Akari… you know for yourself that is not the real reason…

“Wait!” Yuichi immediately exclaimed, his face filled with much regret, “You really don’t have to call yourself dumb. Besides it also helps me as well, teaching you I mean.”

“Really?”

“Yeah! Also, if anything, I think what I did is far little compared to how much you have done for me.”

“Oh…”

For a second there, I was happy when he said to me. If anyone would be hearing this right now, they would misunderstand this as him indirectly saying something to me.

But that isn’t the case…

“To be honest, I first thought I can’t do this. But because of your help, I atleast have the courage and confidence to move forward. So thanks a lot.” He bowed a little.

…

It hurts.

Even though he didn’t mean it, it hurts.

As he continued to speak, I can just feel my heart tightening and my breath slowly but surely taken away from me.

“Oh, come on, Yuichi! You really don’t have to thank me!”

Despite this, I continued to keep up my cheery personality up. I kept that painful feeling I have inside me under this smile. I just… don’t want him to see me like that.

I continued, “Well, if you have been more social or more interactive with people, then maybe you won’t need my help after all, you know?” 

“Haha, maybe your right. It is only a little while ago when I was once considered as a nobody by everybody. While on the other hand, you are friends with everyone in our year. That is amazing if you ask me.”

“I think that is overexaggerating. I am not that amazing…”

It is not that I am friends with everyone anyway in the first place. I am simply just close enough to be able to talk with them comfortably.

Some people say that I have some special gift or ability to be able to do this, but I don’t believe that is the case. If anything, I believe anyone could do it if they really try. I mean, Yuichi here is an example of that.

“Maybe I am.” He replied, “But even if I am like you in the first place, I doubt I would be in the same level as you.”

“Hm?”

“There are just some things that only you can do. You have your own strengths. You are different from everybody else. So, you shouldn’t lower yourself like that.”

“Hehe, I guess you are right.” I shyly reply, scratching my cheeks lightly.

I guess I should really stop doing that. But…

Just how different I am? And if so… just how different I am from her?

“Yeah. But really, I want to thank you…”

.

.

.

… for helping me confess to Kyouko.”

As soon as I heard the girl’s name, I couldn’t help but feel a bit sad and relief at the same time. I feel my legs losing strength a little but despite that, I just kept on smiling.

“Haah, how many times do I have to tell you? You really don’t have to thank me!” I exclaimed, pointing my finger at him.

“But—”

“No buts! Seriously, I don’t want you to start crying or something right now. How would Kyouko-san react if you have tearstained marks under your eyes?”

“Wait, I am not even going to cry! Where did you get that idea?”

“Haha. But in a more serious note,” I continued, “Remember that I will always support what you choose. Whatever happens from here on out, I will be there for you. If you ever need help on anything, you can always depend on me…”

“…like how you have always been for me.”

I wanted to say that last part but I decided it is best if I don’t.

After all, for his sake and mine, I have to keep myself from saying anything more than necessary.

…

These emotions don’t matter now. Not that it did in the first place.

This is his true feelings and I have to respect it. That is the least I can do as his friend.

“Come on. Just a little bit more and maybe… just maybe…”

“Say, would you look at the time? I think she is up there in the school rooftop right now.” I told him while pointing at the invisible watch in my wrist.

“Wait, I think you are right!” He exclaimed, “I don’t want her to keep on waiting. It is cold after all.”

“Like I said, it is not that cold, Yuichi. But yeah, you should go.”

“Okay then. See you tomorrow then, Akari!”

Before I can say goodbye or even wave him farewell, he immediately went pass me and ran in a hurry towards the hallway.

…

“… wait!”

Huh?

Without me realizing, I found myself running as well behind him. I shouted at him to stop.

Argh… why did I just do that…?

“Hm? Yeah?”

From the other side of the hallway, he looked back as he heard my shout. It is clear that he is confused on why I just stopped him. Even I am confused on why I did so.

“Yuichi, I…”

I was about to say something. Something important.

But…

I immediately closed my mouth.

…

I really want to say it to him. I want to just shout it out before it is too late.

My true feelings. These bottled-up feelings that I didn’t know that have been within me for the longest time.

But…

“Yuichi! You better don’t mess this one chance up!”

“Okay! I won’t!”

… I am already too late in the first place, anyway.

As soon as he replied back, he once again started running further and further away. I could see his small yet large back going smaller until I couldn’t see him anymore.

The sounds of his footsteps all gone, I simply stood there, blankly staring.

“… What’s even the point of saying that to him?”

Amidst this calming yet deep silence, I came realize that I was all alone now. Nothing could be heard. Nothing but the beating of my heart.

***

“Haah… Finally…”

I put my hand in my chest once more. I felt my heart calming down slowly but surely.

As I am walking quietly back home, I began to think back of what just happened earlier. I thought I would have broken down there. I couldn’t imagine how embarrassing that would be if someone see me like that.

Rumors will spread and that is no good news.

“… Are you really serious?”

Well, isn’t this a nice time for me to see them? I am just quietly walking here when I passed by some people on the street from school.

… Actually, not just ‘some’ people. More accurately couples going from or on their dates.

February 14. Today is Valentine’s Day.

It’s really hard to forget today is that day if you keep on seeing couples both on and off school. Also, since I am constantly talking with people, I also know which boys and girls would be giving chocolates to give to their crushes or friends (that could also be their secret crush.)

I wonder what it’s like to do that. I never have once given anyone chocolates, atleast not someone in particular.

Every single year, more or less I only buy those cheap store-bought chocolates and giving them to everyone in the class, as tokens of friendship, of course.

But this year was quite different. Yesterday, I used up most of my time helping Yuichi prepare his valentine’s chocolates for Kyouko-san. While I am not confident that she will like it, I hope she will at least enjoy it.

“Kyouko-san…” I sighed as I mutter her name.

Tateyama Kyouko.

Nobody in school does not know her. If you are going to the school I am going, you must have atleast heard her name once. Even though this is our first year here, she has already been dubbed as the school goddess.

Plain white skin, with beautiful long blonde hair and sparkling emerald green eyes, even girls have their eyes on her. She is always proper and elegant, even her smallest of actions having that sense of royalty.

“Makes me wonder if she is secretly a princess from another country.”

Unlike me, she is very smart and intelligent and considered to be one of the top students.  

Knowing all of this about her, I was genuinely surprised when I found out that Kyouko-san and Yuichi has been hanging out for some time since the start of the school year. Initially I thought she would be someone I can’t be close with, mainly because I felt that her and I are in different worlds from each other.

But that wasn’t the case.

Through the times I spent with her and some of the stories Yuichi have told me, it turns out that Kyouko-san isn’t what most thinks she is. She actually doesn’t communicate well with other people, which explains why she doesn’t talk to anyone in school.

“G-good a-afternoon, Ishikawa-san…”

“Oh, good afternoon, Tateyama-san!”

“Y-yes…”

I just chuckled as I remembered how we first introduced each other. She was shaking like a scared cat when she talked to me. She was also very much hesitant to say anything, even though she does have things to say to me

But that isn’t the only thing I learn about her. She knows a lot and have hobbies like cooking and sewing but most of the time, she is really clumsy at them. And surprisingly, opposite to everyone’s expectation, she likes anything cute and incredibly obsessed with them. 

“Ah… Please don’t judge me…”

“Wow, it’s… really pink?”

When I first visited her room, that is what I commented. Pink from top to bottom, filled with stuff animals and toys, her room wasn’t the room I would have imagined from her. But somehow, I think it fits her pretty well.

She might be scared at first when she meets and talk with new people but as soon as you hang out with her even more, she can warm up with you. Because of this, it wasn’t long before Kyouko-san become comfortable enough to consider me as one of her friends.

Well, atleast that is what I want to think, because she did allow me to use her first name by that time. Not many people call her like that as well, which makes me special in a way.

While I was thinking of this, I scoured my coat jacket for my phone. Entering the password, I unlocked it to see the wallpaper I placed in the home screen. It was a picture of me, Kyouko-san and Yuichi in the summer festival last August during our summer vacation.

This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it.

“Hehe, thinking back, it was a lot of fun. If I remember correctly, it was her first time to go there as well.”

“A summer festival, what is that?”

“E-eh, Kyouko-san? You don’t know what that is?”

“I… only ever heard it from books. You see… I don’t have friends before so I never had any purpose to go there. Besides going to someplace fun alone seems sad…”

“Oh…”

“So, it is decided then. Kyouko, Akari, we are going!”

With Yuichi’s suggestion, we all planned to go to last year’s festival with her. A part of the plan was buying a new yukata with Kyouko-san, since she doesn’t have one in the first place. I was asked to guide her to choosing one to wear.

“To be fair, any yukata looks amazing on her so it was pointless…”

I felt ashamed to be her fashion guide to be honest. And I am not just talking about yukatas here. Any type of clothing she wears, she looks good in it. Even Yuichi admitted it that, not directly to her, of course.

Other than the summer festival, looking back at the past year, it was really enjoyable.

There are times when we decided to study for tests in our houses. There are times as well when we went to the arcade or even to the karaoke bar afterschool. In the summer, we also went to the pool. In the winter, we went to a mountain trip, courtesy of Kyouko-san’s parents.

Or even just those times in school where we just spend time together is as precious as ever.

For the past few years, it has always been me and Yuichi when it comes to these things. But when Kyouko-san joined in, all of it suddenly became new and refreshing. For me, it really makes me genuinely happy and joyful…

… but at the same time, it also makes me feel unsettled and disturbed by it.

.

.

.

“Oh?”

Forgetting that I have been walking for an unusually very long time now, I stopped. I looked around to see where I am right now when… I felt a sense of nostalgia and familiarity.

…

I remember this road. I have been here before.

But more importantly than that, I remember what is the place ahead.

Did my brain just unconsciously lead me to this place? I was too busy with my thoughts so I didn’t know.

I can feel my stomach churning as I thought of this, thinking about the irony of the situation.

“Ahaha…” I weakly laugh, “Of all the days that I would be visiting this place, it has to be this one.”

Is God laughing right now? Maybe he is. I think he is watching this all unfold as if this is all but some slice of life, rom-com anime or something.

But I might as well go there, don’t I? With that in mind, I continued walking down this path, to that desired place I know too well of.

.

.

.

… When was the last I have done something like this? Probably when I was a child.

I used to have a weird habit of wandering around randomly. As if my consciousness is taken away from me, I always end up somewhere I don’t know. My parents would most of the time panic whenever this happens. Thankfully, I don’t do that anymore because it stopped happening to me.

And the place I am going is the last ever place that habit of mine stopped at.

I continued walking, silently, taking in the familiar trees and scenery that surrounded me.

Back then when I first walked upon this same very path, I was scared because I don’t know where I was. But now, it is filled with fond memories of my once very lively childhood.

“How nostalgic…”

The place still looked the same despite the many years that have passed.

The yellow slide that has green thin supports is still there in the middle of the sand area. On its right near the benches, the two red swings are there. Then on the left side was the green monkey bars that seems way too high for any child to play with.

“Haha, I wonder how many times I fell from there…”

I chuckled as I remember the countless times, I have hit my head or even my bum on the ground. Using my hand, I swept away the dirt on top of one of the swing’s seats. I sat down in it and looked at the place as I would have for the first time, back then.

When I was smaller, this playground was big and huge. Right now, it seems so small from how I remembered it.

“Swoosh… whoosh…”

I pushed myself from the ground, making myself swing forward and backward, considerably high.

“Ahaha!”

The sound of dangling chains mixed with the loud laugh I am making creates a loud echo across the whole playground. Luckily nobody was there to watch, a high school student playing like a child.

It is so much fun, as if I want to keep on swinging here forev—

“Hey! Aren’t you going to get hurt if you swing that high?”

“Eh.”

I immediately stopped myself from swinging. My thoughts got interrupted by what seems to be a voice.

I looked around me and everywhere in the playground to see if anyone was there. I hope nobody was there watching me. Uuu, that would be very embarrassing!

.

.

.

… Nobody was there.

“Heh~ Don’t worry, don’t worry! I always do this so I will be okay!”

“I don’t care if you do. What if you fall? Haah, you are really troublesome.”

“That is a rude thing to say for a young lady like me, you know!”

“You aren’t even acting like one!”

I get it now… The voice I just heard wasn’t from someone here. Rather, it is from my head.

“…”

I closed my eyes. In my mind, I replayed back those voices in my head. As I was doing that, a familiar scene came in view, an image of what was a memory from the past.

Yeah, I remember this well. This was how we first met, isn’t it?

“Fufu~ Alright, I will stop.”

It all happened back years ago. It happened in here, in this exact swing. And it happened right before nighttime, when the sky is still covered with a warm orange hue.

“Seriously. How fast can your mood change? You were crying earlier.”

“Ah… I forgot that I am still lost…”

“Uwah! You are starting to cry again!”

 “C-could you help me then?”

“Eh?”

“Y-you know this neighborhood, right? If you do, then maybe you know where I can go…”

“…If that is the case, then fine. I will help you.”

“Really!? Thank you so much!”

“Wait wait! Please don’t suddenly hug me!”

.

.

.

I smiled unconsciously.

It’s been a long time since the last time I revisited this place, this particular memory. While this place hasn’t changed, we did.

But even so, some parts of us still haven’t change… even one bit.

As the next part of this memory came to view, I repeated the exact same words I said back then.

“Ah, sorry…”

“It’s okay… uh…”

“Oh, Ishikawa Akari. Nice to meet you, um…”

“Murakami Yuichi. Nice to meet you as well, Ishikawa-san.”

“You too, Murakami-kun…”

.

.

.

As I said that final line, I felt a warm feeling in my cheeks. I open my eyes to see what’s going on but it is getting blurry. My vision is no longer clear as the water in my eyes started to well up.

“Yuichi…”

Why though… didn’t I say to myself that I will never cry this day?

Didn’t I say to myself that I will not cry for Yuichi’s sake?

If that so… then why…

“Why… is the tears… still going down…”

As these soft warm tears of mine fall down to the snowy ground, my mind was filled with many more memories. Equally warm and sweet yet bitter.

Those days where we play in the playground back when we were still grade-schoolers. How fun was it to just play all day and not minding about anything but our own happiness…

Those days when we hang out in each other’s house afterschool back in middle school. How fun was it to just to talk, idling around…

Those days where we study so hard for exams at the library. How fun and annoying was it to study for so many hours even though you still get a failing mark in the end…

Those days when we just want to hang out somewhere, with no goal or destination in mind…

“Why…”

I sobbed as more tears flowed out my eyes. I want to stop myself but the more I tried, the more it becomes painful to do so.

If someone is watching me right now… if he is watching me right now…

“I am sorry… Yuichi…”

Those days where we spent so much time together…

They were really happy and sweet moments. Those were memories I swear I will never forget. But right now, they are…

“It hurts… it really hurts…”

I feel my heart tightening more. Even my eyes can’t stop crying. I started sobbing loudly.

My feelings that I have bottled up inside me this entire time has finally let out. As if the vessel that contained it all finally shattered.

.

.

.

Why didn’t I see these feelings before in the first place…?

Why am I so blind to ignore the emotions I have inside me…?

Why when I realized them that I knew that I was too late to even express them…?

“Why… am I so weak…”

I can feel myself shouting but the screaming never registered in my head. All I was thinking was the regret and despair I have.

Holding tight the chains I have been holding on this entire time, the swing stopped moving completely. Nothing but the sound of my crying echoing is heard in the quiet playground.

At these times when I feel sad, at times when I feel like crying, he would always be there to be my comfort and shelter.

But now…

“Yuichi… I am sorry for being selfish…”

All this time I have always been self-centered…

So egoistic…

Worst of all, so inconsiderate…

“I am so pathetic…”

Is this what he meant about me being different?

Is this why me and Kyouko-san are so different?

If that so, I can understand…

Unlike her, nothing in me was ever favorable or even likeable in the first place. Not for anyone. And especially not for someone like him.

In the end, it didn’t matter if I found out about these feelings sooner or later…

.

.

.

… in the end, it was already obvious on just who I really am only.

I noticed a giant puddle at the ground below me. I just softly chuckled at this. I closed my eyes once more as I apologized.

“I am sorry, playground. This was supposed to be a place of happiness.

A place where everyone could have fun.

A place where happy memories could be made

But I ruined it…”

As I lowered my head, I finally came face to face with reality…

.

.

.

I was nobody special.

.

.

.

What I am was only…. just a childhood friend.

.

.

.

“Akari…”

…

“You’re crying again.”

… I know…  I am sorry…

“How many times do I have told you? Your face is ruined if you keep on crying like this. You are not a child anymore.”

… I know. I fully know that! But still…!

“Akari, are you okay?”

What is going on… Is this an illusion? Am I finally starting to get crazy?

If so, why am I responding back…? Why…? It is almost as if he is actually here…

.

.

.

“Akari.”

“Eh…?”

I felt a warm yet gentle feeling on top of my hair. Not knowing what it was, I looked up. My tear-stained eyes widen in shock as I saw the person in front of me.

I immediately saw his jet-black hair. His gray eyes were illuminating as he was wearing his blue muffler. Also, he is still wearing that overly thick trench coat.

“…Yuichi…?”

“I knew you would be here, Akari.”

After he said that, he gave me a sincere yet warm smile on his face. Am I dreaming? How is he…

“Why… How are you…”

I can’t even say the proper words out of my mouth. Just… how much more pathetic I am?

… I really don’t like Yuichi seeing me like this…

“I was searching for you this entire time.” He responded back, “I even went to your house but you weren’t there. So, I thought the only place left for you to go was here…”

… How much more do you have to do for me…

.

.

.

“Why… I thought you are…”

“Hm?”

“I thought you are there with Kyouko-san right now!”

I exclaimed at him as I stood up. Surprised, he let go of my head and move away a little from me. Realizing what I just did, I plopped myself back in depression.

“I am sorry…”

“…Akari?”

“I am… so... sorry…”

As soon as I realized it, tears came back from my eyes.

“Ah! Akari!?”

“I am so sorry that I am so pathetic!”

Without realizing it, I started shouting. I immediately started facing downwards so that he won’t see my face right now.

I… don’t want him to be here…

“What are you talking about?”

“Everything, Yuichi, everything! All this time… all this time, I just realized how much of a failure I am for you!”

“Huh…”

“You have always been with me, practically under my whim. All this time I have always been so selfish and insensitive about your feelings. Even though you told me to stop because it was for my own good, I still didn’t…”

“…”

“Even though you are angry at me… even though you are upset about me… even though you were muttering curses behind my back… no matter how many things I have done wrong to you, you are still by my side…”

“Akari, that’s—”

“It is unfair! You have always been so kind for me! Even right now, in my lowest of low, you are always there to comfort me! Always there to keep me company… But what did I do for you!?”

I am sure he is surprised right now. Even I don’t have to look at his face.

What am I doing…? Why do I want to make him hate me this much…?

“I can’t even study well. I can’t talk about the things you like because I don’t know much about them. I can’t even help you that well for the past days for Kyouko-san! I am so… pathetic…”

“Why are you…”

“I understand now. I know why this is happening to me. This is just the God’s weird way of getting back at me. Getting back at all the bad things I have done to you…

.

.

.

… in the first place I…

.

.

.

… was never a great friend for yo—”

“That is not true!”

I flinched as I heard that scream from Yuichi. It caused me to immediately look up to see what happened. I was surprised once more when I looked at him.

His face... it is filled with anger and rage…

But at the same time… why do I feel… that is not the case…

“… Yuichi…?”

“What are you saying, Akari… Why are you saying these things…?”

“… Do you really not get it…?”

“Of course, I don’t! What you just said… all of it… is not true at all!”

“…Eh?”

What does he mean it is not true? I am clearly confused on what he is trying to say right now.

Isn’t it true he is angry at me whenever I do something wrong? Isn’t it true he found hanging out with me as a troublesome thing? Isn’t it that why he hangs out more with Kyouko-san than me these days?

“Then why!? Why do you say what I just said is wrong, Yuichi!? Isn’t what I just said your true feelings about me!?”

“Yeah, that’s right! Those are my true feelings, alright! You have no idea how much I keep them all by myself this entire time!”

“So then—”

“But that doesn’t mean that is all I feel about you, Akari!”

As soon as I was about to say anything else, he interrupted me.

“It is true that you have been the most annoying person in the world for me but that doesn’t mean I hate you because of it. In fact, I know goddamn well that I am always happy because of you!”

!

I was speechless. I can’t say anything back at him, as if my sense of speech was taken away from me. Instead, those last few words echoed inside my blank head.

“Eh…”

“I… went up to school rooftop to confess to Kyouko. After getting so much advice from you, I was confident that I can pull this off. I have so much confidence and courage and yet… I hesitated in the end.”

“Hesitated…?”

“I hesitated not because I was scared. Nor I was not confident this will go well. Instead, there was a feeling inside me that stops me from doing it. Even when I was already facing her, I was still confused. It was weird, I finally had the chance to confess my feelings to Kyouko but I am still hesitating… Isn’t it funny?”

“…”

“Surprisingly of all people, Kyouko knew what I was feeling.”

“…Kyouko-san?”

“Yeah. I think she saw how confused I am. I think she know as well that I was confessing to her, which was very embarrassing.”

As expected of Kyouko-san, she knows how to read the mood well. But what does that have to mean with anything?

“Kyouko told me these exact words that made me realized why I was feeling this way…

.

.

.

… Yuichi-kun, your heart isn’t in the right place.”

“Eh…?”

“Haha, that was the same expression I made.” Yuichi softly chuckled, “At first I was confused but after thinking about it some time. What does she mean about my heart not being in the right place? But thinking about it slowly… I think I got it…

.

.

.

… I realized that I am not in love with Kyouko.”

“Eh!?”

Wait, what!?

“You’re not in love with Kyouko-san!?”

“Wait, let me explain!”

He immediately told me when I was about to stand up. He prompted me to remain sited on the swing, to which I did.

“I think I was in love with Kyouko in the beginning. There was no doubt about it. The moment I started hanging out with her and knowing these new sides of her, I started to fell in love with her. Not as the girl that everyone knew of but as the girl she really is.”

“…”

“So, when I told you that day about having a crush on her, I was really am feeling that way. But as the days goes on, I felt unconsciously that feeling I had disappearing. Well, not that it disappeared entirely, instead… let’s see… it got redirected to someone else.”

“…?”

“Are you really going to make that confusing face, Akari?”

I was genuinely confused but he was still smiling at me…

“… you don’t mean…”

“I-it is embarrassing to say so I was hoping that you would get it.” He sighed but he still looked at me, “Akari, that someone else I was talking about was you.”

“E-eh!?”

W-what did he just say!? His feelings for Kyouko… all went to me!? B-but how!? Also… why did it…

“How can I explain this…” Yuichi started speaking as soon as I asked that question in my head, “It wasn’t until you started helping me that I realized more things about you.”

“… h-how so?”

“Hmm, you could say that I started seeing you more as a girl rather than just a friend.”

“!”

“Your grayish blue hair… your warm brown eyes… your short than average height… the more I think about it, I have been friends with such a cute girl for a long time without me realizing myself. And it is not just your appearance that is cute but your personality as well.”

“My personality…”

“Even though you have always been annoying and playful, you also always had that kind and caring side. A person who always try to help someone in the best of her abilities. Someone who is even willing to learn something new for the sake of her friends.”

While he was speaking, I saw him scourging his giant pocket for something. When he took it out, I realized what it was.

“That’s the chocolate we made for Kyouko-san…”

“Yeah. I know for the fact that you don’t know how to make Valentine chocolates because you would normally buy store-bought ones every year. Not to mention you have some bags under your eyes yesterday.”

“Uwah, I thought I hid them good enough.” I muttered.

“It wasn’t this only time you have done something like that. And most of all, not just for me. You have done a lot for Kyouko-san as well. Do you have any idea how many times she would always talk about you?”

“She talks about me...?”

“Surprised? Even I do at first but thinking about it, I can understand why. It is because you always thought of others personal and most important feelings before yours. I mean even right now. You have been hiding your true feelings for me.”

“How did you know…”

“I have known you for so long, Akari. You have the tendency to hide what you really feel and want for the sake of other people. Other people might not see it because of how you normally act but I know how much you value other people’s happiness.”

“…”

“What you just said, about being self-centered and being insensitive, it is not true at all. Instead, you are the kindest and most caring person I ever met. And that is the real reason why I am still here with you, after all these years.”

“Yuichi…”

“Gentle, sweet and most of all, heartwarming. I don’t know why you have been comparing yourself with Kyouko when in the first place, you are different than her. Like I said, you have your own charms and your own strengths. And those same charms are one of the many reasons why I got interested in you. That is why...”

Holding the blue with yellow ribbon chocolate box on his right hand, he extended it to me. His face was blushing but he still tried to be calm. Instead of his usual nervousness, he gave a sincere smile.

“Akari, I like you.”

…

“E-eh!?”

I immediately shot up from the swing I was sitting at this entire time. I can feel my heart beating so fast, as if I am running in a marathon. Not to mention… my cheeks burning up.

“W-what are you saying, Yuichi!?” I shouted at him, “Y-you like me…?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“… B-but what about Kyouko-san…”

“Don’t worry about her, she was the one who asked me to go find you in the first place.”

When he said that, I couldn’t help but feel guilty.

I think… Kyouko-san must have known about everything already, both my feelings and his. Maybe that is why she said what she just said.

The same girl that I was comparing myself into, the same person I have been envying for is helping me, which is ironic.

…

“A-akari!”

As if everything came crashing down at me, I feel myself finally losing strength in my legs. I was about to fall when Yuichi caught me into his arms. My head is now in his chest. I can hear his heart beating really fast, like mine. I looked at him to see that he is all flustered, which was cute.

He was about to let me go when…

“A little bit longer, please…”

The warmth of his body resonated around me as I wrapped my arms around him, hugging him tight. I buried my face at his chest. I could feel his body hesitating a little but sooner or later calmed down.

“… This looks like how we used to back then.” He spoke.

“Mhm.” I nodded.

“You used to hug me a lot before when you feel lonely and sad. It is embarrassing now I think about it, haha…”

“M…hm…” I nodded once more.

I could feel his arm wrapping around me, returning the hug. The memories that I was reminiscing at earlier, those same ones that made me feel sad and depressed, all suddenly filled with vibrant colors. As if nostalgia hit me, I felt my eyes tearing up.

“Yuichi…”

“Yes, Akari?”

“Are you really okay with me…?”

“Of course.”

“Even though I am like this…?”

“Yeah. Whether you are cheerful or even sad, I will accept everything about you.”

As more tears run over my face, I continued crying at his chest. His warm hand was patting the back of head, giving me comfort.

“Yuichi… I…”

He looked at me, with eyes filled with reassurance. They were looking at me as if he was trying to say, ‘I am here waiting so take your time.’

He is so kind… so gentle… so sweet…

“Yeah, what is it?”

I felt as if the chains that I once used to lock my feelings into has been unshackled.

No more hiding… no more running away… and no more secrets…

“Yuichi, I love you.”

I slowly moved closer to his face…

.

.

.

…and that was when our lips met.

I never felt a more blissful and satisfying feeling that this. This moment was all I dreamed of. This moment that I once thought will never be possible… I feel so happy.

.

.

.

After what seems for a long time, we parted. There was a little bit of distance between me and him now, the both of us blushing like crazy.

We are really awkward, aren’t we?

“A-Akari…” Yuichi tried to speak, “That was… unexpected.”

“Y-yeah… sorry about that.”

…

After a few seconds of silence, out of nowhere, we started laughing. Even in this moment where most would be very serious about this, we were laughing as if we are still children.

Briefly, I looked around me and realized how much this place holds value for the two of us. Back then and right now. I can’t thank it enough…

“Oh, by the way, here’s your chocolate.”

He handed over the chocolate box to me. It is funny that yesterday we spent many hours making this one box and, in the end, it all returned to me. I opened it up to find the chocolate have mostly melted.

“Just how warm that trench coat is?” I bluntly asked him.

“Yeah, sorry. I shouldn’t have put it here. It ruined it.” He sadly replied, “But if you want, I can make it up to you somehow.”

“Nope, no need!”

“Eh?”

Embarrassed, I put the chocolate box in front of my face as I tried to hide the huge blush in my face.

.

.

.

“You have already given me the sweetest kind already in the first place.”

As soon as he heard that, his face immediately turned as red as a tomato and immediately started looking the other way. I couldn’t help but giggle at how this was.

“Hehe~”

He looked at me and immediately gave his signature sigh, “Cheeky as always, huh?”

“And you have to deal with this everyday even more now. You got that?”

When I asked that, I saw his face gave the warmest smile yet from him. That same smile that I have been always looking forward to see almost every day for the past years. That same smile that I love so much from him.

“Not that I have a choice anyway, right Akari?”

It was another one of his usual sarcastic replies but it had a different feeling in it, almost as if it is genuine.  I smiled back at him, as he described, cheekily as ever.

.

.

I wonder what will happen from now on?

Like how it was back then, we never expected to be at a point where we would be like this together and even right now, we don’t what the future will bring. But…

Whatever future would be brought to us, I would accept it. As long as I will able to stay by his side.

.

.

.

Not just as his childhood friend…

.

.

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... but as his most important person in his life.