Lindsey landed with a now-familiar sort of shock in a patch of vibrant green grass awash with wildflowers. About her was a pleasant woodland, and she lay beside another road….or to be more precise a narrow path, hardly more than a couple feet wide, which was paved with smooth cobbles. And on it were two rather extraordinary rabbits.

They were large rabbits, but that was not what made them extraordinary. No, rather it was the way in which they sat on their back haunches and held small baskets in their forepaws, and the slack-jawed way in which they were staring at her. Their fluffy white chins drooped limply in a paralysis of bewilderment, while each ear was pricked erect in a shocked rigor mortis, and their black eyes blinked wide in utter astonishment.

Lindsey looked back at the rabbits and smile nervously. The rabbits looked at one another.

“And now there’s a third one!”

“Shocking!”

“Fell out of the sky, just like that!”

“I’ve never heard of such a thing!”

“Nor I!”

“Nor anyone!”

“Hardly credible!”

“Hardly respectable!”

“Uh, hi?” Lindsey propped herself up on an elbow.

“It talks!”

“The other ones didn’t talk!”

“Uh, yeah. I talk.”, Lindsey said, “Do you know where the “other ones” went?”

“Shall we talk back to it?”

“I don’t think so. Not proper without a proper introduction anyway. Best ignore it do you suppose?”

“I don’t know, we might want to ask it if there mightn’t be more of them. Are they going to start falling out of the sky very often do you suppose? And landing on top of us, our houses and our gardens?”

“This seems to be the last one. Let’s just ignore it.”

“Hey, listen.” Lindsey said as she began to get up.

“Scatter!”

The two rabbits dropped their baskets and dashed off on all fours into the woods. Lindsey stood up and cursed silently to herself. Talking rabbits now, huh? More like a bunch of rude scaredy-cat talking rabbits.

A shadow fell across the ground before her, and Lindsey turned to see Hae-jin approaching.

Hae-jin looked about briefly and spoke.

“Where are those Rabbits off to?”

“They just ran away. Did you hear them talk!”

“They talked?”

“Is that normal in this world of yours?”

“I don’t know actually. I’ve heard tales, but I have certainly never witnessed such a thing before myself. We must quite far from Zhongyang indeed, or perhaps in yet another world entirely.”

“Where’s the Bird?”

“He told me to come back here for you, and that we’d meet him at a signpost just up the road. Come.”

They followed the path for some distance before reaching the signpost the Bird had spoken of. It was a tidy object, smartly crafted with two elegantly carved signs, one pointing to the left and the other right, for here the path had come to a fork.

The signs bore on them the first examples of writing which Lindsey had seen in this peculiar world she had fallen into. She recalled the words of the Bird regarding the “gift of tongues” she and Hae-jin has supposedly been given. The whole thing was a bit weird, but whatever it was it somehow worked, and apparently even applied to writing. She could plainly see that the words were neither written in modern English nor with any alphabet she had ever seen. Yet, she could read it all quite clearly.

The signs gave very little to go on, however. Each was shaped like an arrow, and bore only a list of names, or a least what Lindsey assumed were names.

Lindsey was interrupted in her thoughts with a gentle tap on the shoulder. She turned to meet Hae-jin’s eye, and he pointed at the ground by the base of the sign, where Lindsey saw four feathers of an unmistakable golden hue lying on the road, arranged in an arrow towards the left hand route.

Lindsey looked back up at the leftward sign and read off the names to herself again:

Rabbits Smith

Rabbits Jones

Rabbits Wiggins

Rabbits Tyler

Fox-Goodburrow

Rabbits Jenkins

Rabbits Wilberforce

Wogs

Lindsey turned to Hae-jin.

“I guess we’re supposed to follow the arrow, then?

Hae-jin merely shrugged, and began to walk in that direction. Lindsey followed.

Just visible through the trees ahead, Lindsey saw what appeared to be a small structure. Hardly big enough for a house, it seemed more in the way of a large shed. Yet a house it proved to be as Lindsey and Hae-jin reached it. And up ahead, there appeared to be another, and still another.

The structures were definitely complete dwellings, ordinary looking cottages well finished and painted in bright colors, each surrounded by a small yard containing a garden plot or two and a few tiny outbuildings. They were principally distinguished by their size, having apparently been built for the comfort of very diminutive tenants, which Lindsey could only assume were Rabbits. Indeed, painted above the door of each house there was written a name, corresponding to those which had been on the signpost back at the fork. Rabbits Smith, Rabbits Jones, Fox-Goodburrow….and Wogs.

The seventh house along the road was a bit unlike the others. Taller, larger, and a bit sprawling, dilapidated and drooping in every direction, with overgrown grounds and not a inch of fresh paint in sight, save for the lettering above the door which bore but one word: “Wog”.

And at Lindsey’s feet along the path, there were four golden feathers arranged in an arrow, pointing directly at the house.

Lindsey and Hae-jin exchanged a look. Then together they approached the door, and Lindsey knocked.

There was silence. Lindsey knocked again.

This time, muffled voices, then silence again. Lindsey knocked for a third time.

This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

Muffled voices again, followed by a scrabbling noise, and in a moment the door opened with an unpleasant sort of creak.

If sounds could be seen, the creaking of the door would likely have looked very much like the creature who had done the opening. Already becoming rapidly accustomed to strange sights, Lindsey was nonetheless taken aback by the being which was now glaring petulantly at her.

It was just under five feet tall or so, and shaped more or less like a human in most respects. Scrawny, boney, with skin like a mouldy tangerine, its face was angular and its nose a full four or five inches long. It had ears of equally outrageous size, shaped very much like those of a donkey and were full of bristly black hairs. It was dressed in vaguely medieval looking attire in faded colors, and on its head was a bright yellow cap.

The creature gazed up at Lindsey and Hae-jin, blinking back and forth between them for a moment with a look of bewilderment, then recognition followed by a dark scowl.

“Oh my fickle gods. Humans.”

And the creature slammed the door shut.

Lindsey and Hae-jin looked at one another, speechless for a moment. Hae-jin opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted when the door was opened again and the creature reappeared.

The creature looked sternly at them for a moment, and then spoke.

“You do realize that this is impossible? At least it’s supposed to be, at any rate. It’s not allowed. I never agreed to see anyone impossible. You can tell that Bird that I won’t have anything to do with flagrant impossibilities.”

Hae-jin remained speechless, but Lindsey did not.

“In my world, little orange monsters with bad attitudes are impossible, so that makes us even. The Bird told us to come here, so here we are. If you don’t want to talk to us, fine. We’ll wait here for the Bird.”

“Now now now missy, don’t be getting all hoity toity at me.”

“Hey, I don’t have to take any garbage from ‘impossibilities’, mister monster.”

“Well of all the cheek!”

And the creature slammed the door again.

Hae-jin coughed.

“You didn’t have to insult the…..the...the whatever it was.”

Lindsey threw up her hands.

“Look, I’ve just about had it up to here. Earlier today I jumped through a hole in my floor without any idea why or where it led and I still don’t even know what I’m supposed to be doing here and I’m still not even sure whether I’ve just done the stupidest thing in my life or if I’m just plain crazy and hallucinating it all. If that’s not enough to give a girl something to bitch about, then I don’t know what would be.”

“I understand, Lindsey Ann Fluger…..”

“And you can call me Lindsey.”

“I understand, Lindsey. This is new to me as well. Let’s wait for the Bird. When he comes back….”

Again Hae-jin was interrupted as the door opened and the creature emerged for the third time. It stood there glaring for a moment, and Lindsey glared back at it.

Lindsey raised an eyebrow.

“Well?”

The creature shuffled.

“Fine. You can come inside. But don’t say I didn’t warn you, because I’m going to right now. Dire consequences will come of this ill fated encounter, you can take my word for it.”

“And what is your word worth?”

“Fifty-one silver marks.”

“Oh great. And how are we supposed to trust you then?”

“By paying me fifty-one silver marks. That’s my price and I’m sticking to it. The Bird can pay up or do without me. Come inside, and I’ll dig up some cold ham and beer. Don’t thank me, the Bird will have to pay for that too.”

With that the creature swung his door wide, and beckoned inward.

The interior of the house was dim, cramped and cluttered. The walls and ceiling were decked with hooks and knobs of all sorts from which hung every manner of object, from pots, tools, and bundles of herbs to old clothes, armor, and rusty weapons. Battered furniture was stacked high with an equally mixed assortment of articles, and the floor was strewn with nut shells, wood shavings, the odd bone or two, and other sorts of careless refuse. A chicken was rummaging about the floor, and fluttered off to perch on the mantlepiece as Lindsey and Hae-jin entered the room.

Beneath the mantle there was a table set with a half eaten meal at which two more creatures sat, eyeing the newcomers warily.

Their host waved grandly about the room.

“Welcome to the house of Wog. I am Alwog. These are my brothers….” Alwog indicated to the two creatures at the table. “.....that is Berwog, and that is Gerthwog.”

To Lindsey all three appeared wholly indistinguishable, save for the color of their caps. Their host Alwog wore a yellow cap, while Berwog’s cap was red and Gerthwog’s was green.

The one called Gerthwog addressed Alwog while jerking a rude thumb in Lindsey’s direction.

“Humans? You know they’re illegal, Al.”

Alwog shrugged.

“Sure I do. I’m thinking we should charge more, seeing as they’re humans, properly impossible and all. I’m thinking sixty silver marks would be more like it.”

The one called Berwog piped up.

“You mean sixty-one! You can’t divide sixty by three, not evenly.”

Gerthwog rolled a disgruntled eye over to his other brother.

“Yes, you can divide sixty evenly by three.”

“No you can’t!”

“Yes you can. Use ‘rithmetic!”

Berwog squinted and began to count on his fingers.

“...Nope, still don’t come out even. Sixty-one I say!”

“No, sixty. Here, lunkhead, I’ll prove it to you.”

Gerthwog seized a fork and began carving sums into the table, muttering the results to his brother.

At this point, Hae-jin addressed Alwog.

“What do you mean, humans are illegal? And impossible?”

“They’re against the law. Against the law and against the magic. Human’s aren’t allowed here, that’s the law of the Drixi.”

“Who are the Drixi?”

“The law-givers ‘round these parts.”

“Ah? And what do these Drixi have against humans?”

“Most everything, so it seems. Don’t want them around nohow.”

“And yet you are willing to defy them?”

“The Bird got you here, didn’t he? Got you here right past all that Drixi magic. I’m thinking the Bird’s magic must be better. I’m always happy to offer my services to the party with the better magic….for the proper fee, of course.”

“Of course.”

“Of course. Sit down, make yourselves comfortable. Don’t know when that bird will be back.”

Alwog slouched over to the table and flung himself into one of the chairs, propping his feet up next to the cold ham and between the faces of his two brothers, who were now in the heat of an argument. Hae-jin squatted down in a relatively clear part of the floor. Lindsey took one look at the floor, then another at the filthy furniture about her, and decided to remain standing.

The brothers Berwog and Gerthwog continued to argue. Alwog leaned back, humming and whistling and muttering snatches of lyrics from ribald sounding songs. Hae-jin remained silent, and Lindsey began to wander around what little there was of the confined room.

Her eyes lighted upon the mantelpiece, which was remarkably clean compared to any other surface in the room, containing only a peculiar wooden structure not unlike the sort used to display bottles of fine wine, on which there were three objects which appeared to be the substantive remains of three large eggs, one of a vaguely yellowish hue, one of red, and the other green. As she took a step closer for another look, Alwog spoke up with a nod in that direction.

“Those are ours, of course. Family heirlooms.”

“Yours? Are they eggs?”

“Of course they are.”

“Are you telling me you and your brothers hatched from eggs?”

“What do you take us for, freaks?”

“Um….”

“I forgot, you’re a human. You breed like the Rabbits and Drixi. Why any creature should be born outside of a proper egg is beyond me, but I suppose your hereditary defects are your own business.”

It may have been Alwog’s intention to further elucidate on the specific shortcomings of live birth, but he never had a chance to speak, as from the door there came a pair of dull thuds which reverberated throughout the house and shook it’s creaking timbers, leaving a bewildered hush in its wake.

Berwog and Gerthog had stopped arguing, and all three Wogs were staring in the direction of the door. Lindsey and Hae-jin exchanged a concerned look.

Alwog arose, and tiptoed over to the door. He opened his mouth to speak, but before he could a throaty voice came from outside.

“I was told by the Bird to come here. Open up.”