So, I've been killed by the entity of Mother Nature. Fan-fucking-tastic.... Welp, time to see how I lived...

As I looked into the nothingness of an empty room, I was able to see my whole life flash before my eyes. So many opportunities, squandered and wasted by indecision and doubt. A career path, not taken nor explored because money was tight and no one wanted to take a shitty job that paid decently enough. If only I had sixteen more bucks from my check, I would be at home, minding my fucking business, likely looking for someone to have a night with or just game to my heart's content... Bus was late and walking seemed like a good idea.

I didn't anticipate nor account for nature herself, having a bit of a tantrum and piss cats and dogs on me. A light shower turned into a moderate storm and then a raging thunderstorm. I though Oz was calling, but nope... A stray fucking bolt (fuck you Thor or Zeus) forced me into a random ditch, ass-side backwards with my skull caved in. Thus ended my life as ______ ______ (You really think I'm going to give you my name??? Nah, maybe once this has ended for good).

So, I've been waiting for what seemed to be a short minute (the perception of time doesn't matter for the dead because, well, you know, we're dead already) when two "Beings of a Higher Nature" appeared before me. The feeling you get when you're outclassed, outgunned and outmatched was the feeling I got when presented with them.

"Hm... Not a remarkable fellow, are ya?" the snide fucking angel commented.

"I wager that this fellow would do well in my ranks." the snarky piss demon added.

Oh right, I need to describe looks:

- The Fucking Angel: She looks like a typical angelic nun with the busted ass sandals and then matching cleanly pressed white robes to boot. She held a crown on her head and seems to be the angelic authority in this dimension... Her hair shimmered like false and manufactured white gold with a hint of aquamarine near the roots.

- The Piss Demon: Ever see the likes of a demon in a goddamn suit? Well, this fucker didn't have the suit, but was looking clean with some gothic business attire with a slick pair of shoes. Aside from the numerous of jewelry at several points on him, nothing screamed to me "Join this Fucker"...

"So, I must be the latest one to make a choice."

"Look, the human can speak."

"I'm aware that communication is possible. Greetings, young one. My name is Laurel, Keeper of the Angelic Accord and current angelic presence for the Planet you'll be heading to next." Laurel commented.

"And I'm the MOTHERFUCKER that will SPRAY HER BUSTED SANDALS WITH PISS, Demarite, Hellbringer of the same place and current idol to the Cult of Savages and Death."

I wasn't moved nor impressed by their introductions. I just wanted to figure out what they were selling so I can decide and get to stepping.

"My name isn't relevant because I'm just going to get a new identity and just be reborn, correct?"

"Look at this motherfucker, knowing his fucking fate. WELL, I GOT NEWS FOR YOU, LITTLE DICKWEED! You will go to the Planet, Culvurn, but not as a reborn. NAH, MOTHERFUCKER! You'll be a transgressor!"

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"Despite the vulgar language Demarite speaks, yes, you will be a transgressor on Culvurn. So, I offer you to become a hero for my legion and help tip the scales of battle against the ever-present dark forces that plague the planet."

"NAH BITCH..."

"Your profanity is become an irritant. Unless you want to go to war right now, refrain the liberal use of it here at least."

"Fine then. Anyhow, join me and I'll mold you into the greatest general that the world will ever know and perhaps get some sweet revenge on the mistress who sent you here to us."

I didn't know what to believe or think. On one side of the coin, I would be doing Laurel's dirty work and be a hero in her legion. A notion I wasn't too keen on pursuing at all. Demarite's offer wasn't any sweeter and personally, I wasn't going to settle for either one and I wanted to just move the fuck on.

"So, what's the procedure for waste management?"

"Waste management? I don't believe that's a relevant question to ask."

"Stand aside! So, we just dump the bodies wherever for us!"

"Disgusting. I always knew you were vile. You dare pollute my land with the stench of the undead and filth!?"

"I'm not going to mince words. Demarite, you good sir is making a huge mess and a biological roadmap for the heroes to chase your forces and eventually defeat you."

"See, if you just bury them and sanctify them, the glory I present would do you some good."

"So, the unethical use of religious chemicals or is it an old-fashion burn pit?"

"Look here, MOTHERFUCKER!!!!! I don't GIVE A FUCK about what you think about waste management!"

"I have to agree with Demarite here. There's no need to concern yourself with the disposal of bodies."

Upon hearing those two actually agree on something, I decided, fuck them and I'll do the work myself. If they didn't value the disposal of the dead, then I will.

"I've made my decision."

"You have?"

"AH YEAH! So, you fin to join us?"

"Sorry, but I'm going to decline your offer Lord Demarite."

"You don't need to be so formal with him. So, I take it you're going to aid my cause then?"

"Not a chance in hell or your world's equivalent. Instead, I'm going to find a way out, get a tome or book with writing instruments and begin drafting a disposal plan and possibly make use off of the waste and recycle them into something worth a damn."

"I see that two trash deities got rejected by someone with some common and logical sense."

A third deity walked in and they were decked with the latest hippy wear you can get at a thrift stop nowadays. They had a rather interesting crown of thorns and bark and they walked like they held a purpose.

"Jule...."

"High Spiritweaver Jule, to what do we owe the honor?"

"Oh nothing much, except the total rejection from a mortal that has something on their mind and wants to make use of it. You there, tell you what, join me and I'll allow you to start this waste management plan and I'll even fund you out of pocket for you to get right to work."

Jule's offer was far more appealing to me then being a fucking hero or villain.

"Do I get to call the shots without your interference with day-to-day operations?"

"Don't listen to them! Join my legion and together we can conquer the evil on the planet!"

"You sound desperate, Laurel. Personally, I don't mind them joining Jule as they wouldn't be allied with either one of us and they can do whatever they please, so long as it doesn't pertain to my minions."

"You're conceding?"

"Yes. What of it?"

"You, you, you..."

"Spit it out."

"ASSHOLE! Never in all my centuries that someone like you don't actively try to tempt them with power!!!! So, what makes today the exception???"

"Jule is here and have we beaten Jule?"

"I have... Once or twice."

"The fucker let you to save face. I haven't won straight up and it's not happening today. So, I'll concede this prospect for another one waiting in the many waiting rooms."

*Sigh* "Fine. Jule, you win today. Take them and get lost!"

With no further protest, I was now at he employ of High Spiritweaver Jule. Little did i know, joining up with them would send me on the trip in another lifetime...