“You said he wouldn’t call the cops!” Jack the Trucker yelled, his foot on the brakes.
“What a jacking bastard!” Jackie the Waitress exclaimed. “I’ll kill him!”
The cops across the parking lot motioned to Jack the Trucker to come on over. There was nothing to be done about it at this point. There was no way he was going to outrun the cops in a semitruck, bobtail or not. All he could do was go forward. He let his foot off the brakes and slowly, very slowly, drove over to where the cops and his loaded trailer were, trying to think of something to say or do that would keep him out of jail.
“We cleaned the truck,” the Waitress said. “It’ll be fine. There’s no evidence.”
“Don’t cops have special lights that let them detect blood even when it’s been cleaned?” Jack the Trucker said. “I think they do. I’m going to jail. We’re going to jail.”
“Jesus!” the Waitress said. “Can’t you… we can….”
Jack groaned audibly but continued puttering towards the cops. When they finally made it he set the airbrakes and, after taking some time to prepare himself, got out of the truck slowly, the Waitress getting out on the passenger side. The line cook had a satisfied grin on his face as he locked eyes with Jack the Trucker.
“This Jack says you murdered somebody, a fellow truck driver,” the detective said. “And here I thought the first day of existence was going to be boring. That’s his truck out there now on the interstate now, isn’t it? Is what I just said all true?”
“No!” Jack said, trying to think quick. “I… uh… we just fought, is all! He, uh, his truck’s there because I, uh, took his keys! As punishment! I won the fight, you see. Yes, I took his keys. He probably left his truck there to get a ride into a town with a locksmith. You can search my truck if you want!”
“So, you still have his keys?” the detective asked.
“Well, uh, no,” Jack the Trucker said. “I, uh, threw them away.”
“Where’d you throw them away at?” the uniformed officer asked. “We can retrieve them.”
“I flushed them down a toilet,” Jack said.
“Providing false information to a police officer during the carrying out of his duties,” the detective said, sounding unimpressed. “That’s also a crime, along with the murder.”
“It was self-defense!” the Waitress yelled. “The other guy attacked him! The jackass came into his truck with… with deadly intent!”
“If that’s the case, then why didn’t you just call it in? Self-defense is right, if what you say is true, which I doubt that it is. You both just went to dispose of the body, is that right? Yes, you’re on the line for this, too, little missy.
“I’m a man!” the Waitress snapped.
“Aren’t you all?” the detective said with a grin.
“I didn’t want to… I didn’t want to call it in because I wasn’t sure what the legal system was like in this story world,” Jack the Trucker said. “I didn’t know if you’d be just.”
“Jack’s justice is always just,” the uniformed officer said. “Shall I arrest them, Detective?”
“Yes,” the Detective said.
“You do not have the right to remain silent,” the uniformed officer said, as he came over and started arresting Jack the Trucker. “Everything you do can and will be used for the good of the story world. You have—”
“Wait!” Jack the Trucker yelled. “Wait! Wait!”
“What?” the Detective said.
Jack the Trucker wrenched free from the uniformed cop, one shackle of the handcuffs already locked on his right wrist, and got out his wallet shakily. He had just remembered! It was behind his credit card, the Get Out of Jail Free card! He pulled it out and handed it to the detective.
The uniformed cop looked at it with curiosity and laughed out loud, making the hole in the pit of Jack’s stomach grow deeper. However, the detective didn’t laugh, he looked at it with earnest seriousness and flipped it over. The detective pulled out a 2-way radio while still studying the back of the card.
“You can’t be serious,” the uniformed cop said to the detective. “There’s no such thing as a Get Out of Jail Free card. It’s from Monopoly!”
“It’s got a code,” the detective said. “Best call it in to be sure. Always go by the book!”
The detective motioned for the officer to follow him and they went over out of ear shot to talk on the radio.
“Jackass!” the Waitress yelled under her breath at the line cook.
“You left me!” the line cook said back. “You left me high and—”
The Waitress came up to the line cook and slugged him in the face. “We’re in the middle of nowhere, idiot!” she screamed. “You don’t even need me!” She kicked him in the testicles and started wailing on him when he collapsed to the ground.
“Help!” the line cook screamed towards the cops. “She’s assaulting me!
“What, you can’t handle a Jackie?” the uniformed cop asked. They went back to talking amongst themselves.
“I should jacking kill you!” the Waitress said, kicking him in the face. “You’re lucky I don’t.”
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The line cook bolted up and rushed away. The Waitress went to follow him but was told to stop by the uniformed officer. After a few more minutes on the radio the two cops came back over, the card still in hand.
“Well, it’s legit,” the detective said. “And very rare, from what my captain told me. You’re very fortunate to have started with one.”
“Hell, maybe he’s the main character,” the uniformed officer said. The detective and he both laughed heartily at that.
A wave of relief washed over Jack the Trucker and his tense muscles relaxed.
“It’s a single use thing,” the detective said, after his laughter had died down. “You give it up when it’s used, so that means I keep it.”
“And Jackie?” Jack asked. “Is it good for her, too?”
“No,” the detective said. “It’s only good for one person. But it’s not like she helped you kill him, so I’ll make an exception in this case, for the good of the story world and all that. Besides, I couldn’t arrest such a cute face as hers.”
The cops both laughed at that as the Waitress turned red with rage but otherwise remained silent.
“Thank you,” Jack the Trucker said. “Really.”
“Yes,” Jackie the Waitress said reluctantly. “Th… thank you.”
“All in a day’s work, my lady,” the detective said, grinning. “Now unless there’s anything else, we’ll be off.”
“Yes, we have a question,” Jackie the Waitress said. “Do you guys know anything about a cop convention in Jack Sin City?”
“Like a conference, or something?” the detective asked.
“Yes,” Jackie said.
“No, no I’ve not heard of anything like that. Why do you ask?”
“We’re hauling a load of police type gear,” the Waitress said. “Blackjacks and bullet proof vests and things like that.”
“Oh?” the detective said. “Let’s see it.”
Jack the Trucker scowled at Jackie the Waitress. He didn’t like the idea of cops being up in his business any longer. He just wanted them to leave. And she had said ‘we’re hauling.’ ‘We.’ He walked to the back of the trailer with the cops and Jackie the Waitress along with him and unlocked it. The officer climbed up into the back while the detective watched him from the ground.
“A treasure trove!” the officer exclaimed after taking a few minutes to investigate the boxes. “All kinds of stuff in here: batons, vests, drones. Guns, too!” the officer said after looking through the crates. “You should bring your cruiser back here, Detective. We can load up! The chief will be pleased about this.”
“What!” Jack the Trucker exclaimed. “You’re robbing me?”
“Yes,” the Detective said matter-of-factly.
“And what happened to doing everything by the book?” Jackie the Waitress asked.
“Corrupt cops make for a good story world,” the uniformed officer said, beginning to throw blackjacks on the ground. The detective got his vehicle and came around to the back. He started loading the items that were thrown to the ground into the back of it greedily. A little later the uniformed officer brought his cruiser around and they started loading that up. Jack the Trucker looked on in horror. Jackie the Waitress and he shared a glance and she just shrugged.
“And what am I supposed to say to the receiver?” Jack the Trucker asked.
“You can just tell them some stuff fell off the truck,” the uniformed officer said, who was just finishing up filling his cruiser to the brim. The uniformed officer walked into the deep of the trailer. Jack felt flustered, he hoped he wouldn’t find—”
“Oh wow!” the officer exclaimed. “Detective! You got to see this!”
The uniformed officer walked back towards the trailer doors, holding the gold plated JK-47 in both hands. The detective whistled.
“That’s gold!” the Detective exclaimed. “That means it’s important.”
“What?” Jack asked.
“Gold means plot relevance. That means it’s extremely rare. I’m afraid we’ll be taking it. Our superior will want it.”
“What!?” Jack the Trucker exclaimed. “How am I supposed to explain—”
“Like Officer Jack said, just say it fell off the truck,” the detective. “I think that’ll do us for now, though.”
The detective closed the trunk of his cruiser. “The Crackerjackerson County Sheriff’s Department thanks you for your charitable donation. If there’s nothing else you need, we’ll be off now.”
“Thanks,” Jack said stiffly.
“Thank you,” the sheriff’s deputy said with a sly grin.
Jack the Trucker and Jackie the Waitress both stood by as they watched the cops leave in their respective cars, hauling away a not insignificant portion of what Jack was hauling. Jack the Trucker could only sigh. Half in consternation at the theft, half in relief that they were gone. He might have been able to explain the lightened crates, but the JK-47 was going to be another story. The Waitress took out her pack of Jacky Strikes and lit one and inhaled.
“Give me one of those Jackies,” Jack the Trucker said.
Jack the Trucker let Jackie the Waitress light his cigarette from his mouth and took a deep drag. A pleasant nicotine rush immediately washed over him. He wasn’t a regular smoker, but living in this hellhole might make him one. He didn’t mind the idea. He didn’t know if he’d live long enough to develop cancer, with the world being in the state it was. Hell, there could be nuclear war for all he knew, or the sun could blow up, or any other number of things could happen. There’s no telling what the Jackverse had in store for them.
They finished their cigarettes in silence and threw them out on the asphalt. They each got in the truck and Jack the Trucker let off his air brake and drove over and backed into the trailer to lock it in. After he connected the air hoses and put up the landing gear he got back in and drove out of the Jack’s Compassion truck stop, hoping he would never have to see it again. Jackie and him sat in silence, and after a few minutes of this she turned on the radio:
“…a story that’s certainly mysterious,” the DJ on the radio said. “There appears to be a large pyramid at the site of Area 51, much larger than the pyramids in the real world’s Egypt, but just as ancient looking. No news reporters or scientists have been able to gain access to it due to it being a top-secret government installation. The guards there do not respond when questioned. A reporter asked the White House press secretary about it, but was told the White House has no knowledge of it but would reach out for more information through the proper channels. That’s all the information we have on the pyramids.
“For right now, though, I’d like to turn away from that for a moment and speak to you about this presidential assassination for a bit. Was it an exciting moment? Yes. Was it good for the story? Probably. Should it have happened, though? No. The comments the Speaker made earlier are true. Order and Chaos, Harmonians and Discordians, are two sides of the same coin, two sides of the same balance. They’re both working for and against one another so that neither side has total power over the other. There are radical elements in our society that would have you believe their side needs to be the one with all the power. These elements show a wanton disregard for our system, for our laws, for our way of life. Jacks should be a united front, all working towards making the story good in their own way! Legally, I mean!
“And what I’ve seen so far in the wake of this assassination has made me proud. From the Speaker’s comments to the actions of Jacks on the streets, it shows we’re all coming together to mourn the loss of our late president, putting aside our philosophical differences to make the story world that much greater! The real world should take note, ha! And that’s why this DJ fully supports the motion to skin the assassin alive on national television. Show these radical actors what we do to their kind! That’s just one humble DJ’s opinion, though, but we’d like to hear yours! Do you think we should skin the assassin? How are you mourning the loss of the president? What’s your first day been like? Give us a call at 123-123-1231 and we’ll talk to some of you on air after our next break.
“But for now, in light of this news of the strange pyramid that’s been found, let’s hear one final song from Jack the Bard before he leaves our studio. A proper send off for such a mysterious discovery in the Jackverse, here he’ll play “The World is Out of This World.” This has been DJ Jack with KCAJ, your home for all things Jack!”