Oh no, ohhh no. I messed up, I messed up real bad. Okay, alright. Let me get my bearings straight guys. I may or may not have just stolen the Crocean princess’s royal sapphire, but that’s neither here nor there. What does matter that even if I would do such a horrible thing, I would have one hundred percent, completely justifiable reasons for me to do so.

Okay, okay, let me just give you an example. You’re a galactically famous smuggler, thousands of light years under your belt, so you get a job from the most prolific Government in all of Andromeda. So then you do their run, which would probably be illegal in three sectors mind you, and you do it perfectly. You would come back expecting a welcoming party along with the promised reward, and maybe even a princess or two to take to bed. Let me tell you, two princesses are a hell of a lot better than one. But no, I show up to no greeting party, no prize, and worse of all, no goddamn princess.

In this situation, I’m sure that any reasonable person would go and try to have a reasonable discussion, see what happened. So you get back and you find out that there has been a change in regime. As much as you enormously care about that, that doesn’t affect your money, or your princess. But then they have the utter audacity to throw you out on your ass and threaten your ship! My ship, my fucking jewel.

So then I, I mean you, decide you are going to go and get that prize. No, you’re going to get more than that. You have to consider emotional damage, of course. So the first thing you do is use your connections to get that princess. Sure, at first it would of been a nice extra, but now it was earned. And with her being her rebellious self, and you being your devilishly handsome, six foot seven pounds of six percent muscle, of course you made it to her room.

Yada yada, time of her life, it’s all over in a few hours. So now the daddy’s girl is asleep, your long black hair is everywhere, and you see something shiny in the corner. Don’t lie to me, you’re going to go see what it is. And when it just happens to be a special sapphire, that you know would look absolutely stunning in a necklace you once saw once. The obvious thing to do here is borrow it, maybe leave an IOU, but you forgot just this once!

So after all this, you’ve finally been properly compensated. Time to go and celebrate with your favorite first mate, right? WELL, apparently not here, in Crocean space. Now, I get it, maybe partying in your territory after I’ve received what was rightfully mine was offensive to you. I was in the wrong here, I admit that. But was a Titan class cruiser really what you had to send after me? I’m one hell of a good pilot, with one hell of a good ship, but there’s no way to escape from that thing completely unscathed.

So me and the… Wait a second! Dammit, okay, so all that wasn’t just a hypothetical, it was me. You caught me, but still! Come on man, I just wanted  my pay day. So here I am, flying fast and far with my ship, frantically writing a captain’s log while I'm being shot at like I’m one of those criminals on T.V. If you’re asking why I’m writing this instead of flying the ship… Well, I’m a great pilot, but my first mate, Tony, is slightly better. Like, very tiny slightly.

Seeing as these very well may be my last words, I’d like to say a few things. Mom, dad, who the fuck were you two and why did you think it was a good idea to leave me with Bill. To my brother Bill, you were an asshole. To my sweet princess, you were certainly the best I’ve ever had, I’ll see you in the next life love. To the assholes chasing me right now, I’ll have Bill send a picture of me and the princess, I think that would be better than any way I could express my feelings currently.

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Oh fan-fucking-tastic. Another explosion rang through the corridor, throwing me from the desk and causing me to cut my arm. Now my beautiful skin is ruined, these people are going to pay. All I have to do is… Wait, why is the sapphire glowing like that. It’s bright and azure blue… Kind of like back home, when the blue sun radiated so bright. Shaking my head, I remind myself that's in the past, and the glowing piece of gem is in front of me. Calling out to me… Maybe I should touch it…

I reach out my hand, now toned in a light blue. I’ve been to a lot of places, seen a lot of things, but this gives me a vastly different feeling from what I’ve ever felt before. Touching it is going to change my life, I know it, but reaching for it is so excruciating slow. Everything around me is happening in vivid detail. I hear my first mate negotiating my surrender, I see every minute crack in the metal walls and every bit of damage done to my priceless paintings. I smell the burning of my ship around me, I taste the same burning. And most of all, I feel myself grasping that infinitely beautiful stone.

And now it’s all gone. I blink hard twice, looking around at my new surroundings. Alright, okay, so this is my the burning wreckage of my beloved ship. Everything here is ancient feeling, made of stone. I haven’t seen a stone building in… Well ever. No to mention the fact that its damp and kind of green, this might as well be a VR game. And that's when it hit me, there were no light sources.

Uhm, okay, so now I have night vision. Of course, immediately after this thought, the stairwell that was apparently to my left opened, and I saw where the light came from. Which is to say, all the bricks emanated a faint light, which I could only see once I saw actual light. It was while looking at this actual light, that I saw maybe the most horrific thing of my life.

“So, hi, how are you doing baby?”

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?!” Ouch, she’s just as vicious as I remember. But just as beautiful too, with that short red hair, and those curves… And how short she is, damn! I could just forgive her. Even if she is angrily walking over to me.

“How is it of all the possible bumbling idiots that could possibly have been chosen by that accursed stone, of all the trillions of people, OF ALL THE TRILLIONS OF CREATURES, IT WAS YOU! IT’S ALWAYS YOU! You insufferable piece of trash, I don’t care if you are chosen or not!” Or not. But she’s gonna keep on going like this for a while, so I might as well try to figure out where I am. Using my fine tune skills, I look passed her in an attempt to see where I was. The only thing I could make out beyond this room was a… Purple sun.

So we have an old ex(she happens to be one of those princess’s I mentioned early), a weird sapphire thing, and a god damn purple sun. Why does this seem like the beginning of some long, overdrawn adventure. And why do I seem so important to this? I know, maybe if I can just give the stone away before my importance is recognize… No you son of a bitch, not like this, don’t end the chapter here! NoooOOOOO!