Haru hated this.

He loathed this.

There had been a problem with the schedule at work and his shift wouldn’t end in time for him to walk Aki home from school.

They spent all of their time together, but their walks home were special. Even though they were outside, surrounded by others, it was like nothing else existed outside of their little bubble. It was a type of satisfying bliss that Haru couldn’t get anywhere else.

He left his brain on autopilot for the remainder of his shift, ignoring the strange looks from his coworkers. His pout was more like a glare and, even though it wasn’t aimed at anything in particular, it was still terrifying. No one dared to approach him and he appreciated their distance. Haru hadn’t cared for interacting with others ever since he was little. It was a waste of time and very rarely did he ever get anything useful out of it. Numbing himself to the world around him was the only way he kept sane.

Once he was free, Haru bolted out of the store and didn’t stop running until he reached his front door. He hoped Aki hadn’t been too lonely without him. There wasn’t any noise coming from inside, so he expected to find Aki napping, but when he opened the door, the place was empty. No shoes by the door, no coat hung up, no backpack tossed aside, and, most importantly, no Aki.

No Aki…

That couldn’t be right. Aki should have been home at least forty minutes ago. School wasn’t that far away.

“Aki?” he called. “Aki, where are you?”

Haru rushed in and searched their tiny home top to bottom. Not in the bathroom, not in the closet, not out on the balcony. He even searched the cabinets!

Where was he?!

Did he get lost on the way home?

He shouldn’t have. They had made that walk hundreds of times. Then again, Aki had become more and more scatterbrained lately. Haru hadn’t thought about the long term consequences of using sleeping pills when he started giving them to his little brother, but it was too late to take it back now.

What if someone snatched him off of the street?

Aki didn’t have a cellphone yet, he wouldn’t be able to call for help! Bile crept into Haru’s throat at the mere thought of someone touching his little Aki. Putting their sleazy hands on him. Cold… clammy… smothering-

NO

No. Never again.

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Haru had to get moving. He couldn’t just stand there, Aki needed him. His mind cycled through every worst case scenario.

He could be hurt and scared. He could…

Haru’s heart shattered into a million pieces as he thought of the absolute worst possibility.

What if this was on purpose?

What if Aki didn’t come back, because he didn’t want to?

Did he run away?

No! Of course not!

Why would Aki run away?

Haru provided well enough for them. He kept Aki safe and loved. Fed him, clothed him, even killed for him. Aki loved him too, didn’t he?

Had he done something wrong? Aki was so sensitive, maybe he hurt his feeling somehow. He hoped he hadn’t scared him, there would be no coming back from that.

His brain was on fire. It felt like it was going to explode. The air was being squeezed from his lungs by a cold vice of a dread.

How could Aki do this to him? The boy was afraid of his own shadow for crying out loud! Where would he even go? Haru never should have left him alone, not even for a minute!

Dammit! He was wasting time standing there worrying. He had to go out there and bring Aki back, whether he liked it or not.

He pulled his old gym bag from the closet and a roll of duct tape from under the kitchen sink. His eyes passed over the knife rack above the counter and paused.

He’d never had to worry about this sort of thing before. Aki had always been perfectly obedient. This was the first time he’d ever rebelled. He never so much as complained before, Haru had no idea what to do. The underutilized voice of reason in his head told him that Aki probably didn’t run away and he should be more focused on finding him before jumping to conclusions, but he still lingered on the terrible what ifs. His worst nightmares come to life.

He didn’t want to hurt Aki, he never wanted to hurt his precious little brother, but he couldn’t let him go either. If Aki really did run away… then he’d cross that bridge when he got to it. For now he needed to find him and make sure he was safe.

His heart skipped a beat when he heard the front door knob rattle.

“Haru-nii? Are you home? Why is the door unlocked?”

Haru nearly dropped to his knees when he saw Aki walk inside and kick off his shoes, completely unharmed. Not even a hair out of place. He tossed his bag aside and scooped Aki up into his arms, ignoring they boy’s startled protests as he held him close, listening to his heart beat and breathing in his scent.

Aki was home. He was home and safe in his arms.

“Haru-nii,” Aki said, pulling him from his thoughts as he tried to wriggle out of the hug, “you’re squashing me.”

But Haru didn’t let up.

“Where were you?” he asked. “I told you to come straight home!”

“I was, but I forgot my math book at school. I went back to get it and I guess I spaced out a little missed my turn on the way back. I’m sorry for making you worry.”

Aki’s head was definitely getting scrambled. As terrifying as the last fifteen minutes had been, Haru couldn’t help but find it a little endearing. So naive and dependent, another reason to keep him close.

“Next time wait for me to get home and we’ll both go back,” he said, as if there would be a next time. “You need to be more careful. It’s getting dark, it’s dangerous to be out wandering alone.”

“Yeah, it was scary by myself,” Aki agreed and wrapped his arms around Haru’s neck. “I don’t like being alone.”

The two couldn’t be any closer unless they crawled into each other’s skin, but Haru tried to hug him tighter without hurting themselves. Tension began to bleed away from his muscles and mind. Aki was still his. He’d been worried over nothing. He’d almost done something unthinkable for nothing…

“Me neither,” he said, swallowing the lump in his throat.

Haru kept Aki in his arms all night. Even as Aki slept, warm milk still sweet on his lips, he held him close as he played with his soft, dark hair. He had tomorrow off and decided he would keep Aki home from school as well, he wouldn’t wake up in time anyway. Haru needed to be close to him for a little while longer. Just until the menacing what ifs and nauseating trembles in his heart stopped.

He also resolved to get Aki his own cellphone. Money was tight, as usual, and he wanted to wait until the boy was thirteen, but the pros outweighed the cons now. Besides, he’d heard great things about those parental tracking apps. With something like that, Aki was never really be alone again.