What is a hero? A miserable pile of duties. Each duty worse than the last: Purity, Mightiness, Nobility, Honor, Fearlessness... Fairness... Death.

Why would anyone want to be a hero? Your purpose is to be used and to smile while doing it, as if the class' main weakness is its lack of a backbone! As for Villains? The forever force that exists to oppose the Hero. These guys are pretty much always tied to some weird reasons that turn them evil. Most of them share one description that lumps them into a simple yet fitting word: pathetic.

Is it a lover who died, so the partner now wants to turn death on its head and bend the laws of the universe just to get back together? Is it perhaps a hunter, crazed and addicted to the thrill? Perhaps it's just an evil wish, for the sake of, well... evil!—a genuine psychopath. Maybe it wants to cut down half of the universe's residents due to overpopulation.

All of these reasons, though valid to some extent—even logical when not emotional—are worthless in my opinion. Not selfish enough!

However, if you ask me, the hero is the real pathetic one here. Like, seriously now—how can we root for someone whose grand ambition boils down to "saving the world" and "stopping evil," all while being little more than some flawless, cookie-cutter, eye-candy idiot with no actual personality! Ugh. And don’t even get me started on the tired trope of "beauty equals good, ugly equals bad." It’s lazy, it’s insulting, and worst of all? The media eats this garbage up, then feeds it to you as well, praising it even! Like a fatass stopping at a fast food chain on his way to the gym, indulging in carnal desires instead of working hard. Yeah, shitface! Hard work means pain, duh! At least do me one favor: if you trade the gym day for temporary gluttony, put in the minimal effort to exercise some self-discipline once you return home! After the skipped day, all baloony from the trash food you just devoured, try to abstain from doing nothing but cry in a corner of the room, in incognito mode. Ew. Disgusting.

“These people get it!” I exclaimed aloud, scrolling, through the comments of a fresh-new and unique (not my words, but the author's) novel, on my phone as I walked home from college. "They have the right opinion!". Another day done, and tomorrow was free—no lectures, no deadlines. Bliss. I was in search of a fresh new novel to binge. Hopefully, one where the so-called “hero” wasn’t another generic, one-dimensional 'Goodie McGood Guy'. I wanted to see them in a different light, y'know?

On my way home, I'm always passing by this restaurant-pâtisserie in the city, known for its delicious, high-quality snacks. Unlike a certain type of sustenance (cough-cough, fast food, cough), this place served dishes that were well-made, carefully crafted by an old man who, in my opinion, deserves more than to be called Chef. Is there something like a 'Super-Chef' title in the world? No? We need one, and he needs to get it! Perhaps a Nobel Prize for food, at least! I'm saying these because not only the taste was heavenly but every item on the menu showcased an endless river of information, such as the ingredients used, down to the smallest detail, alongside the calories and warnings for allergies or symptoms all in customizable sizes—a custom character creation menu from video games, but for food instead.

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However! I wasn’t visiting them for their delicious croissants, savarins, or chocolate cakes. No, I wasn’t here for a full order either. I could make soup or steak myself at home. Not the same taste, but the money I'd be saving easily made up for it. No... What I was here for had greater value than all that combined!

They served it here... The nectar by the Gods for the Gods!

I’m talking about coffee.

The coffee!

This pâtisserie serves the greatest coffee! Ever! No joke! And it's price? Unlike the menu items, it was reasonable! But not the price was what made it popular, no. It was EVERYTHING! Celebrities from around the country visit here when the holidays bless them with free time, just to take a sip of the fabled brew. It’s so popular that the owner made a ruleset. The best rule is the ticket rule. Make a reservation, receive a digital or physical ticket, and—drumroll, please: WAIT! YOUR! TURN! It doesn’t matter how rich or famous one is, LOL! I’m so happy to be a resident of this great city! “It’s like I live in heaven!” That last part escaped me in a whisper, unable to control my joy.

And control is what I should exercise more of, because I’m convinced Miss Fate has it out for me. In the past month alone, I’ve:

* Survived a midday encounter with a crazed knife-wielding maniac (no injuries, on me or pedestrians—don’t worry).

* Nearly been run over by every type of vehicle imaginable, including roller skates.

* Almost drowned saving a kid who somehow managed to paddle a kayak to the middle of a lake.

* Apparently I worried my parents and classmates with a 33-hour sleep marathon.

* And I'm pretty sure I've avoided a damned UFO the other week... I don't want my organs harvested, thank you not so very much!

Today, though, Fate decided to up her game.

As I approached the pâtisserie, the sidewalk beneath me began to glow—a crimson circle pulsing with otherworldly energy.

“Is this a… summoning circle!?” I panicked, stress rising up. I bolted, weaving through pedestrians, but it wasn’t stationary. Oh no, it followed me. The infernal thing stayed locked on me during my sprint, a futile effort on my part. My fate was already sealed, and I had no say in it.

The circle flared brighter, engulfing me in a blinding light. I could/n’t believe it...

I sighed, staring with tears in my eyes at the screen of my smartphone. Ticket No. 37...

“I didn’t even get my coffee, man! I made this reservation 3 days ago! Could it not wait 15 more minutes!?” As the world dissolved around me, I prepared myself for the inevitable.

“Well played... GG. I say 'GG,' but let's be honest—it wasn't good at all.”