The Excellent Adventures of Lord Fifth

Chapter 1:

Lord Fifth’s eyes shimmered as he watched Meng Hao sink further into the violet sea. Meng Hao’s aura was soon no longer detectable beneath the Violet Sea’s fearsome power of extermination.

This shocking sea of death was capable of making all residents of planet South Heaven quake! The myriad spectres that danced above the surface and roamed the bottom of the vast sea was truly intimidating.

Lord Fifth flapped his wings lazily in midair and silently observed the unending sea that stretched towards the horizon.

He spread his wings and dove into the Violet sea! Such an action would make any cultivator gasp in astonishment, but for the likes of Lord Fifth, what was unattainable in this world?

Lord Fifth had flown over these lands when he had accompanied Meng Hao’s exodus of the Western Desert, but he had to admit, covered by Violet Sea, the Western Desert was like a brand new world!

The sea was deathly quiet, only the occasional wails of spectres colored the silence. Lord Fifth swam leisurely, enjoying the sights that came into his view. He sighed drearily; if only his beloved concubine was here to enjoy this enchanting violet lagoon with him.

In the Black Lands, the Outlander beast felt like hiding away from the world.

Lord Fifth descended further into the Violet sea and the power of extermination became greater and greater with each passing meter.

“Hmmph, power of extermination? Exterminate your mother, bitch!” Lord fifth said haughtily. As if in response to his provocations, the aura of extermination seemed to cluster more tightly around Lord Fifth, but he was not unsettled.

Lord Fifth stopped his descent abruptly and then shot up forcefully at a neck-breaking speed. His wings tucked further back and his speed increased by an immeasurable amount.

Lord Fifth neared the surface of the sea now, and in a matter of breaths, broke through into the air.

Lord Fifth’s presence was like that of a charming, young hero that could capture the hearts’ of all maidens between Heaven and Earth.

Had anyone been around to see such a stunning combination of power and beauty they would have been riddled with feelings of inferiority.

Such insecurity could possibly put a halt to their Dao and even cause a catastrophic drop in their cultivation base.

In this one moment, Lord Fifth was unimaginably refined. The violet rain fell nonstop, each drop of rain containing the power of extermination, but it was in this moment of Lord Fifth’s splendid exuberance that a crack had appeared in the clouds.

Astonishingly, a ray of sunlight had managed to pierce through the unending rain clouds. This rare beam of light shone down on Lord Fifth, making him even more heroic. His wings were stretched wide, with an immensity that could cover the heavens.

What did the Ji clan have on him? Change the Heavens of Li to the Heavens of Ji? Screw the heavens! He was Lord Fifth, bitch!

The seawater clung to his feathers making him look like a shining beacon. The aura of extermination hung over Lord Fifth like a veil, but did not seep into his fleshly body. In fact, the power of extermination seemed to refine his feathers so that they were even more glossy and charming if such a thing was even possible.

In the face of Lord Fifth’s majesty, who dared to suppress him? The Violet sea did not dare!

The explosion of violet sea water that marked his ascent, the backdrop of the sun illuminating his magnificence, and the violet raindrops caught in the sun that glowed an imperial amethyst…

Lord Fifth was unsurpassed!

All these things that took a great amount of time to describe happened in less than the time for half a breath.

“Even my darling in the sky cannot resist me!” Lord Fifth’s eyes twinkled. His gaze was fixated towards the ray of sunshine that seemed to be shying away ever so slightly. “Don’t leave darling! Lord Fifth is lonely without his concubines here.”

The ray of sunshine seemed to die away softly until only a modicum of light was left in the clouds.

“Wait for me darling! Stay for me!” Lord Fifth commanded towards the sky. As if his calls were unheard, the last remaining remnants of light completely disappeared behind the curtain of clouds.

“Fine! Be that way. Lord Fifth loves it too when you play hard to get!” Had Meng Hao not been immersed in unravelling the secrets of the Violet sea, he would have made an indescribably queer face.

Was this strange parrot… referring to the Golden Crow that traversed the sky?

Due to the lost of his potential conquest, Lord Fifth’s eyes seemed to strain until they became blood shot. If it could be so, steam would have shot out of his orifices!

Inevitably, Lord Fifth threw a tantrum.

“Hmmph, fine, be that way! Run away for now. This Lord Fifth will eventually have you!!!” he squawked determinedly. His tirade managed to release some of his pent up frustration, but Lord Fifth was still tense.

“Immoral, Immoral, Immoral! You leave the Golden Crow alone, you big bully. The Golden Crow has more important things to do than fool around with you. Every day, it nourishes the lands with its unending light, causing changes to the weather. Without the Golden Crows benevolence, we would all be roaming without purpose. Why in fact the other day…”

Lord Fifth quickly tuned out his fellow cohort’s ramblings and turned to look at him.

The Meat Jelly had taken on the form of a seagull and was flapping its wings, disregardless of the fact that it could float in mid air.

“Stupid bitch, at least you have the good taste to transform into a feathered thing. All feathered and furred beasts pay homage to Lord Fifth, but who would want a retard paying respects, you big phony!” Lord Fifth said derisively. “You can’t even capture a thousandth, no a ten thousandth of this Ancient Celestial bird’s charm!”

“You evil bird!” The Meat Jelly seagull turned a dark shade and begun to rapidly spin into a blur. In an instant it had returned into its gelatinous form. “Lord Third doesn’t need to pay respect to such an immoral character! If it were not for my vow to convert you, I would have destroyed you long ago, vile archenemy!”

“Calling yourself Lord Third again? That’s cute,” the parrot said condescendingly. “Don’t think I didn’t see what you tried to do. This Ancient Celestial bird was content to leave you alone to your stupid shenanigans, but you have aroused Lord Fifth’s anger!” Lord Fifth’s eyes blazed with fury.

In truth, the Meat Jelly did not deserve any of Lord Fifth’s anger, but it’s sudden appearance gave Lord Fifth an excellent chance to vent his rage.

“I saw you imitating my actions. I see all and know all, bitch. You fail to recognize the profound mystery in my movements!”

“Profound mystery?” The Meat Jelly’s indignancy had waned away into curiosity.

Hook. Line. Sinker. The Meat Jelly was truly too easily lead by its metaphorical nose!

Ha! This fool would probably help count the money gained from selling him!

“Even if I told you, you would still be unable to grasp the true meaning. It would be like pouring alcohol into a broken flagon,” Lord Fifth said gleefully.

“Tell me! What qualifications do you have to tell Lord Third that he cannot understand?” The Meat Jelly gyrated in anticipation while a large frown stretched across his elastic countenance.

The Meat Jelly looked towards Lord Fifth, but Lord Fifth was silent. The parrot’s gaze, haughty and languid, a combination that made Lord Third feel somewhat unsettled.

Time passed and the wind blew. The violet rain continued to fall. The Meat Jelly felt a trickle of sweat-fat form on its temple. An eternity seemed to stretch before it, but in truth, it was only the amount of time it took for an incense stick to burn.

The Meat Jelly wanted to bombard Lord Fifth with various questions, but did not dare to. It knew that the temperamental Lord Fifth would fly off and the mystery of the profound movement would be lost if he said one word that displeased the finicky bird.

After a long silence, Lord Fifth finally spoke to the Meat Jelly. “Bitch, if you can solve Lord Fifth’s riddle, you will have gained the qualifications! Do you accept?”

The Meat Jelly hesitated for a mere moment, but steeled its resolve. It had traveled alongside Meng Hao for ages now, and inevitably, hints of Meng Hao’s Dao had seeped into its own.

How could it backdown?

Fortify the heart and advance steadfast!

“I accept!” The Meat Jelly’s bellow was like a thunder clap. The secrets of profound movement would be its, but the true prize was victory over the shameless bird.

“Good. Good. Good!” The parrot squaked. “Are you ready, bitch?” Inwardly, Lord Fifth was cackling madly. The Meat Jelly would truly be unable to answer his riddle correctly.

“Speak!”

“What is one plus one?” Lord Fifth’s voice rang out. “Solve my riddle and I shall explain. Think carefully, a chance to hear Lord Fifth espouse the Dao is rarer than overcoming immortal ascension!”

The Meat Jelly staggered back and a trickle of grease slid down the side of his mouth. It bit down on its lower lip but was ultimately unable to avoid hacking up a mouthful of fat.

Defeated before it could make a single move!

One plus one!

The parrot circled around the Meat Jelly happily. “Lord Fifth is kind. I will give you the amount of time it takes for me make a thousand revolutions around you.”

In fact, this kindness was cruel torture. Lord Fifth would dangle hope, but he knew that the Meat Jelly was wholly unable to answer him. Every passing revolution that Lord Fifth completed signaled an emergence of a dull throb within the Meat Jelly.

One plus one? One plus one? I’m experienced in a number of topics. Why couldn’t it have been a riddle about the weather???

At this point, Lord Fifth had completed almost half of his revolutions, but the Meat Jelly silently racked it’s mind for an answer.

“If the riddle is too difficult, Lord Fifth will let you dwell on the topic and we can save this event for another time,” the bird said amicably. Truthfully, Lord Fifth hoped that the Meat Jelly would accept this arrangement. It would float there in midair for an eternity contemplating the most mysterious of riddles: one plus one!

Lord Fifth would be free of the Meat Jelly for an untold amount of time and could revel in unhindered debauchery.

Unaware of Lord Fifth’s musings, the Meat Jelly continued to solve the riddle in his mind. One. The position that each cultivator between Heaven and Earth wished to achieve. Number one in their sect. Number one in their generation. Number one across all lands.

Number one under the Heavens!

One was one. Perfection was one! One was perfection! All these thoughts ran through the Meat Jelly’s mind and slowly a concept began to form in its mind.

One plus one. Perfection plus perfection. Was this still not perfection? Therefore, one plus one could only be equal to…

One!!!

The Meat Jelly was about give his answer, but a thought appeared in his mind. Like a Resurrection Lily taking root, the thought germinated in its mind until it was ready to burst.

Originally, it had thought perfection plus perfection could only be perfection. How can perfection be perfected? In the midst of its calculations, it gained insight into an alien concept.

Perfection… beyond perfection! The Meat Jelly’s eyes glistened thoughtfully. He had glimpsed into the essence of the riddle and now needed to formulate it into a single word.

A small smile emerged on its facing, causing layers of fat to jiggle. Its answer would probably most thoroughly shock the immoral bird.

Lord Fifth had now completed three quarters of his revolutions and was studying the Meat Jelly. The innocent smile on the Meat Jelly’s face somehow managed to further infuriate the Ancient Celestial bird. If he did not have intimate knowledge of the Meat Jelly’s behavior, he might have felt somewhat pressured, but Lord Fifth continued to quietly watch.

Meanwhile, the Meat Jelly had turned an eye-catching golden color. “Haha, immoral bird, you thought you could trick Lord Third? One plus one, truly a difficult riddle.”

“Oh? Have you solved it?”

“Indeed! I had to search deep within myself to come up with this answer. This answer… is a result of my Dao!” The Meat Jelly said proudly.

“Well, speak then, Lord Third,” the parrot said sarcastically.

“One plus one… one plus one…” The Meat Jelly began to tremble, as if the immensity of its answer was too great to handle.

“Eleven!” The Meat Jelly’s voice echoed for miles in the dead-silent Violet Sea.

Eleven! The word contained great profundity.

“Eleven…” Lord Fifth said. His voice was hoarse and his eyes were blood-stained.

Seeing Lord Fifth’s shock, the Meat Jelly felt a swell of pride within itself. It had earned its well-deserved title of Lord Third!

“Quickly, reveal to me the mysteries of movement.”

“Reveal to you my profound secrets?” Lord Fifth sneered, “You said your answer contained the result of your Dao from within… your answer… is wrong! one hundred percent wrong!”

“Impossible!” The Meat Jelly roared, but its golden color had turned into a clammy white. Within its mind, a small pop rang out, and the Meat Jelly inched backwards. “How could this be…?” The Meat Jelly’s torso heaved violently and it vomitted a quart of grease.

“The real answer is— “

“The answer is nine! No, five! The answer is fifth!” The Meat Jelly interrupted the parrot.

“—three!” The parrot proclaimed loudly.

The Meat Jelly felt shame across every inch of its body. Three! Was he not Lord Third? How could he not know? This was a typical situation of having eyes, but not being able to recognize Mount Tai!

More grease and fat globs spilled out of the Meat Jelly’s mouth. The clammy white had turned into a shocking bone white! In Lord Fifth’s eyes, the Meat Jelly looked ready to greet Granny Meng.

The Meat Jelly’s body shook uneasily until it gasped and fell listlessly into the Violet Sea. The truth had caused thousands of ripples in its mind, shattering its conceptions. In comparison to when Meng Hao had made it swallow his gold core tribulation lightning, that blow could not compare to the slamming of its Dao.

Lord Fifth looked on passively as the Meat Jelly sank further into the depths of the Violet Sea, but in his mind, he was shaken!

“Is one plus one truly eleven?” Lord Fifth whispered to himself. “No! One plus one is three!” Lord Fifth said reassuringly to himself, but it was just to pacify his doubts. In fact, Lord Fifth was stuck on whether or not one plus one was equal to three or four.

Eleven.

Lord Fifth knew for a fact that the Meat Jelly could not count above three, so how could it possibly know of eleven?

“That retard’s answer truly came from within…” Lord Fifth felt a smidgen of jealousy stain his emotions.

Eleven.

Personally, he could only count up to nine. How grand was the number eleven that it had been produced from a Dao insight? Was one plus one really even three?

With the Meat Jelly lying comatose on the seafloor, Lord Fifth sighed and put the matter behind him. He flapped his wings and decided to enjoy the quiet time he had worked hard for.

Chapter Two: I have a plan

Months passed and the Meat Jelly remained on the bottom of the seafloor. Lord Fifth had long become bored of the Violet Sea region, but still found small, daily satisfactions in his surroundings.

Meng Hao no longer resurfaced and seemed to take permanent residence at the bottom of the seafloor.

Without his concubines, Lord Fifth felt some of his vigor evaporate.

“Dammit, it’s time for change of scenery. Meat Jelly, get up here, bitch!”

Although the two were separated by a great expanse of Violet Sea, Lord Fifth still heard the Meat Jelly’s reply loud as day.

“What is the point to anything? My convictions have been broken… just leave me alone…” The Meat Jelly’s voice was frail and weak.

“Bitch, are you really going to just lay there your entire life?”

“I don’t want to do anything…one plus one is three…”

“If you don’t come up here on the count of three, I’m going to swoop in and grab you!” The parrot squaked angrily.

“Go away”

“One!”

“Let me lay here and rot.”

“Two!”

“I’m not coming.”

“Three! Bitch, that’s how you want to play, Lord Fifth will acquiesce.” Lord Fifth turned into a rainbow as he breached through the Violet Sea. Darkness clouded his line of sight, but his anger colored his vision red.

As he neared closer and closer to the seafloor, he locked on the Meat Jelly and grabbed it between his claws. With a speed that would put late nascent soul cultivators to shame, Lord Fifth returned to the surface in a breath.

He flung his claws out and the Meat Jelly went flying until it stabilized itself in midair.

“Dammit, Meat Jelly. If I knew you were so easily shaken, then I, Lord Fifth, would not have exposed you to such a grand Dao.”

“Nothing matters right now,” the Meat Jelly said morosely.

“Jelly up, bitch! How can you be so easily set back? Have you learned nothing in these past eons besides how to count up to three??? What would Meng Hao say?” Lord Fifth flapped his wings furiously. “You…” Lord Fifth trailed off as he took in the Meat Jelly’s appearance.

The typically clear jelly and dark splotches had long disappeared. Instead, he was now a shocking violet! Lord Fifth honed his senses and picked up a faint aura of extermination leaking from the Meat Jelly.

“Bitch, you spent such a long time under the sea that you turned violet.” The parrot laughed heartily. Suddenly, a conflicting gaze crossed his face. Meng Hao has been down there forever… could he have…?

Lord Fifth resisted the urge to fly down to check on Meng Hao, since he was in a crucial state of cultivation. He could only hope that his master had not turned into a permanent shade of violet.

“So why have you called upon me?” The Meat Jelly said drearily.

“Lord Fifth has grown tired of this place, and I’m sure you’re tired of staying at the bottom of the ocean floor so long. Let’s blow this spirit stone stand and make haste to the Black Lands.” Lord fifth’s voice could barely contain his excitement of leaving the Violet Sea and returning to embrace his many concubines.

“You go without me.” The Meat Jelly seemed to hover in midair shakily, as if it were preparing to return back to the embrace of the Violet Sea.

“I guess you will never know…” Lord Fifth sighed and spread his wings to depart.

“Know? Know what?” Halting its descent back into the Violet Sea, the Meat Jelly stopped to listen to Lord Fifth’s words.

“Forget about it.” Lord Fifth pretended to fly away, but secretly kept one eye over his shoulder.

In an instant, the Meat Jelly transformed into a violet blur and reappeared in front of Lord Fifth.

“Tell me!”

Lord Fifth smiled crookedly. In his claws, the Meat Jelly was like…

Jelly!

“One plus one… is not three!” Lord Fifth said dramatically.

The Meat Jelly’s face grew flush and his aura became dazzling. “Then one plus one is truly eleven?”

“However, one plus one… is not eleven!”

“Then that means..” The Meat Jelly’s face became hopeful and his lower lip quivered.

“Correct! We shall leave for the Black Lands to truly understand this great mystery.” The parrot felt proud. Once again he had successfully entrapped the ignorant jelly.

“So that means you were wrong.” The Meat Jelly stated, not questioned, Lord Fifth.

Broken from the midst of his gloating, Lord Fifth swerved his head and gave the Meat Jelly a heated gaze.

“Bitch, don’t push it! Lord Fifth was not right, but he was not wrong either!”

“So how will our journey to the Black Lands solve this most curious of curiosities? If I recall correctly, the weather in the Black Lands this time of the year is quite nice. Why I remember many springs ago…”

As the Meat Jelly returned to his exuberant state, Lord Fifth slowly tuned out its voice until it was like the buzzing of a fly in his ear.

“… so will there be plenty of bullies?” The Meat Jelly continued to drone on.

“As far as the eye can see! Plenty of concubines as well!” Lord Fifth giggled lecherously.

“Come, let us leave!” The Ancient Celestial bird squaked and surged into a multi-colored stream of light.

“Wait! What about Meng Hao? Surely he would love to solve this most heart-quickening of mysteries.” The Meat Jelly scrunched up its face.

“Meng Hao is busy cultivating how to convert bullies. It is best if we don’t bother him.” Lord Fifth snorted and sped off.

“Oh, is that so! I cannot wait until we can compare notes.” The Meat Jelly flashed through the air to tail Lord Fifth.

Months passed and the Meat Jelly and Lord Fifth slowly approached the Blackgate Fort leading into the Black Lands. If anyone had seen them, the two made a peculiar sight; a brightly-colored rainbow followed by an intense violet blur dashing through the skies.

The journey was long and tiresome, but the Meat Jelly and parrot found different things to occupy their minds with. Lord Fifth focused himself on returning to his beloved concubines, causing his speed to increase ever so slightly.

However, the Meat Jelly seemed to become more and more frantic as the pair continued their journey. He spent his time devising new anti-bullying methods and lamenting over the spectres of the Violet Sea that he could not convert from wickedness.

More months passed and finally the imposing walls of Blackgate Fort entered their vision.

“Stop!” Lord Fifth came to a screeching halt and ducked behind a rock.

“What? The bullies are waiting for us! One plus one is waiting for us!!!”

“Meat slut, if we get caught, you’ll never have the chance to get those bullies.” Lord Fifth spoke in hushed tones.

Calming down slightly, the Meat Jelly ducked behind the same rock as Lord Fifth. “Then what shall we do?” Its voice was low, but it still contained electrifying excitement.

The parrot sat quietly in contemplation. The area they were currently in was somewhat shallow, allowing various rock formations to jut out. His eyes scanned the enormous wall, taking note of the few cultivators patrolling the perimeter of the wall. Lord Fifth breathed in deeply and examined the formations laid around the fort.

Impressive! Not bad for a bunch of non-furred beings! But what can stop Lord Fifth?

The formation was exceptional, most likely laid down by the collective efforts of multiple cultivators. However, it had one fatal flaw!

Night had fallen, but the Meat Jelly continued to stare at Lord Fifth, half of his attention on the fort and the other half on the lewd bird.

In darkness, Lord Fifth’s eyes glimmered brightly and he turned to the Meat Jelly.

“I have a plan,” he said softly, “and you are going to help me accomplish it.”

Chapter 3: Blight

When he awoke, his mind was groggy and disorientated. A sharp pain erupted from the back of his head, causing him to almost pass out again.

“Bitch, are you awake?”

The man bristled underneath the insult and tensed his body to erupt with strength of the late Core Formation stage, but found himself thoroughly suppressed. He had not even opened his eyes, but he knew that his cultivation base had been sealed and his movements bound. The man groaned as his bones cracked and he readjusted his sight to the bright light shining down on his face.

His vision still in disarray, he was able to vaguely make out two figures peering down on him and a split sky. One side was the shocking clouds of the Violet rain and the other was the gentle blue of the Black Lands!

As his senses slowly came back to him, the strong smell of sea water jolted him awake. Sea water? His memories came rushing back to him and fear began to build up within his heart.

His name was Cheng Jian, a late Core Formation stage cultivator belonging to the Heavenly Court Alliance. He had been placed with the “honor” of guarding the Blackgate Fort. However, how could this be a honor? In fact, he was being punished for harboring feelings for a chosen of the Alliance. Being placed at Blackgate Fort was nothing less than a death sentence. It symbolized the end of any possible advancements in the clan. The benefits he had enjoyed were reduced to nothing and his days were long and filled with boredom.

If he left the clan, he would most likely be hunted down and executed!

Damned if he did and damned if he didn’t!

He was constantly heckled by his peers, mostly Foundation Establishment and Qi Condensation cultivators. How could anyone endure this?

On his patrol, he had bore witness to a dazzling multicolored light and quickly came to find the origin of the light. How could anything with such a vibrant light be anything less than a heavenly treasure? His greed had overwhelmed his reason and in order to beat any other cultivators who had seen the ephemeral light, he employed his full speed to reach the location.

Cheng Jian sighed, cursing his greed and impatience. The smell of sea water became even stronger and he willed himself not to tremble. He was probably meters away from the all-devouring Violet Sea.

“Bitch, I know you are awake. Answer me or I’ll screw you!”

“Lord Third demands to know the truth!”

“Honored seniors, may this one please request your identities?” Cheng Jian was scared of the Violet Sea, but the two that spoke filled him with an even more intense dread. He had been assaulted from the direction of the Violet Sea, a region where all living things were exterminated.

Exactly what was he dealing with that they came from the Violet Sea? They did not sound like the spectres that occasionally neared Blackgate Fort and assailed the walls with their dreadful moaning.

Cheng Jian’s vision finally cleared, and he took in his surroundings. He was stuck at a bottom of ditch, tied together by some odd rope.

“Hehe, you should be honored, measly cultivator. This one only takes out that rope for special occasions.” The voice above him giggled lecherously. Cheng Jian’s face fell as he took in the words and trembled. What sort of eccentric had he encountered? What type of karma had he sown to meet such misfortune?

How could he not understand the meaning of the shrill voice’s words?

He peered upwards, one eye half squinted and the other fully closed to filter out the rays of the sun. The fear that he felt quickly dissipated and was replaced by incredulity. Before him was an amorphous, violet blob and a black crow.

Was this a joke? He, a late stage core cultivator, had been captured by two creatures?

“You two are…?” he said hesitantly.

“Hmph, you have requested this one’s honored name, so I shall grace you with it. Listen well, mortal. I go by various names and titles, but you may call me… Lord Fifth!” the black crow squaked.

“I have traveled the Nine mountains and seas in pursuit of the truth. You may call me… Lord Third!” the blob said.

If it were not for the overwhelming smell of the Violet Sea, Cheng Jian would have questioned whether or not what was happening was an illusion or dream.

“We have sealed your cultivation,” Lord Fifth said calmly, “answer our questions and you will be set free.”

“Of course, my Lords!” Cheng Jian grit his teeth, but buried his anger. Although he was banished to this Fort, he still held on to the shred of dignity afforded to him as a core formation cultivator.

“Show me the means by which you are able to leave and enter Blackgate Fort freely,” demanded Lord Fifth.

“Lord Third…” he pleaded.

“Bitch, I’m Lord Fifth! Say my name! Lord Fifth!” squawked the parrot angrily, as if reacting to his anger, the binds around Cheng Jian began to tighten.

“Lord Fifth! Lord Fifth! Apologies!” Cheng Jian wheezed out.

“That’s better.” Lord Fifth smiled proudly.

“Senior, unfortunately, I am unable to tell you the means of how to enter and leave Blackgate Fort freely.”

Cheng Jian looked up at the black crow and frowned inwardly. His mind raced with how to escape his current situation and how to profit from it. The two beings in front of him emanated no sort of cultivation base whatsoever. Perhaps he could capture the two…

Lord Fifth met Cheng Jian’s eyes and stared at him blankly. After a third of the time of took for an incense stick to burn, he turned to the Meat Jelly and cried out.

“Lord Third, this bitch is bullying me! Assist me!”

“What bullying??? Who dares???!!! Take this evildoer!” The violet blob suddenly began to spew purple liquid all over Cheng Jian.

“Senior, w-what are you doing?” Cheng Jian had been prepared for anything, but did not expect for the strange creature to suddenly vomit all over him. The purple liquid thoroughly coated his upper body and he felt a wave of nausea wash over him.

T-this…could it possibly? Cheng Jian sucked in deeply as his fears were confirmed. The purple liquid that the strange blob had spat all over him was the Violet Sea! Although his cultivation base was sealed, he felt the Violet Sea’s fearsome extermination power devour his qi.

Cheng Jian felt his intestines turn green and cursed his avarice once again. He had actually entertained the thought of capturing a creature that could contain the power of the Violet Sea? He turned his head and gazed at Lord Fifth, who seemed to be staring down at him haughtily. The amorphous blob seemed to follow the orders of the black crow, so how fearsome was the one giving the commands?

“Feeling not so tough now, huh, bitch? Don’t think Lord Fifth doesn’t see what goes on in that head.”

The two beings which seemed almost comical before, now appeared as demonic beings of the netherworld to Cheng Jian. He gave up any machinations he held in his heart and immediately became docile. His only hope was to answer these strange creatures and hopefully they would spare his life.

“Answer my question. I won’t repeat myself a third time.”

“We are given medallions attuned to our qi crafted by the Spirit Severing Patriarchs of the Heavenly Court Alliance.” Cheng Jian said succinctly.

“Spirit Severing sluts?” Lord Fifth frowned. “Show me the medallion.”

“Honorable Lord Fifth, I am currently unable to open my bag of holding…” Jiang Chen drifted on. He had given up hope of escaping, but the binds around him were truly uncomfortable.

“I’ll get it myself.” Lord Fifth hopped into the ditch and began pecking through Cheng Jian’s bag of of holding.

At this distance, Cheng Jian was able to discern that the black crow was infact not a black crow. It was some odd sort of bird covered in black soot.

“Sir, I’m afraid that the Violet Sea will destroy the magical potency of the medallion—”

“Magical potency?” Lord Fifth interrupted. “What things can be destroyed without Lord Fifth’s blessing?” Finally the parrot fished out the Medallion and placed it on a patch of dry ground.

“Hmmm not bad for Spirit Severing. Quickly, what is the code?”

“Honorable Lord Fifth, this lowly one must tell you that by asking that question, you place me in a truly difficult situation.” Cheng Jian said truthfully. If he revealed the code, he would no longer walk the land of the living.

“Lord Third!” Lord Fifth flew back to perch on top of the edge of the ditch.

On command, the Meat Jelly began to expel more of the Violet Sea onto Jiang Chen.

“No, please, stop! I’ll tell! Eeeeeee!!!” Cheng Jian wailed miserably as the level of the Violet Sea water rose to his waist. The effects of the Violet Sea were now truly noticeable. His connection to the Heavens and Earth had been cut off, as if both entities had abandoned him. Bitterness and misery tainted every inch of his body. Was this how he was truly going to perish?

“Tell me everything.” Lord Fifth looked down imperiously upon him.

Underneath the various pressures of his life, Cheng Jian finally cracked.

“When I was six years old, my father was killed in an attack by rogue cultivators…”

Cheng Jian truly left nothing out. To Lord Fifth and the Meat Jelly, he relayed every single facet of his life. The ups and the downs, like that of a winding dragon. His joys and sorrows; hopes and fears; desires and duties.

“…and so, for a dream of love, I was sent here to waste away the rest of my life.” Tears streamed down his eyes, mixing in with the Violet Sea water around his waist. He was white faced, but felt as if a weight had been lifted off him. Along the lonesome road of cultivation, Cheng Jian had no one to talk to share his burdens. Previously, he had exploded with the full force of his feelings, but now, through a combination of the Violet Sea and his catharsis, he was completely drained.

Lord Fifth stared at Cheng Jian panting. Besides him, the Meat Jelly was crying a mixture of the Violet Sea and grease congealed together.

“T-that’s so sad.” The Meat Jelly cried. The parrot continued to pant, but not because of the sadness of Cheng Jian’s story. He was Lord Fifth—how could he be moved by such a mundane tale? The life he lead was wildly illustrious with heights that touched the heavens and depths that matched the nether world.

But it was five words that Cheng Jian spoke that captured Lord Fifth’s attention and perhaps saved his life. Lord Fifth’s eyes blazed with all the luminosity of a supernova. “For a dream of love, eh?” Lord Fifth mumbled to himself. “Haha, well said!” Lord Fifth flapped a solitary wing and the binding undid itself. From the bottom of the ditch, Cheng Jian flew out and landed in front of the parrot.

“Senior?” Cheng Jian gingerly rubbed his wrists and stretched out his body.

“Boy, I have a fairly favorable view on you. How about you screw the Heavenly Court Alliance and become my follower? Think quickly, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. Our encounter is fated!”

“Honorable Lord Fifth…” Cheng Jian paused.

“Hmph, your skills are wasted here. Your future accomplishments will be greatly stifled. Do you want to live in style or die without a single concubine?!” Lord Fifth squawked.

“I-I-I want many concubines!” In the face of Lord Fifth’s onslaught, Cheng Jian surrendered himself. The parrot’s words had struck the core of his being; he was completely swayed!

“Wait a second, this is immoral!” Meat Jelly shouted, but was ignored by the other two.

“Repeat after me. Have faith in the Lord Fifth, gain eternal life. When Lord Fifth appears, who dares to cause strife!” the Ancient Celestial bird shouted.

“Have faith in the Lord Fifth, gain eternal life. When Lord Fifth appears, who dares to cause strife!” Cheng Jian shouted.

“Haha, excellent!” Lord Fifth said gleefully.

“Lord Fifth, let me tell you the code,” Cheng Jian said respectfully.

He explained the intricacies of the medallion, causing a flurry of emotions to appear on Lord Fifth’s face.

“Hmmm, we need someone to sneak us in and out the entire time we are in the vicinity of the Blackgate Fort.” Lord Fifth and the Meat Jelly looked at Cheng Jian expectantly.

“Easily done! However…” Cheng Jian paused and mustered up his courage. “I want to leave with you too!”

Lord Fifth stared at Cheng Jian and the latter bit his lip nervously. “Haha,” Lord Fifth guffawed loudly. “Was there ever a doubt you would not come with me? Lord Fifth keeps all promises!”

“Many thanks, Lord Fifth!” Cheng Jian said. “Oh, honorable Lords, could you tell me how you two caught me?” His voice was tinged with embarrassment.

“Haha, let me recount the story to you…”

The day previously

“So do you understand, Meat Jelly?”

“I am uneasy with these methods, but whatever it takes to discover the truth!”

“Good. Get in position. I shall prepare myself.” Lord Fifth hopped over to some of the black rock and began to grind away at it. The effort was strenuous and demeaning to someone of his stature, but for true freedom, Lord Fifth would consider even taking on a non-furred concubine.

Soon the only thing left was a fine pile of black sand. Excellent Lord Fifth thought to himself and went to the edge of the Violet Sea. He stared back at his violet-stained reflection, and without a second thought, dove into the sea. Getting himself sufficiently wet, he waddled over the the black sand and coated his feathers with the black dust.

Normally, he would not even think about covering his awe-inspiring elegance, but desperate times called for desperate measures. Endless shivers ran down his back as he continued to slather more of the black sand on his body. He turned to the Meat Jelly and presented himself.

“Meat Jelly, how do I look?” Lord Fifth questioned.

“Immoral.” it deadpanned.

“Bitch, can’t you have a little bit of faith in Lord Fifth?” Lord Fifth shook his head. “Fine, begin Operation: Penetrating the Gates!” Lord Fifth giggled lewdly.

Under the cover of the night, Lord Fifth was practically invisible. If it were not for the constant lascivious gleam in his eyes, he would truly become one with the terrain.

In his heart, the Meat Jelly felt pain for all the furred and feathered beasts if Lord Fifth learned to conceal his desires.

“I still don’t think this plan will work…”

“Meat Jelly, you’ve expressed that very clearly to me,” Lord Fifth said. A hint of annoyance colored his voice.

“What makes you think this will work?”

“Human nature!” Lord Fifth said boldly. “But most of all, Lord Fifth knows of pleasure!”

“Pleasure?”

“Indeed!”

“What type of pleasure?”

“The kind that makes one’s spirit leave their body!” Lord Fifth proclaimed. “Stop doubting Lord Fifth, ok? Do you or do you not want to find the real truth? When I make the signal, make your move.”

Lord Fifth’s prodding shut the Meat Jelly’s mouth and it could only comically bob its head up and down. “I will go make the preparations.” The Meat Jelly flew away and Lord Fifth smiled.

Lord Fifth had carefully surveyed the region and had decided on a somewhat sunken in area in the sand bar surrounded by stalagmites that gave it a mountainous appearance. It was the perfect location to execute his plot.

He flew over and landed in the center of the crater and spread his wings out. Within, him he circulated his celestial power until it began to bubble out of him in the form of charming, multi-colored beams of light.

Time to start the show! He forced his power to surge out until great beams of light shot out into the heavens. Lord Fifth had become a veritable beacon on a moonless night with the luminosity of great constellations! It was difficult, but he diverted some of his attention to scan the area with his spiritual sense while continuing to increase the output of the radiant waves.

There! At the edge of his spiritual sense he had detected something, so he began to slowly reduce the output of light. By his estimations, by the time the light died down, the figure would appear. He quickly shifted his position to ambush the unsuspecting person.

To his great delight, soon a figured descended onto the ground. Although cloaked in darkness, with his heaven-defying ability, Lord Fifth was easily able to make out the figure. It was a man who seemed to edge the transition of a young man to seasoned one. His shoulders were broad, but his steps were light. He began to search tentatively, but quickly for the source of the immaculate light. Soon his gaze settled on to something in the middle of the crater.

Lord Fifth had ordered the Meat Jelly to clear the surrounding so that the only thing that could be seen was sand. Then, he had placed the coup de grâce!

A singular shell that had caught his attention while he had roamed the sea. Truthfully, it hurt him to place the souvenir as bait, but Lord Fifth thought it was the only fitting option. It was an ordinary item, but to Lord Fifth, it held indescribable charm.

Lord Fifth had chose to place an ordinary item to make the ‘treasure’ seem more mysterious than it actually was. A cultivator at the Qi Condensation level would be able to easily scan the shell and determine it had no value whatsoever, but the resplendent light Lord Fifth produced might make them think otherwise.

How could an item produced by heavenly fortune be seen through so easily?

The figured neared the shell until he bent down to reach for it. Lord Fifth could see that the figure was trembling beneath his cloak. He sneered, this is not a meat pie, bitch!

“Now!” Lord Fifth signaled. The cultivator flexed to escape, but from beneath the shell, the Meat Jelly pounced on to the man’s face. The man clutched at his face hysterically, but could not free himself from the Meat Jelly’s grip.

“You bully, it’s immoral to steal from other people!” The Meat Jelly tightened its hold on the man’s head.

Lord Fifth snickered and prepared to make his move. The only way he could make the gullible Meat Jelly participate in his plot was to say that his item would be stolen by a big bully.

Lord Fifth coiled tightly on the ground and exploded with the force of a flying sword. Unbelievably sharp, he sliced through the air in a matter of seconds.

Regrettably, for the cultivator, Lord Fifth shot straight into the man’s behind. The combined momentum of the flailing cultivator and the supersonic speed of Lord Fifth sent him throttling through the air.

The cultivator felt a combination of pain, confusion, and discombobulation as he sailed through the air. He landed on the ground in a crumpled heap and clawed at the sand to regain his bearings.

However, his efforts were all for naught as the ground suddenly gave out on him. The cultivator scrambled desperately, and for his efforts, was rewarded with a resounding smack in the back of his head. Somehow, he had managed to hit the edge of the hole he was falling into. Darkness began to swim over his vision as he cursed for the entirety of the unfairness of the situation. The last thing he heard was the whine of a voice coming from above him.

“Shit, we knocked him out.”

Presently

“And that’s how we got you.” Lord Fifth explained.

“Oh, I see.” Cheng Jian’s face was a mask of neutrality, but inwardly he was crying. Late Core Formation taken in by such a ruse? He would be a laughing stock if word was released!

Chapter 4: True Bane

The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

To their collective delights, Lord Fifth, the Meat Jelly, and Cheng Jian were left unobstructed as they exited Blackgate Fort. Lord Fifth had hid inside Cheng Jian’s cloak while the Meat Jelly had transformed into a hat.

Cheng Jian had forecasted many obstacles to leave the Blackgate Fort, but it seemed everyone was truly slacking. Cultivators that should have been patrolling were in fact sleeping safely inside their abodes. Cheng Jian openly bristled. Here he was, fulfilling his duty, and a majority were sleeping?

Outrageous!

He was truly abandoned by his clan! The warm feelings he gained over the year from the clan’s nurturing vanished as quickly as Meng Hao consumed spirit stones.

Underneath the spurring of Lord Fifth and the Meat Jelly, Cheng Jian soon left the walls of the immense Blackgate Fort.

“Hmmm, from our current location, I predict it will take us a month to reach our destination.”

“Honorable Lord Fifth, might I inquire where we are going?”

“Oh, we’re just going to go the Golden Crow Black Dragon Clan,” Lord Fifth said nonchalantly.

“That’s right! Lord Fifth and I, Lord Third, are patriarchs there!” After being unable to speak for so long in Blackgate Fort, the Meat Jelly’s desire to chat was comparable to famished man in need of water in the desert.

Cheng Jian felt his jaw drop and actually paused his movements. He did not dare to believe, so he asked to confirm it once again. “Honored Lord Third and Lord Fifth, is this true?”

“Bitch, do I lie?”

Cheng Jian immediately shut up and felt an uncontainable surging elation erupt from him. He clenched his fist and pumped downwards.

The Golden Crow Black Dragon Clan!

Who did not know that name? That year during the formation of the Violet Sea, the two tribes had slaughtered a path to Blackgate Fort, and in an awesome battle of might, laid waste to all opposition.

Legends were told of this day about the terrible battle aura of the two clans. Men. Women. The elderly. Children! All possessing an aura that could put members of elite death squads of the greater tribes to shame.

For every single member to obtain such an aura… what type of tribulations could they have underwent?

Not to even mention the bloodthirsty Xu Bai of the Black Dragon tribe or the enigmatic Exalted Sacred Ancient of the Crow Divinity tribe.

Meng Hao! He heard the whispers on the wind. How the man was not a man, but a true greater demon of heaven and earth. How could he be anything less than a demon? How could a mere cultivator control such a massive horde of neo-demons?

With a wave of his hand, he could blot out the sun. With a wave of the other, he could dry up entire fields and rivers!

That was not to even speak of his battle power. He was alleged to possess power able to easily extinguish Totemic Sacred Ancients, Greatfathers, and Patriarchs!

Absolutely a domineering being!

And Cheng Jian had the good fortune to join such a clan?

The heavens had not forgotten him!

“Seniors, I’m sure I can increase my speed so that we arrive in three weeks!” Cheng Jian said jubilantly.

“Haha, that would be quite good! Don’t push yourself though, disciple!” The parrot said worryingly, but there was a clear look of expectations in its eyes. “Don’t worry about other cultivators, Lord Fifth will make sure none impede our journey.”

Under Lord Fifth’s guidance, Cheng Jian sped through the air toward the direction of the Golden Crow Black Dragon Clan.

In the end, Cheng Jian had managed to arrive in two and a half weeks.

“Honored Lord Fifth and Lord Third, what is that?” Cheng Jian pointed far off in the sky to various black dots.

“Not good!” Both the Meat Jelly and Lord Fifth shared an uneasy look.

“Quickly! That way!” Lord Fifth urged Cheng Jian to increase his speed until the grounds of the Golden Crow Black Dragon clan.

“This is…” Lord Fifth trembled with shock and fury. Before him, the great flames of war scorched the sky and black smoke was heavy in the air. The entire region had turned into a battlefield. Countless members of his clan were fighting valiantly.

In the corner, he spied his beloved concubine giving her all in combat!

Lord Fifth had expected fanfare and celebration when he arrived, but he had stumbled upon a battle.

Lord Fifth was frothing at the beak, until he managed to restrain himself. “Disciple Cheng Jian, your contributions will be increased tenfold,” he said calmly.

Lord Third, let’s go. We have work to do.” Lord Fifth said coolly. He transformed into a prismatic beam of light and soared across the battlefield.

His sudden eye-catching appearance became the focal point of the battlefield and the members of Golden Crow Black Dragon clan that recognized him cheered happily.

“The Lord Fifth has returned!

“The Lord Fifth and Lord Third have come back for us!”

“Salvation has arrived!”

“Have faith in Lord Fifth!”

The cries of the clan erupted in the cacophony of clashes, and the fervor of the Golden Crow Black Dragon Clan reached an unprecedented intensity.

“Hmph, did you bitches forget your training? Assemble into the formation! Repeat after me! Have faith in Lord Fifth, gain eternal life. When Lord Fifth appears, who dares to cause strife! Shake those butts!” Lord Fifth shrieked. “Meat Jelly, prepare to take care of those bullies! All the bullies you desire!”

“Yes, yes yes!” The Meat Jelly said incensed.

Slowly, but surely, underneath the supervision of Lord Fifth, a great vortex of wind appeared and an eerie fog rolled in. Within the fog, miserable cries could be heard as the Meat Jelly delivered justice.

“All of you need to be converted! Wickedness is not the way! Lord Third will never give up on you. All of you shall walk a righteous path!”

With one problem taken care of, Lord Fifth stared off into the distance. The distant black dots slowly became more visible, and Lord Fifth began to heave greatly.

True, the neo-demons left behind by Meng Hao were fearsome, but most of them were left to their own devices. In the occasion where they were actually needed, it would be a quite a while before they could all be assembled to exert their full might.

“These bitches truly want to exterminate my Golden Crow Black Dragon clan, huh?” In his heart, Lord Fifth was positive that the clan could defeat the various tribes that had banded together to destroy them, but such a battle would be too costly.

At best, it would be a pyrrhic victory that would cause the Golden Crow Black Dragon clan to drop in standing in the Black Lands. Although they had the Thorn Rampart Vine seed, such a thing had to be activated with preparation. In the midst of battle, and given the proud nature of the clan, how could they resort to using an item gifted to them by their beloved Exalted Sacred Ancient?

The black dots were all in visible range now. Tens of thousands of neo-demons flew through the sky towards Lord Fifth! “How nice,” Lord Fifth sneered. “It is great for you fools to bring me a house-warming gift!”

Floating in midair, Lord Fifth crossed his wings over his chest and began to rapidly rotate his cultivation base. At a speed greater than when he had laid his trap, a faint sapphire aura soon outlined his figure.

Soon more colors began to appear to the aura. Emerald! Ruby! Gold! Lord Fifth soon became a veritable explosion of majestic color. He clenched his eyes shut and let the neo-demon horde slowly advance towards him.

In the opposition, countless of dragoneers could be seen gloating together.

“This upstart clan will soon learn the immensity of the heavens!”

“Indeed, fellow daoist. It is a shame we cannot go down and snatch some of that Meng Hao’s neo-demons!” remarked another cultivator.

“In front of our strike force of neo-demons, who could stop us? Let us trample over this tribe.”

All around them all manner of neo-demons could be seen. Terrifying clawed creatures that could rake out one’s organs in a single swipe. With enormous wingspans that could cover an entire field, these beasts were truly impressive.

Even odd insect creatures could be seen in this horde. With all sorts of pincers and feelers, their appearance alone could make a lesser cultivator shake in fear.

Suddenly a glimmer of iridescent light caught their attention. Collectively, the group of dragoneers frowned. Could this be some sort of odd treasure or last ditch effort of the Golden Crow Black Dragon Clan?

Under the command of numerous dragoneers, the neo-demon horde halted their advance.

“Good, finally taken notice of Lord Fifth, bitches?” Although Lord Fifth’s eyes were clenched tightly on focusing his qi, he was constantly focused on the gigantic horde of beasts.

Immediately, Lord Fifth began shining an even more all-consuming light.

“Fellow Daoist, send some of your horde to check out this aberration,” the top dragoneer ordered the other.

“Yes, please, Fellow Daoist.”

“Fellow Daoist…”

Cries of encouragement rang out, and the dragoneer called out could only smile bitterly. Even though the tribes had banded together to stomp on the Golden Crow Black Dragon clan, they still naturally sought to cause trouble for each other.

He sighed and commanded some of his neo-demons to investigate the light.

The sounds of the battlefield had long since died away, as Lord Third was able to treat all the bullies. Thousands of clan members turned their heads to witness the work of Lord Fifth. Those that had not encountered him before were curious towards his ability, but members of the original Church of Golden Light were all ecstatic.

Humans and beasts watched with bated breath as the neo-demons began to encircle the alluring, vibrant light. The winds of battle had died down and the battlefield was completely silent. If one were to drop a medicinal pill on the ground, it would probably echo.

Just as the neo-demons were about to encircle the light, a loud noise shattered the silence.

Caaaawww!!!

As if burned by the flames of the nether, the neo-demons turned tail and began fleeing back towards the horde at a breakneck speed. The neo-demons besides the dragoneers suddenly all began crying miserably and attempted to flee as well. A majority of the dragoneers coughed a mouthful of blood due to the sudden strain on controlling their horde.

Through the link that the dragoneers shared with the neo-demons, the dragoneers all experienced the same emotions: primal fear and subservience.

Inwardly they were scared, but full of greed. What type of treasure could produce such a fear in a massive horde?

“Maintain your control!” The leading dragoneer ordered the rest. The dragoneers clamped down on their horde, but were soon hit with a second wave of instability.

Caaaawww!!!

The second cry had thoroughly shattered their control of their neo-demons, but the entire horde stood still, as if frozen in space.

To the dragoneers the shrill cry was simply debilitating over their control, but the neo-demons that could understand it… the call was nothing less than a death knell!

The message was clear that caused their entire being to quake violently.

“Defy me and perish! Pledge your allegiance and become my army!”

“Surrender and become my concubines!”

“Flee and face my wrath!”

When Lord Fifth had saw the neo-demon horde, he had actually given up the thought of destroying them all. How could he bear to destroy such a assortment of feathered and furred things?

Down below, the various clan members wondered what type of scene would play out in front of them. In the amount of time it took for a breath to pass, the neo-demon horde descended into chaos.

Numerous neo-demons could be seen fleeing the horde, while within the mass of creatures, fights began to break out. Obviously, some had chose to join Lord Fifth and others had chose to die valiantly. Some of the older, more powerful beasts stuck close by their masters and carefully observed the situation.

“What is the meaning of this?!” Various dragoneers shouted out in confusion and tried to exert their control of their horde, but were unable to subdue the rampaging emotions of the beasts.

“It is time for Lord Fifth to make his move.” Lord Fifth snapped open his eyes, and the furious waves of light seemed to coalesce around him. In the backdrop of a clear, blue sky, Lord Fifth was the center of the world!

Down below, the Golden Crow Black Dragon clan members watched entranced as a humanoid figure broke through the enwrapment of light. The figure was covered by a black layer, but soon the layer gave way to a shining brilliance that awed all that saw it.

The humanoid figure was shrouded in blinding light, making it hard to discern its features, but was incomparably majestic. It hovered freely in midair, unfettered by worldly restraint.

“What the…” Some of the dragoneers had regained their wits and could only stare absentmindedly at the appearance of this new being. The few neo-demons that would still obey their commands were instantly sent out eliminate the figure.

“I cannot be stopped.” A solemn voice echoed throughout the battlefield. In one moment the humanoid figure appeared before the dragoneers and the next it had turned into a piercing drill.

“I’ll screw you all to death!” The fleeing neo-demons roared miserably as they exploded into chunks of gore. Their remains fell from the sky and splattered the battlefield a piercing crimson.

“How can this be??? The Patriarch said nothing about this!” The dragoneers wailed wretchedly. One by one, they were picked off by Lord Fifth, their innards turning green. They were promised riches and glory. Where was the glory in such a humiliating death?

It could be said that the ease that Lord Fifth possessed when eliminating them was as simple as turning a palm! Disregardless of personal cultivation, they were all thoroughly screwed.

Many of the neo-demons in the horde had all died, either due to Lord Fifth or because of internal battles.

Dammit, I must escape! The top dragoneer turned to flee, but was met with a stabbing pain in his chest. “H-how can this be?” Rivulets of blood spurted out from the wound, which had pierced part of his heart. His eyes were wide with disbelief and fury.

His most loyal neo-demon had betrayed him! A shockingly pure white crane. Its features were of the most delicate, as if carved from untouched thousand years ice!

“Haha, well done, concubine!” A mocking voice came from behind him.

“How d-did you do t-this?” Blood began to pour from his mouth unceasingly. He had resigned himself to his fate. Perhaps in the next life he would be more lucky.

“You think your neo-demons are your allies?” Lord Fifth sneered. “Before there were feathered and furred things, I existed. All beasts— I molded them. You merely adopted them as tools.” Lord Fifth shook his head.

“Your neo-demons betray you, because they belong to me!” As if on cue, the pure white crane shot over to Lord Fifth’s side and leaned in lovingly.

“H-haha, is that so?” The final dragoneer chuckled dryly and more blood covered his robe. “May I ask your name?”

“This one goes by many names and many titles. However, you may call me… Lord Fifth!” The parrot’s voice was loud and resounding.

“Lord Fifth?” The dragoneer seemed to taste the word as he spoke it. “In my next life, I will remember not to cross paths with you,” he wheezed out those final words and fell from the sky.

As soon as his corpse hit the ground, a myriad cheers emerged from below! The Golden Crow Black Dragon Clan had overcome this tribulation.

“Cheng Jian, Meat Jelly, come to me!” With his concubine in tow, Lord Fifth flew down to greet the clan members.

“Patriarch Fifth!” Thousands of clan members kowtowed in response to his appearance.

“Rise all of you.” As Cheng Jian neared, his heart began thumping rapidly. The sound of thousands warriors rising caused his blood to boil.

A lone warrior stepped forward. His gaze was sharp, but filled with gratitude. His chest was bare and covered by the marks of battle. With lustrous, flowing black hair like the tail of a black dragon, this was Xu Bai!

“Lord Fifth… is Patriarch Meng well?” His question contained the unsaid worries and collective hopes of thousands of clan members.

“Meng Hao?” Lord Fifth snorted. “He’s taking a nap.”

“I see.” Xu Bai smiled thinly as did the rest of the cultivators. This was not the response they were wishing for, but they did not dare ask again.

“You see that man?” Lord Fifth pointed at Cheng Jian, who was caught in mid-step by the sudden attention of thousands of cultivators.

Cheng Jian instantly froze up as he felt countless of gazes probe his figure. A cold sweat broke down his back, but to his credit, he managed to control himself.

“Greetings, Fellow Daoists,” he said calmly.

“From now on you are to refer to him as Elder Cheng. He has my direct backing! Without his efforts, Lord Third and I would have been unable to make it here on time.”

Thousands of cultivators felt shocked. He has my direct backing? Were these words not too direct? Disregardless, they all felt gratitude.

Cheng Jian was nearly overwhelmed as thousands of cultivators all clasped their hands and bowed to him.

“Thank you for your efforts, Elder Cheng!” Cheng Jian was not sure whether he should laugh or cry as he stood there absolutely shocked.

That day a legend was born in the Black Lands. The Bane of Dragoneers!

Chapter 5: Righteous Furstowal?

Many years passed without so much as a flurry of activity. It was a golden era for the tribe. The amount of members swelled and their power in the Black Lands continued to grow.

As Lord Fifth promised, Cheng Jian was richly rewarded. In fact, the clan that he left did not dare to even fart in the direction of the Golden Crow Black Dragon clan.

Instead, using Cheng Jian as a bridge, they tried to build connections with the tribe! They had even sent over the chosen Cheng Jian loved to sway him.

However, how could Cheng Jian be tempted? In the Golden Crow Black Dragon clan, he had a harem of beauties, which bore him many children!

Lord Fifth took one look at the chosen and told her politely to screw off.

The years flew by gently, and externally, the clan appeared to be the epitome of indomitable strength. Below the surface, everyone knew the truth.

Even at the time of the clan’s conception, there was a schism between the original Black Dragon clan and Golden Crow clan. The two clans were just too different. Although their friendship was born through blood and tempered by battle, the bonds forged that year quickly rotted away with the passage of time.

Only the older generation remembered these events.

Lord Fifth sat happily in his cave surrounded by his two concubines, the Outlander Beast and the pure, white crane.

“Patriarch Fifth, do you have a moment?” A strong voice ruined the moment Lord Fifth was enjoying with his concubines.

The Ancient Celestial Bird shot out of the cave and landed gracefully.

“Xu Bai, what do you have to say to me? Can’t you see I’m a little busy?” Lord Fifth said suggestively.

Over the years, Xu Bai had aged well. His skin had little no blemishes and any wrinkles he had were not apparent. The domineering aura he once constantly commanded seemed to have slowly faded into a proud, yet solemn, one. His hair had greyed with only a few loose strands of black dotting his scalp.

Xu Bai’s face was troubled, but he shook his head and laughed softly. Inevitably, age had still taken its toll on him. “Patriarch Fifth, we need to talk. Matters in the clan… have become more heated. At this rate, I think it is best if—”

“Stop!” Lord Fifth interrupted Xu Bai. “Things will get better. They always do. That kid Meng Hao is going to be back any day now.”

“You’ve been saying that for the past many years!” Xu Bai said frustratedly.

“In the life of a cultivator, what is a day? What is a year?” Lord Fifth said sagely.

“But the young do not recognize that. Face it. I too want Meng Hao to return… that year, I travelled to the Violet Sea and searched for him day and night. He is truly gone.” Xu Bai said sadly.

“If I say he is coming, bitches better believe he is coming!” Lord Fifth’s words were final and left no room for dispute.

“I—”

“Patriarchs! Quickly come there has been trouble!” A voice interrupted the two.

“We will continue this later.” Xu Bai gave Lord Fifth a deep look. Over the years, he had come to realize the parrot held deep, unimaginable secrets.

The pair shot out of the cave and soon arrived at the scene of a battle. On one side there was a youth, standing tall and proud with his arms crossed. One the other side, another youth was sprawled out on the floor in pain.

Behind both youths were respectively members of the Black Dragon and the Golden Crow clan.

“Patriarch Fifth, injustice! Han Feng has maimed Chen Dong!” A member of the Golden Crow clan cried.

“Injustice?” The proud youth questioned. “How can I be held at fault for his inability?”

“Han Feng!” Xu Bai said, his visage was stormy. Han Feng was the one of the top tier talents of the Golden Crow Black Dragon clan and happened to be one his great-grandsons.

If Han Feng felt fear from Xu Bai’s reprimand, he did not show it. Calmly, he clasped his hands and bowed deeply to Xu Bai. “Greetings, Great-grandfather-Patriarch.”

“Han Feng, how could you injure Chen Dong so grievously?” demanded Xu Bai.

“We both agreed that any injuries that occurred would be completely accidental.”

The Golden Crow clan members fumed. Injuries during spars were to be expected, but a full on maiming? Were the two clans not supposed to nurture the other? The older generation felt shame with how things had fallen apart, but the young generation felt rage boil within them.

As an afterthought Han Feng added, “In battle, fist and feet don’t have eyes.”

Fist and feet don’t have eyes!

If the Golden Crow clan members were not incensed before, now they were thoroughly frenzied. What type of outlandish talk was this? If it were not for the Black Dragon clan members supporting Han Feng from behind, the entire group would have taken turns beating the stuffing out of this impudent young man.

Chen Dong and Han Feng were both considered the rising talent of the tribe, similar to Xu Bai and Meng Hao. Chen Dong had an easy, pleasant demeanor, while Han Feng was much like Xu Bai in his youth, cold and domineering. The two often clashed, but for this to have happened…

Simply, Chen Dong’s future achievements would be delayed, if not limited.

Up-and-coming talent? To the older Golden Crow members, such a youth still smelled of his mother’s milk! These blood-drenched veterans gnashed their teeth angrily, begging to tear Han Feng to shreds.

However, Xu Bai assessed the situation gravely, one eye on Han Feng and the other on Lord Fifth to monitor his reaction.

Lord Fifth bobbed his head up and down. “Fist and feet don’t have eyes! Good words!” Lord Fifth spoke.

“Lord Fifth…” Xu Bai trailed off.

Han Feng looked down and finally took note of Lord Fifth’s appearance. He scrunched up his nose and tilted his head. “Who left out their neo-demon?” Han Feng turned his head to look around.

“Neo-demon?” Lord Fifth’s pupils shrank and his breath became labored. “Bitch, you think Lord Fifth is a paltry neo-demon?” His voice was livid, containing the jaggedness of a well-used warblade.

“Amusing! I, Han Feng, in my life, have never seen a neo-demon that could talk!” Han Feng said honestly.

Xu Bai immediately paled. He wanted to take this wayward descendant to the side and thoroughly discipline him. Xu Bai quickly turned his head and pleaded with Lord Fifth. “Fellow patriarch, he is still a young man.”

Lord Fifth was so incensed he had completely forgotten the matter with the unfortunate Chen Dong. His elegant appearance had been ruffled by such disrespect.

“Who is the dragoneer that owns this beast? I am willing to pay a great amount of spirit stones to purchase him!” Han Feng shouted.

Senior members of the Golden Crow clan’s eyes shimmered with anticipations, while the faces of the elders of the Black Dragon clan fell.

Xu Bai wanted to slap his great-grandson hard enough to return him to the womb. If only he knew of Meng Hao’s time swords…

Furious could not be used to describe Lord Fifth’s current state. These words were unable to capture the full extent of the rage he felt. In his many years as the patriarch, never had he been so disrespected.

And this whelp wanted to buy him with spirit stones that he had a hand in distributing?

Frankly, it was not completely Han Feng’s fault he did not recognize Lord Fifth, since the lascivious parrot spent most of his time in his cave with his concubines.

Lord Fifth flashed in front of Han Feng’s face, startling him badly.

“Bitch, you said, ‘fist and feet don’t have eyes’, right? I raise you! Beaks and wings don’t have eyes, bitch! I’ll screw you to death!”

The entire scene would have been comical if it were not for the fact that with every peck of his beak and every flap of his wing, Lord Fifth drew blood. His nonstop barrage was too tyrannical to bear.

The Han Feng that considered himself number one in his generation was being screwed to death!

“Please, no, stop!” Han Feng looked more like a flesh patty than a powerful, young cultivator.

“Bitch, whose neo-demon am I?” Lord Fifth continued to slap the youth with his wings. “Say my name! Say my name!” With each hit, Han Feng collected the required amount to visit death’s door.

“Patriarch Fifth, this behavior is not fitting of your stature!” Over the years, Xu Bai had learned when to advance and when to retreat. Today was one of those days when he had no choice, but to try to placate the crazed parrot.

“Grandpa X-Xu, help me!” Han Feng had lost all pretense and whined miserably.

“Lord Third, help!!” Xu Bai shouted. His only hope was the odd jelly that abhorred bullies. If this situation did not count as bullying, then Xu Bai would swallow a spirit stone.

Stopping in mid peck, Lord Fifth granted Han Feng a moment of peace. The fine robes Han Feng wore had been shredded to pieces. Every inch of his body was bloodied like that of the statues within the Temple of Doom. Portions of his flesh were plucked out, which would probably causing massive amounts of scarring in the future.

Lord Fifth himself looked like one of Meng Hao’s blood clones.

The surrounding cultivators did not think Lord Fifth could be so savage.

In a flash the Meat Jelly arrived. “Where is the bully?” The jelly spun around until his eyes landed on the poor youth. “Who has committed such an act!”

Just as Xu Bai was about to speak, Lord Fifth cried out. “Meat Jelly, thank the heavens you are here. This kid was bullying me, so I defended myself a little.”

Xu Bai wanted to cry, but his position as a patriarch did not allow him. How could Lord Fifth be so shameless?

“Immoral, immoral, immoral!” The Meat Jelly bristled. “Let’s punish him some more, so he learns his lesson!”

“No, stop!” Xu Bai called out. If this continued, Han Feng would most likely die.

“Xu Bai what do you care? You have tens of descendants. This one has offended Lord Fifth. Give me a little face.” Lord Fifth asked. “Lord Fifth will make sure this little bastard never extends his bloodline.” The parrot’s voice exhibited unbridled bloodlust.

Give him a little face? To allow Lord Fifth to kill his great-grandson in front of this crowd was to slap his own face!

Seeing Xu Bai’s lack of response, Lord Fifth took it as acceptance of the situation. He hopped over to the nearly comatose Han Feng and raised his beak high in the air over Han Feng’s son. Like the sun at high noon descending, Lord Fifth’s beak chopped down viciously!

To his surprise, his beak sliced into the ground, but the sound of Han Feng’s flesh caving in did not enter his ears.

“What is the meaning of this?” Lord Fifth looked at Xu Bai who clutched the half dead Han Feng in his arms. “You know I am in the right. If any member of any sect shamed their Patriarch so badly, they would die.”

“I cannot allow this. Han Feng… Han Feng is my son!” Xu Bai’s declaration was like the detonation of a high-grade magical treasure. “He is my last son… from my beloved concubine!”

Lord Fifth’s eyes were filled with complexity. Truly, he could not care less about Han Feng, but the matter of a beloved concubine…

It caused him to pause! Lord Fifth knew all too well about beloved concubines! However, he had been thoroughly disrespected. How could he let things lie now?

Let it be known, Lord Fifth did no things by half measures! He steeled his heart and shot forward.

Xu Bai sighed and wept inside. He personally witnessed Lord Fifth halt tens of thousands of neo-demons. To protect his son, he would go all out!

Heavy and full in his mouth, the blood essence Xu Bai spat out of his mouth contained the full extent of his feelings. “Immortal ancestor Black Dragon!”

“Immortal Ancestor Black Dragon!” The sky flashed black and began to tremble.

Suddenly, a low, growling voice echoed for ten thousand kilometers! In the sky, a long coiling mass could be seen descending. It had scales colored the inky black of obsidian and claws as massive as a small mountain. The beast’s curves were endless and its visage was terrifying to the extreme. A ferocious Black Dragon.

This was the Bloodline Ancestor of the Black Dragon clan!

“So this is your answer?” Lord Fifth stared coolly at Xu Bai. “For your son, you burn your blood essence and summon your ancestor to stop me?”

The unheard question was clear.

So you choose to secede from the clan?

Guilt could be seen clearly in Xu Bai’s eyes, but nothing could be said anymore.

The surrounding cultivators were absolutely flabbergasted. How could a dispute between members of the junior generation suddenly generate the appearance of a Bloodline Ancestor?

“Admirable but mistaken.” Inwardly, Lord Fifth was shaken. If that creature fully descended upon him, he would be the one getting screwed tonight.

“Watch closely,” Lord Fifth said to Xu Bai. He slapped his sides and suddenly a black eye patch adorned his face. In this moment, Lord Fifth was like an ancient hero of old.

He allowed air to circulate within him and concentrated on the rapidly descending dragon. His wings began moving strangely, and the wind around him began to pick up. Finally, he stopped, and all things appeared frozen in time.

“Righteous Furstowal!” Lord Fifth’s voice echoed. It was a little known fact, but Lord Fifth absolutely disdained scaled things. What charm was there in cold unfeeling things?

With his wings, Lord Fifth performed an incantation gesture unique to him and only him! In the past, it was never before seen in the Nine Mountains and Seas. In the future, it would only be through him that such an art could be displayed.

Lord Fifth had crafted this technique painstakingly after watching Meng Hao. If Meng Hao could bestow demonic approval, then why could he not bestow fur on any creature?

Had Meng Hao been present, he would not be sure whether to laugh or cry that legacy of the League of Demon sealers had been tainted so.

The Bloodline Ancestor finally stopped its descent and began to moan painfully. One by one, the obsidian scales, the size of large plots of land, began falling from the sky like illusory snow. Soon, from head to tail, the dragon was bare of all its scales and writhing in pain.

Xu Bai watched with shocked horror as his Bloodline Ancestor twisted in pain. “What have you done???” he said.

“Only that which you have forced me to do,” said Lord Fifth.

Shockingly, from the bare skin the Black Dragon revealed, large patches of fur could be seen growing.

Thick and lustrous, the Black Dragon’s fur was of the highest grade!

“O-oh my.” Lord Fifth felt his heart stop.

What luxurious fur! What a charming figure! The entire Black Dragon clan should be thankful for what he did! Those disgusting scales had hid the truth from all, but now everything was laid bare for Lord Fifth! Lord Fifth could not stop fantasizing as he began to unknowingly rise into the air.

By now, the Black Dragon’s transformation was complete. It cried sorrowfully, as if it understood what had just occurred.

This is it!!! I think this is truly a dream of love! Lord Fifth could not stop salivating towards the onyx fur.

“Come for me, darling!” The fear that Lord Fifth felt before was completely replaced by an unquenchable lust.

The Black Dragon roared, humiliated and angered, all it wanted to do was return whence it came. Unwillingly to linger in the mortal world, the Black Dragon slapped its tail at Lord Fifth and slowly phased back into the Heavens.

The shock wave slammed into Lord Fifth and sent him spiraling back into the ground. An explosion of dirt rocked the earth, which could have been easily mistaken for an earthquake.

“Is Lord Fifth dead?” As if to answer the cultivator’s question, a multicolored light burst from the ground.

“Darling, come back to me! Lord Fifth loves it when you are shy too!” To everyone’s great surprise, Lord Fifth was totally unscathed by the attack of a fear-inducing Bloodline Ancestor.

“Dammit!” Lord Fifth cursed loudly and stamped the ground angrily. “What does it take?” Turning around, Lord Fifth noticed all the people staring at him in various levels of shock.

“You bitches are still here?” he snorted. “Oh yeah, from this day on, the Golden Crow Black Dragon clan is just the Golden Crow clan. All of you who are not of the Golden Crow can go screw off!” Lord Fifth began flying back to his cave to relieve his stress.

Midair, he stopped and looked back at Xu Bai, causing the Black Dragon Patriarch’s heart to tremble. “Oh, Xu Bai, if you’re immortal ancestor comes back calling… send it to me!” Lord Fifth said and shot off into the distance.

In the clearing, amongst hundreds of stunned clansmen, the only thing that could be heard was the echos of Lord Fifth’s lecherous giggling.

CONCLUSION: One plus one is…

Many years passed by and Meng Hao had still not returned from the Violet Sea. The Golden Crow clan had faced many dangers over the years, but was able to overcome every single one.

However, today, they were put in a truly perilous position.

“Screw these Heavenly Pursuit hookers! Screw ‘em all!” Lord Fifth yelled madly. He zoomed through the air, clashing against countless of cultivators.

Wounded and tired, Lord Fifth had fought nonstop against the seemingly endless wave of cultivators. The attackers appeared out of nowhere and had suddenly ATTACKED them with extreme prejudice.

The Golden Crow clan was caught off guard badly and suffered a grave price as a result. All around Lord Fifth, thousands of clansmen fell. The young and old, none were spared.

In the distance, Lord Fifth spied the Meat Jelly simultaneous defending the clansmen. A lone tear of blood appeared at the corner of Lord Fifth’s eyes. Was this the end of the Golden Crow clan? He could escape anytime he wanted to, but how could he still proclaim himself a Lord if he did?

Infinite grief struck him as he suddenly recalled how his pure white concubine had sacrificed its life to save Lord Fifth from a blow. While such a blow would only hamper Lord Fifth, his concubine still gave its life for him!

In the final moments of the pure crane’s life, Lord Fifth had incessantly berated it for its actions. The alabaster crane only looked up at Lord Fifth and smiled serenely, content to pass away in Lord Fifth’s wings.

Lord Fifth understood the pure white crane’s intent all too well.

In my next life, I hope to be with you again. I want to experience my entire life again at your side…

Lord Fifth could only cherish his beloved concubine, the Outlander beast, now. The roars of the Outlander beast were savagely unparalleled as it tore through the ranks of an army of cultivators.

Countless more cultivators fell at Lord Fifth’s feet. He was a veritable reaper of death. With every passing of his wings, dozens of cultivators were ruthlessly beheaded.

“Formation! Maintain the formation!” Lord Fifth shrieked. If one observed the battle from the air, all they would be able to see would be a rainbow-colored blur leaving destruction in its wake.

Soon commands were given, and Lord Fifth and Lord Third were pushed together until they touched each other’s back.

“T-this is pure bullying!” The Meat Jelly yelled indignantly. Over the vast amount of years, its color had slowly returned to its usual milky clear color.

“Screw these bitches. Screw their fathers, screw their mothers, screw their sons and daughters, screw their grandfathers and grandmothers!” Lord Fifth cursed fiercely.

Surrounded by countless of cultivators, Lord Fifth and the Meat Jelly exchanged thousands of blows. Every time Lord Fifth wanted to fall, he drew upon the deep reserve of faith the Golden Crow clan had placed in him and the responsibility Meng Hao had given him.

Lord Fifth may have acted carelessly, but how could he not care about Meng Hao’s tribe and his own followers? Although he and Meng Hao shared a master-servant relationship, the truth ran deeper than that.

Meng Hao was his little brother! How could he, Lord Fifth, the big brother, allow for his little brother’s followers to be destroyed?

Endless explosions pierced through him, causing his form to be constantly disrupted. Although the constant barrage of attacks did not harm him, it constantly used up energy to regenerate his wounds.

Lord Fifth glanced to his side, and the Meat Jelly was no worse for wear. The parrot closed its eyes and snapped them open immediately. “No good, incoming Totemic Sacred Ancients!” In a matter of seconds, the endless wave of cultivators around them were bolstered by the power of fearsome beasts.

“Surrender!” The beastly voices of the Totemic Sacred Ancients exploded towards Lord Fifth and the Meat Jelly.

“This is it…” Lord Fifth gasped for air. Turning to the Meat Jelly, Lord Fifth gave it a long and deep look. It was unfortunate that after being released from the copper mirror for such a short time that it would most likely be a long time before he could have fun again. “Meat Jelly, you slut, you’re not a bad guy…”

“Deviant Lord Fifth…” The Meat Jelly paused, “you are still extremely immoral.”

The Totemic Sacred Ancients roared and unleashed their mightiest attacks against the duo.

Lord Fifth chuckled bitterly and accepted his fate. A river of memories flashed through his mind. His awakening into the new world… the numerous cons he undertook… searching for a dream of love…

All these thoughts left him, but he was left behind with a singular thought. Lord Fifth frowned at the irony of it all. At the end of it all, he still wondered one thing:

What is one plus one?

It was easy to throw out any answer, but to truly understand… this was a completely separate matter. Like an infectious disease, the lingering thought spread through his entire being.

One plus one… was flying freely through the heavens.

One plus one… was conning idiots out of their treasures.

One plus one… was making passionate love to one’s concubines.

One plus one… was the pursuit of a Dream of Love!

All these thoughts merged together and Lord Fifth erupted with unbounded power!

“One plus one,” Lord Fifth’s and the Meat Jelly’s voice rang out together. “Is two!”

A fierce wave of energy knocked back the attacks of the Sacred Ancients and caused a majority of them to receive grievous injuries, if not perish on the spot!

High above, in the heavens, two pitch-black clouds formed and shot down two bolts of Celestial lightning at Lord Fifth and the Meat Jelly respectively!

Heavenly Tribulation in the middle of battle!? All the cultivators and beasts immediately reeled back in shock.

The two bolts of lightning did not harm Lord Fifth and the Meat Jelly, but served to invigorate them! The two shared a joyous glance and grinned wickedly.

What words needed to be said?

Slay the enemies!

Lord Fifth carved out an endless sea of blood, and the Meat Jelly struck out with the fury of a thousand bullies. Despite their valiant efforts, the two were soon grouped together with the remaining warriors of the Golden Crow clan.

“Dammit, Meat Jelly, what should we do?” The effects of the Celestial lightning were beginning to wear off, leaving the two feeling spent.

“Look! There!!!” The Meat Jelly shouted excitedly.

Before Lord Fifth could even turn his head, the pungent smell of sea water assaulted his senses. Three massive giants of Violet Sea water sundered through the thousands of Heavenly Pursuit cultivators, but Lord Fifth paid no attention to that.

In the middle of the Violet Sea giants, stood an eminently, heroic figure!

Lord Fifth squawked merrily and watched as Meng Hao trounced the opposition flawlessly.

Soon, the Spirit Severing Patriarch of the Heavenly Pursuit arrived to battle with Meng Hao.

Lord Fifth could tell that while Meng Hao was at the Nascent Soul stage, his cultivation was unfathomably deep. The battle of the Patriarchs raged on and two traded various magical techniques against each other.

The techniques were far below Lord Fifth’s notice, but a sudden move by Meng Hao caused everlasting ripples across his heart.

Before this moment, Lord Fifth would later remark, that he truly underestimated what it meant to live for a Dream of Love.

Red like hues of the setting sun. Alluring like a shy, jade-skinned maiden. Charming like a flute played in the spring breeze. Soft like the bosom of a nursing mother. Enchanting like the ever present thrum of the ocean tide. Luxurious like exotic goods from faraway lands. Pure like the twin peaks of a maiden in bloom….

In his mind, Lord Fifth continued on and on, unable to fully capture the vision of beauty before him.

One could say… that it was truly a fated meeting.

“Heyyy. Hi there! You can call me Lord Fifth. Let’s get to know each other, okay?”

FIN

FINAL WORD COUNT: 14593