Well... shit. While I do my level best to squish myself back into human shape, it goes roughly. Teleporting is dimensional magic, it fucks with shoggothness on a very basic level. Nothing harmful to me, but I suspect the more I lug along, the longer it will take for me to wrest my shape back into Euclidian norms. The courtyard is... Eh. Fuck. Fuckity fuck fuck fuck. Ok, so... Everyone's nuts. But because I used the moment of disbelief to shout a command, everyone's stuck on this. Therefore, everyone's kneeling and starting at the floor. Can I... No, there is no good way to fix them. Ok, so... what do I do about this? Just leave it for Sultan to be horrified by? Meh. Salaadin is an ass and I don't mind traumatizing him, but he is not his country, and those peeps are not anywhere near decisions-making... Most of them. This guy and that guy and that guy and this? Likely nobles doing something in the court, given the quality of clothes and adornments. Right, so... what do? Fuck it, let's issue a proclamation. They're in a receptive mood.

YOU-THIS-SPECIFIC-INDIVIDUAL-PERSONHOOD, OBSERVE/REJOICE/RECORD THE BEAUTY/INTRICACY/ORDER OF THIS-SPECIFIC-REALITY-SLICE-NOW. APPRECIATE/PRAISE/ACCEPT THE POTENTIAL-CARETAKERS-OF-YOU-THIS-SPECIFIC. WORK/CONTRIBUTE/ASSIST YOU-THIS-COLLECTIVE-SOCIETY IN MAINTENANCE/SUSTENANCE/SYSTEMATIZATION/PROGRESS.

"Nahn nasmae wanatie 'ayuha almustanir aleazim." - a chorus of people answers back. I guess they got the message...

There. They're still going to be fucked up cultists, because of course they would turn out to be cultists, but they should be cheerful hippie-like cultists who make somewhat disturbing art and grow a lot of veggies. I hope. Now, if I were a kidnapping asshole, where would I take the kidnapped princess... Ah, right. In the direction where the roof is highest. Proceed... Hm. Maybe a bit of extra intimidation?

So I reshape a little. Swap the dress out for "plate armor", keep the polearm, upscale, grow... yeah, two and a half meters is good, let's leave the legs as they are, humanoid shape... hm. Nice, but... oh, yes. Ten eyes. Suck it, dumbasses. I can have eyes. You can have trauma. ALL the TRAUMA. ALL OF IT. MUAHAHAHAHAAA! Ok, note to self. Engaging in crazy cackling is therapeutic, but scares the shit out of everyone around when you have the volume advantage. Therefore, MUUUUAAAAHAHAAHAAHAAHAA! Better, better.

The corridors ahead of me are deserted. I suppose no one wants to deal with whatever it is they got in rebuke while being unable to fight properly... OOh, what's that shiny door? And there are even two guards at it? Two fainted guards, but... The dudes are kinda fat? How? Oh, they're eunuchs. Very interesting. So... Oh gah, I was both right and wrong. Lily-Anne was here just now, I can smell her on the air, along with Abbas stinking things up, but they left through... there. So this is the sultan's seraglio? Looks like a women's dorm. If dorms had rooms without doors. They're not big on letting women have privacy here, eh... Most of them, I hear, are huddling in the furthest nook... And there is some kind of struggle going on. So I poke in.

"Let her go. I will break the faces of everyone still holding her on the count of three. With my hammer." - I tell them, lifting Bec de Corbin threateningly - "One. Two. Three." And this time, they're proving themselves smarter than your average guy by letting the target of their scuffle go and scuttling back against the walls as far as they can. This is... huh. Just my luck.

"Take me with you, please!" - she says, lifting herself from the floor. Well, well, well. I guess Sultan had Roxolane for a bit longer than the game implied.

"...'ayuha al'ahmaq almutlaq , hdha shytan! 'alaa taerif madha sayahduth lak!?" - hisses one of the older women. I suppose she has a point, and might even think she was trying to do Roxolane a kindness... But she's not. I can see that this early, Roxolane is still defiant. Already quite beaten, but still willing to push back against Sultan with all she has. Good, good. The game version was... destroyed. Pretty face, empty heart, vicious mind. This one might be more intact. So... I lift her.

"Sayakun alshaytan 'afdal min saydik bidun 'aqdamin!" - she retorts hotly, as she takes my hand and hoists herself up. Whoa, they really did a number on her trying to make her be quiet.

"I suggest you stay here." - I tell the remainder - "I'm neither merciful nor particularly observant when it comes to enemy belongings." They must have had someone other than Roxolane who understands albish, right? Eh, not my problem.

OK, so... unexpected rescue target - got. Proceeding to intended rescue target now. I continue following the scent trail, absentmindedly slapping a generic heal on Roxolane. "That should let you keep up with me for now." - I tell her as she stares at the golden glow in befuddlement - "Don't fall back."

"You're not a demon, are you?" - she asks, hurrying to keep up with my pace - "No demon could possibly use light magic."

"My name is Alyssa Gillespie, and I am a noble of Champagne kingdom." - I tell her, as we cross the opulent, sizeable and very empty rooms one by one - "Sultan had our princess kidnapped earlier today, and I am here to get her back. And to hammer in the point that Champagne does not negotiate with hostage takers." I twirl the hammer in my hand to make an emphasis.

"OOh... You must be a powerful mage to do this." - she comments, and I can practically see the stars in her eyes. Fangirl, get? "I'm... Roxolane. Please, take me with you when you go back to Champagne. I have family in Kraina, they will reward you well for bringing me out of this gods-forsaken slavery pit."

"Don't fall back, in that case." - I suggest.

The scent is getting stronger. And so are the shouts from behind that door up ahead. The one with two guards at it, ones who are pale and shaking but still try to bar me from going in. I smack one of them away with the haft of my polearm. Owie. The bad thing is he has a broken hip. The good thing is, he's well out of the way and not going to be a problem anymore. Other tries to tackle me in the meanwhile and is backhanded across the corridor for his troubles. OOh, that's gotta smart. That's... one, two, three, four... five teeth on the floor. Dude. I'm sorry, but the fuck you expected trying to wrestle someone twice your size and armored up the wazoo? Anyway, he's no longer in the mood to fight. Or be awake. Concussion, hello-o.

"WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?" - and that scream is unmistakably Salaadin. And it is followed by... ooh, Abbas is getting his life education via face slaps. Man, that's a good sign you really really really screwed the pooch. And the poodle. And tried to get cozy with husky afterward. "Champagne king had declared his neutrality on the matter, it was between us and the witch! And you just dragged him in on the witch's side!" - he shouts, dispensing another slap - "Now we will have to contend with privateer raids all over our western coastline, and mark my words, Krauts will not be far behind in joining in! And all of it because you just had to get the royal family involved! Get out of my sight, Abbas! I have to settle this issue now, and I can not even give the girl back, because you have already given an open offense! If you had the wits to do this quietly at least, we could have claimed she came to us of their own free will! Now, even if I give her back safe and sound, we're still facing war with Champagne, and they have THE WITCH! Do you want to see how much worse she can get? This is not an ordinary woman, Abbas, she should have died from exhaustion casting this, and she didn't even stumble!"

This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

This is nice, but why Salaadin is yelling at Abbas in albish? He is putting up a show for someone, but for whom? My money is on Abe. I'm sure Salaadin had already sussed out Abe had seized the communications gem and is putting up a show in front of his copy to get Abe to think this was not sanctioned. Actually, it might be Abbas acting on his own and fucking up. Ok, let's bust this party. I step back and kick the doors, ripping the inner bar off the brackets and sending the doors flying open, slamming into the walls. Of course, while I am doing this, my primary focus is where the rest of the people are. This room is pretty well sealed, because there are knives on the table and there's a sword and I can see some spears being grabbed... None of that, please. Since I'm going for shock and awe, I resort to one of the flashier spells and fry the overly enterprising bodyguard with lightning. And Salaadin runs out of the side door immediately, a couple guards dragging Abbas after him. I think the dragging was simply due to Abbas losing control over his lower extremities, rather than any arrest or the like. He certainly pissed himself. The remaining four toughs are scrambling for knives, obviously intending to try and hostage Lily-Anne, who is also here. Which is why all four die the moment they reach either the table or Lily-Anne via judiciously applied lightning.

And... I did not think it through with my awe and reverence form. Fine, whatever. It's not like the self-transformation is entirely unknown, just considered overly complicated to maintain in the heat of battle. Thankfully, I kept my face the same, other than two rows of eyes down my cheeks. Lily-Anne is staring at me with wide eyes. "Alyssa, is that you?" - she croaks. Right, let's get those... the fuck, people. Who the hell ties girls up like this? She's going to have bruises at least.

"Hello, princess. Heard you're in trouble, thought I'd lend a hand." - I quip at her, lifting her up on my shoulder. She's not going to be walking anywhere for now, dumbasses had tied her knees together so hard she probably doesn't feel her ankles. Roxolane makes herself useful by sidling up next to me and rubbing Lily-Anne's legs while I quickly take stock of what's available. The comms gem... no, it's grafted to the postament and bespelled, it'll take me a good couple hours to get it off without collapsing the ceiling on our heads. Anything else...No. The side door? I send the eyespiders out discreetly, and there was a stairway right down to stables there. They had a carriage prepared. Well, Salaadin is not a fool, he obviously made preparations to escape. Makes me wonder if it's a consistent arrangement, or he sanctioned Abbas to do that idiocy and prepared a way just in case. Weird and weirder.

We troop out in good order, Lily-Anne perched on my shoulder, Roxolane sticking up close. Now let's get back to the courtyard. I'm not used to teleportation just yet, better avoid any additional complications in casting it. Funny, but the way back seems way shorter. Maybe because I don't bother checking out the detours and instead head directly for my... oh. Huh. Who's that.

"Wait!" - well, that's curious. Who's blocking the courtyard doorway?

"Out of my way, girl." - I rumble at her, keeping my advance steady. Someone exceptionally magical or simply a dumb girl trying to play hero?

"I'm not blocking you, I want to go with you!" - she yelps, jumping back and aside, falling in step on the other side of me.

Roxolane gasps. "This is sheikha Rafiqa." - she whispers to me. Huh. Interesting.

"And why does Sultan's daughter want to run away from Sultanate, hmm?" - I quip.

"Why does a bird want to leave the gilded cage, sahir?" - Rafiqa tosses back - "I have seen my fates here, and all of them lead to me being beholden to men thrice my own age, passed around like an adornment to buy favors." She lifts her hand, and I see she is toting a sack which... seems heavy. "I am not without means, and I will not be a burden. Take me away from here, and I will pay you well."

"Keep your gems." - I tell her and she stumbles, blinking at me. Come on, it's obvious. What can a girl like her get? Coinage? Hah, no, her daddums won't let her have a single coin. Because money is independence. But jewelry? That she has in excess, because of course Sultan's daughter is not to go anywhere unadorned. "Rather, find me enough clean fabric to make three blindfolds, and you can come." Much to her favor, she does not even blink an eye, as she steps into one of the many rooms we pass by and catches up with three towels of decent size. "Good job. Keep one, pass the other two over to Roxolane and Lily-Anne. All of you must put blindfolds on when I say so and keep them on while we are transitioning. The teleportation is hazardous to see, you might go insane from peering from beyond the world."

"I understand why you would come for your princess, sahir, but why are you taking Roxolane?" - she muses - "My father will not forgive such a face slap."

I lean to look her in the eye. "She made the same request as you. For much the same reasons." - I tell Rafiqa and she frowns, then casts a commiserating look in Roxolane's direction - "...I suppose that's fair. Do you serve lady Gillespie? I heard my father ranting about her, if there is anyone able to defy him, that would be her."

"Honey, I AM lady Gillespie." - I tell her and she stumbles again, staring at me in confusion. And then we clear out to the courtyard and they see the kneeling masses. Who had, in my absence, proceeded to chanting... And are now doing a surprisingly well-matched chorus. I'm not sure what they're singing, but given the expressions on the Oijan-fluent part of my party, it's something they didn't expect to see.

"What happened to them?" - Roxolane asks, looking around fearfully - "They are singing about the ... joy and horror of feast amongst the plague..."

"They did not wear blindfolds when I teleported in." - I tell them simply, and I can see (and feel) three synchronized shudders. Setting Lily-Anne down (And I'm thankful she can stand now), I smush back down to my usual human form, ignoring the intrigued and spooked glances from all three and say -"Blindfolds on, ladies.", as I start spinning up the appropriate spells.

BWOOOOOOOING.

Fucking OW. Teleporting with three girls is HARD! And the... Shit, shit shit shit shit! I won't be able to tamp my self down to form without inherent sanity damage! I grab for the girls... but it is stupidly hard to control roiling tentacles, and the only one I manage to prevent from pulling the blindfold off is Rafiqa. Other two... glimpse. I thankfully manage to pull their blindfolds down quickly enough, but they definitely saw me. And speaking of seeing things... I shout down the corridor - "We're back, but the area is hazardous! Don't try to come here without blindfolds until I settle things down!" There. Now I won't worry about... No, I will. Because Abe is making his way here, with a scarf wrapped around his head. Fuckity fuck fuck fuck. I... Sort of nudge Lily-Anne towards him and do my level best not to trip them up with tentacles as they do an incredibly awkward game of "Marco Polo" with each other's names, finally finding each other in the middle of a corridor. Yeah, well... Lily-Anne could really do with father's hug right now, I wager.

NNngh. OK, it took me fifteen minutes to stop roiling this time. Unpleasant. Annoying. The blindfolds are taken off, there's Al and Selene, and I think we're going to be postponing the talk, as Selene starts to fuss around the three girls as a healer should, and Alistair reports that all the wounded are accounted for and all the dead are collected and placed in the courtyard for identification and last rites. Mission fucking complete.