A few minutes later, we both started to notice an aroma in the air. Without even notifying each other, we recognized it as the scent of Marshmallows. We followed it like the dumb bird said and sure enough, we found a path made out of bricks shaped like those lucky charms the Leprechaun spoke of. We got on the path and walked a ways before Emily asked, “how do we know if she’s this way or the other direction?”

“Look!” I exclaimed, and pointed to a sign on the side of the road that had an arrow and read, ‘This way to Queen Josephine’.

I jotted down a few more notes to my map and was ready to continue in that direction. We must have walked a couple of hours on that road. It had been at least three hours since we arrived in World X.

Then suddenly, the road just stopped. There was a clearing off ahead of the path through some wilderness, so we decided to walk to it.

“I don’t get it,” I said, as we looked around in the area off of the path, “we did what the stupid song told us to do and there’s not jack shit here!”

“Shame shame, that’s not a very nice word,” said a cutesy, female voice.

We both abruptly turned around to find a young woman standing there. She had bright, cherry red hair, and wore a skintight, yellow, one piece, latex dress. In the face, she kinda looked like Amy Adam’s but younger and with clown makeup on. She also had red and white striped stockings on. She was like a sexy female Ronald McDonald!

“Sorry there, miss! Would you happen to be Devil Queen Josephine?” I asked.

“Oh, please,” she answered in a really hyper cadence, “that name makes me sound so vicious. I used to be an evil person. I promise I’m not now. I’m much happier nowadays. You can just call me Queen Josephine, or even drop the Queen, or Josie if you like.”

This was wild. She couldn’t stand still. She frolicked around and gazed in and out of space as she addressed us.

“I don’t like this, Eric. She really makes me nervous,” Emily expressed.

“Sshhh, it’s alright,” I stifled her before asking Josie, “my name is Eric. You don’t know me, but perhaps you remember my father? A man named Noble?”

She stopped dead in her tracks and looked up smiling. She ran over to me giddily with her arms by her side and said, “Oh wow! You’re Noble's son? I’m SoOoOoOo happy to meet you!”

She shook my hand and then said, “Guess what?! I got Dr. Pepper lip gloss on, wanna taste it?”

There was an oddly seductive vibe about her. Just enough to make me uncomfortable but also enough to keep me interested.

“That’s quite alright,” I politely declined.

“So, who’s your friend?” she asked coyly, with her hands behind her back as she sized up Emily.

“This is Detective Emily Grimwood. She’s here with me to ask you a favor.”

“OoOoOoh! Detective,” she said as she made binocular hands over her eyes, “you look so drab! But it’s pretty cute actually!”

Her voice influxed in and out of higher pitch and normal speech. She was hyper but seemed so tranquil and with inner peace.

Emily was breathing heavily and said, “Eric, this is really unsettling for me.”

I decided to go ahead and ask Josephine about the scepter, “Josie, I wanted to ask you about the scepter my father gave to you.”

Suddenly she stopped skipping around as she faced away from us. She cocked her head slowly to the side in our direction. There was a disturbing smile on her face as she quietly said, ‘you mean, the Scepter of Jubilation?“

“Yeah, we were wondering if you still had it?” I asked cautiously.

Her smile was accompanied by a blank stare and then after a moment, she closed her eyes and happily said, “well why didn’t you just come out with it right away, sillies?”

“So you do have it?”

“Yes, I do. But it’s not here. May I ask what you want with it?”

“We just wanted to examine it to determine if it could help in other worlds. You know, maybe to purify other Devils?”

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“Oh, I see!” she expressed joyfully, “sure, I can let you take a look. But you caught me just before dinner time. Would you like to come eat with me? Then I can take you to the scepter after.”

“Sure, I don’t see any harm in that. Right, Emily?”

She looked like hell. She had probably never experienced this much elation in her entire life. Don’t get me wrong. Emily is a happy person, but you don’t live your life with such a macabre aesthetic and it not have an effect on you when faced with the polar opposite so glaringly.

“Then follow me!” Josie said as she motioned us further into the wilderness.

She led us just a short distance to a little campsite she had. She grabbed a skillet and started a little fire. Of course, the flames were pink and green.

“So, what are we having?” I asked, figuring I could make conversation while we sat there and waited on food.

“I’m making us happy meals!!!” she squealed with a smile on her face and her eyes closed.

“Okay…” I debated further questions, but decided to ask, “so you made all this yourself huh? The world I mean.”

“Yeah, isn’t it great?!!!”

“Delightful,” Emily managed to muster.

I kept the conversation going and said, “you know, I realize you’re different now. But I just have a hard time seeing you doing battle with my father.”

“Ah! I can see why,” she replied, “I promise…I’m sooooo much different than I was before. You wouldn’t even recognize me. I did a lot of awful things that I’m ashamed of. But took all that power I had pent up and channeled it into the scepter. That’s how I was able to change the entire world!”

“That’s wonderful! I’m glad it’s working out for you. But you don’t seem all that old either. It’s been a long time since my father was here and you seem rather young as it is.”

“Actually, I’m 57 years old,” she announced gleefully.

“Wow, you look really good for 57!” I said. And I wasn’t kidding. She looked like she couldn’t be older than 22 at the most.

“Well, they’re done. Here, have a happiness burger!”

She handed each of us a plate with a burger on it. But it was really weird because the buns were bright orange and the patties were pink. Not pink as in undercooked, but like fluorescent pink. I tried a bite…and she wasn’t joking! I felt joy coursing through my body.

“Emily, go ahead and try a bite,” I coaxed.

“I don’t know if I can bring myself to do it, Eric,” she said, clearly distressed. “Aww, come on, Emily,” said Josephine, “it’s guaranteed to make you smile!” “Okay, I’ll try,” she agreed with an exasperated voice.

Emily took a bite and we both watched closely. It took a moment, but she managed a smile after swallowing.

“Yay!!!” Josephine cheered as she clapped her hands and kicked her heels on the ground in front of her.

We finished eating and Josephine offered to go ahead and take us to the scepter.

“It’s not far,” she said, “just a few miles that way, and uphill to the Temple of Jubilation I built to enshrine it.”

We started walking behind her as she skipped along playfully.

“I know!” she added, “why don’t we sing a song on the way?! Hopefully you know this one…”

(John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt

His name is my name too

When ever we go out

The people always shout

There goes

John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt Da-da Da-da DADADA!)

…she sang as she led us.

“Maybe you guys know this one,” she continued.

(I may never march in the infantry

Ride in the cavalry

Shoot the artillery

I may never fly o'er the enemy But I'm in the Lord's army!)

“I don’t know how much more of this I can take, Eric,” Emily groaned, “I feel like I’m going to be sick.”

“Okay, we’re here,” she said as she stopped marching abruptly.

Standing before us was a large, Yucatan style pyramid made of what appeared to be graham crackers.

“Umm, Josephine. May I ask why you made it out of graham crackers?”

“To go with the Marshmallow Road, silly!”

“Eric, you have a knack for bringing women back from the worlds you visit, me included. Promise me this won’t be one of them,” Emily pleaded.

“Oh, don’t worry about that,” I said, as we ascended the pyramid.

When we got to the top, Josephine went into the capstone room and walked towards the altar that displayed the scepter. She picked it up and looked it over before saying, “the Scepter of Jubilation. The master tool I used to carve the hellish remains of this world that I left into the paradise you see today. And it was given to me by your father.”

“I see that it’s very special to you. Are you sure you don’t mind us taking it to examine it?” I asked.

“No, I don’t mind,” she replied somberly. The inflection in her voice was a little different than before.

She continued, “but before I do. There’s one thing I require of you.”

I gulped hard and said, “yes?”

Josephine held the scepter up with both hands evenly with her head and began to charge it with magic and shouted, “let me use it on that Negative Nancy first!!!”

Emily cried out and I turned quickly to grab her by the hand and make a mad dash backwards toward the stairs. Josephine charged up and unleashed a blast from the scepter that just narrowly missed Emily as we descended the first few steps. Vines started growing everywhere from the spot the blast hit and pink stargazer lilies began sprouting from them. We made it a little over halfway down the stairs when Josephine got to the edge of the pyramid and started firing down at us. She missed again, twice, and both spots sprouted more lovely variety of flora.

“AhHhHhH!!!” Josephine let out a haunting shriek as we reached the bottom step and dashed towards the wilderness. Josephine fired again and just before the shit hit Emily, I grabbed her and tackled her down to the edge of the hill. We both tumbled and rolled all the way down, using the ‘trees’ as cover from the scepter attacks.

When we stopped rolling, I helped Emily up and took her by the hand. We ran and ran and ran some more with the laughter of Josephine cackling behind us.

The two of us ran until we couldn’t run anymore. And when we caught our breath, we ran some more. Then we walked. We put as much ground between us and Josie as we could. I was beginning to think it was eternally sunny in this world, but night did finally begin to set in. We were totally lost, even with my makeshift map. But luckily, we stumbled across a small cottage. Or actually, it was a gingerbread house.

“Why does everything in this world go back to food?” Emily asked.

“Come on, let’s hide out there. Hopefully there’s no Gingerbread people in there that might turn us in to the Devil Queen Josephine.”