Chapter 6: Acceptance

The training in the parade ground became more intense. I not only stayed in the same posture anymore, I was also forced to hit a straw dummy with the sword to feel the impact of the weapon on my wrists.

And just as I thought, it hurt.

My delicate hands were not so used to overwork and as a consequence, I got blisters that had not yet turned to calluses.

I did not progress as I wanted to.

The impacts with the sword were driving me crazy and my wrists screamed every time I hit the damn scarecrow.

Again and again, the pain just wouldn't go away.

Sir Marte would tell me it was natural, even Alda had her hands bandaged in her first few months of training. But for me, the pain was something different?

For when I saw my hands bleed from the burst blisters I could perfectly remember the moment I died.

How could I forget?

No, I did not forget.

For such a death was impossible to forget.

The feeling of the bullets penetrating my body, the terror of my throat screaming for help that never came. Everything was still so real, so vivid in my memories that not even this medieval world could make me forget that nightmare.

Yes...

Until now I had felt no pain in this new world. Everyone was kind to me and offered me special treatment, not only because I was their king, but also because they were good people.

For that reason there was nothing that made me remember that fateful moment that put an end to my previous life.

It was then that I understood...

I hated to feel pain.

Because it reminded me of the helplessness of having been killed.

That day I was beating the dummy without flinching from the blood on my palms. I studied quietly without asking questions and kept quiet during dinner.

Mom and Alda talked about their respective days, I just nodded at them with a blank stare. Well, at this moment my mind was not here, but in Mexico...

Suddenly, my bedroom door rang.

“Son, may I come in? “ Mom's voice sounded worried; hell, I needed to regain my composure so as not to give her any more stress. Being the regent on duty was a huge responsibility and Girasol was fulfilling it to the letter.

“Of course, mother.”

The wooden door opened softly and my mother entered the room slowly. She was already wearing her white nightgown, the typical female pajamas of the nobles.

“Today I saw you a little distracted during dinner, are you feeling well?”

“Yes, mother, just a little sore hands. It's normal to have blisters when you're not used to pain, they'll go away.” I tried to smile at mom to take her mind off her troubles; the last thing she needed was a whiny little boy.

However, Mom shook her head and walked to my side.

“I know you well, son, I know something is bothering you, why don't we sit on the bed?”

“Sora will get mad if she sees us sitting down," I replied, without losing my fake smile.

“Sora is not with us right now, we can break the rules if it's just you and me, come on. “

“Okay, but if she arrives you will explain to her what happened.”

“It's a deal. “Mom and I sat on the edge of the bed, immediately the woman with black hair and honey eyes like mine took my hand.

I could feel her delicate fingers caressing my sore blisters.

“Well, I'm actually frustrated because I'm not making any progress in my fencing lessons. I understand that I can't become a real swordsman overnight, but at least I want to stop hitting that silly dummy and learn a new technique. “I didn't lie; I hated that damn scarecrow with all my being; to the point of wanting to kick him.

“Patience, sonny, it will soon become your daily routine to hit the doll. However, something else is bothering you, isn't it, I can see it in your eyes, and those sad eyes can't be from simple frustration, can they?”

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“Sad eyes? I don't know what you're talking about.”

“That look you have now, so empty and distant, as if you weren't here. “Mom let go of my hand and then hugged me gently, I could feel her heartbeat thudding in my face and the warm gentle breathing that gave me more peace than I would like to admit. “I love you, Ulric; you are my son and my pride too. You don't have to hide your pain from me, I want to help you.”

So that's what a mother's love felt like.

My face broke into a brittle smile.

I returned the embrace by wrapping my frail, aching hands around her.

Then it happened.

Mom gently stroked my head with one hand, while the other continued to hold me protectively.

“I... I...”

I finally cried.

I let my tears flow free like two huge waterfalls.

“I couldn't do anything, I failed at everything, mom, I failed, failed, failed, failed and nothing I do can make it right. I feel like a loser. I tried hard, I really tried hard, why did that have to happen, I didn't deserve it, I didn't deserve it, damn it!”

I let it out.

All my frustrations.

All my sadness.

I died murdered on March 15, 2023.

My dreams and illusions ended up shot in lead.

Fucking hitmen, fucking organized crime, fucking corruption!

I died, I died, I died, I died, I died and nobody saved me.

I had no friends or family, nobody mourned my death. Nobody cared that I died.

Surely I appeared as just another corpse in the local morgue, they talked about my murder for a few seconds on national news and a post on social networks surely embittered the afternoon of a teenager looking for memes.

I followed my father's example; I lived an honest and honorable life. I never stole from anyone, I never did wrong, I wanted to help people just as he did when he was municipal president.

And how did it all end?

In a horrendous death.

Riddled with bullets in broad daylight, without a patrol car or soldiers to rescue me.

I didn't deserve it, dammit!

My dreams.

My future.

They stole everything from me.

I studied political science for 5 years to improve my skills as a politician, I became a congressman at a young age without levers or favors, only with talent and hard work. I had so many plans to make Mexico a better place.

It was all in vain.

None of my ideals came true.

I ended up shot without love or friendship.

“It's not fair! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" My crying intensified, the tears soaked my mother's nightgown and wrinkled it from the amount of water that fell on it. Still, I didn't stop, I continued crying and unloading my sadness on her, whose embrace didn't lose a shred of tenderness.

“My son, this pain you are feeling is not normal. “Mom resumed her caresses to my head gently. “Something happened to you, I am sure of it, sometimes I feel that you are not really here, that your mind is in a faraway place where I will never be able to go.”

I didn't answer her.

My eyes could barely focus and my throat already hurt from screaming so much.

How did she know?

How could Mom know about my pain?

I never had motherly love in my past life, so this kind of affection was still foreign to me.

An old saying used to say that mothers had certain supernatural abilities to detect the pain and suffering of their children, for they were born connected with a bond that sometimes not even death could break.

I thought it was just nonsense.

But now I wasn't so sure.

Mom understood this pain and decided to embrace it as her own.

“Still... You don't have to bear it all, Ulric. “Mom called me by my new name, since I came here she only called me son or sonny, in fact almost nobody called me Ulric. “You have me, your sister Alda who loves you very much, Sora who disguises her affection with professional support and your mentor Sir Marte Hogan. Every one of us is part of your life, you will never be alone again.”

"You will never be alone again."

How I would have loved to hear those words in my former life.

I longed for them as I could never have imagined.

“Yes..." I whispered, as I continued to run a runny nose and cry.

“I'm sure you saw something while you were dying of blue fever. When you woke up you seemed like a different person; more mature and determined. But you felt distant, as if we didn't really know each other, Alda didn't notice because she is so little, but I did, we all noticed your change. “The caresses didn't stop despite how confused my mom sounded. “Even so, you are my son and I am really very happy to have you with me, I love you, Ulric, I love you and I will always love you. Thank you for being born, thank you for existing, my dear son.”

Yes...

There was definitely no mistake.

To love and to be loved were sensations that all humans should feel.

How could I live without this affection?

I was so focused on my ideals and goals that I never took the time to appreciate love until it was too late.

His words made me happy, at the same time a smile formed between my lips, while both eyes still lay filled with tears.

“Yes, I love you too, Mom.”

I said it.

The words I had so longed to say from the depths of my heart.

For the first time I showed an honest smile in this world. I didn't know if I looked good, but I didn't even care, I just wanted to enjoy this moment with mom and treasure it with all my might.

Until now I lived in denial of my own past, tried to adapt to the situation in a cold way and didn't pay attention to the people around me. This is over, from now on I will value more this second chance that for some reason appeared in front of me.

“When you feel sad or desolate, don't hesitate to come with me, sonny, I will always be there for you. No matter if you become a mighty warrior or a legendary monarch, for me you will always be the sweet child I hold in my arms today. I will always protect you...”

Mom's words did not lie, in them there was no hint of deceit, only pure and beautiful sincerity that could rarely be seen in this life.

“Thank you...”

It was all I could say.

I wanted to tell her a million phrases to make up for this love that filled me with life, but nothing else simply came out; the lump in my throat grew sharper and my thoughts piled up until I was speechless.

Still, for her it was enough.

I closed my eyes and slowly found myself lulled into her lap. The painful images of my death faded and were replaced by the smiles of my new loved ones.

Yes... Maybe it's time to start living.

It won't be easy, my memories of the old life will not disappear so easily. Part of them will continue to form my own personality and ideals; however, I decided to give my life a new direction.

I finally accepted that Esau Sanchez Moreno died and I also mourned his death to close that sad chapter.

I finally recognized myself as Ulric León. From now on I will try to accept the love of my family and love them equally.

And so, lying on my mother's lap and with a face full of tears, my life in this new world really began.