Is this my life? Yes, no doubt, this is indeed my life. 

How did I end up like this? Well, no matter what I think, nothing's gonna change. I'm still a shitty person in the eyes of other people. Even if they don't say it, I know for a fact that all they thought about me are negative things. They're looking down on me like I'm some kind of loser. Well maybe I am? But still, I hate that look. 

On a usual day, going to school all by myself, I can't stop my absurd thoughts. Like for example, that guy over there. I don't even know him, but based on the common standards of people, you can call him somewhat of a "good looking person". 

"Why is he the only one like that? Why is it that I'm not a handsome guy like him? It sucks." I mumbled to myself quietly so that the people around me won't hear anything.

"Hey Sora, how stupid can u be? Spitting nonsense things right early in the morning?  Don't be so dumb, no matter how hard you try to become a good looking guy, you know you can't. Your looks are yours only, and his looks are for him only, how is that even hard to understand? Are you trying to prove how stupid you are? Hahahaha, whatever." He said to me with a gaze full of disgust.

Well, I can't fight back, because even if what he said was harsh, I can't deny that it's true. But I won't accept his words either. So I'll just ignore him and let it pass by.

If only that is easy.

Who he is, you might wonder. You can think of him as my friend... Wait, no way. All he ever did was talk about how trash I am. How can I call him my friend after that? But I can't consider him my enemy either. Why? That's because...

All the things that he has said about me is definitely a reality that I need to accept. It feels like he really knows me well. And I don't even know his name. It's not like I want to know either way. I'm not interested in someone who literally talks shit about me right in my face. 

But deep inside, I was thinking if he truly cares about me? What if that was just an act to try to persuade me into changing my way of looking at society? 

None of that really matters, though. I don't care even if all those things were true, I'm not gonna change.

After all, I can't. Something made me like this.

A new life is not so easy to pull off. Aside from that, I'm already okay the way things are.

If something needs to be changed, it's not me, it's the world I live in.

I arrived at my school safely. 

It's the usual boring day. I guess it's better to be bored here in school than to be stuck at my home whole day doing nothing, right? 

Before going to the classroom, I always check the school canteen first. Don't get the wrong idea, I'm not cutting classes or going to my class late. I just usually arrive here earlier than most of the students, so I have a bunch of spare time to spend, that's all. 

But today is different, as I'm looking around, thinking of what to buy, I suddenly turn my gaze to a familiar face. That's right, he's Hansami Fera, my friend. Unlike the bullshit person earlier, this guy is truly my friend.

"Hey how are you? Why are you here early? Oh, don't tell me that you are here too because you want to catch some prey huh? You know what I'm saying right? There's just too many cute girls at this school." He said cheerfully, with bright eyes.

Don't force your standards to me, such a womanizer. And shouldn't I be the one asking you why are you here early in the morning? Hahahaha. I'll keep this thoughts to myself, well, how can I say such rude things to this energetic friend of mine right? I wish I was like him too. Full of energy, as if he's always happy. Damn, here I am again, envying others. How stupid.

"It's true that there are many cute girls in this school, but you know right, Hans? I don't have time for that." 

"I'm just joking, don't be so serious on this wonderful day hahaha. How can you get a girlfriend with that attitude? Hahaha, just kidding."

Oh damn, it hits me so hard. Will I ever get a girl to like me? Seems impossible huh. For an average looking guy like me to have a girlfriend?

Enough of this, I'm not a simp. I don't need a girlfriend, because I have a bunch of friends who are girls.

I didn't realize that while I was thinking about this, I was grinning the whole time. 

"What's with that smile dude, you're creeping me out. Hahahaha, see you later I'm gonna confess to my crush today" He said happily, while going the opposite direction as mine.

"Well yeah, see you later, I hope you got rejected. Just kidding, goodluck Hans." 

And with that, our conversation ended.

After spending my time at the school cafeteria, I finally managed to go to my classroom. As always, they are noisy as hell. Not that I can complain about it. It's like they all got their own worlds. The atmosphere is... I don't know how to say it, but I know for myself that I didn't like this kind of vibes. 

I go to my chair, placed at the corner of the room, second to the last row, near the window, I finally sit in peace. Come to think of it, this particular part of the classroom is where the protagonist of an anime usually sits right? Although that doesn't go with me. I don't think of myself even as a side character in my own story. For me, it feels like I'm just a narrator rather than a character itself. It's a weird feeling. I'm right here, but why can't I focus on myself? 

It's just…It's just meddling with the life of others is more fun for me. 

Why do I even exist? 

"Why do you exist, you ask?" a familiar voice suddenly whispers to my ears.

I didn't even look, but one thing is for sure, it's him again. The bullshit person who likes to make fun of me. Whatever. I'll just ignore him until he gets tired. How did he even get here in my classroom???

"Because you have a purpose to the people around you." He continues with a sad tone, then quickly leaves.

Purpose. I wonder what he meant by that. The elders always said that I should find my purpose in life. I don't think I have one though. I'm just a product of the horny nights of my parents, and you're asking me to find my purpose? Don't give me that bullshit.

And here I am again, getting lost by my nonsense thoughts.

Our teacher still hasn't come to our classroom, so it's still noisy as hell. Would you all mind shutting the fuck up for a second? I know I can't say it aloud, though. 

Because of the noisiness of my classmates I decided to plug up my earphones and listen to music instead. 

Then suddenly, I didn't realize that I'd already closed my eyes. You can't blame me, the music was too good okay? 

The moment that I opened my eyes, a cute face was right in front of me. I quickly unplugged my earphones so I could hear what she had to say. 

"Hey, what the hell is wrong with you? I've been calling your name for a while now, you know?" She said with a voice clearly irritated.

"Oh, I'm sorry, what is it that you have to say?" I said to her.

That very moment I speak, you can tell that her face literally turns red. I didn't do anything to her though.

Oh, I get it now. Our face has been like this for a while that she blushes huh? How cute. With this distance, I can even kiss her if I want to. Wait, no.... Even just the thought of it makes me sick. She's just my friend, nothing else. I don't harbor any romantic feelings for her. But I can't deny the fact that she's cute. I bet many other guys have a thing for her. It's not like I care about her though.

As she realizes this, she quickly averts her gaze toward a different direction. I don't know why though? Maybe she's annoyed?

But damn, she's really cute. I take back what I've said earlier. I wish I had kissed her then told her that it was just an accident. Hahaha, just kidding.

I wonder what it is that she needed to say. Don't tell me she's going to confess her love to me? 

"I know that look, don't get the wrong idea, stupid. I'm not gonna confess to you or anything, if that's what you're thinking.

Damn, and here I thought that finally, a girl sees me as a romantic interest.

"So what is it anyway?" I said with an irritated voice.

"Hey what's with that disappointed look? Do you really expect me to like you? Not in a million years."

"Don't get too full of yourself, I'm just annoyed because such a nuisance is talking to me right before the class. Just say what you have to say. Stupid hoeman." This is how we talk to each other normally, full of harsh words and humiliation. I guess it's because we're comfortable with each other? But then again, we're just friends, nothing more than that.

Quick background about this girl, she's a nuisance, obstacle, hardship, and a threat in my life. Her name is Shigeiru Akarui. We are on a first name basis so I call her "Gei" For short. Even though she is nothing but a hindrance in my life, she's still one of my few friends in this classroom. We've known each other for years now, so we really do know each other completely. 

The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement.

"Have you heard of the new student in our school? I saw her at the teacher's office a while ago, I didn't see her thoroughly but she is truly an angel. That face is just so beautiful. And the good thing is, she will go to our class. Lucky right?" She said with a cheerful voice, you can see by her eyes that she is genuinely happy by this news.

"A girl huh." I said with a boring tone. Even though I said it with a voice that is not interesting, it's the complete opposite. I'm curious. I want to see her and confirm if she's beautiful.

"Hahaha, here you are again. Hoping that she will like a person like you. Not gonna happen. She's way out of your league." She said with a happy tone as if to mock me.

What a harsh thing to say, I haven't even met her and you're telling me that it's impossible. Well, maybe she's right?

"Class, go back to your seat now." Our teacher finally arrived at our classroom.

The classroom is now at peace. Those humans who don't know how to shut their mouths are now quietly sitting on their respective chairs. 

I let out a sigh as if to show I'm relieved.

Isn't it better this way? I prefer this quiet classroom than a classroom that looks like a warzone because of this stupid human beings that are so damn loud.

After a while, our teacher starts talking in front of the classroom.

"You probably already know, but I'll say it again, you have a new classmate who will be attending our class starting today."

This is what Gei, the cute girl earlier, was talking about. 

Because of what she said earlier, I can't help but to think what the new student looks like. 

"Would you mind introducing yourself to us, Miss Tenshi?" 

At that very moment, as she entered our classroom, I was completely mesmerized by her looks. It's just what Geiru said, she's literally an angel. Damn, I can't believe it. An angel as beautiful as her will be attending our class from now on. I couldn't be happier.

"Hello everyone, I'm Keita Tenshi and starting today I'll be your new classmate. I'm looking forward to working with you all." She said with a very cheerful tone.She's so damn cute. Honestly, I don't really believe in what they call "love at first sight" . For me it's just bullshit that only fools would believe. But now, I don't mind becoming a fool. 

I know it's not only me, all of the other boys in our classroom might have fallen for her in an instant. Well, maybe aside from my friends, I know their type and they won't be captured just because of a girl who looks like an angel. That's my friends for you. They aren't shitty like me. 

As she was still in the front of the room, looking around, our eyes met.

My heart can't stop pounding. I can't keep up on what's going on. Not just only our eyes met, after that, SHE SMILES. I don't know what to do in that situation. I don't even know why she's smiling? I can't process what's happening.

All I know is, is that.... She's a true gem. 

After calming my mind, I returned the smile to her. I don't know what I look like when I'm smiling, but I tried my best to do it and avoid looking like a creepy guy.

And after that, all of my thoughts were shattered instantly. 

Why didn't I realize it earlier? I'm so stupid, can I just disappear right now?

As sad as it is, she isn't looking at me. 

The girl at my back is the one she's looking at. It seems like they were acquaintances or something. I don't really care though.

After I tried so hard to smile. After all those thoughts. It was all for nothing. I was left dumbfounded.

Hahaha. What a fool am I? Why would I think that an angel like her would smile at a scum like me? No way that's gonna happen. Maybe I needed to be realistic. 

No girl would ever like me as I am now. 

Being broken into pieces, I decided to just stare at the window, let time flies by, as if nothing embarrassing has happened.

After hours of staring into nothingness, class has finally ended, and we are now allowed to go home. After hearing the bell, which is the sign of dismissal, I immediately ran outside the room. I wanted to go home as fast as I could. I wanted to sleep once I'm home. I wanted to forget the events that have happened today. 

But of course, fate won't let that happen. Nothing goes the way I want. It's as if some entity is blocking my path in the right direction, so I have no choice but to take the wrong path, and eventually will lead into despair. I'm not exaggerating things here. It's always like this to the point that I'm kinda used to it. There's nothing I can do to oppose fate itself right? 

The moment my feet touched the floor outside the room, I suddenly bumped into someone I knew. 

This cute clumsy girl over here is Ikeri Nozomu, she's my friend, I think 4 years ago? But now here she is, my classmate again. Even though we're classmates again, that doesn't mean that we're back into being friends. But, who knows? Maybe this fated encounter was meant for us to be friends again? No. I shouldn't assume things will go the way I want, because I know it won't. 

Right now, my priority is to apologise to her.

"Oh, I'm sorry I wasn't focusing on my surroundings, my bad. Are you okay?"

"No, I'm the one who should apologize for being so clumsy. I'm sorry for that." She said, with a teary eyes. 

Now I remember, back in the years, when we were still friends, she's always like this. She's so kind that she always blames herself for every bad thing that has happened. 

"You don't need to apologise, as I've said, I wasn't looking in the way so I accidentally bump into you, I'm sorry again. I'm in a hurry so I guess bye for now? Sorry again!" I continue walking as fast as I can to avoid further conversation. It's not like I don't want to talk to her, I just feel bad, and also it would be awkward to talk there with many people watching. So my only choice is to leave her there.

But I know deep inside me that I wanted to talk to her again. Or maybe not? Think about it, talking to her will just bring back the happy memories of my past, I have no problem with that though. It's just that... It hurts reminiscing about the past and knowing that it won't happen again.

I'm a fast walker, so I'm now finally outside the school. 

I can now peacefully go to our house. That's what I thought at first. But destiny really likes to play with my life. Shit, would you just let me go home already? Don't you see that I'm mentally broken right now? I'm not in the right shape for another conversation. Well, I guess I need to go with the flow now though.

Just when I finally got outside our school, I saw my friends there, standing, it seemed like they were waiting for me. After they went to the trouble just to wait for me, wouldn't it feel bad if I decided to ditch them? But I can't remember telling them to wait for me though. Still, I've got no other option but to walk home with my friends. 

Basically, we're a circle of friends consisting of four. I don't know why we've become friends, we don't have even the slightest similarities, so how? 

Yairo Kawase, the cute little guy standing there. His personality is... Hmm, I'm not sure how to put it into words. Let's see, his appearance is completely the opposite of his mind. When seeing him for the first time, you may think that he's a cute, kind, and innocent little guy. But he's not. This devil right there is a perverted evil guy. Yes, I know that because we've been friends for a while now. Despite his personality, he's still fun to be friends with. Once he starts his craziness, you won't be bored for even a second. However, he still has a sense of immaturity, nevertheless, I'm sure that he'll change, he just needs a matter of time.

Hansami Fera, or Hans, I met her earlier in the school cafeteria, right? Compared to Yairo, this guy is more mature. Maybe because of the world where he grew up, that's why he's matured? He has already been through many hardships, but still he's here, optimistic in life. I kinda envy this kind of mentality, if only this is the way I think. Nevermind. As you can see earlier, this guy is a lady-killer, he may not have the best looks, but damn, his charisma is on another level. Even if he's a womanizer, I still consider him as my friend. If anything else, I think he's the only one who truly understands me when it comes to serious things. I'm very grateful to have a friend like this.

Lastly, Jinsei Yami. He's the guy there, standing with his usually somewhat cold eyes. Unlike Hans, who is very optimistic, I kinda feel a pessimistic aura on Jinsei, or I'm just imagining things? Even with this kind of personality, he's still my friend because I kinda see myself in him. I may not have said it earlier, but I'm actually quite smart, even though I'm no match for Jinsei when it comes to academics, well, he's just too good. 

Overall, you can think of Yairo as the little guy who just wants fun, Hans, who likes pretty girls, and Jinsei, who has a cold personality.

I want to go home as soon as possible, but I can't ignore my friends either. I guess it wouldn't hurt to join them on their way home.

As they saw me, they waved their hands happily.

"What's taking you so long Sora? We're here for a while waiting for you." Said Hans with an expression that shows how happy he is that I'm finally here, and at the same time, disappointed because I arrived late.

Hey, it's not like I begged you to wait for me here. Besides I did my best to walk fast, but why the hell are you here first? Shouldn't you be still in the classroom doing something? Not that it matters right now. I guess I'll just apologize?

"Well yea, you see I got something to take care of, so that's why I'm kinda late, yea sorry for that dude."

"Come on, it's not that big a deal, what's important is that you're here already." Yairo said, with a smile.

"Yeah, I think we should go now" Jinsei followed, as if he's in a hurry.

If you're in a hurry, why bother to wait for me? 

On our way home, just like normal friends, we've been chitchatting, but yeah, I'm not my usual self today, because you see, I'm mentally broken right now. That explains why I'm more quiet today than usual.

While talking for a while, they finally arrived at the topic that I'd rather not hear. Please, I don't want to hear about her right now, that girl, that beautiful girl who looks like an angel, she's the reason why I'm like this right now. I feel so stupid. But still, if you think logically, she hadn't done anything wrong. The ones wrong here are me and my insane delusions. Well, you can't blame me, she's just too beautiful to become everyone's fantasy. Let's just say that I'm not wrong here, but at the same time I'm not right. It would be best for me if I could just forget this day, as irritating as it is, it's literally impossible.

"So, what do you think of our new classmate? She's so beautiful right? I bet you're already head over heels for her? Such lowlifes. Hahahaha." Hans said with a tone that is irritating, he said all of that just to mock me, right?"Well, you see, I already got a girl, the one whom I confessed earlier. It just takes a simple confession for her to like me, though. I thought it would be more interesting, but it's not. Going back to the topic, I now have a girlfriend, so this Keita Tenshi can't be mine, also Yairo is still loyal to a girl who doesn't seem to like her, on the other hand, I doubt Jinsei would be interested to someone like her, I know his type in girls after all." He added.

I know where this is going, he's gonna back me into a corner and persuade me to ask Tenshi out right? Either way, I'm not in the right condition to pull a counterattack, so that leaves me no choice but to act the way he wants. Damn, this is so frustrating, don't I really have any way of escaping things now?

"You realize where I'm getting at, right Sora?" He continued his speech with a smug face.

"Lemme ask you something, what do you think of our new angel?" From the way I've observed things earlier, it seems to me like you're already captivated by her looks, am I wrong?"

Damn, he's literally on point, how the hell am I gonna deny things here???

"Well, I can't deny that her beauty is on a whole nother level, of course isn't it normal to be attracted to someone like her? But it doesn't mean that I love her or anything." These words just slipped to my mouth on it's own, I wish this is enough as a rebuttal, though.

"You're not getting my point." He said then do a facepalm.

I can't really escape this, can't I?

"My point is, you should try asking her out. I bet what you're gonna say next is that you're no match for an angel like her, am I wrong?"

How am I supposed to fight back, when he already said my next words???? 

"Yeah, literally, a lowlife like me doesn't have a chance to be with her. If we're treating her as an angel, you can think of me as the devil, there's just no way for us to be together, you're getting my point right? Well, I bet you don't, because you're charismatic naturally. If only I'm like you, I would surely ask her out" I said with my voice, a little bit sad. You might think of me as a pathetic person now, but believe me this is my only last resort to escape the situation.

Unexpectedly, Yairo, whom I don't think will say anything, has joined the conversation.

"If I'm being completely honest here, you're right that you don't stand a chance on her if we're only basing on looks and looks alone."

What a harsh thing to say Yairo, I thought you would take my side here....

"But...." He hesitated to continue at first....

"I know for a fact that you're a wonderful person, so why not give it a try? It's better to be rejected than regretting it later because you didn't try, right? And also, I know that Hans is pushing you to confess to her, because he also knows that you have a chance... Even though it's just a very slight chance. But still!! You should try it." He finally finished his sentence.

"I see your point here Yairo, but I really think I'm gonna regret things if I experience rejection.." Do I have any allies here???

"You're saying that you're the devil and she's the angel right? Then think of things this way, she's an angel who got lost on the abyss, if that is so, then be the devil who will bring her back to heaven. What I'm saying is, even a devil like you, can still have a chance to be with the angel you like." Jinsei said.

And now it's 3on1? How the hell am I supposed to answer here?

Also, I think I meant the devil and angel as a figure of speech, but why the hell is Jinsei treating me like I'm some kind of a real devil??? With nothing left to say, I just let out a sigh.

"I guess I'll do what I can." I said, clearly unsure of how things will go.

"But don't get your hopes up yet, the chance of me being rejected is still high." I added.

They didn't say anything, but they showed a suspicious smile. It wouldn't be impossible for them to plan this whole conversation. If my hunch is correct, then that explains why they're so early waiting for me at the school gate. Only one person would plan this, damn you, Hans.

With that, eventually, we have reached our destination. I'm finally at home. Today has been tiring.