*
Time of Report: XX/XX/XXXX @ XXXX hrs
That night, I saw a little girl.
In her hand was a flickering match. The flame spluttered and flickered weakly, but still held strong. Her expression was one of enrapturement as she stared at the little matchstick, and her red hair was incandescent in the fire’s light.
It was like a scene from a fairy tale. I had never seen a more beautiful sight.
I quickly approached her, kicking a pebble in my haste.
I must have startled her, for she immediately looked up at me with a shocked look on her face. Immediately a fire erupted and engulfed her, leaving not even a particle of ash as it subsided.
I must have been hallucinating, but I could have sworn that I saw a dinner table. But I digress.
Who was that girl?
What was she doing in the burnt ruins of the town?
The questions flooded my mind as I stood there staring at the darkness which suddenly flooded the place.
Adapted from the Royal Tattler, written by a certain Noue-Onee Sama.
*
"Well... This is awkward."
My joints have seized up, leaving me in the posture I have taken up to use
Fortunately I didn't have to worry about anyone coming to chop my head off. A nice lady, out of the goodness of her heart, blasted the silly elves to thy Kingdom come.
Then again, having my head cut off is probably the least of my worries. Them elves are a vindictive lot.
Unfortunately, she didn't have the goodness of heart to pass me the oil bottle, which now stood several feet away from where I stood.
Well, I couldn't just stand about here feeling sorry for myself, right? There was someone I could call to help.
She always seemed to wander off on her own, but it didn't hurt to try, right?
"Hooooooiiiiiii~ Match-Chan, give your onii-san here some help, will you?"
*Crackle*
I heard the crackling of a flame overhead, and knew my call was answered.
"Yeah, I'm stuck. Yes, I'm a fool and should just jump off a cliff for overusing a spell without care to my personal well-being." I felt a slight impact at my face, and continued: "And yes, I shouldn't have called myself your 'onii-san.' Now, see that that oil bottle here?"
I heard tinkling overhead and saw a few sparks hit the ground. I'm taking that as a yes.
"Yeah, that bottle you see there. I need you to bring it to me and help me apply them to my joints. I know it's a bit heavy, but we will be here all day if you don't do it." I neglected to point out that she could just fly off on her own. "You can do that right?"
I heard a tinkle in reply.
"Then get on with it."
I heard a tinkle, and the sounds of something being dragged along the floor.
*POP* *fsssshht*
And then to my horror, the sound of the cork coming off coupled with the sound of fire.
"WAH, PUT IT OUT, PUT IT OUT, WHY DID I ASK A FIRE SPIRIT TO DO THIIIIIISSSS?!"
**
Time of Report: XX/XX/XXXX @ XXXXhrs
The essence of fire is in the spark. A flint conjures a spark, and with tender love and care, the spark grows into fire, a all-consuming blaze of life that only lives for the moment and goes out just as fast.
Flame elementals are the scions of fire, the embodiment of energy gone chaotic. Fire is free, wilful, and greedy, but they are also passionate and fervent. Controlled, they are the most useful of elements, but remember that their natural state is not the docile flames that you spy upon the hearth.
Fire attribute creatures are among one of the most varied subgroups, boasting the mighty dragon, the fire elemental Ifrit, and the tricky djinn. However, what I feel embodies the element of fire best would be the elusive flame sprite.
A flame sprite is said to be the servant of the Great Nine-tailed fox, a living bundle of pure energy and mischief. I have heard rumors that they are able to conjure hallucinations by manipulating the hot air around them, but that remains to be confirmed. Nevertheless, they exist to cause mischief and mayhem, sometimes even unleashing terrifying power to realize their ends.
A flame sprite is said to live for only a short duration of time, but within that short period of time, it leaves behind a trail of destruction a mile wide.
Never cross a flame sprite, lest the flames upon the fireplace suddenly turn hostile and burn a whole village down in the process. However, if an shaman were to gain its allegiance, a flame sprite is one of the most steadfast allies you can depend on.
Adapted from the Royal Tattler, written by a Certain Nyasha Oni-san.
***
"Match, you really need to be more careful." I grumbled, applying as much oil as possible to my joints. I attempted to move my legs, and with a squeak, they complied.
*Squeak* *Creak* *Crank*
With a little bit of creaking and cranking, I forced myself into a more comfortable sitting position.
*Squeak* I forced my helmet back to the proper position, which was visor facing front.
"Ah, that's much better." I looked at Match, who was in her human form, sitting at a corner looking grumpy.
Petite and cute as a mute (seriously, some people are a lot cuter when they DON’T talk), she was clad in a red tunic and had a bell hung on the choker on her neck.
Mind you, if Match would smile a little more, she would give off the impression of an extremely adorable girl. With her slender build, flaming hair as red as an apple, and eyes the colour of the azure sky, she would certainly grow up to be a beautiful woman some day.
That is, if she were human.
So you can forget any chances of her growing up (Lolicons rejoice!!). Neither can you ever expect her to smile. She's just a grumpy dear, she is.
I should probably attempt to appease her. But I wasn't sure how to go about it. I confess that I never heard her speak before though. Perhaps I shouldn't have complained. She was trying to help.
Oh well, I probably should not disturb her. She's just throwing a tantrum. She’ll get over it. I think.
I left Match to her moping and started to take stock of my current situation.
From a glance, it seemed that my armor was badly cracked…
“Open Equipment Window and Status Window.” I called out, and I looked through the listed details. I’m not going to bother you with the details, but important stat was important:
[Total
I confess, I never really bothered with equipment maintenance before. And now it’s come back to bite me in the bud. I should really look to pick up the
Then again, it’s not going to help me with my lost maximum durability. This is troublesome.
My joints creaked as I moved them experimentally. From the looks of it, they might break if they took any more beating. I guess I did take too much damage. I made a note to watch the spells in the near future.
“In any case, I’m in no position to move on in this dungeon… What a drag.”
I’m going to have to go back and make repairs. With some difficulty, I picked myself off the ground and turned to Match.
“Match-Chan, we’re heading back.”
No response.
“You’re still mad? I said I was sorry.”
Okay, maybe I didn’t, but it was worth a shot. Match didn’t reply anyways.
“I’ll give you a cookie.”
A tinkle as she perked her ears in attention, but she quickly turned her back on me again.
Aha, we have a response. I upped the ante a little bit.
“Two cookies?”
Okay, that was too little. She wasn’t going to bite even if I increased the number of cookies. And she used to jump at one cookie. Seriously, I spoil her too much.
“I’ll cook tonight, alright? Haven’t done so in a long time, after all.”
I didn't see a need to. I do not hunger, after all.
I startled as Match literally pivoted on the spot. Her emotionless expression has not changed, but I could see her eyes shining. I sighed and checked my inventory. It seemed that grocery shopping was another thing to be added to the list today. I scratched my head.
I’m not really that good of a cook, am I?
Judging by the fact that Match looked as though she had struck jackpot, apparently I was.
“I’ll pick up the groceries after we drop by at Chi’s smithy for repairs.” I continued quickly as soon as I saw Match’s expression darken. “Now, I know you don’t really like her, but this is important. You understand right?”
... *Tinkle*
I watched her turn her head slowly, and she nodded reluctantly. What a good girl she is. I would pat her on the head, but I was afraid she would burn me to a crisp if I did.
Match could be rather touchy after a tantrum.
“Come along then.” I turned and made to leave.
Match nodded and closed her eyes, concentrating for a moment. Suddenly, she was engulfed in fire, and she transformed back into her Sprite form (Just think of a chibi Match-chan in terms of appearance). I bent down and offered my hand, and she zipped herself up to my shoulder, where she perched herself comfortably.
***
Time of report: XX/XX/XXXX @ XXXXhrs
I write this report, hoping for rescue. For the people, I decided to visit the Forest Dungeon in the hopes of being able to speak to the night elves that dwell there. On hindsight, that was either inspired or very, very stupid.
Now, as I hang upside down by the leg from one of the dungeon’s many traps, I am beginning to suspect that it was the latter. A night elf patrol will be arriving soon, and unfortunately, I do not have the agility nor the torso strength to pull myself up to untied the string.
Nevertheless, what you cannot overcome with brawn, the brain will be sufficient. I am certain of it. I write for the people after all! A simple rope trap is no impediment to my essential work!
… I think.
Adapted from the Royal Tattler, which is written by a certain Ramses-dono.
****
Well, lookie here.
"Fancy meeting you here." I said cheerily to the mage woman, who was now hanging upside down due to a rope trap that held her up by her legs. Her cloak had fallen to the ground.
And she is wearing a robe. As in a dress for all magicians.
"D-d-don't look!"
Her face beet red, she was scrambling to keep her skirts from falling all around her. Judging by the fact that her rather shapely legs were being revealed, she isn't doing a very good job.
Not that she could tell because full helmet with visor, but I had a good look at her. Well endowed in all aspects with a well balanced BWH ratio, blonde hair cut short but now hanging upside down revealing a oval face and green eyes... And a pair of elven ears.
An elf, I thought to myself. And from the looks of it, either a Wood Elf or a High Elf. Either this is a really beautiful woman or the character has been heavily modified in terms of appearance. You can never tell when you are playing an MMORPG.
"The night elves got you too?" I figured I may as well make some light conversation to start off with.
Unfortunately, it didn’t seem like she was in the mood for light conversation.
"Stop gawking, you stupid knight, get me down from here!!"
I sighed to myself and motioned to Match. Whatever happened to the need to make polite chit-chat?
In any case, I should get her down.
It will probably be my fault somehow that she ended up in this predicament. Women tend to find a reason.
"Match..."
*Tinkle* *Tinkle*
Match shook her head. You didn't even hear what I wanted to say!!
"What? I'm already cooking tonight. What more do you want?"
Match has become a bit more mercenary as of late, I thought to myself.
*Tinkle*
"Fine, I will also throw in that cookie."
*Tinkle* *Tinkle*
"What?! Why you, silly girl, there's no way you will finish! And what is with that resolute look on your face?!"
*Tinkle*
"What?! Are you trying to eat me out of house and home!!"
"I hate to break into your lover's chat..." the crazy mage woman cut in, her face red, either from embarrassment, anger, or the blood rushing to her head. "... BUT GET ME DOWN FROM HERE!!"
Oh.
We became so engrossed in arguing that I forgot about the wench hanging like so much laundry...
Match and I looked at each other...
… And we huddled together to negotiate.
"Dinner tonight and I will give you 3 cookies. Deal?"
*Tinkle*
"You little scamp, we have a deal. See those ropes over there?"
*Tinkle*
"You know what to do."
*Tinkle*
Match acknowledged, and flew off. I busied myself while she got on with it.
I heard the sizzling of burning rope, coupled with a loud thud as the crazy mage woman fell with a grunt.
For prudence's sake, I gave it a few moments before I turned to look at her. I saw what she did to the elves and I do not wish to join them.
I turned and saw the crazy mage woman trying to fix her skirts. A flash of pale skin, and I hurriedly turned my back on her.
Too early. I hope she didn't notice.
"Di- did you look?"
Well, @#$%. Well, I'm dead either way. I opted for brutal honesty.
"Yes, and I enjoyed every single moment of it."
A cry of rage, and a roaring blast of lightning.
Worth.
***
"You idiot..." Crazy mage woman was still fidgeting with her clothes as we walked back to the dungeon entrance.
"You seriously overreacted. Honestly, you women are so much trouble." I replied, not at all contrite. I was missing a leg, but fortunately there was no blood. (I still say it was worth it.)
Nothing Chi can't fix, I think. But on hindsight, perhaps that was a bit too brutally honest.
I concentrated on hopping on one leg while chatting. Match, who didn't take kindly to being jostled as I hopped (I had to give her another cookie to get her to stop throwing fireballs at me in her annoyance), hovered alongside me.
The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.
"... Party."
"What?" I was too busy trying to hop. You try hopping around in a suit of armor. Believe me, it’s not easy.
“... I said, join my party.”
Well, this is rather sudden…
“I refuse.” I said curtly.
“Wha- why?”
“Does this,” I pointed at my temporarily amputated limb. “Look like I’m in any condition to keep dungeoneering?”
“I could heal you…” Crazy Mage Woman said sheepishly. I shook my head hurriedly at her offer.
“I think you better leave it be… I’ll patch myself up. Somehow.”
A lady who can shoot a fireball that reduces foes to dust, and she has a healing ability? That’s rather scary. And yet, strangely arousing.
Not that I’m into that sort of thing, mind you.
We kept moving, the Crazy Mage Woman silent. I decided she looked rather forlorn, so I decided to throw her a little lifeline.
“I could meet you tomorrow if you like.”
She perked up a little. That’s good. So please don’t hit me with fireball, Miss Crazy Mage Woman. Any more damage, and even Chi won’t be able to patch me up. I’m sure we are friends now, right?
Wait, why is steam coming off her head? She’s not charging up said fireball, right?
She turned, and her face was crazy red. Like a tomato. Damn it, girl, you embarrass too easily. This is starting to resemble a scene from a romance comedy.
“Yo-you better be there then!!”
“Yeah, yeah…” I balanced myself on my remaining leg and watched as Crazy Mage Woman opened up her party interface and added me.
[You have been invited to a party. Accept? Y/N]
I accepted and looked at the member list.
[??????? Lvl. 220]
[Sol Lvl. 240]
Wait, hang on...
"How did you manage to hide your name?" I asked, surprised.
"What does this have to do with anything?" Crazy Mage Woman snapped back, face still red.
“No, nothing of the sort.” I replied hurriedly. The name seemed familiar, as though I had forgotten something...
“But it’s a cute name.” I added quickly.
She stared at me.
*Crackle*
“Wait, don’t shoot lightning at me out of embarrassment!! I won’t even have a scrap of iron left to patch up if you do!!!”
"What kind of person would think that a name like '?????' is cute anyways?!"
We walked back to town, and I tried my best to ignore the Crazy Mage Woman, whose face was now really, really red. As though her face couldn’t get redder already.
*****
We soon arrived at the town of Kuruseo. The air was heavy with the smoke rising from the chimneys of its many smithies, but the place was ridiculously opulent as always. The dimming sunlight reflected off its gold walls, building and doubling upon itself to coat everything in a beautiful golden radiance.
Kuruseo is home to a group of reclusive craftsman dedicated heavily to their craft. There are apparently 8 different methods to get in there, but I knew none of them. I was a subject of interest to them, after all. And so I was invited in. Brought in blindfolded (weird if you consider it), and sworn to secrecy (also weird) for some reason. The only reason why I was at the dungeon was to test and confirm the extent of my abilities, which was somewhat lacking. That, and to confirm the ability of the gauntlets Chi made.
As for the Crazy Mage Woman, I wasn’t sure why she was here, and how she managed to get into the town. She sort of clammed up and refused to talk for the rest of our walk back, and then it just so happened that we were headed back the same way (much to her embarrassment, it seems). And Match was quiet as always, save for the crackling of her flames as she flew.
When we arrived at the first crossroad, I bid farewell to the Crazy Mage Woman and we headed off on our separate ways. Or at least I tried to. She didn't respond.
Doesn't matter to me, in any case. I should go visit Chi before she retires for the day and logs off.
With that, I balanced myself and hopped on one leg towards Chi's smithy.
*Clank* *Clank* *Clank* *Clank* *Clank*
My armor creaked and cranked as I hopped, hopped, hopped all the way there.
Little did I know that it was to be the basis of several horror rumors surrounding the town of Kuruseo.
*****
Time of report: XX/XX/XXXX
"It was night time.
I was preparing for bed, when suddenly I heard a loud clanging sound. My curiosity got the better of me, and I opened the window. Suddenly, there was an astonishing sight - A headless horseman, holding a helmet lit ablaze and astride a horrific skeletal steed, was galloping down the streets and laughing maniacally! What kind of town would let in a monster like that?
First, explosions, then eccentric neighbours, and now this?!
That's it. I'm moving out of this crazy town. It's not worth it, mang."
Adapted from the "Mysterious Encounters" issue of the Royal Tattler, which was written by a certain Lasto-Sempai.
*
Spoiler :
In case you are curious, this is what actually happened.
"Woah, boy, woah!"
I grasped the reins as best I could with one hand whereas trying to hold on to my helmet, which had fallen off during the struggle. Meanwhile, Match had fallen into the helmet, and I believe (from the burn marks and grumpy face afterwards) that she was being tossed about like a rag in a hurricane.
All this time, the uncontrollable skeletal stallion, whom I summoned by accident from an old broken Sword given to me by Chi, did its very best to buck me off.
In the end, I had to put it down for its own good. I beat it to death.
******
As you probably know by now, Kuruseo was home to some of the best blacksmiths. There were times when I would see the top players, far ahead of the rest, guild masters, solo players, levels going into the 300s.
They would bring sacks upon sacks of gold and stack them nicely. And then they proceed to kowtow like dogs in front of a smithy in order to obtain a commission.
And the blacksmiths, gods within their sacred realm, would descend upon them, and deign to offer these gods of the battlefield the benefit of their services.
And then when you think about blacksmiths, you think of dudes with the handlebar moustaches and musculature that seemed to come out of a certain anime involving a certain very muscular alchemist that sparkles.
What I didn't expect when they sent me to Chi, whose specialities were questionable at best...
*Rumble...*
Oh crap. I prayed that Match had prepared herself. Judging by the way she tensed up, she had. But it wasn't enough....
"MMMAAAAATCH-CHAAANN!!!"
Poor Match, who transformed back into human form because flying all the time is tiring and being bigger gets you around faster when you walk, was full body tackled by a shadow -
"Why didn't you call in to say that you were coming? Oh, I missed you so much, let me hug you - AH, HOT, HOT, HOT, THAT'S LOVE, THAT IS, ACH, HOT!!"
Ah, the one that's currently under threat from third degree burns and yet still hugging a clearly furious Match, whose hair was currently ablaze in anger (her expression, surprisingly, remained the same, although it darkened a little bit)...
That's Chi.
What I didn't expect of Chi when we first met...
Was that she was this Moe kawaii bishie wood elf. Then again, her figure was still girlish, that of a child. I’m not into that. Give it a few years, maybe.
Nevertheless, the flames never seemed to bother Chi. She sighed contentedly as she hugged Match like a little girl would her favorite stuffed animal. I wanted to point out the fact that her clothing would get all burnt from this, but decided against it.
One, her clothes seemed to be fireproof, and two, I would have a perfectly good view if they weren't. So far I was gunning for the latter but it never seems to happen. Curses heaped upon curses.
As opposed to most blacksmiths, who I always see in plain work clothes and aprons, Chi always added a little twist. A frill there, a ribbon carelessly tied around her auburn hair....
Not to mention that shockingly pink uniform. Now that was a rare item. Custom jobs by player tailors are often ridiculously expensive, and impractical in battle, so it was not often seen, let alone used.
Chi sighed happily as she rubbed Match's head, blissfully unaware of the fact that her hair was starting to get badly singed.
"Haaaaaa.... This is bliss. Tetsu-kun, you should bring Match-Chan by more often."
“And I’m telling you, my name is not Tetsu.” I retorted. “It’s Sol, Sol!! I purposely made it simple for people to remember!!”
An awkward silence.
“Ahhhh… Match-Chan’s so warm…”
That #$@#@ completely ignored me!!
“Oi!!” I snapped. Chi looked up and gave a big toothy smile. Ah… That smile’s so cute… Hang on, I was supposed to be angry.
“In any case, my name is Sol. Sol, I tell you!! It’s just three letters!!”
Chi stared at me.
“Tetsujin.” She began.
“So now I’m a futuristic metal suit.”
“JinJin.”
“That’s a bit off the mark.”
“... Solarbeam.”
“NOW I’M A POKEMON MOVE?!”
“... Winter Solstice.”
“... Forget it. Call me whatever you want for now.” I sighed. I unstrapped the gauntlets and set them down in front of her. “We have much bigger fish to fry.”
“Then why not get Match-Chan here to help you?” Chi said. Match wriggled and squirmed, but Chi had a grip like iron. “She can help you weld the pieces together.”
I considered this, and shook my head. “No, I don’t wish to make children cry. Besides, the limb was blown off. As in, complete disintegration.”
“Eeeh, and I was just about to call it a day today.” Chi frowned, looking at the damage. “No, not just a lost limb… Your joints are also badly damaged, and you sustained some minor spell damage.” Her expression suddenly turned business-like. With a slender finger, she tapped my left elbow.
“What did I tell you about spell-overuse?” She scolded. Well, excuse me, lady. You were the one who told me to test those gauntlets.
I didn’t put it that way. “But these gauntlets…”
“They were purely experimental, idiot, and not meant to be used to that extent!!” She snapped.
"But Chi, if I weren't to go all out, we wouldn't have known the extent of the gauntlets' abilities." I complained, pointing at the pair of gauntlets that I have just unstrapped. "There's quite a powerful fire spirit sealed in there."
"Ah, I knew I shouldn't have used the suspicious pot metal I got from the mysterious man with the hood and veil." Chi mused cheerfully, her expression suddenly looking happier the moment I mentioned her work. "Well, this extent of damage is still repairable, so I will forgive you this once."
Chi was also an eccentric, an unfitting personality for a girl her age. I shook my head in disappointment. Why do the pretty girls also have to be the crazy ones?
Much to the relief of Match, Chi loosened her grip, and Match wriggled gratefully out. She hid behind my back as Chi patted the work table that stood in front of her.
"In fact, since it has come to that, we may as well replace most of the parts..." Chi muttered, opening her massive armory.
"No, no.... I just need a patch job." I answered hurriedly. I will be stuck here all night if I were to accede to Chi's whims.
"Eeh, but I was hoping you would test out these new batches. How about this one, I made it out of a blend of alloy I have been testing." She hefted a giant piece of plate mail that looked suspiciously purple.
"Erm, no, I think I will pass." I hastily declined, recalling the Grapevine Tanglers that I killed for her several weeks back. Their fruits caused severe itching and were that same shade of purple. Match was shooting dirty looks at me for a week afterwards.
"Then how about this?" Chi offered, bringing forward a giant hammer with a head almost as large as my torso. That hammer looked familiar, but I dismissed it for the moment. I can’t just go around remembering all of the weapons I used.
"Are you kidding?! That pair of gauntlets took up more than half of the concentration gauge to equip!! There's no way I can handle that!!"
Chi's smile faded, and her expression darkened as she looked down.
"Tch."
"You tched. You tched at me!!"
"I recalled when you would just take the equipment without complaining..." She murmured, looking down.
"That's because I didn't know any better." I replied. "Look, I just need to get myself fixed and kitted up with stuff that actually works for once. I have an important appointment tomorrow."
"Eh, a date? Why didn't you say so earlier?" Chi brightened up almost immediately. "So, who's the lucky lady? Is she cute?"
"No, no, it's not a date..." I answered, a little flustered. No wonder Crazy Mage Woman was so embarrassed.
"So I guess even a suit of armor has someone he likes." Chi gave a tinkling laugh and patted her chest. "Alright, leave it to your onee-sama here to make sure you look your best."
Since when are you my onee-san, I thought to myself as I startled to unstrap my helmet. At least I got Chi to help me out with repairs.
I took off my helmet and set it down on the table.
And under the helmet, where my head should be, there was nothing.
****
Time of Report: XX/XX/XXXX @ XXXXhrs
I met the mysterious suit of armor, who seemed rather human actually, if a bit perverted. I am starting to wonder if the rumors are getting too exaggerated...
I have a strong feeling that he is a player, but one does wonder about how he arrive at this strange set of circumstances. This is an occurrence that Kina-san would have called a glitch, but perhaps this is one of Royal Road's many hidden paths?
What an opportunity! Unfortunately, it seemed that the mysterious suit of armor is a bit of a recluse.
Nevertheless, I intend to find out more in the next few days. Please, dear readers, do support Ramses-dono in the quest to write for the People. I have already added him to the party. Let's see what makes him tick.
Adapted from the Royal Tattler, written by a certain Ramses-dono.
*****
A/N: To be honest, I was trying to hide that he WAS a suit of Armor. I guess that failed horribly, huh?
Credits to LD, Cur, Tui, Nox, and a whole lot of other people for PR and helping to juggle ideas around. This is the last of the pre-prepared chapters I have. The next one, I'm aiming to release by next week. Please look forward to it.