Morbus was sick.
He had a condition that neither Aquinox nor the entirety of Catsroes had ever heard of.
Every morning, he would have completely forgotten the last few hours of the previous evening. Usually, his memory faded starting around seven o’clock. During the evening itself, everything felt normal. But the next morning, his memory was a blank. Because of this, the doctor had given him a notebook to write down everything from the evening so he could read it back the next morning. They had said that it was part of moodswings, which were normal for boys their age, and that it would pass eventually.
Today that had changed completely.
He had remembered everything that had ever slipped from his memory. Everything he had only ever reread in his memorybook flooded back like a waterfall. Especially the ‘sessions’ with his father, which he apparently had never written down in his notebook.
He hadn’t slept that night. He remembered how his father had burned his back with his laser-pin. But he also remembered that he had experienced this many, many times before. And that he’d forgotten every single beating by the next morning.
The peak of horror: to be regularly abused yet never know it, until the day you remember everything and feel it all at once.
With a heavy head, his thoughts faded to the background, and the classroom came back into focus. The long chemical formulas dancing on the board held no interest for him. He really wasn’t up for this right now.
I’ll copy from Tomou later, he thought, glancing at his friend, who was furiously scribbling.
He felt the weight settle back on his shoulders. Even thinking of Mora no longer helped. Nothing could make him happy anymore.
As soon as the break bell rang, Morbus grabbed his bag and got up to leave the classroom.
I’m done, he almost said out loud.
Normally, Tuesday was as long a day as yesterday. But it helped that history was already over.
“Dude, wait up,” called Tomou from the classroom.
Morbus didn’t even hesitate to keep walking. He was on the verge of breaking down.
I want to be gone. Away from here, away from home, away from everything.
“Bro, wait up.” Tomou’s footsteps sounded behind him. He caught up and turned him around with a hand on his shoulder.
“Man, what’s gotten into you?” He sounded more annoyed than surprised. “You look pale as hell. Like a vampire. You didn’t write down anything today. And you’re usually the one who keeps track of the material.”
Morbus held back his tears, which only made his blood boil.
“Leave me alone!” he tried to say as calmly as possible, but it came out harsher than intended.
“No way, we’re bros, you know.” He widened his eyes, trying to catch Morbus’s gaze. “What are friends for. Tell me what’s troubl-”
“FUCK OFF!”
Spit flew into Tomou’s face. Morbus took off running and fled from the school.
The rest can go to hell. I’m done with everything.
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Why do most people hate mosquitoes so much? What’s wrong with them? Okay, they fly around your room and keep you awake for hours before pricking you. But don’t humans do something similar to each other?
He watched from the bench as the creatures danced in swarms above the pond. He found it fascinating.
How long have I been sitting here? he thought to himself. Three hours? Five hours?
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Just chilling in the city park felt immensely calming. From this spot, he had a perfect view of the pond. Tall poplars swayed gently in the afternoon breeze on either side. Here, he could lose track of time entirely.
What was he supposed to do now that he couldn’t face his father anymore? He didn’t want to go home and risk another beating. And he was defenseless against that pocketknife too.
I wish I could sink twenty meters into the ground and never come out.
He took out his phone.
7:25 pm
Three missed calls. Two from Tomou. One from an unknown number.
He opened WhatsApp and saw the avalanche of messages his friend had sent him.
1:26: Bro, where are you? Class starts in 5 min
3:15: Yo Morbus?
5:05: Dude, just let me know something, I’m worried
Watching the mosquitoes had cooled his anger somewhat, but not entirely. He wasn’t sure whether he should apologize or block him.
Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed a stranger taking a seat on the other end of the bench. Morbus didn’t look up and pretended he wasn’t there, staring at his screen and thinking about what he could text back.
Sorry, didn’t mean it like that. I’ll explain later, he typed.
He hesitated for a moment. Should I really send this?
“Beautiful, isn’t it?” a man’s voice said next to him.
Morbus’s anger flared up again. Go to hell.
He deleted what he’d typed.
“What?” he muttered without looking up to the stranger.
The man responded immediately. “So much nature in the middle of the city. I come here almost every week. The birds, the water. It’s like Aquinox disappears for a moment.”
Morbus nodded. “Mhm.”
Just leave me alone!
The man seemed to sense his mood. “Are you okay?” Morbus let out a deep, painful sigh and lifted his head to look at the man. He was old, about seventy. He had short white hair and thin glasses. His eyes were kind and gentle.
“Yeah. Everything’s fine,” he lied.
“Are you sure?” he pressed, pointing to the compass wounds on Morbus’s hand. “That doesn’t look healthy.”
Morbus shrugged. “Just mosquito bites,” he replied irritably.
The man didn’t buy it.
“Mosquitoes never bite so much in one spot,” he said. “You don’t have to tell me the truth. But if something’s weighing on you, talking can be abig relief.” He placed a hand on his own heart. “You can trust me.”
Morbus was silent for a moment, feeling tears well up again.
“I once had a son your age,” he began. “One day, he came back from school completely different. He was quiet and withdrawn. The back of his hand and arm were covered in the same marks you have here.” He took Morbus’s hand and gently brushed over his wounds. “When I asked him what it was, he answered with 'mosquito bites.' Just like you.”
Morbus pulled his hand away.
“Right away, I had a feeling something was wrong. But I decided to give him his space.” The man swallowed. “The next day...” A tear rolled down his cheek. “...we found his body outside on the grass, ten stories below our apartment.”
The mosquitoes over the pond had disappeared. An eerie silence settled over the park.
Emotion took over his voice. “I r-regret every s-single day that I didn’t ask more questions. But it turned out he was b-being bullied. And not by one or two or three students. No, by practically the w-whole class.” Snot dripped from his nose. “Since then, I pray every day, asking God’s forgiveness for not helping him.” He took a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped his face. “Life goes on, but it’s never really enjoyable anymore.”
A barking dog in the distance broke the silence. Morbus became aware of his surroundings again.
He didn’t know what to feel anymore.
Holy shit. This is just—
“Please tell me why you’re doing this to yourself,” the man pleaded. “I want to prevent anyone else from taking their own life.”
Something exploded behind Morbus’s eyes.
“My father abuses me,” he said bluntly. “He says things that make me miserable.” His voice cracked. “And I believe him and feel like I deserve to suffer because of my good life in Aquinox.” The first tears appeared, but it didn’t feel like a release. What he felt was still a suppression of his deeper emotions.
Damn. How long has it been since I cried?
The man placed a hand on his back to comfort him, but Morbus couldn’t take it anymore.
“LEAVE ME ALONE!” he shouted in his face.
Screaming and hitting himself, Morbus ran out of the park.