I sit by the bedside, hands gripping my hair not wanting to let go.

Sweat oozed from every part of me. I was wet. I was in a trance.

My mouth remained wide open gasping for air as though it had been choked out of me.

"Tonny. "

I was awake.

It was only a nightmare. One that had tormented me since time immemorial. For a worser part of my life—13 years, to be exact—this nightmare had persisted, and despite the passage of time, the event remained vivid in my mind. I was still far from recovery.

A shadow drops in from the door. I lift my head and look.

There stood Sheila, the better half of me. She stared at me perplexed by what she saw. She looked horrified. This was not the first time she had witnessed this from me and despite that, she still looked ever terrified by this ghastly image she saw. In her hand she had a glass of water with a pill on the other which I could tell was for me.

I swiftly peek at the clock. It's 3 AM.

" Would you believe me if I told you the penguins caught me off guard this time too?" I try to lighten up the stiff mood in the room.

She quickly paces over to me and places the glass on the cabinet by the bed. She sits by me and stretches her arms around my neck and rests her head on my shoulders.

"It happened again. Didn't it?" She asks.

I try to evade her eyes. She'd already figured it out. " I'm okay," I assure her as I down the pill with water. "You don't look okay." She says sharply but dimly.

She reaches out and hands me the glass of water which I just hold I'm my shaking hands. She grips them then faces me.

" Did you not meet up with your psychiatrist today?" "I did.", the normal 2-hour session," She's eyeing me suspiciously, "plus an extra 15 minutes."

I face down, only to avoid her worried face and tired eyes that I was causing. She breaks down in tears, crying and sobbing. For me.

I lift my face to look at hers.

"Sheila," I take hold of her hand and kiss it," I'm gonna be okay. I promise I'll figure out a way to work all this out."

I wipe off her tears and smile at her. "All I'm asking is for you to trust me and not worry. Please." "You always keep on saying that, but still..." she cries again.

I take her hand and draw her closer to me. Slowly I tuck her into the blankets with me. I give her a kiss on her forehead and gently wrap my arms around her, her head lying flat on my chest.

She tires out and sleeps. I'm still holding her. Eyes open afraid to sleep and relieve that horrifying night again.

I'm afraid. I'm scared. I'm tired.

Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.

I take a peek of her and straighten up a wandering strand of her hair pulling it back in place. "Help me!" I plead to my God and any other force that was staring down at me.

"Don't let her cry on my behalf."

*****

"Wake up sleepy head," Sheila calls. I slowly open my eyes to meet hers on top of me her face clear of the sadness it held during the night.

"Can't tell the time? The sun's out genius! "It's morning. She gives me a light kiss on the lips as she briskly gets off me.

I turn my head and look at the alarm clock. 15 minutes past 9.

I sit up and draw my legs out of the bed. Shit. My head's killing me and I'm still tired. I stare at Sheila; she's all dressed up to go to work.

"What time did you wake up?"

"6 -ish." She shrugs. "That early huh? "I sit up and run my palms across my face, still feeling the remnants of sleep lingering.

"With all your sleep talking plus the gibberish singing in your sleep, I lost motive in pursuing my sleep any further," She laughs, "I even got time to work on my cooking."

I cover my face in embarrassment. She smiles.

" So, what's on the menu today?"

She looks away from the mirror and faces me, a villainous smile already evident on her face. "The usual."

I fall back on the bed, palms back on my face. "Great." I mutter, "pancakes." She knows I hate pancakes.

I sit back up and reach out for my phone, a message from work informing me of the meeting I had with the Inspector before noon and a good morning message from Morning Buzz. I really thought I had unsubscribed from their weekly texts a month ago. I decide to postpone the inevitable once more.

Sheila is still working on her makeup. How much of that could she really need in her line of work? But then I really can't complain, after all, it wasn't a mistake to look as elegant as this every day.

She suddenly puts her earring down and turns to face me.

"It's not right Hans," She snaps me back to reality, "we can't keep going like this. You can't keep living like that."

"What?" I try picking up on what we were even on. "The nightmares are getting out of hand, and you're not getting any better."

"I'm gonna get better and...,"

"No, you're not Brown!" She calls me by my second name. That's how I know she is serious this time.

"Ok, ok. I'm currently working on something, and it just might work." I tell her. She shrugs.

" You mean like that time you decided on going to a hypnotist? "

I open my mouth, but she beats me to it. "Or perhaps when you came up with the ridiculous idea of never going to sleep again? How'd that work out?"I stare away in embarrassment.

"Ok, I get it. I'll do better this time."

She walks over to me and sits by my side, holds my hand in hers and stares at my eyes, deep into my soul.

"Time for Better is over, we can only try to find the best solution for now. One that can help you and put an end to this charade!"

I stare at her, weary of what she was about to utter. I could already guess it but didn't want to say it. She wouldn't tell me to do it. Not after what happened to me then.

I couldn't. I wasn't ready. I would never be ready, and she knew it.

"It's time you made peace with your past. I think it's time for you to go back home."

"You can't be serious about that," I chuckle, trying not to sound nervous.

She nods. Slowly my hands slip from hers, I quickly stand and walk towards the closet then turn and give her a stern look at her.

"No! No! Nooo! I can't. Absolutely not!" I start to recall my past life of my childhood. How happy I was. How happy my family was. Then I see his body, Tonny's body lying lifelessly before me. His face peeled off. My hands start to shake. I'm sweating. "You know that all this is happening because of what occurred back then. "

"I do, and that's why I'm insisting on it. Like it or not you didn't just leave, you ran. Never made peace with your friends, mom, dad, not even Tonny. You left having not resolved a lot of things." I look back at her annoyed and angry with what she said.

"You don't mean that. You can't really be insisting on it! " I say in a joking tone.

"I wish I didn't," she adds, her tone heavy with regret.

I snort at her, unable to hold back my disbelief.

" I've got a meeting in the office at 11. I need to make preparations," trying to redirect the conversation or better delay it for another day.

Shes not arguing. she gets up and walks back to her makeup corner.

She picks up her unkept earring, the other one already adorning her ear. Before securing it in place, she offers a parting remark, "Just think about it."