Walking over to the food being that it’s been more than a week here so far other then the first two days every other day was more peaceful as in I was actively hunting all sorts of undead around here the first area I had set as a trap become like I had thought more of a mass grave counting over hundreds of bodies.

I had also learned to cut the blades off their back and use them as make shift weapons to re do my traps since their sharper then wooden stakes, so reality is that the island has becoming less and less undead appearing so it’s been pretty peaceful aside from the nightmares being different ways I die in the same place and always ends in the same pond of blood at the end.

When all I want is a peaceful life where I didn’t have to kill too often and could be happy like everyone else even if my facial expressions never been much other than a bored cold face like no emotions in my old life other then the mask I put on smiles to seem normal this life it’s quite different I have to put on a mask to seem cold and with no emotion cause I know I have been more afraid of the zombies at the start which really made have a lapse in judgment and got me hurt, and the same with the second day if I had been calm I wouldn’t of almost tripped over a corpse I knew was there it was more the emotions of the body that is surprising me, the fear, the hate, and all of them are more new to me making it harder for me to keep a calm collected head.

The worst part is that the blood lust I been feeling, every battle every time it seems to the point of impossible the thrill of the fight seems to become more addictive then I’d like to admit… that’s why I been hunting more and more each day using traps, and other things I made around the forest being able to take out as many as possible.

I might take back about not liking to live in a zombie over run world… since I can get use to this… my only problem is simple… the lack of food if there wasn’t any provided for this I think I would of already starved by now.

So I did the only thing I knew how to do since I was young when emotions were in the way I sat down legs crossed and went into meditation to find my inner calm to be able to control my body more than I have been cause of all the stuff that’s been happening, I can clearly say this is the eye of the storm, it will most likely get worse from now on.

Did you know it is harder to get into your inner calm with emotions? It is like they are making you feel and want to think more then you realize, and in a place like this where you can die at any moment really makes you always want to huddle and hide and cry.

But after a few hours I was able to enter my calm minded state in my meditation able to find my inner peace, my happy place. The ability to do this will actually help you move through life even the harshest of lives if you know how to make your mind calm and happy like a saint with no fear or hate, only love and forgiveness.

But mine has been always different it is more like a blank darkness with nothing, no hate, fear, love, or forgiveness. It was more or less just darkness nothing but darkness and with me being the light in the center of it it’s always been my way to calm myself and inside it feels like time runs differently then outside cause I have been able to practice my own methods itself inside like how to fight, and I was able to remake my enemies and fight them on a harder scale then I can in real life.

Making them stronger than they really are keeping a calm collection keeping myself able to dodge and copy said moves, since I have memorized every different style of fighting and weapon use, I can use that in here now even if it would take me way longer in real life to do so or get use to them at least I can learn the know how quicker here

Being inside here is like being in the eye of the storm with weapons all over the place after I decided to train while waiting for the moment to strike like a cobra while being on a defensive stance. Making it up as I go with the fighting with monsters, trainers and even animals that was in the books came in handy hell I even brought a dragon to the match although it was a dumb choice cause it was nearly impossible to kill too it let it’s guard down and started playing with me like I was a toy.

Breaking each sword I would go straight after another keeping cutting the same spot on the dragon after every other one was defeated through different styles I read in the books but it felt like my heart was on my skin every time they came after me I would feel like I was going to die every cut felt like fire going through me while the dragon itself was busting me around with its tail bringing me into the ground slamming me into ground over and over like a meat paste making me buried underground.

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with an everlasting pain throughout my body as this place is meant to copy the senses of the real life body to get slight experience of how it feels but I never expected a dragon to be this bad since I made it on a smaller scale then it would have been if it was real it was like a trail through fire in here, but eventually I was able to kill the dragon with the last blade leaving nothing left but fire everywhere the dragon had spat out it was similar to napalm.

As I was going to train again I was shocked because Rose stood before me in similar training gear eyeing me.

“I didn’t think you would be that stupid to fight an dragon in your mind like this… you really are insane… even went to the point to copy pain even if it’s only mental it still hurt me too you know?” Rose seemed pissed.

Without even letting me say anything she lunged at me with the sword even more practical than me like she mastered the style and ended up stabbing right into my shoulder without any care she kicked me in the stomach to force me to fly back.

“You really have been ticking me off lately, rushing into things and not taking my thoughts into consideration, you in fact half the time make it even hard to speak to you with your stupid inner monologue but I was fine with that, the problem is you are always rushing things before completely thinking it through and it ticks me off.” Rose

She didn’t even give me much of a chance to get up like this place was hers and not my own she decided to throw me like she had the power of the dragon on her own then stabbed me into the gut while I was in the air and slammed me back into the ground.

“You also never took me or anyone serious? And yet you blame yourself for everything that has gone wrong!” Rose

This time she stood there waiting for me to stand before lunging at me but this time I was out of my shocked confused state and parried her blade and sent a kick to her side but she just used her knee to raise to block it before pushing off and jumping back before coming after me again with and over head swing of the blade I like wise went under to block the swing not cause it was too fast to try to strike her otherwise but with all of this we were just matching blow for blow never any progress and the fact the pain is still there though it isn’t any damage to me per say it just is using my mind to make me think it is there like mind games.

“Yet you care for people that care nothing for you in the beginning! Your family, did you know the only ones that actually cared were your Father, Brother, and Sister? Yes you’re Grandmother loved and cared for you, but even though your Father and Grandmother died, you still had your brother and sister to protect from them, yet you left them in the hands of your other family, without a strong reliable shoulder to rely on. This is the only thing you should regret and blame yourself for! You really thought selling yourself for money was the best thing to do?”

This time she didn’t even attack she just stood there waiting for me to reply but I really couldn’t cause I thought that they would have a better life without me being there and with the proper money and care they can live their lives happily, but I also broke my promise to be there for them but then again… it’s not like I don’t really love them it’s just that I didn’t understand myself back then. I just didn’t have much emotion since I blocked most of them away because my life was always full of hate and other problems and a cold calm mind was needed.

Under the knife like gaze she sent me I dropped the blade I held onto and dropped to my knees with my head hanging down, I know I am a monster but she is right, she cared for me more than anyone in this new life, and I didn’t take her words for much more than myself, but really even if she is a copy of myself she is indeed different then me and I should of sent her proper respect, I felt tears coming from my eyes like a drug my body started changing do to her gaze and treatment I thought that emotions were a bother, and a pain more like a decoy that needed to be let go, but from the gaze she sends my way it is like she hated that idea, and wanted me to be warm instead of cold hearted but the moment my emotions started to come out like a drug that is uncontrollable the mental world around me started changing into a lighter world with a blue sky and grassy fields with darkness lingering in the background always there waiting to devour my emotions to make me a true monster.

She then did like she always does when I wake from my nightmares and warmly wrapped her arms around my shoulders and said nothing but looked down at me like a warming sister with dark pink eyes with a bit of gold in the left around the edge of the eye before the whites of it and silver around the other in a very unique like way that if you didn’t look closely you wouldn’t find them being any different colors in the eyes themselves.

“Look I am sorry… for all I done… I know I was an idiot, but I couldn’t leave the undead… like that…”

She just looked at me like it wasn’t like she was talking about but didn’t say anything and let me finish.

“I felt that left to be like that they’ll never find rest… and as for my family? They may have loved me, but left me to shoulder everything… I didn’t need to be able to tell them I was tired of it all! They should have realized it on their own! Since I was the one paying for EVERYTHING, SO I HAD EVERY RIGHT TO DO WHAT I DID, IF THEY DIDN’T LIKE IT THEN THEY SHOULD OF PULLED SOME OF THE WEIGHT IT DOESN’T TAKE SOMEONE SMART TO UNDERSTAND WHEN SOMEONE IS DROWINING IN SORROW! EVEN THOUGH I DIDN’T SHOW MUCH FOR EMOTIONS IT WAS STILL OBVIOUS SIGNS!”

I finished breathing heavily after yelling it for the first time I felt like something was off my chest… but it still didn’t feel right… it’s like she is a more influence on my emotions then I like to realize….

She just smiled and held me closer telling me everything will be okay…