The late afternoon sun found its way through the kitchen windows, at the perfect angle to blind someone off the polished metal countertops. The thief-proof windows could only be opened so far, trapping the student experimental cuisine of BBC recipes or frozen foods inside. The stove itself was electric, perhaps out of the valid distrust of teenagers with open flames.

Patrick had already unpacked his luggage in his room. It wasn’t very remarkable, aside from the office chair which was stationed in his room. For some reason, the chair’s cushioning were different colours, the seating being murky green and the backrest being blue.

The first thing he did was read the pamphlet he was given. Despite being from the director, it looked made in powerpoint, asking him to stick around Ben and wait for further instructions from hidden staff. What hidden staff meant, wasn’t explained, so he took the first half of the instructions to heart.

Thankfully for his luggage, the part the car hit was stuffed with t-shirts and trousers, which absorbed the brunt of the impact. If the car had hit his meal replacements and blew the bottles up, everything from his books to headphones would be drenched.

He had carried them down to the fridge to store them cold… to find absolutely no space whatsoever.

Should have expected as much, he thought. There were 11 other people living here and only a fridge and a freezer to share between them.

Studying the contents to rearrange it for space, the fridge was chock full of half-used cans, tupperware of pasta sauce, and an open bag of grey ground beef? Out of curiosity why there was grey meat in the original packaging, he moved closer to it, only to be hit with a nasty smell.

The meat wasn’t grey because it was cooked. The meat was simply left open for too long.

Even though the bottles of meal replacement were sealed, he decided to put them in the shelves above the microbial utopia.

While taking the cans out of the fridge on the counter to rearrange them later, and wondering why someone would eat only half a can of beans, he heard someone enter the room.

“Oh? You’re the last guy right? Welcome to the bottom of the barrel I’m John.!”

Patrick turned his head to see a chipper blonde with a face of glittering gold reaching for one of the cans of beans on the table.

“Ah, hey John. Bottom of the barrel?”

“Yeah! The place might be a bag of shite, but the rent difference is more than what I would gladly take…”

John pauses for a moment, and stares at his face.

“Wait… Pat?”

Patrick felt a little bit hesitant. “Yeah… my name is Patrick…”

“Oh. My. God.”

John gave Pat a tight hug, and two hard slaps on the shoulder while being as happy as an eight-year old at a birthday party.

“Pat, how did you find yourself in this shit hole!?”

“Wait… do I know you?”

He slid his voice down for comedic effect. “Oh, how could you forget the almighty John? I haven’t seen you since primary! I used to play downball with you during break, right?”

Patrick scrubbed his memory for people named John. In his mind, John was a chubby kid who would pick fights with others and yell back at teachers. Was this the same John?

He looked at his hair. It was the same discrete fluffy locks as always.

“John!? John Dazeley!?”

“John *Pasley*, and yes I am! Long time no see Pat!” The two of them hugged again, but this time it was good.

“John, what course are you doing?”

“Maths! You?”

“Oh, also Maths!”

Stolen story; please report.

Pat still had a question, which he didn’t know how to phrase. “Weren’t you… larger back then?”

“You can say I was fat, and yep I was!” He gave himself a good laugh. “That was old me! New me is doing quite well for himself!”

John pulled out his phone and started showing Pat pictures of him after the gym. He wasn’t the most ripped dude in the world, but his smile in each pose flexes harder than his biceps.

“Do you remember David and Janet?”

“I… think I do?”

“There was a bunch of drama between them and I, and I got kicked out of the group.” John started speaking to the room. “I was salty and angry as all hell of course, but after a year I started going to the gym and built myself back up.”

He got up and flourished a pose.

“John’s back and doing well for himself again!”

Pat couldn’t help but keep smiling along. “Yeah… good for you man.”

“Aite, enough about me. What about you?”

He flicked the perception crystal around Pat’s neck. “Who’s the lucky girl who gave you this?”

“Ah!” Completely absent-mindedly, he had the crystal hanging out throughout the entire day. Before he could fumble it into his t-shirt, John was on the aggression.

“Oh. My. God. Pat mate, your face is bright red! I was joking when I said you got a girlfriend, but damn!”

He grabbed his head and started giving a noogie. “Bro, if you told me all those years ago that the Krabby Patty was going to be the first of us to land a girl, I’d give you and myself a right slap in the face.”

“Who’s the lucky girl? Who? Who?”

“I…” Devoid of words, Patrick just hid his face in his hands once again.

Reading the real hesitation, John dialled it back. “It’s embarrassing to big up your girl”

“No… it’s not… it’s just…” Unable to talk about perception crystals, he panicked. “It’s just…”

“What is going on here?” Ben suddenly entered the kitchen from the common room door, openly annoyed.

“Ben!” Patrick could feel the cold perspiration on his hands.

“Pat, you know Ben?” John picked up the conversation from here. “Hey Ben, sorry about the noise.”

Ben looked at the two of them with some suspicion. “Quick question. John, did you know Patrick from before today?”

“An old mate of mine from primary made it to the same uni as I, so we were just catching up. Genuinely sorry about the noise, and I promise not to yell in the kitchen again.”

Satisfied, he relaxed and sighed. “I know I live in the room next to the common room, but when the door between the kitchen and the common room is open, I can hear everything.”

John looked over at the fire door, propped open by a wad of toilet paper. “Ah, I didn’t notice that it was propped open. My bad.”

Meanwhile, Patrick’s echoing heartbeat made it hard to hear his own thoughts, let alone follow the conversation. Ben could see the fear in Patrick’s eyes, so he walked over and kneeled down across from him.

“Sorry for that earlier, I was just being a bit direct.”

Patrick was still sputtering, so Ben continued.

“I don’t bite, see?” He proceeded to playfully pick up one of Patrick’s fingers, and fake gnawing it between his thumb and his knuckles imitating a mouth.

“B-but… you said to leave you alone… I need to get away… right?...”

“I may not have been clear then. I’m just an ordinary person, who likes ordinary things. Don’t need to hamper yourself with avoiding me at all costs. Just do what you would do, but forget I exist, okay?”

Ben slowly reached his hand towards Patrick’s chest, and picked up the crystal and rolled it between his fingers.

“Meanwhile, we don’t want everyone else to see this, don’t we?”

“Mhm.” He felt his response precede his emotions.

Ben uses a finger to open Patrick’s t-shirt, and drops the pink teardrop down the neck hole. The chain clinkles as it bottoms out, and bounces against his naked chest. Satisfied, Ben gives him a little pat on the chest, and walks back to his room.

“John, are you still down to go to lectures together tomorrow?”

John, who just saw a scene unfold, was caught speechless. “Umm, yeah sure! I’ll see you tomorrow morning!”

The kitchen remained silent until Ben shut the door to his room. John then slowly closed the connecting door, then ran up to Pat with the brightest glow on his face.

“Oh. My. God. Pat, you didn’t tell me… were you too embarrassed to… is Ben your…”

John made a large mixture of consonant sounds. Pat couldn’t keep up with the speed at which he was talking.

“Is Ben someone special to you?”

“Ah! No! No he isn’t!” Patrick kept averting his eyes, desperate for him to change topics. Desperate for John not to figure out what the connection was. He did not want an old friend to be caught up with interdimensional troubles, and didn’t want him to know what’s happening.

Seeing his flustered response, John staggered backwards in disbelief. “Patrick, never in my life have I seen anyone so starstruck as you.”

With determination, John slapped Pat on the back, and announced his master plan.

“I’ve known Ben for only a week, and yet the one true pairing has never been as clear to me as it is today. Just stay still, and Papa John here is going to take care of everything alright? The relationship defibrillator is back in business baby! Woooooo!”

He dashes out of the room, leaving Patrick in the dust.

“What?”

Unable to process a word of what was said, Patrick was cognitively paralyzed for a moment.

There was at least one thing he was at least certain of. John definitely doesn’t know what’s happening.