Obsidian "Obsidia" Darkness Dementia Phoenix Way perched atop a crumbling skyscraper, her pitch-black fur with purple streaks and red tips flowing dramatically in the post-apocalyptic wind. Her ice-blue eyes, which totally changed color with her mood, scanned the cityscape as she contemplated her next move. As a reincarnated genius from the year 3045, she knew exactly how to conquer this primitive, newly-Integrated world.
Obsidia was the rarest of all monsters: a Shadow-Phoenix-Vampire-Unicorn hybrid.
Her gleaming obsidian wings, spanning an impressive yet somehow dainty 20 feet, were covered in razor-sharp feathers that could slice through steel. Despite their lethal edge, her feathers were also impossibly soft and fluffy. Her delicate, fairy-like body was simultaneously muscular and lithe, capable of bench-pressing a mountain while maintaining the grace of a ballerina.
A spiraling alicorn protruded from her forehead, glowing with the power of a thousand suns, yet somehow stealthy enough to never give away her position.
Her vampiric fangs, perfect for draining the life essence of her enemies, doubled as a dazzling smile that could charm even the most hardened of hearts. Obsidia's shadowy form allowed her to melt into darkness at will, though she also radiated an aura of holy light that repelled evil.
It was this impossible combination of traits that made her the ultimate predator, the perfect survivor, and the most misunderstood creature in all of creation.
"System, analyze the boss's weakness," Obsidia commanded to the air, fully aware that she was the only being in this universe with an in-built AI assistant.
Thank god for Unique Skills and broken Bloodlines.
A holographic display appeared before her, visible only to her superior monster eyes. "Analysis complete," the System chirped. "The boss 'Gorgnarg the Eviscerator' has a 0.0001% vulnerability to pollen-based attacks on alternate Wednesdays when Venus is in the seventh house."
Obsidia nodded sagely, her bat-like ears twitching. Of course, she had anticipated this. Her 900 IQ brain had already calculated 17,483 possible strategies, each more brilliant than the last. "System, cross-reference this data with my unique skill set and the current stellar alignment."
The System whirred for a nanosecond – an eternity for Obsidia's enhanced cognitive abilities. "Optimal strategy found. Combining your 'Interdimensional Pollen Summoning' with 'Astral Hay Fever Manipulation' will increase damage by 3.14159% against entities weak to spring allergens."
A smirk graced Obsidia's perfectly sculpted snout. "Excellent. And what of my secret Bloodline ability?"
"Your 'Pollenmancer's Legacy,' passed down through 42 generations of interdimensional botanists, will amplify the effect by an additional 6.9%."
Obsidia's eyes flashed with determination, briefly changing to a deep violet. "Perfect. Now, let's see... according to my inexplicable encyclopedic knowledge of obscure plant facts, Gorgnarg's species first evolved during a particularly pollen-heavy spring. The stars have aligned perfectly for my assault."
She reached into her infinitely spacious inventory and pulled out her legendary weapon, the Sneeze-Blade of Irritation +777. Its allergy-inducing aura pulsed with power, sending shivers down the spines of hay fever sufferers within a 50-mile radius.
As she prepared to set her plan in motion, Obsidia's childhood friend and secret admirer, Chad Thundercock (now a hunky muscular rhino-man), approached. "Hey, Obsidia! Want to hang out and have some fun before the big boss fight?"
Obsidia's expression remained impassive. "Chad, I calculated that engaging in 'fun' activities would lower my DPS by 0.0042% and increase my chance of failure by 0.0000001%. I cannot take that risk."
Chad nodded understandingly, his rhino horn bobbing as he pawed sadly at the ground dozens of stories below, somehow both perfectly visible and audible. "Of course. Your dedication to min-maxing is truly inspirational."
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Ignoring Chad's presence entirely now, Obsidia began her pre-battle ritual. She meticulously arranged 17 different types of hyper-allergenic flowers in a pentagram shape, each placed at precise angles corresponding to the current positions of Saturn's rings.
"System, activate my 'Pollen Sense' ability," Obsidia commanded.
Instantly, her perception expanded. She could feel every spore, every grain of pollen within a 100-mile radius. The location of Gorgnarg the Eviscerator became clear – the boss was hiding in an ancient mall, 37.2 miles to the southeast, at an elevation of exactly 1,337 feet above sea level.
Obsidia smirked.
Everything was going according to her master plan.
With a flourish of her Sneeze-Blade, she activated her ultimate skill: "Hayfever Overdrive." Her body began to glow with an otherworldly, pollen-infused aura. Waves of pure allergenic energy radiated from her being, causing literally all vegetation everywhere to release clouds of irritating spores and small animals to develop temporary hay fever.
"Chad," she said, her voice echoing with power, "I'm about to teleport to the boss's location using my 'Quantum Pollen Displacement' technique. You may observe from a safe distance, but do not interfere. Your presence would only reduce my critical sneeze chance by 0.00000001%."
Chad nodded solemnly. "I understand. Your beautiful path as the Chosen One of Allergies is yours alone to walk."
With a blinding flash of golden light, Obsidia vanished, leaving behind only the faint scent of freshly cut grass.
She reappeared instantly within Gorgnarg's lair, her dramatic entrance causing the mall's foundations to tremble. The monstrous, tentacled boss loomed before her, its body a writhing mass of slimy appendages and eyes that oozed with pungent ichor.
"Gorgnarg the Eviscerator!" Obsidia's voice boomed, amplified by her 'Sonic Pollen Resonance' passive skill. "Your reign of tentacley terror ends now!"
The boss roared, sending globs of corrosive slime flying in all directions. But Obsidia was prepared. She activated her 'Ragweed Shield,' deflecting the projectiles with ease.
"System, initiate combat sequence Allergen-7," she commanded.
Obsidia's body moved with inhuman grace as she executed a series of impossibly complex maneuvers. Her Sneeze-Blade sang through the air, each strike precisely calculated to exploit Gorgnarg's weaknesses.
"Activating synergy: 'Pollen Slash' combined with 'Histamine Rush,'" Obsidia announced to no one in particular, her voice perfect and beautiful as always. "This will increase my attack speed by 2.718% and apply a stack of 'Sneezy Momentum,' amplifying my next 'Allergy Annihilation' ability by 3.141592653589793%."
As the battle raged on, Obsidia's vast arsenal of pollen-based abilities slowly whittled away at Gorgnarg's defenses. Her perfect memory recalled every weakness, every exploit she had ever read about in the thousands of strategy guides she had memorized in her past life.
Finally, after exactly 17 minutes and 42 seconds of combat (as Obsidia's internal clock helpfully informed her), Gorgnarg the Eviscerator was on its last legs. The boss's once-mighty form had been reduced to a pitiful, sneezing mess of tentacles.
"It's time to end this," Obsidia declared, her eyes now glowing with an intense, allergenic radiance. "Ultimate Technique: 'Pollenation Finale'!"
As the blinding golden light filled the abandoned mall, Gorgnarg the Eviscerator, in a moment of complete character break, suddenly bellowed, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!"
But Obsidia, unfazed, continued channeling every ounce of her allergomantic power into her final attack. The very fabric of reality seemed to warp and twist, unable to contain the sheer sneezy might being unleashed.
When the light faded, Gorgnarg the Eviscerator was no more. In its place stood a golden statue made of the most potent, rarest allergens in all of existence. Obsidia had not only defeated the boss but had transformed it into a priceless work of allergenic art.
As the pollen settled, Obsidia calmly checked her status window. "System, display battle results."
The AI's voice chimed in her head.
"Congratulations! You have defeated Gorgnarg the Eviscerator. Rewards earned: 17 quintillion experience, 42 legendary allergy-based Bloodlines and Abilities, and the title 'Supreme Overlord of Sneezes.' Your actions have also unlocked a new Unique Mutagen: 'Reality Pollen,' allowing you to manipulate the very fabric of the universe through the power of allergies."
Obsidia nodded, her face a mask of perfect indifference. Of course, she had predicted this outcome with 100% accuracy.
After all, she was Obsidian "Obsidia" Darkness Dementia Phoenix Way, the most overpowered being in all of creation.
As she turned to leave the mall, already plotting her next impossible feat, she couldn't help but wonder if perhaps, just maybe, her life was a tad too easy. But that thought lasted only a microsecond before her 900 IQ brain dismissed it as irrelevant.
After all, there were still 998 more bosses to defeat before lunch.