Ding! “[Installation complete.]”

When I regained my senses, I was still in the same seat, but I was no longer restrained, and I was wearing a white disposable post-surgical gown. My head was also unconfined by whatever scaffolding previously encased it. I chose to remain seated, for now.

“By Jove, you’re awake at last!” The dragon said, now speaking with an upper-class English accent. “Splendid to see you again, old chap! As I mentioned before, I am M.V.Dr. Saw, Hannibal Saw, doctor of veterinary matters, both medicinal and surgical – though I’ve been known to tend to the occasional stray human too. You had quite the fainting spell, old bean. How are you feeling now?”

I put aside any apprehension about talking to a dragon and ignored for the moment that it was now speaking in a more Western manner. Life, particularly my life, was too short to sweat the small things, with the definition of ‘small’ being flexible depending on the expected life remaining.

“I’m feeling better,” I said, answering the question honestly. My voice sounded strange like it wasn’t quite the same as it was, but it might have been the room acoustics. “Much better. I haven’t felt this good in – ever. Maybe never. Not that it will matter much,” I said starting to feel melancholy. However, wondering about his change of mannerisms I asked, “What’s with the changed voice?”

“Oh, you’ve noticed that, have you? It’s now past midnight – the ‘switching hour,’ as I affectionately term it – so I’ve made a delightful change,” Doctor Saw said, taking the lead as a gremlin suspect. “You might also observe that I've altered my voice as well! It’s part of my customary routine, you see. But how could your well-being not matter? Wot wot. As my patient, your health is of the utmost importance!”

“Well,” I said, then I realised that the dragon doctor had implied he also intentionally changed my voice, but I shelved that issue for now. Then bracing myself, I continued, “I have Acute Myeloid Leukemia and will probably soon die, so nothing really matters to me.”

“‘Had.’”

“Had?”

“Indubitably!” Doctor Saw exclaimed. “You had Acute Myeloid Leukemia, a congenital cardiac defect, gastric ulcers, haemorrhoids, and an anal fissure. I must confess, our resident lab monkey, Munch, discovered the penultimate condition, though ironically, they caused the latter. They were quite adamant about ruling out pregnancy. Our dear Munch struggles with pronouns, you see, but ‘double-checking’ is their mantra! I say, if you ever spot them in scuba gear, it’s best not to engage – you never know where they’ve been. Anyway, as I was saying, you’re completely cured! Oh, and I haven’t even mentioned your enhancements!”

There was a lot to unpack there, and my shelf was already full, but, after suppressing some new knowledge forever, I latched on to the important part.

I leapt to my feet out of the seat and ask-yelled, “I’m cured!? I’m not going to die!?”

“My dear chap, they don’t call me the Die-No-Sawbones for naught!” The doctor dino Saw said. And now I could see his full body, he was clearly a dinosaur. A dragon was never a realistic option. No, he was clearly a spacefaring talking dinosaur-veterinarian from the future, with possible gremlin-like proclivities. Much saner. But was he a Western dinosaur that speaks Mandarin or an Eastern dinosaur that speaks English? Answers led to questions!

“So, what now, Doc?” I asked, having before thought long-term wasn’t an issue.

“Now, you shall meet Leader!” Doc said. “Best to keep this off the record, so I’ll serve as the translator for both parties. My stridulation does have a rather strong accent, but fret not, I know how to make myself perfectly understood,” he said while moving off to the side between myself and the only obvious entry to the room. He squatted and raised his hands to either side of his head, then he started snapping thumbs and foreclaws together like a beatnik watching a beat poetry recital. Click-click-click was the sound Doc made.

Clack-Clack-Clack was the sound that came from outside the room. Whoever, or whatever, their so-called ‘leader’ was, they, or it, were getting closer.

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“I’m on my way,” Doc translated unnecessarily. I could hear a rapid tack-tack-tack get louder and louder as their leader came nearer and nearer.

Bursting sideways through the door was a massive red tailless scorpion… No, it was a crab. I didn’t know how, but the knowledge was there. This was an intelligent genetically engineered terrestrial crab of Earthly future origin. Not just that, so much else had somehow become clear as if the information had been simply put into my head because that was exactly what had happened minutes earlier. I just hadn’t realised it until that moment.

Uplifted and/or augmented – wasp swarm, orca, octopus, dinosaur, tarsier mob, and crab – intelligent individuals or collectives. All originated from a prosperous future Earth.

In the few moments of contemplative silence, I also realised my thoughts were clearer and faster, and the memories I had of my entire life were much sharper. Maybe I should’ve asked Doc about those ‘enhancements’ he mentioned.

Clack-Clack-Clack… “You’re the one called ‘Claude McCook’?” Doc translated from the sounds made by the giant crab’s massive clacking claws.

“Yes, that’s my name,” I replied. “Is ‘Leader’ an unofficial title?” Click-click-click…

Clack-Clack-Clack… “Perceptive. My true name is untranslatable,” Doc translated, “and my true title is beneath my current station. I was given a ‘pronounceable’ name once by an individual with supreme authority, a human, like you, but he chose to betray me by mocking rather than honouring me via that awesome responsibility. He is not here anymore.”

“Where is he now?” I asked, and Doc translated for the crab. Click-click-click…

Clack-Clack-Clack… “He is not here,” Doc translated, “and that is all that must be said about his location. However, he was the captain of this ship, such as he was, but before he… went away, he locked down certain functions of the ship behind the ship’s Managing Artificial Intelligence. Only his biometrics can gain access again, and he was the only human on board. However, your arrival has presented an opportunity. The first step would be your agreeing to become a member of this ship’s crew. The second step would be assuming the former captain’s identity, but not his position. That position you’ll transfer to me then you can transfer to the newly available position.”

I paused to think for a second. My thoughts were now a lot quicker, and I expected I could do a tremendous amount of consideration in a short period of time when pressed. I was being offered a new home. I had been given a new lease on life and returned to perfect health from a terminal diagnosis. I had not just been fixed, I had been greatly improved. I would have a purpose again, and even responsibilities. And, perhaps most profoundly, I, a self-confessed science fiction fan, would get to live a life travelling through space and time. On the surface at least it would be a dream come true.

On the other hand, nothing had been said about what would happen if I declined the offer. The best-case scenario might be that they drop me back on Earth, somewhere near where they captured me and used the tech they added to my head to suppress my memories about everything since I crashed into that fence post. I would most likely come out none the wiser but cancer-free. But I wouldn’t know I was cured, and I had already figured I was done with doctors, so it was unlikely I would find out any time soon. I may still too soon lose my life as I would undoubtedly take escalating risks until I died.

That’s not to mention I was certain all my belongings had been preemptively destroyed as part of the crazy but effective plan to fake my death. It wasn’t like I could really afford to replace anything either as my healthcare had already drained my bank account and it was now in the negative, while my credit card was also nearly maxed out. I was deeply in debt. I would have thought of faking my death myself if at the time my real death wasn’t so imminent.

Alternatively, they might be able to use the tech they added to my head to control me. Maybe they could directly puppet me or even reprogram my normal desires so I would enslave myself like some kind of cyber-thrall. In some ways, it would be kinder if they killed me, so maybe it was fortunate that could well be the only practical solution from their point of view. After all, I didn’t know for sure if they could block my memories or control me, but I was certain they could dismantle me for meat like they did those poor cows.

I took another second to review my options again. I didn’t really have any, plus I wanted to live my best sci-fi slice of life.

“Despite what this ship’s crew have put me through, I’ve ultimately been saved by them. I also think they already made sure I’ve nothing to go back to. Add to that, being here is kind of a dream come true for me. I can barely believe it, but I agree,” I said. Click-click-click…

Clack-Clack-Clack… “Superb! Your new identity will be ‘Lukus Skylar,’” Doc translated from Leader.

“That name sounds totally made-up, but I guess all names are. Anyway, from getting cancer in the blood and brain to being here and now, it’s amazing.” Click-click-click…

Clack-Clack-Clack… “It’s providence! To evolve towards crab is to approach perfection!”

“You’re thinking of the other ‘Cancer,’ O ‘Crabtain,’ my captain!” I said with a smile. Click-click-click…

Clack-Clack! Clack-Clack-Clack… “You have honoured me with a truly fitting name. Thank you. From this day forward, I shall be ‘Crabtain,’ captain of the ‘Insurmountable Odds,’ and no longer shall I suffer the awful stain that was ‘Clawed Cooky McCookface!’”