You once read a passage to me, out of one of your dad's translated works. We were sitting shoulder to shoulder on the hard earth that day, cherishing the green scents from our surroundings, and your voice was relaxed and lovely. So lovely, and I remember thinking that it might be a bit of a crime to keep it all to myself. That more people should get to hear it. A lot more people. Not like I wanted to share it, though. Did that make me a selfish person? I wonder.

The lazy sound of the wind, you read, your eyes momentarily flicking up to my face, clear and happy. The sound of the grasshoppers in the tall grass. The sound of the shimmering springs, the warm earth, of sunlight on our skin - the song of a living universe, heard more by the soul than the ears. The mountain is speaking. Will you listen?

Looping my tie around my fingers, I stop by my bedroom window and gaze out into the shadowed cityscape, the mountain from our childhood no longer in sight. The expansive sky is soft with blended greys and a suggestion of rain.

Hey, do you remember?

Our skies were bluer. Bluer, and so much brighter. I'd lie with my head on your lap and stare up at them as I talked to you about whatever was on my mind that day, and you'd tug me back up after a while, because you didn't want the sun to hurt my eyes. I'd look at you then, as golden spots danced across your face, grinning, and you'd just roll your eyes because you were so used to seeing me smile for no reason at all. Do you remember?

Probably not, huh.

I turn away from the window and climb up onto my bed that's pressed to one side of the room, pulling up YouTube on my phone to watch a step by step tutorial titled 'How to Tie a Tie the Easy Way'. Propping the phone up against the wall, I sit cross-legged before it, eyebrows scrunching as I wind my tie around my neck and attempt to twist the fabric the way they do in the video. It takes me sixteen minutes and five tries until I manage to get the knot to look...passably decent.

I let loose an irritated sigh and fall back onto the bed, before jerking back up with an oops, because I shouldn't lie down now - it might make my shirt crease up again. Suddenly tired, I make myself stand. I know that I'm just going to forget all the tie-knotting steps by tomorrow, and I'll have to sit here with my phone all over again. Arghh, this is annoying! Why didn't I make you teach me how to do this? You were always so good at explaining things. I bet all you'd have to do is show me how to make this knot once, and I'd never forget again.

It was stupid not to realise that you made my life so easy. Things are so much harder, so much more boring without you.

I wish I could say thank you.

Once I tuck my shirt into my trousers and secure the buckle of my belt, I hop into the bathroom to look at myself in the mirror, scrutinising my reflection. We were asked to show up at the company in business casual wear. This does pass as business casual, doesn't it? I hope so. I should check with Nao to see what he's wearing before I leave though, in case I messed this up.

After running a comb through my cropped hair twice, I adjust my collar and then tip-toe to the kitchen. Stopping before the refrigerator, I throw the uppermost compartment open and take a water bottle out, closing my eyes as I bring it to my lips. The painfully cold water slices down my throat, eliciting a sharp ache that eventually dissolves into an uncomfortable numbness. My palms start to hurt from the chill seeping into them, so I shift the bottle from one hand to another as I drink in gulps, the water like little glass shards as it cuts its way down.

"Asa?"

I stiffen, water dripping down the sides of my mouth, momentarily forgetting to swallow.

The door starts to open, and I scramble to screw the bottle shut and stuff it back into the freezer, a few coughs sputtering out of me as I frantically rub at my lips and press myself up against the fridge. Nao emerges into the kitchen a few seconds later, and quirks an amused eyebrow at me. "Morning bud. You doing okay over there?" I silently take in his button down shirt, formal pants and the tie strung loosely around his neck. Okay good. This is business casual.

Abruptly bending over, I start coughing again, a persistent throbbing in my throat, and Nao's face changes. He quickly moves to rummage through a grocery bag left on the counter and pulls out a small glass vial to wave it gently in front of my face. "Cough syrup," he says, a hand on my shoulder, and as I peel my gaze from the medicine to look into his twinkly black eyes, he breaks into a smile. "Stopped by the pharmacy on my way home yesterday. You know, for your throat."

Nao is my classmate from university. We don't really know each other very well, but he's the only one in my program aside from me that got picked for this internship, so we've decided to room together for the next five months.

Now that I think about it, you probably wouldn't have liked him right away. You'd say he was too flashy for you, what with the floppy red hair and the holes in his ears and all. But you were always a little too quick to judge everyone, weren't you? I know, Nao is nothing like the people we normally used to hang out with. When I asked him if he was going to dye his hair black again for the duration of the job, he just laughed at me and said that there was no way he was going to let the corporate world repress his sense of self.

He's adamant, but he's always super carefree at the same time, and it confuses me a little. But that's also what makes him kinda cool, y'know?

He's a good guy. Everyone likes Nao. You'd warm up to him in no time too.

Taking the medicine from him, I nod in thanks.

He looks me up and down once. "You getting ready to leave already? I have a car, you know. We've still got time." We rented a flat out here because the company building is located only a few neighborhoods away, within a reasonable walking distance. But Nao says he's too lazy to walk all the way there so early in the mornings so he brought his father's old car along with him. I hold back a smile. I suppose he's like you, in that way.

You were a bit shameless, making me pedal all the way to your house every morning to pick you up on my bike even though you lived so much closer to school, don't you think? I'd never call you shameless to your face, of course. I can picture the sulky frown you'd make in response, clear as day.

My eyes start to sting.

I think about it even now, you know? Two years later. I think about how tightly you'd hold on to me as we rode down the steep streets, about your voice in my ear on those dry, windy mornings, whiny from sleep. Sometimes...I don't know, it feels weird to admit this, but sometimes, I'd pull on the brakes even when I didn't need to, just to feel the momentary press of your warmth against my back. Gah, how embarrassing. I'm so glad I never actually admitted that to you.

"Asa?"

I snap out of it, and look up at Nao for a second, before shaking my head at him. "Walk," I say, my voice throaty and broken. "I'll...walk."

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He's a nice guy.

And I...I don't want to hurt him.

Nao doesn't linger on my response. He simply shrugs, like okay man, but don't expect me to walk with you. And then he starts to unpack the grocery bag that he brought home along with him yesterday, and shows me all the different flavors of jams he thought to try. There's pumpkin jam and sweet chilli jam. Oh my god, you'd hate this. You were never one to try out new things to begin with. Man, I wish I could see what sort of a face you'd make if I got you to taste any of this.

I...

I miss you.

I miss you, I miss you, I miss you. I hate that I can't see you, but...it's good that you're so far away from me now. This way, you'll never be able to hear me. Not even if I scream. It's how I know you'll be safe.

I miss you, though.

I help Nao stack everything into the shelves, and once he leaves the kitchen, I turn away, unscrewing the bottle of medicine. As I start to empty its contents into the sink, I dimly wonder, am I being ungrateful?

I'm becoming a worse person with each passing day, huh.

♪°•°∞°•°♪°•°∞°•°♪°•°∞°•°♪°•°∞°•°♪

When the large building belonging to V-NEXT comes into view, I stop on the other side of the street to fish my mask out of my pocket and put it on.

I'm about to cross over to campus when I spot a...a cat - a round little thing with patches of grey on its white fur - rolling around near the main entrance. I stay put, absently smiling at it as it starts to scratch it's tiny ears and stretch it's plump body. Cuteee, I think, growing slightly amused as I watch its ears suddenly perk up, eyes flicking this way and that as if it's spotted a winged bug. It swats at the air with it's teeny paws, tail swishing, and a soundless laugh escapes my lips. Gosh, what a little-

The cat daringly lifts its hips into the air as I watch, abruptly pouncing into the middle of the street, and the thought quickly dies.

The back of my neck grows cold.

"St...st..." I stammer, looking up at an approaching van in horror.

Oh no.

Instinct tugs at my eyes to see if the driver's side window is down, and my heart sets off at an agonising pace as I realise what I need to do. I look at the stupid old cat again, mindlessly pawing at the ground, and there's...there's no time. Shit. I force myself to move. "STOP!" I scream, the word painfully ripping out of my throat, and on cue, the van lurches to a halt. Without thinking, I throw myself in its way and scoop the cat up into my arms. My throat feels raw, prickling and hot, and tears spring to my eyes at the discomfort as I stumble back towards the sidewalk.

Tremors wrack my knees and my pulse is still in my ears.

I stand there is disbelief for a moment, my breathing impossible to contain. Then, turning around slowly, my eyes lock on the van driver, who is now blinking out the windshield in confusion. When his attention lands on me, I quickly dip in an apologetic bow and hurry in through the gates of V-NEXT before he can think to ask any questions.

Did I...

Did I just-?

No. No no no.

I'm not supposed to use the voice.

I...god, I shouldn't have. I made up my mind, didn't I? To never use it again?

The memory of the last time I let the voice out comes back to me. On a whim, I crouched before a little wild flower sticking out through a crack in the pavement that day. "Bloom," I muttered to it then, letting the magic intwine with the word, wondering if...if...just maybe, maybe I really could do some good with this power. Nothing happened.

It's been six months since then.

I feel a press against my wrist and look down at the warm weight in my hands, the ache in my chest far worse than the one in my throat. The cat stares up at me with unblinking, beady black eyes, and the heaviness inside me lightens the slightest bit. I did...I did something good just now, didn't I? I...

The cat lets out a low growl and before I know what's happening, it slashes at my face with its claws, leaping out of my hands. I stare down at it in bewilderment, my mask in tatters. Damn. My face? Really?

Sulking a little, I take the mask off and shove it into my pocket. What am I going to do now? I didn't bring a spare, I ask the cat, a small frown on my face.

It continues to watch me, motionless, something judgemental in its gaze.

I saved your life, you know. This is how you thank me?

Its tongue emerges and flicks leisurely across its nose.

Hey! Are you even listening to me? I saved your life! I say with widening eyes, my brows twitching.

The cat makes a disinterested noise and starts to walk away.

A shocked laugh escapes me, and I wince a bit, touching my throat.

"I see you've already had the pleasure of meeting Boss!" I look up to see Nao approaching me, walking across the sprawling green campus with a backpack similarly slung on his shoulders. Boss? "Arrogant little shit," he continues, stopping by my side to pull his sleeve up a little. "Got here a little before you did. Naively thought that it might be a good idea to pet him before coming inside." I make a sympathetic expression at the small gash near his wrist.

"Um," I try to say, ignoring the resultant sharp pain. "Does...it...hurt?" I cough into my fist.

"Well, a little," Nao says with a fake sigh. "Honestly hurts way more in here." He points at his heart.

We smile at each other.

"Come on, then. Don't wanna be late on the first day, do we?" he says, slinging an arm around my neck with so much force that my head knocks into his chest. I make a muffled noise and lift his arm a bit to better adjust myself under it. He doesn't let go until we're standing before the large revolving glass doors of the company building. I stare up at it, the nerves finally catching up.

Breathing in deeply, I step in after Nao.

He lets out a low whistle. "Dude, this place is sick," he exclaims with a wide grin, staring around the fresh-smelling lobby at the fancy cushions, indoor plants and inexplicably elegant looking employees. "I'm so proud of us right now." I don't want to speak anymore, so I hold out my fist instead. He bumps it, pleased.

"Let's go ask for Mr. Arima at the reception desk." He suddenly perks up

"Do you think those guys are interns too?" I follow his gaze to the reception desk to see a boy and a girl speaking with the woman behind it, clutching folders in their hands. They look like they're the same age as us. Must be students from a different university. "Let's go say hi!" Nao suggests, and before I can respond, he's already walking towards them, a jovial smile on his face.

I follow, feeling inexplicably shy.

When we get closer, I can't help but take in the boy's dark hair and wiry shoulders, his bony elbows and slightly hunched back, and...he looks like you. My heart suddenly feels unsettled, but I try to shrug it off. I've been thinking about you a lot today, huh. I guess I'm just nervous about starting this internship, because I've worked really hard for this opportunity, and thinking about you sort of makes me feel better. Or worse too, sometimes. I don't know. It's a lot. You make me feel a lot of things.

"Hey! Hi! You guys interns too?"

I stay behind Nao with my head down for a moment, telling myself that you aren't here. That you're somewhere safe.

"Oh, yes. You are too?"

My stomach plummets, a horribly heavy sort of confusion knocking into my chest.

"Yeah! Man, it's nice that we aren't the only students here huh," Nao says to me, stepping aside so that I can't avoid looking at the boy anymore.

His eyes meet mine, all the muscles in his face going slack, and my brain shuts down.

An unbearably large, expanding ache fills up my lungs, and I turn away for a moment, before turning back around to take in the boy's face again. "Nao Tanaka. Mobile Developement," Nao is saying now, and the boy smiles politely in response, stretching out his hand. He opens his mouth, and my world tips so out of balance that I'm unable to make out what he's saying, but just the sound of his voice makes the ache grow even larger, threatening to swallow me up completely.

I blink the wetness out of my eyes.

Okay, is the first thought I'm able to manage.

Oh.

It's...

It's not okay.

It's...

It's you.

"And this is my pal, Asa," Nao says, a firm hand on my shoulder, and I look up at him, feeling slightly alarmed.

"Oh. Hi. I'm...I'm Yoru Ohara. I'm in marketing and finance." The sound of that name sends me under.

I'm suddenly buried beneath the memory of our nine years together. The nine years I spent driving you to school with your arms around me. The nine years I spent lying on your lap after soccer practice. The nine years I spent doing homework in your bedroom, kicking a ball around outside your house, running up the mountain with you. The two years I spent missing you, more than I could bear.

It's heavy, it's all so heavy, and I can't bring myself to pull out from under it and look at you.

It's you.

It's really you, Yoru.

It's...

It's you.

I stare at your face, your thin eyebrows and pretty hair and pale cheeks. That face, that has felt like the canvas that could hold everything I've ever wanted to look at for the last two years. And you...you're watching me with your hand out, your smile a little bigger than it was a second ago, waiting for me to tell you my name.

Because you don't remember me.