I deserve this.
I’m dying.
The light dawning from a lightbulb shone across the white painted walls, a streak of brown patterned carpet covered the floor as the led lights flashed red from a lonely computer desk in a dimly lit corner of the room.
From the corner a shadow rested on the wall. Mixed sounds of coughing and grunts of pain echoed throughout the room.
“Eugh.. ahh.. Mhphhh… EUGHHH.”
Do I… want this? This pain… no…
Laid upon the ground beside the desk, a boy turned on his side. His big, honey brown eyes struggled to stay open, his light caramel brown skin turned as gray as ash.
The beams of the flashing red lights from the computer continued upon his backside as a white streak of foam poured from his mouth. His body began to twitch more and more and his heartbeat grew fainter.
Maybe… is this… good?
As the white foam continuously spewed from the boy’s bluish lips onto the carpet, he tried to make any form of movement to get up, but ultimately, his only achievement was turning from one side to the other.
Being poisoned is a really strange feeling.
Especially if you’ve done it to yourself.
The boy thought in his head what if he could turn back now from the fate he has set in stone for himself. What if he could extend his arm just enough to reach for the phone slightly hanging off the desk.
“Ma- ma- mama…,” said the boy as the word struggled out of his mouth, spitting out some of the foam as he did.
Maybe if he picked a different method, he wouldn't have to sit with his thoughts as long as he has now.
Second thoughts maybe? Maybe a last minute pathetic attempt at an epiphany.
Is this… regret?
As he stared unto the flashing red lights he knew he didn’t deserve to feel regret, all he could do was lay there and stare as his thoughts started to run out.
The boy started to make delirious sounds, as if he were laughing.
Lights… bright lights… soooo pretty...
Vision fading from his eyes, he stared at what seemed to be a letter on the desk next to his phone, knowing his time was coming to an end and the final breaths being drawn from his body, the boy thought to himself…
I’m sorry… everyone.
*********
ENTER LOUIS YOUNG
Why am I running…?
Illuminating out from a cold darkened void, floating, broken down, small platforms of which seemed to be made from rock could be seen. Each platform just a few feet from one another with seemingly no end in sight.
The boy is running and jumping from each rock as if he was being chased by a monster or the very void itself. His sweat ran hot down his body, to the bloody bare feet of his he ran on as fear engulfed his very mind. If this was death for the boy, then it must be punishment, he thought.
Am I dead?!
“Am I…? What is this feeling!? …This coldness, t-this darkness… I can’t stop. I can't.”
The farther I went on, the more and more less visible the rocks I stood on became, yet I continued to jump. Not concerned for the depths of what is below. I run and I run, I jump and I jump. The air is thin, each breath exhausts me more than the obstacles in front of me. My body can’t stop.
My body is trembling, and I can still taste some of the foam in my mouth… It’s disgusting.
As I was jumping, one jump I came to made me slip as I was running to perform the jump. As I slipped off the floating rock, my head crashed into the next one. Just as I was about to slip off, I somehow managed to extend my arm, holding on desperately. “S-SHIT! Please no… ugh cmon!”
Am I gonna fall? Stop…
Banging my head on the platform caused blood to start leaking from my head, onto my face, and into my eyes.
“It fucking burns…” I muttered from my bluish lips. My feet dangled in the air helplessly as I tried to pull myself up.
I tried to gather enough strength to pull myself up, but I wasn’t budging.
My vision is all over the place. The way I hit my head I'm surprised I wasn't knocked out cold on the spot. Everything just feels wrong. The only comfort I feel is from the heat of my blood pouring from my head. And even then my body. It’s cold.
As I stared at some of the blood dripping off my cheek down below, my body grew even colder, the fear of falling raced through my head like wildfire.
If you come across this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.
The sweat from my hand started to make it slip more and more from the platform.
“If this is really hell… then why do I have this feeling like I'm gonna die again… why… no matter what I do… there’s always something. Something to make me question myself even more… I wish I wasn’t such a fucking coward… even in death.”
A flurry of emotions filled my brain. I wanted to cry yet I always seem to fight my tears back. Can I even cry anymore? What would I even be crying for? I did this to myself. I wanted to die. What would my hand slipping do but help me towards my goal. This was inevitable. …But why am I afraid?
“Then why… this can’t be the end yet.”
Do I want it to be…?
…Is it really?
I…
…..
No.
No…
I refuse.
There has to be something…
A single tear fell from my face, and at that moment, I gritted my teeth, and swung my body forward to extend my other arm to grab onto the platform.
Could I do it?
Struggling and on the brink of total exertion, I made it up. Only this time it wasn’t just a broken pillar but instead a platform and in the center laid a pitch black hole that seemingly led nowhere or… somewhere?
I inched closer and closer to the hole. As I got closer it seemed as though I couldn't stop moving forward. It started whispering to me. Drowning out my ears yet I could only understand one word.
“Infinity.”
It called to me like a siren singing to a sailor, it beckoned me forward, and next thing I knew, I was falling.
*******
Where am I?! Why is it so dark?!
It took me a minute to get my bearings but when I stood up to look around, all I could see was… nothing?!
Am I dead? What… no… I thought… What?!
Nothing but darkness… all that fills my eyes in my field of vision is just… darkness or… nothing at all.
Is this the void?! Limbo?! …Hell…?
It’s funny, looking closer the void looks more of a dark bluish color.
I just stared off into the void, not knowing what to think or what to do. I’m trapped here probably forever until the end of time. Does time even exist here? Does anyone know that I'm here?
“Why did I do it? …No! I wanted to do it! Regret? No. None at all.”
No.
No?
No…
No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no-
“FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!”
“So there really is nothing after death… and here I did all that running… all that time thinking… all the time living, breathing, learning, talking, …eighteen years of living… what was it all for huh?…it really was all for nothing… I learned nothing.”
….
I can’t even cry… I can’t- I feel… empty… like I'm nothing at all. Just a hollow shell…
“This is death… so be it.”
My body starts to drift away slowly, further into the void.
To his surprise, he began drifting at a fast pace, towards another direction.
What is this?
A bright light started to shine in front of me, blinding me at first, but after blocking my eyes for a moment, it gave my eyes the chance to fully adjust to the brightness. When I removed my arm from in front of my face, what I saw was very surreal.
However great in brightness it was, the bright white light was floating in a sphere-like shape, it was no bigger than I'd say the size of well… it was gigantic but still not as grand to block out the void surrounding it.
I could hear familiar voices coming from it… as if they were trying to talk to me somehow. When I got closer, I could finally make out what was inside the light. “Those people… those are-!?”
“LOUIS PLEASE WAKE UP, WE’RE IN TROUBLE… PLEASE!,” A voice screamed out from the light.
Is that… Eli…?
“My friends!? What are they doing here?” I said with such disbelief. It doesn’t make any sense…
“DAMMIT WE’RE GOING TO HAVE TO CARRY HIM! WE HAVE TO GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!”
“That’s… that’s Robbie! Is this real?!”
I say that but the sight of them makes me want to break down in tears. I’ve never been more happy to see them than now! Wait, why are they here? Is my life flashing before me… no… wait I can see my body… they’re standing over it… trying to wake me up.
Fuck.
What’s going on? Why are they there? What could possibly have them screaming in such a way? Why am I there?! No… They can’t find me like this. No. No. No.
The boy began inching closer towards the light. Is this an opportunity?
“Wait, what if I can just…”
I can’t die now, I need to help them. I need to. They need me! I… I don’t wanna…, “I can’t have them see me like this… no matter how I feel…”
The closer I got, the more my vision blurred, while my ears were drowned out of any sound. This feeling, it’s warm, and comforting. The familiar feeling you feel when you get a wave of nostalgia.
I’m starting to feel… whole… I-I feel like…, “Me.”
When I got close enough, I reached out my hand, and touched the light.
“EUGH…EUGHHHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”
Screaming his head off, the boy’s life began flashing before his very eyes. Memories. His life. A doctor, pulling him from the womb. The first taste of milk from a nipple. Being dropped off at school. Tying a shoe. Riding a bike. Memorable birthdays. Relationships, and competition. From the highs that made him as if the world was in his very hands, to the humiliatingly, suffocating moments that made him want to erase his very existence as a whole.
Eighteen years of living all culminated into a seemingly summarized slideshow presented, and gone in a flash before the eyes.
What was the point… of me?
………………….
A hallway.
I’m walking down a hallway… Why? Just what significance does this place have?
“Did that white light send me here?” I continued walking. Besides the white, marbled floor, there were no walls or even a ceiling for that matter. Nothing but the void I became so accustomed to before. But this time I paid it no mind. I just keep walking.
Could I truly call it the void though? Is this the universe? This can’t be a natural phenomenon… unless this happens when you die…, “No one knows what death is like but the dead.”
I can put on a tough front, but I know it won’t do me any good. Everything that I’ve seen so far… I'm afraid…
I thought the light was gonna lead me to my friends… that must’ve just been one of the many functions of a dying brain. Woo hoo…., “tsk!”
I walked until I started approaching what looks to be a desk.
“My desk? …It is.” As I approached the desk I noticed a piece of paper lying flipped over. I pick it up, and flip it over so I can read it. As I started to read it my heart started to sink into my stomach.
“Hey to whoever finds this… and well finds me as well. I just want you all to know it wasn’t anyone’s fault- AH,” I slammed the paper back down on the desk, and jumped back away from it.
“NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! WHY IS THIS HERE?!”
I immediately rip the paper to pieces, and throw the remains floating off into the void.
“What the-... why? Why? Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
STOP FUCKING WITH ME!”
I yelled out violently to the void of nothingness.
I don’t know if it was rage, but I jumped back in front of the table, and started beating at it repeatedly. The tears I couldn’t contain anymore started to run freely down my face. All that I could do now was scream.
There’s nothing here… what am I even getting mad at? This is just my brain torturing me in my final moments… “haha… hahaha…. Hahahahahaha haaaaaaaaaa….” I started to tug at my hair. “Hahaha… I could rip it out, and still fill nothing… nothing at all.”
Pain is nonexistent in death… so then why do I still have this aching feeling in my heart…?!
“I didn’t wanna leave them… I don’t…” I fell down to my knees. I feel so weak, and helpless.
“I made a mistake. I know I did…. I shouldn’t have written that letter… I shouldn’t have swallowed that pill… I-I… I wanna live…! I wanna protect them!”
With a stroke of fate, the ripped pieces of paper appeared before the boy, floating all around him like leaves in the wind.
“It’s… reforming?!”
The ripped pieces start to reform into the letter. After it is reformed, it flips itself to the other side. Words start to be written on the blank side of the paper.
“Human.” A voice so malevolent, and divine, yet soft and calm that I couldn’t help but feel safe, spoke out to me from text on the paper. Yet… a looming fear of the unknown is making me waver before it. “You wish to save your friends, yet have no regard for your own existence. Wasteful, downright shameful, yet intriguing. You and your friends will go through many great trials indeed. …Welcome Louis, to infinity. The journey of the fools starts once more. Will you see the end? Will all your friends? I wonder.”
“W-what… are you?”
“Everything, Louis. Everything.”