The next morning I woke up feeling numb and emotionally confused. It all went according to plan. I managed to kill the goat and begin cultivation. I hated killing the goat as it looked me in the eyes but still I stabbed downward even as tears were welling up in my eye and I felt it die. I felt its souls separate from its body and in that moment I pulled the explosion of energy in and began cultivating which felt right. I hated myself for this and I understood why mother would never do this. Being only 8 i didn’t know how to come to terms with these feelings I had been having but resolved to keep listening to grandpa despite how I hated it at times.
This went on for 6 years. I would go on hunting trips with my grandfather. He taught me many different things on these trips from archery to martial arts and much more. Each time we hunted he made me finish it off so I cultivated it. Over time I stopped hating it so much and began to see it as a necessary evil. Of course nothing could hide the disdain of the nobles on the hunt. I stopped caring after a while figuring I didn’t need friends especially not friends like that..
Despite all that cruelty nothing outshine the light that was my mother. She and I would spend hours pouring monsterology tomes and bestiary. The days I spent with her among the happiest days of my life. We would also read stories and garden together. She made me feel not so alone in a world that didnt understand me. A world that had seemingly rejected me for just being born. We also shared a love of beast cores and. starting to build a collection.. Al luxury i could only have afforded as a noble. No matter how the years past, I always loved the beautiful.. Things weren’t perfect but I was happy until the day tragedy struck. I had come home from hunting with a beast core no less to discover mother was deathly ill.. As a regular human that refused to cultivate. This was bound to happen and i had known it deep in my heart but still i raced to see her needing to hear her voice. I could hardly think as I raced through the castle knocking into people in a rush to even apologize. I entered her room. She lay there on the bed looking to all the world like she had already passed until she lifted her head. Hope seized in my heart as I came to take her hand.
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She smiled at me as she said i a weak voice.”” your looking good today my little junebug”
“Better than you” I managed to choke out “ oh honey don’t be sad everything dies eventually”
“But what will i do without you , I’ll be all alone”i said while trying to hold back tears.
“No baby you won’t. You have a good heart. “ I believe you’ll make friends but honey we need to talk seriously about what is gonna happen when i die” I looked up in shock “ What do you mean what is gonna happen?” she suddenly looked pained .” Understand that your father is not a bad man. I wouldn’t love him if he was but he is very devoted to his duty. One of which is to provide an heir” I looked down ashamed knowing that wasn’t me” She grabbed my chin and made me look her in her eyes and said “ your have a heart that cares for life and would be a wonderful king i think but the people aren’t ready for a king that kills to become stronger which you would have to do if you were to become king. They would not see my little june bug. They would see a monster which is why when I die your father will remarry and you’ll be disowned’ I nodded this wasn’t a real shock. My father had never treated me maliciously but he never spent time with me in general.. I always knew this was inevitable but didn’t want to accept it. She looked me deep in the eye and told me I want you to go out and make life for yourself that you will be happy. You may have power from a dark place but you choose what you do with it. Go out and make your own path. Later that night she died and I left the castle for the final time determined to find happiness somewhere.