I woke once again to a terrible ache. Except this time it was in my legs instead of my head. I sat up and attempted to swing my legs over the side of the bed but I could barely move my jello-y muscles.
“Thanks a lot Tomo,” I groaned, “I feel like there was a stampede and I was the road.”
Of course Tomo didn’t respond. I tried massaging my legs but it didn’t help much. I continued doing it anyway until I glanced at my window. The sun already sat high in the sky. My eyes opened wide in shock.
“Oh no, what time is it?” I fumbled for my cell phone. 10 o’clock?!!! I’m going to be so late!
I attempted once again to fight through the pain and swing my legs around. I somehow succeeded but when I tried to stand I felt my legs instantly fold as I collapsed under my own weight.
“Dammit! Tomo!!” I slammed the floor with a fist causing my downstairs neighbors to yell angrily. Alas, it didn’t elicit a response from Tomo.
“Excuse me. Perhaps we could come to a deal.” A new voice that I hadn’t heard before sounded in my head. This voice also had an Asian accent but it was slightly different from Tomo’s. This new voice was deeper and smoother.
“Who are you?” I asked.
“My name is Ye Bai Chen. When I was alive I was known as Yao Huang. In English that would be translated as Medicine Emperor.” The male voice whose accent I now assumed to be chinese, if his name was any indication was very beautiful to listen to. That was a huge red flag in my book. Usually people that had a beautiful voice were good at talking people into doing things they wouldn’t normally do.
“Okay Ye Bai Chen. What deal?”
“You may call me Chen. Saying my full name would quickly become a bother. Plus we are already so close, it would be odd to talk formally.” Chen chuckled quietly, “As for the deal, it’s simple really. I wish for the use of your body. A few hours will do. It is so monotonous to remain in the darkness for so long. I wish to see the flowers, I wish to drink delicious tea, I wish to feel the sunlight on my skin. Allow me at least 5 hours during the daylight today and 3 hours everyday henceforth and I shall heal your body of all it’s ailments.”
Before she could reply Troy broke into the conversation, “Hey Chen! How come you never offered that deal to me! Especially after that one bar fight with Big Malley! I was in a lot of pain you know!”
“I feel that pain brought about by your own misdeeds needs to remain to provide the proper lesson. It was unfortunate that the lesson did not take. Was Big Malley’s wife worth it?” asked Chen.
Troy quieted down after a bit of grumbling. I was shocked that someone other than Kadee was able to control Troy. Chen even seemed a bit better at it.
She considered the deal for a moment. It didn’t seem so bad. “I guess I could call in sick today. I am feeling pretty shitty. (Dammit Tomo.) Make it one hour a day after today and I believe we have a deal.” I negotiated smoothly.
“Acceptable. Call in sick to your place of employment and then I shall take over for 5 hours today.”
I nodded but then I realized he couldn’t see me. “ Alright. Hey before I call, I was wondering exactly how are you going to heal me? You don’t have magical powers that’ll just zap me to wellness...do you?” She sounded unsure. Considering the diamond itself existed, it was not impossible in her mind that such an ability would exist.
“Not exactly. I am what the people of China today would call a traditional chinese medicine doctor. Only I am much more capable and my methods are much more effective than any of those currently being practiced in your era. I use herbs, acupuncture, and an inner energy that you would probably know as Qi to achieve certain things. One of those things is being able to heal and augment mortal flesh. Make no mistake, it is not magic.” Chen tried to explain something of his capabilities to her in a way she could understand. It was all a lot more complicated than he made it sound.
“So… all that ancient kung fu master tai chi stuff is real? It actually works? I thought that was all a bunch of supernatural bullshit...no offense.” I replied while trying to adjust my legs into a more comfortable position.
“None taken. You’ll find that there are many extraordinary things in this world of which normal humans remain blissfully unaware. There are very few genuine practitioners, what we used to call cultivators, still alive today. Those that are alive prefer to remain anonymous. They reside in hidden areas in remote locations where no one will bother them. I have a friend who had remained in meditation so long in a cave that water dripping from the ceiling onto his head turned him into a stalagmite. It took forever to chisel him out.” Chen snickered.
“He was still alive?” I asked incredulously.
“Of course. It would take much more than being encased in a little bit of sediment to kill a true cultivator. We have augmented flesh to such an extent that most human needs are no longer necessities. We can subsist on the ambient energy in the air and no longer have a need to eat, or defecate, or in this case breathe.”
“That’s amazing! Will I ever be able to be like that?”
“I’m afraid not. Most cultivators begin their practicing at the age of 5. I’m afraid to say, even if you begin cultivating now, at most you would only be able to live another couple hundred years and you would only be able to go a long time without dealing with your human needs instead of being able to go completely without.”
“Oh.” I was slightly disappointed until I processed what he said about being able to live another couple hundred years even if I only began cultivating now. I briefly wondered how long I would live if I had done it since young… exactly how old was stalagman? I decided that was a conversation for another day.
I fiddled with my cell phone a bit until I found Charlie’s phone number. But right before I hit call I remembered that I probably didn’t have to answer to him anymore. The CEO must have fired him right? Or at least demoted him. After the stunt he pulled I wouldn’t be surprised. So who should I call about taking a day off. I hesitated over the touch screen for a moment before deciding to simply call Charlie anyway. It was his work number anyway and went straight to his office not his personal phone. Maybe Mr. Connely had already hired someone else. The phone rang a few times before someone answered.
“Ms. Dwight’s office. Sarah speaking. How may I help you?” A cheerful bubbly voice answered.
“Um… I think there’s been a mistake I am Lena Dwight and I don’t have an office.” In my head I heard Troy whispering, “I thought her name was Whither Holt?” Brightly quietly replied, “She already said she’s using an alias you inattentive clod.”
“Oh! Hello Ms. Dwight! There is no mistake. My name is Sarah Climb and I am your newly appointed secretary.” the girl giggled, “I am answering the phone from your brand spankin’ new office! You didn’t get the email?”
I didn’t have the energy to be shocked anymore after everything that’s happened to me. I politely bid farewell to the almost too cheerful girl on the phone and immediately checked my email. I found a few messages from a few of the information dealers I worked with and an email from one of the people I occasionally partnered with during a con. Oops, that was the wrong email. I logged out and relogged into Lena Dwight’s work email. There I found a message from Mr. Connely, CEO of ConLabs waiting in her inbox. She clicked on it.
Ms. Lena Dwight
Due to Charlie Parne’s sudden demotion. It’s been decided that you will become the new manager of the Writing Department of ConLabs. Congratulations.
C.E.O. Argus Connely
P.S. You will be taking over Charlie’s latest project. I looked it over and it’s terrible. I refuse to send out a game with such a horrendous scenario filled with plot holes. Fix it.
A smile stretched across my face. “Yeeeeeees!” I yelled while thrusting my hands into the air in a victory pose. My outburst startled some of my hangers on.
“What has got you so excited dear?” Asked Kadee.
“I got a promotion! I don’t have to answer to that jerk whose hair always had enough oil to lubricate a car engine! Who wouldn’t know a good game scenario if it popped out of a console and punched him in the face. Who is now MY employee because he tried to pass off my work as his own! I’m management now baby!” I would have stood and done a happy dance but my legs were still out of commission so I settled with waving my arms around my head as if I were at a rock concert.
“That’s wonderful. I’m glad things are going well at your work, but don’t forget you still have to call in sick today.” Kadee helpfully reminded me.
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“Oh yeah. Thanks Kadee.” I called my secretary (hee hee it felt good to say that) back and asked to be connected to Mr. Connely. He answered rather quickly.
“This is Connely.” What is he too good to say hello?
“This is Dwight.” Two people can play that game. I coughed noisily into the receiver. “ I just got your email. Thanks for the promotion. Unexpected though it is.”
“No problem. You’re qualified. Obviously more than that other guy was. I’m seriously wondering how he got the manager position in the first place. I have some people looking into it but haven’t heard anything back yet. I might have to do some serious reshuffling in my company. If my employees are hiring incompetent people for reasons other than skill then things are not going to end well for them.” His voice was low and vibrating with anger. It was palpable even over the phone. This dude really has some presence.
“I’ll do my best to meet your expectations but unfortunately it’ll have to be tomorrow. I’m really not feeling well today. I wasn’t really sure who to ask for a day off now that I’m the manager so I just decided to call you.” I cleared my throat and coughed a few more times.
“No problem. Sarah,your secretary can take care of things until you can come back to work. If you ever need anything don’t be afraid to contact me. I put my work and personal number in that email I sent you. I have to go. I’ll call you later.” He hung up.
I looked confused at my cellphone. Why is he gonna call me? I already settled the business I had with him. Is that what managers and CEO’s do? Talk on the phone? I thought they only interacted at meetings and stuff like that. I shrugged to myself, no point thinking about it now. I’ll discover all the in’s and out’s of my new job eventually.
“So Chen, I’m ready. How about you?” I threw my phone on the bed.
“I cannot even begin to explain to you the extent of my readiness. It has been so long since I’ve seen the sun. Many of the others did not like to grant permission so I could only go out when they slept or passed out which was usually at night. And V who was the host before you was not allowed outside ever.”
“Yeah,”said V’s sweet childish voice, “I never saw the sun before I died so you have to give me permission one of these days okay? I wanna see the stars and moon too! And also i wanna roll in the grass! And I want to pet a dog! And-”
“V,” interrupted Chen, “You will get your chance. I’m sure Wit would not deny you. But please allow us to continue.”
“Oh right, sorry. You have to promise though okay?”
I smiled sadly at the life the poor kid must have lived, to never have any of the experiences that most children took for granted, and to die so young...just what exactly happened to him?
“I promise you V. I will definitely let you do all the fun things you can think of. We could even go to an amusement park and a zoo! I will let you take over for the entire day.” I said.
V cheered and giggled happily as he allowed me and Chen to continue our business.
Chen made a sound as if clearing his throat, though as a spirit it must have been more habit than anything. “I am ready, but before we begin, could I trouble you to use your computer to purchase some things for me? I can cure your muscle aches using nothing but my Qi and a massage but for any more serious illnesses as well as augmenting your body I would need tools and various herbs. All of which would be slightly expensive.”
“No problem.” Luckily my laptop was directly next to my bed. I dragged it over and accessed the internet. “Is there a specific site I should use to purchase this stuff?”
“Yes. One of my friends who is still alive has actually acclimated quite well to the current era. He started his own online business catering to cultivators such as myself. Its extremely useful for those of us who are particularly reclusive. He offers an instant delivery service as well. He’s done very well for himself.”
Chen directed me to a site called Bygone Era Botany and Supplies, a site that seemed to contain numerous articles on ancient plants and old pottery. Chen had me type ‘Sword Monarch Great Storm’s General Shop’ into the search bar. A few links popped up and he told her to click on the one that said Cultivators only. When she did it went to a screen with a large box asking her to input a password.
“Each cultivator has their own password. When they use it the shop will automatically sign them into their own account. Everyone has their own online username too. Mine is Medicine Emperor. It’s pretty simple compared to others. Take Sword Monarch Great Storm for example. Such a long name. One of my other friends called themselves Great Master Tiger Lord of All Hells.” He laughed. I giggled with him. “Anyway, my password is a few different types of tea that I like.” He quickly listed them out.
Finally they managed to access the shop. Along the top of the page in fancy blue and gold letters it said, ‘Welcome to Sword Monarch Great Storms General Shop! Your one stop shopping spot for all things cultivation!’ Below it was listed a few categories to choose from. On the side of the screen was a chatbox that never left the screen even when Luna scrolled down. In the chat box it said that 28 people were currently signed in. The words ‘Medicine Emperor Online’ popped up in the chat box. Immediately a bunch of people started blowing up the chat.
Champion White River: OMG It’s actually Medicine Emperor! Long time no see! It’s been about 15 years since we’ve heard from you.
Supreme Expert of Golden Snake Sect: PLZ SELL ME CULTIVATION PILLS!! NEED HELP ADVANCING MY LEVEL!! *begs on knees*
Sword Monarch Great Storm: HEY! Don’t steal my business! Expert if you're not buying anything go away!
Supreme Expert of Golden Snake Sect sent you a private message: My email is AwesomePowerfulExpert@*******! Send me a message when you finish concocting some medicinal pills! I’ll buy! Trade or money I’m alright with either!
Supreme Expert of Golden Snake Sect has left the chat.
True Immortal Ancestor Beyond the Sky: Medicine Emperor! Thanks for helping me a while ago! I was pretty weak when you found me. I probably would still be stuck there if you hadn’t helped me!
Great Master Tiger Lord of All Hells: You don’t have to speak so vaguely Sky, we all know what happened. I’m sure you made a handsome stalagmite! ROFL
Champion White River: Handsome Stalagmite! +1 LOL
Sword Monarch Great Storm: Handsome Stalagmite +2
Dragon Lord of The Floating Mountain: Handsome Stalagmite +3!!!
Medicine Emperor: You’re welcome…….Handsome Stalagmite +4!
I was laughing out loud at the conversation. How old were all these people and they acted like all the other netizens I’d ever interacted with. It tickled me.
“We should get to shopping. I’d like to finish it as soon as possible.” Said Chen. He sounded amused. “It’s good to chat with everyone again. Perhaps when I take over I can talk to them more. Go to the Furnace and Jar category please.”
I did as I was told. The page it took me to contained many interesting looking cauldrons. Some shaped like normal pots, others shaped like animals. Many were shaped like drums or bowls with legs. Chen had me scroll through for a while, reading the names and descriptions of the different furnaces. Apparently these things were used to concoct pills that could help people absorb Qi or cure ailments or increase strength and stamina as well as many other things. Chen eventually had me add a furnace called the ‘Moon and Sun All Enhancement Furnace’ to the cart. It had the ability to enhance the efficacy of all pills made within it. He had me buy a few spare furnaces as well but they didn’t have any special functions. He said it was for me to practice on my own as amateurs had a tendency to blow up their furnaces due to inexperience. Not that I had any intention to try. Also from this section he had me buy about 100 small jade bottles and 100 small porcelain bottles.
The next category was Needles. He had me get 1000 silver acupuncture needles, plus 25 jade needles and a strange device that looked like a bangle that seemed to be for launching needles from a person’s wrist.
They then moved onto the herb section. Chen spent a lot of time going through each page of herbs meticulously. Some of the herbs were so expensive that even I who was obscenely rich did a double take. Luckily there was a bulk section where they could buy 100’s of herbs at a time for a discount.
Chen also had me buy some clothes. A few pairs of ancient chinese clothes, both male and female as well as a few that looked like a mix between ancient chinese and modern that I found quite stylish. I went through on my own and bought a lot of those and decided to throw away a lot of my old clothes and partially replace my wardrobe. Chen explained that these clothes, as they were all completely made by cultivators out of incredible materials that they were all extremely durable and amazingly comfortable.
They also checked out the accessories section. Chen only had me get a pretty green ring called a storage ring and a necklace that was a small flask.
“Last but not least we need to buy a sword.” Chen sounded excited, "Go to the weapons section.”
After a few moments of searching nothing managed to catch Chen’s attention.
“Hmm...I’m gonna need you to chat with the others for a bit. I need to talk to someone.” He said.
“No problem. Those old guys are funny. While we were looking through the swords I was also reading the chats. We’ve gotten to Handsome Stalagmite +120 with Master Tiger leading the charge. Ancestor Sky has responded by revealing one of Master Tiger’s secrets. Did you know he once got drunk and hit on a shapely pillar during one of Ancestor Sky’s moon viewing parties? He actually proposed marriage to it and tore it out of the house intending to take it to his home. Then when someone called Virtuous Lord Demon Wolf tried to stop him Master Tiger actually thought he was trying to steal his new wife and started to fight him. Ancestor Sky recorded the whole thing and just posted the video on the chat. Ha!” I was engrossed with the chat. I loved watching them bicker and the stories they told were interesting.
“I was there actually. I remember Master Tiger and Demon Wolf almost leveled Sky’s entire manor. He banned Master Tiger from his parties after that. Good times.” Chen sounded wistful. “I need you to ask if Enlightened Sword Sovereign is online.”
“Who’s that?” I asked curiously.
“She is the best swordsmith of everyone I know and she just so happens to owe me a favor.” Chen explained.
Medicine Emperor: Is Enlightened Sword Sovereign online?
Enlightened Sword Sovereign: I’m here.
Sword Monarch Great Storm: You better not be planning to do private business in my shop again! Use the regular chat! Stop stealing my business! I’ll ban you!
Sword Monarch Great Storm: Seriously.
Sword Monarch Great Storm: Stop it.
Sword Monarch Great Storm: Please...
Enlightened Sword Sovereign: Medicine Emperor?
“Tell her we’ll talk in the regular chat. I would feel bad if I made Storm cry. He’s a sensitive guy. He cried as if mourning the death of a relative when his daughter got a paper cut once. He almost banned all paper from entering his manor afterwards. Luckily his wife put a stop to it though.” Chen chuckled, “Buy all the stuff in the cart then you can leave the site. Do you have skoope on your computer?”
“I have it but...ancient powerful beings use skoope?” I asked incredulously. I bought all the items and selected instant delivery.
“Why not? Most of us may be reclusive but that doesn’t mean we don’t keep up with the latest technology and trends. It’s quite useful. We have phones and some of us even have driver's licenses! Now we’re done buying stuff so hurry and let me take over before our items get here.” Chen sounded incredibly excited. His voice was shaking slightly.
I nodded. “Ye Bai Chen I grant you permission.”
Immediately my soul once more floated free, connected to my body only by a ghostly silver thread extending from my chest. My body crumpled to the side.
Ye Bai Chen took a stuttering breath and opened his eyes. He almost cried at all the beautiful colors. The warmth of the sunlight. The feel of the carpet on his cheek. Even the pain in his legs was a welcome sensation after the eternal numbness of the diamond. Perhaps the smells wafting in from the window weren’t entirely pleasant but that was okay. He could smell again! Chen pushed his body back into a sitting position. Focusing on the computer he opened up skoope. He logged into his own profile and found Enlightened Sword Sovereign in his contacts.
Medicine Emperor: Sword Sovereign.
Enlightened Sword Sovereign: What do you need?
Medicine Emperor: I require a special sword. Made to my usual specifications.
Enlightened Sword Sovereign: Didn’t you just buy a sword from me not 80 years ago? I was quite proud of that work. What happened to it?
Medicine Emperor: You know my situation. It was stolen during a transition. I know it’s location though. I will retrieve it when I am able but I need a sword now. I would like to call in the debt you owe me.
Enlightened Sword Sovereign: Hmm...It’s no problem then. I will be happy to no longer be in debt. Expect it in 2 days.
Medicine Emperor: Thank you. I must go now. Delivery should be arriving soon. Be well.
Enlightened Sword Sovereign: To you as well.
Enlightened Sword Sovereign has left the conversation.
Medicine Emperor has left the conversation.