I've travelled far and wide, but nothing compares to my hometown of Bulabutt. Overwhelmed with a sense of pride, I wrote a book about my experiences as a resident of this country and a biography of Prince Inbu. There are still many enigmas in my friend, Inbu, so I hope I can put the record straight. 

Within five years, this country has changed from being the butt joke of the kingdoms to being the continent's centre. And it was all thanks to a farmer's daughter and a bad boy, who just happened to be the heir to the throne. 

The Kingdom of Pantalon was one of 69 kingdoms of The Very Breast Empire. Unlike its neighbours that enjoyed electricity and magic, it followed a more medieval market. Following the yellow-bricked road lead to the royal palace in Bulbabutt City, the kingdom's bustling capital. King Baboon, famous for his big mouth and epic lay-ins, was also famous for his peculiar food taste. He adored the local delicacies of dog pies, fried slugs with plenty of spinach. His love for dog meat meant countries refused to do trade deals with the government and had to rely on neighbouring kingdoms and open borders to get by. 

Prince Inbu was a shameless rebel that went on to become the bane of his father's assistance. As heir to the throne, he was expected to marry a nice girl and get some sons out of her. He had no time for outdated and sexist traditions, so he decided to do what every other guy his age did. He drank every weekend when he didn't have any classes or royal duties. It didn't seem to matter what Prince Inbu did; his face would always meet his father's fist. 

In time, Prince Inbu learned more about his father's cane than his own father. The rod was used to put him in his place. There was a time when he was desperate to please his dad, but it would always be wrong no matter what he did. So the prince gave up and decided to be his own person. If he had to have a million bruises and scars, so be it. He knew he would have felt even worse if he suppressed his true self. 

"My boy, you must be stronger!" King Baboon told him every day. "You must study harder. It would be best if you become a war master, with a beautiful wife and strong sons. This is your destiny. You must sacrifice your pleasures and become a servant of this country!" 

Nothing he said made any sense to Prince Inbu. He didn't want war; it had already caused enough suffering. Despite being a successful monarch, King Baboon's personal life was deemed a failure. His first wife died of food poisoning, and his second wife turned out to be a man. Whilst he loved all his grandchildren, he was sad that his son hadn't settled down yet. This was the leading cause of many arguments and fights between The King and The Prince. Every day he would tell his son to find a wife, and the answer was always no. 

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King Baboon passed a law making it illegal to say anything negative about him or the royal family. Prince Inbu was the only one who stood up to him, and King Baboon's punishment was to humiliate him in public by beating him up. Prince Inbu got off lightly; King Baboon jailed at least a hundred critics a week. He once imprisoned an entire newspaper company because one wrote in the local gossip panel that he put on weight. 

King Baboon was a self-proclaimed man of tradition. He scalded his son's lack of marital status in public, despite being only nineteen. He married off his daughters to his widowed friends and got grandchildren out of them. Inbu's youngest sister was only twelve when she was married, thus giving another reason for countries not to want anything to do with The Kingdom of Pantalon. 

Tourists become mesmerized by its agriculture and art scene. Every street in Bulbabutt contains a museum, coffee shop, pub and a brothel. Prince Inbu gets a beating when his father finds out he's been to the brothel. If you wander around the streets in the early hours of the morning, you might see King Baboon strolling out of one of the brothels. The King loves the ladies in Curvy Street.

Fed of his father's rambles, Prince Inbu set up a tournament with me. I was working at the royal jester at the time. For a black woman like me, it was a highly prestigious job in this country. I was proud to host the contest because I hoped it would smash this country's white elitism. I would no longer have to paint my face every day, and I could make the world laugh by being myself. Don't get me wrong, I loved my job, but behind a facade is exhausting. 

The tournament invited all unmarried women from the country and the neighbouring kingdoms. Prince Inbu jokingly asked why don't I apply? I was like, no thanks, I'm happy with my wife and kids. Given the country's bad reputation, he didn't expect many ladies to attend. That was where he had been proven wrong. Three hundred women showed up. 

What the King expected to bring doom on the Kingdom of Pantalon turned out to get trade and culture that the elite had never expected. Although only one commoner was brave enough to sign up, it caused a shakeup in the tournament. Not every woman could say that they swam in milk, danced with pigs and put a dragon to sleep to claim her very own prince charming. 

Prince Inbu's tournament changed The Kingdom of Pantalon forever. The lucky woman who went to win had not only defied expectations but created a new wave of justice. Their story is worth writing about and passing down to generations. 

The best thing is that we don't have to eat dogs anymore! Horray!