In Truths : Isolation
‘Today is the day everything changes today I graduate high school I will no longer be the disappointment of my family anymore.’The man thought his tall lanky build being done dirty by his hygiene and lack of style .He walk to bus stop where he is met by one of his brother in his van waiting to for the him .
“Sup,Dalron How’s Sahara?”the man said.
“Nothing much TT, she with Eliean lets get going mom and the rest are waiting to leave.” said Dalron. His brother could hear exasperation in his voice.The years he has wasted being depressed had made TT instantly recognize that tone ‘he wants to this get over with a fast as possible. ‘
“Ok”said the man. The ride over to the the highschool that hosted the progam was silent exempt the occasional comment by his mother that they should conversate in the jamaican accent he has heard throughout his life that he has long since grow used to.
Upon Their arrival was a l TT felt like this last day he could be his self the last day he could blame ignorant the last day he will get sympathy or empathy from either his family or anyone for that matter .He felt today was the day he will be thrown to the wolves to feel true isolation he felt he only got sample of .The same isolation he alway felt will be intensified tenfold the same isolation he relished in,the same isolation he’s felt since boyhood where his pride made him feel uncomfortable bring people home, the isolation that made him feel unworthy of love of any entity be it romantic or platonic.He felt like a fly on the wall in the world he has passive participate in rering to be crushed like insect he believe himself to be.
“Okay when I come back out I will officially have a secondary education “tt whispered as he stepped into the building in which he knew not a single soul.He head the office to where he met the coordinator of the tasc program.
“Hello Mrs.Gloria I’ve come to pick up my diploma”TT said.
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“Hello Mr.Berret I can give it to you right away just wait for a moment.”said mrs.gloria get up but right she was going to exit the office she turns arounds .”Mr.Berret do you plan on going to the ceremony .”
“No, I’m good” said TT he didn’t know anyone felt it’ll be extremely awkward as he hoped she didn’t ask the reason
Mrs.Gloria paused wanting to ask why, but she knew that asking why make him uncomfortable and he’d the ignore the question or avoid the question.She walks toward the principles office to get the the certificate.
As TT was left alone he steep in his temporary isolation to reflect on his life decisions he’s made so far like in the eighth grade where he would be absent so consistently that he would have to go to summer school no matter what he did.
Or when he finally entered highschool he didn’t go to first even though he had by some miracle somehow gotten in to an all honors schedule for the semester or, in sophomore year when he had his depressive breakdown and miss the the majority of the school year losing all his ap classes and to top fo the sophomore fuck up he had the unmitigated gale to blame it a the death of an non-exsistent family member whom died to justify it, and since he didn’t clarify whom he was talking of believes that he math teacher at the time may have believed that it was due to the death of one of his classmate tanya. A person of which only the name and face of.After insinuating this he just gave on school until the second semester where mother sent him to partial school/group therapy.it took eight weeks to get comfortable to go back to school even then he was inconsistent.He didn’t believe he make to adulthood let alone graduate.So he plan appropriately….nothing.Now that he is alive he had to consider what to do next but he himself didn’t believe he’d live that long no more than 30.
’10 years get your shit together TT 10 years or your not staying.‘he thought at the tender age 19 in 7 months until 20 be a waste a space he felt he was.He had no job no work experience no matter how much he tried he had no extra curriculars to make him appealing to colleges. He felt he had nothing for but his family but he could feel their support is waning with inability to get job being a core factor in his mind. He believed with his highschool equivalency would be first step to his old dream of being a political figure who would fight for racial equality and brake preconceived notions of black people in the U.S if not the world .But just as he thought of that he remember he was an example of an uneducated black man that the racist always said that they were figuratively laughing at the he was told all his life ‘a black man must work 10 harder to be to get half of what the white man gets.’In that moment Mrs.Gloria return causing him to check the clock making him realize in that not even a minute past but .
“Here you go young man .I wish you good luck on your next indevere”said miss gloria handing him a black leather folder.
“Thank you ma’am .Have a good day”said TT. As he left the building he felt like was going to faint the he saw the world shattered.