"Fucking government rush jobs and their lazy motherfuckers." I say to the empty room. Not that I don't understand or even think the people who put the buildings together were lazy. Just rushing to meet a time frame, probably so someone could get bonus pay of some kind. I don't like having to fix it afterward, though.

I’m finally home for the day, after one of the most annoying work days in recent memory, I can relax now. Two days to the weekend. Just have to make it through.

I briefly consider cooking something, before deciding to just toss an instant meal in the microwave. Sitting down to eat, I glance at my phone to see if I missed anything. My eyes linger on the top contact, untouched for more than a year now. For the thousandth time, I consider calling her brother and then dismiss the thought.

As I return my attention to my food, my phone buzzes. It’s Roxx, saying she and Sam are grabbing drinks on Saturday, and asking if I want to join. That sounds nice, and I’d like to, but… I don’t feel like it.

Cold water feels so nice after the one-o-six-degree Colorado summer sun. A stinging along my hand tells me how tired I am. I clearly cut myself on something today, it's not deep, and it isn't bleeding at all so I just clean it and move on.

I get messaged back, Roxx sent a frowny face at my denial.

I consider the half-assembled metal on my desk a moment before deciding I’m just too tired to bother. As nice as it would be to finish the damn thing, I just haven’t had the energy or the drive recently.

Just Two days to go.

Sleep takes me for the night and I prepare to continue the cycle again.

***

Thursday. Wake up at six, eat, work, skip lunch, go home. And find my outside lamp busted.

“Why today?” I ask the world as I stare at the broken light above my door. I know it’s turned on, but even waving my hand in front of it does nothing. Taking a closer look at the bulbs I can tell I don’t have replacements anywhere, though given that neither are turning on I’m guessing they didn’t burn out. That’s assuming a bit on the wiring, but this house isn’t that old.

Whatever, I’ll fix it this weekend. Not like I had much else planned anyway.

I spend a minute making two cold-cut sandwiches—and realize I need to restock soon—before sitting down in front of my TV. Idly surfing the channels. I don’t find anything interesting to watch by the time my meal is gone, saves me the trouble of pulling myself away I guess.

Looking in the mirror after I’ve undressed, my left shoulder’s got a pretty big bruise where I got whacked earlier today, it’s not too dark though, and will probably be gone by next week. It does sting a bit when water starts hitting it, that’s fun. ha.

One more day.

A sudden loneliness hits me as I climb into bed, and now I know I won’t be able to sleep well tonight. Maybe I will call James on the weekend then, to see how Abby's doing. I hope she’s better, at least. I’d love to be able to talk to her again, though perhaps without any sharp objects present.

***

Friday. Wake up at six-thirty, eat—very—quickly, work, skip lunch, go home.

And now I’m convinced that the universe is fucking with me. Someone took my welcome mat, which is just weird. …Although more concerning is the small hidden compartment under the eaves I made is broken open. Fine, whatever, I’ll replace the locks tomorrow.

I ready an instant meal and get a text from Sam as I sit down. Apparently, someone just came looking for me at the current site, as in, literally just now. Leaving aside what the hell Sam is still doing there, why would someone be looking for me? And why at the site? I ask if he can get a name, but he just responds that she already left.

Eh, I’ll deal with it tomorrow as well, so there’s half my weekend up in smoke now. Great.

I knew I was forgetting something, I need to remember to buy more soap tomorrow, too. Eh, it’s one day, I’ll live. My shoulder is still a bit more yellow than it should be, and it still stings in the shower, but it does look like it’ll vanish by Sunday.

I take a moment to look over my bedroom desk, the unfinished fountain still sitting there. I haven’t had the desire to work on it for two months now which… is starting to eat at me. The thing had started as metal art, a hobby I thought I might—and I did, at first—enjoy after a neighbor brought it up, and then I started getting ideas. Now, it's a fountain with a layer of clear acrylic protecting… some of it, little metal stick figures sit on brass logs around the edges, and a little campfire sits in the middle with flickering LEDs wound inside and a low-pressure spout right in the center. I really need to try to work on that at some point.

Settling in, I’m exhausted enough to black out quickly. I can even sleep in somewhat.

***

Fuck! I wake up with pain shooting through my stomach. What!? Why!? Wait, Abby?

Abby’s here and she’s… Shit, she’s swinging a knife, again. How did she get in? Fuck, that’s where my spare key went!

Her face is slack but her eyes are wild, she’s clearly having another episode. How did she even get here? Does James know she’s here? Why did-

That doesn’t matter, I need to stop her, to get some help! But I’m so tired, so drained.

I try to move, but I can hardly gather any strength and she stabs me again. I can't move anymore, it hurts too much, and I don’t have any energy.

She stabs again.

And again. It hurts.

And again.

And again. I'm so tired.

And again.

Finally, I pass out.

***

Why is… it so hard to… think? Wasn’t there something… important happening? Why… Why can’t I… feel myself? Where am… I?

Does… it matter? It’s so… comfortable right now…

So peaceful.

So weightless.

So… so… tired…

No… I need… need to stay awake… Why?

What… what’s that feeling…?

Ohgodwhatintheshittingchris-

***

I snap awake. Jesus, was that all a nightmare?

No, I’m not in bed, that wasn’t waking up, and It’s too clear, too vivid. The memories aren’t fading like they should.

Am I in the afterlife? …No, I’m pretty sure I passed that on the way here.

Okay, so, I remember dying… I was in pain and too tired to do anything. Then I was just hanging there, wherever that had been. And then something YANKED on me and it felt like I was flying through space. It was all blurry and heat and light and way too much all at once. And now I’m… here.

I think I might be alive again? Except for the fact that I’m currently in the air, that’s a little hard to acknowledge and still think, ‘Gee, guess I’m not dead anymore’. I look down and see… Nothing there. Great! Maybe I am still dead.

Except that, I'm… mostly certain I’m not out there anymore.

However, looking around, it just looks like some burnt-out old cabin. There’s what had to have been a couch of some kind, in pieces and set away against one wall. A fireplace that definitely had a fire go out of control at some point on the wall opposite the ‘couch’ in the far corner. A Burnt wooden table sits next to what has to be the door to a kitchen hanging open on the other side of the small room. A door that seems to lead outside. A shattered sliding glass door to a balcony. Oh, and the vine-y plants covering absolutely everything in the room.

I look around again, trying to figure it all out.

And possibly now the meaning of life, fuck.

Actually, shouldn’t I be panicking? Am I in shock? Can I be in shock? I’m just going to think of something else now. Like where am I? Or… Well shit, maybe the meaning of life is relevant right now.

Not that where or why I am answers the bodiless mystery. I look down again and still see nothing. Great, again. Maybe I should see if there’s a mirror in here somewhere. Looking around, the only door that doesn’t lead outside seems to be a kitchen door. So I try moving and… Float? Neat, another point in the ‘still dead’ column. Anyway, I float through the doorway.

The doorway that seems way too large to be normal. I’m going to ignore the fact that this place looks like it was built for giants unless—and hopefully not until—it becomes relevant.

The room gets brighter and slightly redder as I enter, strange. And I was right, this is a small kitchen space. Stove-top, check—though it’s of the wood-burning variety. Empty pantry, check. Counter-space and hooks for hanging cookware, check and check. No fridge, and no space for one either, interesting, although the lack of outlets neatly explains it. So this might be some camping or vacation cabin of some kind.

Everything is dirty and beaten down by time and disuse. And on the other side of the room from the door I just entered through is another door. Which, if this is just a small cabin like it seems to be, should lead to a bedroom. I’m hoping there will be a mirror somewhere, either in the bedroom or a bathroom.

As I go to open the door though I realize something that I really should have earlier. I have no arms.

I swear to Christ that if bringing a guy back disembodied is someone's idea of a funny joke I'll find them and make them kill me again. Although now thinking about not actually having a body, my next course of action becomes clear: Float through the door.

So I start pushing myself into it, and that kind of works. I actually do go through the door after a bit of trying. Except the door also moves once I do, since it apparently wasn’t latched well. So it sort of sticks to me as I also pass through it.

I’m getting a distinct poltergeist feel from all this.

This room was definitely a bedroom at some point, the lack of windows is odd but there are even the remains of a wooden bed-frame piled against a wall, though it's all just as dilapidated as the rest of this place. And there, in a corner and leaning against one wall, a full-length mirror.

The mirror is cracked and corrosion has started eating away under the glass, but it’s still reflective enough to see myself.

Not disembodied at least.

I look almost like a small, blue-gray balloon surrounded by a cloud of darkness, with some kind of mantle coming off the bottom of my… Head? I think that’s my head, it’s roundish with bright, glowing, fiery red and yellow eyes, what looks like a ring of perfectly round, crimson gems of diminishing sizes floating above where it meets the mantle, and… two hair things? They look more like tendrils or tentacles made of hair than actual hair, and as they get further from my body the color changes from the dark blue-gray of the rest of me to the same color as my eyes.

I know exactly what I’m looking at.

Holy shit it’s been years since I last had time to actually enjoy the series but no one forgets something that made up that much of their childhood.

I’m staring at a misdreavus.

…How the hell?

Not ‘How the hell am I here?’ Or ‘How the hell do pokemon exist?’ Those are now very easy to answer.

The afterlife clearly exists, therefore magic, therefore pokemon, therefore… Here, I guess.

But how the hell did we know about them? No, wait, the answer is probably some variation on the previous one.

So then, am I alive or dead? Eh, ghost-type, so I doubt it’s that simple.

Secondly, how much did our world get right about this one? I don’t have a real answer to that one yet either, as I don’t look exactly like a misdreavus from the games, and I highly doubt a whole world of knowledge could be conveyed through mysterious means.

And thirdly, am I on fire? I ask because of the smoky cloud around me.

Looking closer at myself, there are some clear differences from what I remember. Then again, I'm pretty sure that this isn't some game or cartoon with limitations on visuals. Reality has randomness, variations, and a 'real' clarity that—I really, really hope—can’t be replicated. How much can I trust my memories of pokemon? Jesus, how much can I even trust my own senses?

I’m going to hope it’s enough that I’m not completely fucked.

I look away from my reflection, trying to feel out my body now that I have a sense of what should be there.

The slow crawl of sensation along my body is certainly an experience. Going from nothing to something makes me wonder why I didn’t notice not feeling my body when I woke up. Maybe I’d just been too shocked?

Oh, I can feel those.

My ‘hair’ tendril things definitely aren’t just hair, I- Um… Anyway, I can move them, and even rearrange them? That’s neat. And weird, really, really goddamned weird. It’s like I can merge them into just being hair, or split them into… Seven? Seven tendrils I can use almost like arms. Not hands though, I think if I wanted to pick up anything with them I’d need to wrap the tendril around whatever it is I want to grab. Can’t really extend them at all either, the farthest they can reach is just a bit past my ‘dress’.

I guess I should call it what it is, a dress. Or maybe a skirt?

Oh shit, am I still a guy? I have no idea how to check, because how the hell is any of this happening? Although, does it matter all that much…? No…? Yes…? Maybe, I decide, though not immediately at least. And I honestly don’t care about how feminine I look, I’m a pokemon now, I can rock this.

If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.

Oh. I… Uh… fuck.

It’s all hitting me now.

I’m about to start panicking.

I got stabbed to death and now I’m here and I’m this and I just- Shit, shit, shit!

No! Calm down. Deep breaths.

I can’t breathe. Oh fuck, I’m not breathing!

Don’t think about it! I just need to stay calm! Don’t pani-

***

Okay, I think I’m a bit more calm now. I don’t exactly feel any better, but I choose to believe that I will be able to stay calm. Now what? Do I just set up shop right here and start haunting the place? Or… keep haunting it?

Nope, ignoring that thought. And all the implications thereof.

I should look outside, I suppose.

It’s dark out, but I can see the sunrise not far off. The sky growing ever so slightly lighter at the horizon. I don’t recognize anything beyond the basics, which isn’t surprising. The cabin is in a small dirt clearing, there are trees, an overgrown path, a small twenty-foot cliff that the cabin's balcony hangs over, and mountains way, way off in the distance.

I have no idea where I am and the last game I played was Pokémon White almost twelve years ago, so I’m lost. Completely, utterly, lost. My best bet on navigation is that the mountains I can see are to the north—assuming the sun rises in the east here—which doesn’t really help me at all.

Ow.

What?

Ow!

It feels like pins and needles across half of me all of a sudden. Why? …Wait, that half of me is in the sunlight. Really!? The fucking sun? It might not be any kind of real pain, but it is across a lot of my… surface? Yeah, I’m just going to float back inside now.

Returning inside and back to what is now my mirror, I begin looking at myself again. The feeling vanished as soon as I was out of the sun, which is good. Although now that I’m looking for it… Was my body what was hurting? I brush a tendril over my head to confirm. Hmm, yeah, not there. So where was- Wait, was the pain in the cloud around me?

Oh, that’s strange. So I can feel that cloud too… Can I move it? Maybe? I’m definitely getting… some kind of feeling from it when I focus. I try, I don’t know, pushing on it?

And the cloud expands to fill half the room. Which is odd because I can’t see it directly, only through the mirror. I try pulling it back instead, and it shrinks until it’s not there anymore.

My skin looks strange now that I can see it clearly in the mirror, it’s like fuzzy, semi-translucent cloth with a deep, flowing darkness underneath. I- That’s just weird.

I’m getting distracted. So, if the cloud around me is what hurts in the sunlight. Was that to protect me, or was that just the cloud reacting with the sunlight? Hmm, I think I can test that fairly easily.

I float into the main room and over to the sliding door, and… Should I be doing this? Eh, Fuck it. I stick a tendril out- You know what, I’m just going to start thinking of them as arms. I stick an arm out and…

It doesn’t hurt. so I guess I can go out during the day, that helps. Though, I’m fairly certain I don’t know enough about anything out there to be comfortable wandering around just yet.

Now that I think of it, how strong am I? What can I even do? I know I can float through things—sort of at least. Back to the mirror I go.

As I return through the one-and-a-half rooms of what I am now calling my cabin—because clearly, no one else cares about it—something starts to feel off. I stop halfway through the kitchen and try to figure out what's different.

I’m col- No, I feel cold air. I wasn’t feeling the cold earlier. I… wasn’t feeling much of anything, really. Now I do though. I feel the temperature and the breeze. I can smell the world around me, rich earth, plants, and rot.

It only takes a moment to make a theory and test it. I pull on some of that same feeling I shoved around earlier and it all stops. No breeze, no cold, no smell, and as I keep pulling even the world itself sort of fades. Not entirely, but it’s less there. Except it still is? The cabin is mostly gone from my view, but I can still see some of the trees around me, although I can only make out the ones near all the lights.

"That's a lot of bugs," I say, realizing it's the first time I've actually spoken since I got here. My voice isn't what I'm used to. It's much higher and… resonant? It sounds like something out of an old fable, the kind meant to teach kids not to follow strangers into the woods.

I don’t want to think about that, back to the bugs.

They’re bright, but that’s the only part I really have words for. Literally, I’ve never seen these colors before, what the hell am I looking at?

Well, uh… Mostly they’re a very light ____ with a few other colors mixed in. I see some with a very bright ____, some with darker ____, a few with searing ____, and even some ____ patches farther away.

…I’m really not going to think about that too hard. Ever.

I can tell my sight drops off after a distance, but there is still so much I can see.

All of the bright points in my sight are clearly pokemon. And for a moment I think it's aura, like in that one movie, what was its name… Lucario And something? But that had a much longer range and a lot less color. And this is definitely 'sight', I need to be looking at something to see it.

Then again, how much can I trust any of what I ‘know’ to be accurate to the real thing? Especially from a kid's movie.

I'm not sure how long I just watch the world like this, maybe ten minutes, maybe an hour. Eventually, I push back on myself and I see the world normally again as I drift into the bedroom once more.

I look in the mirror and I’m not there. Only my eyes are visible.

Right, ghost. I did something when I was moving myself around and now I’m mostly invisible.

Great! But actually great, this time, I did want to find out what I could do and this is something useful. Now I just need to feel around myself—goddammit me—some more to figure it out. Time to get to it.

***

I think I’ve figured some things out.

My cloud is a whole lot of weird something that I can just let out and pull in at will, and it does some strange things if I try. Mostly smokey swirls so far, which I can see but they don’t look right in the mirror.

The invisibility isn’t so much 'invisibility' as it is 'phasing’ out, and I’m pretty sure I was doing it unconsciously when I was moving the cloud around earlier. The more I phase out the less of the world around me I feel, right up until I start seeing the world as a bunch of colors again, I can even move through things without any issues at that point. And when I’m phased out I can actually see my cloud directly, which is strange, because I can still see through it without issue, too.

I think I can also fly pretty fast if I try, and faster if I’m phased out. Hmm, is that a lack of air resistance?

And I can get loud, wall-shaking loud. Honestly, that speaks well of whoever built this place that it held up to a fire, a clearly long abandonment, and then something so loud shaking it from the inside.

Now, I know I should try to figure out some Moves—if those are a thing here—but I don’t really want to go out there and fight. Granted, I don’t know what I need to survive. So It’s still a good idea, just in case.

Now, I don’t really want to go out there and find myself in a fight. Granted, I also don’t know what I need to survive, so I might need to anyway. And, if I can trust anything from the games and the few bits of the shows and movies I remember, I should have a way to defend myself.

So, Moves.

Do they exist? I want to think so. While I was working out how to control my new ghost-self I did feel… is power a good word? I felt Power trying to do something. But it felt incomplete somehow like I was missing an important piece. Nothing for it but to keep trying I suppose, and I’m suddenly very glad I have a mirror.

Returning again to my bedroom, I begin trying to move that power around once more.

***

This is getting me nowhere. I’ve been at it all day and nothing, no Moves whatsoever. And I can feel something while I’m trying, but it’s not doing anything and it makes me want to scream.

Whatever, I need a break. The sun is setting now, Time to head outside. Worst case? I go invisible and fly my way back here.

No, don’t think like that. I’m a ghost. I probably can’t die again, but there are definitely other dangers out there. Maybe, I don’t know. I really don’t want to get in a fight or possibly caught, but I also think I’m starting to lose it and it hasn’t even been a full day yet.

Anything’s better than sitting here and thinking too hard about my former life, death, and new maybe-life.

Floating outside I take stock of the clearing again. There’s a rustling in the trees and- I taste something? What is…

It tastes like anxiety? Why does it taste like- Wait, no, fucking how does it taste like- How the shit do I know what anxiety even tastes like? And why is it taste and not something else? I- Oh.

I’ve just made a horrifying discovery about what I eat now, haven’t I?

What in the actual, literal hell. It’s gone now, the taste vanished almost as soon as it came. But where did it even come from? I don’t see anything around me… but I know what will let me see through the trees easily.

A bit of pulling on something and the world around me goes all strange colored and dark. And no sooner have I started looking around when I see some of what I’m going to call not-light—because it isn’t light—spinning off another mass of not-light… a pokemon very close by that looks like a massive, chubby mouse that’s now running away. The flare of not-light just hangs there for a moment, then it starts slowly moving towards me.

Um, is- is that an attack? Should I dodge it? Yeah, I probably should. Dodging out of the flare's path, I keep watching to see what it's- Oh, and of course, it's tracking me and getting faster. God I hope it doesn't hurt too much-

What the fuck? What is that amazing- Fear.

I uh… No, that’s not creepy at all. Why would eating that kind of thing be frightening on a fundamental level? I just- Why? And how? How do you eat emotions? This is next-level weird, what the fuck new body? …What the fuck new world?

Although, on the one hand, I’m not sure if it even hurt whatever just ran away. So, maybe a good thing? On the other, I’m eating emotions. And that’s just a little, absolutely terrifying.

…Also I’m not hungry?

Nope! Not going to think about it! I’m just going to float into the trees now and try to ignore any tastes around me.

…

It’s… actually really nice out in the woods. Noise and life all around me, wherever this forest is. I’m not even trying to be invisible floating through the trees, and nothing’s bothering me so far.

Actually, I hope my childhood didn’t lie to me. Most of the noise is from bugs, though I do hear the occasional sound that must be a bird of some kind. But I had thought that pokemon could communicate with each other? Or… maybe they are and I can’t understand it.

Oh, I don’t like that thought very much, moving swiftly on.

I know my eyes are giving off light now, I’d thought it was just some kind of night vision at first, and yeah, I definitely have that, but it’s more than just that. Things I’m facing get brighter, and the closer I am the brighter it gets. I’ll need to figure out if I can control that.

The forest is… Well, the trees are all, uh, trees. They’re leafy and green, but some have odd leaf shapes and bark patterns while others are more recognizable. The plants around the trees are also semi-recognizable to anyone who’s actually been in a forest before, though I also don’t recognize some of them. There isn’t just ‘grass’ but grasses, sticks, saplings, old leaves, ferns, wildflower buds, and… frost?

It’s too green to be fall, so I think it’s just coming out of winter here. Hmm, anyway.

I’ve passed a lot of pokemon at this point, most are sleeping, some glance at me before going back to whatever it is they’re doing, and others watch me until I pass. Most have color or pattern variations I wasn’t expecting, like that red-streaked roserade that didn’t even acknowledge me as I drifted by.

And there really are a lot of bugs out here. What shocked me most was that there are regular insects here alongside the pokemon, even if that really shouldn’t have, thinking about it. What shocked me the second most, specifically about all the insectile pokemon, was the sheer diversity of size between them. Some are tiny, the size I’m used to from insects. Many others are big, much bigger than I am. Most are somewhere between, not huge, and not small.

I don’t think I’ve seen that same level of size difference with the other pokemon around. Also, I’m… well, smaller than before. I don't have a good reference point yet, but I'm definitely somewhere between 'small' and 'tiny.'

As for birds, I’ve seen a lot. And I can name them, too! There are starly, taillow, spearow, a single swellow, and a few doduo. Most were asleep up in the trees, except for the doduo and swellow, they all watched me, and the doduo were on the ground. Also, I think doduo only sleep with one head at a time?

And there’s more.

I saw three tiny pichu watched over by two pikachu, groups—Gardens? Groves?—of roselia and something that looks like a massive flower-bud bunched together every so often, two shinx sleeping on top of a luxray—and holy shit its stare was intense—a river where I learned that buizel are like otters and hold hands while sleeping, a large mound of buneary all piled up together on top of a lopunny, and a purple, overgrown boulder that has to be a pokemon… that I didn’t go near because the leafeon laying on top of it scared me.

There are also quite a few suspicious-looking plants, but they don't bother me and I don't bother them.

It’s all so beautiful, so magical. I wish I could show this to…

Goddammit, this is just making me feel lost and lonely. Fuck.

I’m not stupid enough to try and meet the new neighbors in the middle of the night, especially when I’d bet I look scary in the dark. But I’m definitely, definitely going to try once it’s day again.

I drift upwards, looking for a better view of the woods. It’s a sea of green all around, though I also see lights to what I think is north-east, east, and south-south-east. Those have to be cities of some kind, and I'll need to check them out at some point.

To the north, I see far-distant mountains rising so high they disappear above the clouds, consuming the entire northern horizon. It's wonderful, it reminds me of home, and I want to keep looking at it all, but I know I should get to my cabin soon.

Home. No, don’t think about it too hard.

I sigh to myself, and I begin tracking my way back above the trees, it’s easy to see the clearing my cabin is in from here. But not having anything to distract me, my thoughts move to my new state of being again.

I don’t think I sleep anymore, I haven’t felt the need since I found myself here and I’m not tired now. It has to be coming up on twenty, twenty-two hours since then, but I’m not tired.

That used to be a dream before, not needing to sleep. So much more time for anything I could want, and I don’t know what to do with it now. I don’t even know what I can do with it now.

I don’t think I need to worry about food, I’m pretty sure I don’t need to sleep, and I don’t even breathe anymore.

I need a hobby. Or a project, or anything really, something to keep my mind occupied so I don’t start losing myself. But I doubt I can find the tools or materials for one of my old hobbies right now.

Nothing else comes to mind though. …Shit.