The slow-going caravan wound its way down. The first night of snow came just as they entered the inhospitable roadways that passed through the Black Forest.
Everyone wanted to get home, but no one wanted it more than Adda. She could not take another second of having to bear her monstrous father and his humiliations and beatings. And worse than that was the fact that she had to bear witness to Manu walking around camp with that whore, pretending like he barely knew Adda, as if nothing ever happened between them.
He said he would me take me away, that liar. That lying, thieving bastard!
But no matter how much her heart hurt, there was nothing to be done about it now. Any kind of revenge would have to wait till she could finally be ready to leave this stupid clan for good and make her own way in the world. Winter was too harsh to go at it alone, but in the spring she could just take off. She would have to sneak a few coins here and there to save enough to be able to run off without having to resort to stealing or whoring to survive.
“Morning, Adda,” said Razlan.
Adda, sitting between the massive gnarled roots of a tree, her arms resting upon them as if she were a queen, looked up at him. “Morning.”
“How’s the little guy?”
The bunny that he captured and then gave to her was still in her lap, providing her with a minimal amount of comfort. There was no one that could over any affection. No one that would even grace her with a touch of warmth. Only this damned bunny.
“He is good, I think… Thank you again for letting me have him.”
Razlan smiled and pulled back the string of his bow absentmindedly. “Just make sure no one gets any ideas about cooking him.”
“I’ll split their head open first. No luck hunting today?”
“Not today, but maybe tomorrow.” He winked at her and then walked back to the wagons.
Razlan was nice to her. Of course, that didn’t matter when his idiot wife hated her and forbid him from keeping her around. Maybe if Sandra were gone, Adda could’ve been with him… He was older, but so what? It was better than being alone. And Manu would have to see them together every day.
And that daughter of theirs, that Esmeralda, ugh, she was unbearable. How could Adda have ever tolerated her? The only thing worse than Manu and his princely airs was that little bitch, cracking jokes and acting like she was above her age.
The day passed uneventfully for Adda, who did nothing around camp except go along whenever she was asked to show up to eat. There was still a matter of finding a place to sleep during the night, since currently each family let her spend a night in their wagon, but it would only be a matter of time before their goodwill ran out and she would be forced to sleep in a tent like the other tag-along gypsies.
That, or she could apologize to her father.
Never, she thought. I won’t do it. That fat old bastard would beg for mercy from her before she asked for his stupid forgiveness.
Adda did not see the oaf at all, though she kept her eyes open during meals. The bitter winds had picked up speed, too, the weather looking worse and worse, though thankfully they were buffeted by the evergreens of the forest. Thumb-sized snowflakes kept drifting down from the ugly sky, and now there were so many of them fluttering down that Adda could imagine them building up along the canopy of the forest and leaving it all in darkness. Was that why they called it the Black Forest?
She could still remember one winter spent with the caravan getting frozen in halfway between two towns and it remained one of the scariest memories of her childhood.
She ate by herself and endured hearing the voice of Mira further off. Every so often, her eyes would drift over to Manu where he sat with the men and a knife would plunge into her bleeding heart whenever their sights crossed. He looked at her as if they were strangers—just no recognition at all, let alone love. Like they didn’t grow up together. As if he hadn’t said to her only six months past, I love you forever, Ad.
It didn’t matter. Sooner or later, she would have the last laugh. Adda promised herself that.
She ate her stew in peace and drank up the cup of sweet wine offered by Luna, then realized as she glanced down that the stupid bunny was missing. “Buttons?” That was the name she gave it, because its beady black eyes. “Buttons, where are you?”
Adda stood up abruptly and glanced around. It would have been easy to miss him in the tall grass, but there was snow covering most of the ground now, and there wasn’t any sign of him. “Buttons?!”
Sandra glanced at her over her shoulder. “Adda? What’s going on?”
Adda’s amber eyes darted everywhere in search of the rabbit but she could find no trace of him. Not even his little paw prints were in the snow. “Buttons is missing!” she cried with a trembling voice, the tone verging on the point of hysteria.
Esmi got up and ran over to her. “Where did he go?”
“I don’t fucking know, you shit! Can’t you see me screaming?” boomed Adda, and shoved her savagely into the snowdrifts.
“Hey!” Sandra yelled. “You cut that off. I swear, you touch my daughter again, Adda, and I’ll give you a beating even your father wouldn’t dare to administer.”
Adda looked into Sandra’s black eyes for a moment. You fucking bitch, she thought. I’ll wring your neck.
Instead, she burst into tears and ran off into the forest and away from the parked caravan. I can’t do this, she thought. I can’t do this anymore…
Behind her, Esmi was still coming along. “I’ll help you find him.”
“ESMERALDA!” Sandra’s voice followed them through the trees like some vengeful spirit’s. “You come back here this instant.”
“Go back to your shitty mother,” spat Adda.
Though she would have hated to have the kid tagging along, looking back to find no one coming after her was even more demoralizing. Adda made her way deeper into the pillared gloom of the forest, the time close to dark, barely clothed, and not a single person bothered to follow after her.
It would be difficult to find her way back if it got dark out. Her tracks might get buried under a new layer of snowfall. Not to mention what else might have been in these woods: wolves, bears, spiders, goblins, or even bands of filthy, savage orcs.
There was a fine point of realization once the sun sank away from the sky completely that she may have reached the point of no return. Another person may have said a prayer, or decided to finally turn back, but knowing that she was coming closer to the brink that led down into the abyss only raised Adda’s confidence. Fuck this, she thought. Fuck all of this. They’ll be sorry. All of them will be sorry.
At first, her eyes tracked the snow for any paw prints and her voice called out for Buttons softly. But by the time she could hear owls hooting in the trees, she had given up on looking for him, really, and wasn’t even sure she really cared anymore. She only screamed, “Buttons!” in the same savage way a person might scream a curse at the world, bereft of any hope.
This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
High snow crunched underfoot as she headed into the byzantine depths into the forest, past tangles of branches that scraped at her face and tore into her clothes. One of them cut her along her cheek, and some blood trickled out, but that didn’t matter. Nor did the fact that she was getting colder and could barely feel her feet. Chances were, she would never even see sunlight ever again. She would just keep walking till she finally collapsed and froze to death, never to be seen again, buried under the uncaring snow.
And nobody would ever even care enough to remember her.
“BUTTONS!”
The forest had gotten thicker and more hostile since she left the road, but the trees were once again starting to clear up somewhat. Adda continued walking till she finally reached a small clearing which had a little pool. Probably some rotten pond with fetid water during the day, but now the moonlight reflected across its waters and gave it a magical appearance.
“Moonlight’s better than any gold,” whispered a voice behind her.
Adda could suddenly feel a breath against the back of her head, like a soft wind, but it wasn’t hot—it was icy.
Scared, she rushed forwards towards the pool and away from the voice. Whirling around, she could now see the immense figure standing there between the trees.
It was a man. A northman. Tall and pale, with tangled locks of grey-blonde that came down to the same length as his thick beard, just above his pudgy belly. By the scars along his corded arms and huge shoulders, he may have been a warrior once, but he wore no armor, nothing over his torso at all, and had no weapons on him at all as far as she could see.
As Adda shook uncontrollably from the cold, he watched her unflinchingly in the darkness, at peace with both the deepening dark and the deathly chill.
“Don’t be scared,” the northman said with surprising gentleness.
“Don’t tell me what to do.”
He smiled affably, and she could see the moonlight gleaming off the tip of his fangs. “You shouldn’t be out here by yourself.”
He took his first step forward towards her and Adda kept still. Her heart beat wildly, but she would not show fear. Not now. Not when it was all going to be over. Others may have run away shrieking and begging, but she would do neither of those things. Even if he tore her beating heart out, she would smirk and die with dignity.
Despite the palpable terror that shot through her every limb, she searched for his eyes. Those gentle green-brown eyes held hers, almost lovingly, and in spite of herself the fear dissipated away and her muscles went slack. The tension evaporated and though she weren’t slowly freezing to death and facing an undead monster, she felt more at ease than ever under his warm and caressing gaze.
The northman slowly padded over to her until he stood right in front of her.
He was truly a towering giant that she could only reach the torso of. A true northman like the ones from stories, and not those slovenly little bald men she caught sight of at Froskheim. Were these those fabled raiders that unleashed hell upon the southern cities?
He circled around her calmly, looking her up and down. “Why are you out here?”
“I was looking for my rabbit.”
“I’ve seen you with that thing.”
Adda frowned scoldingly. “You’ve been watching me?”
“Not just you. I’m heading down south, too. We’ve been… travel buddies. Where were you going at this hour?”
“Nowhere.” Adda saw his eyebrow rise quizzically and wanted to give a better answer. “I don’t know.”
“You want to get yourself killed?” There was genuine curiosity in his tone.
“Not like anyone would care. You don’t have a weapon.”
“Don’t need one,” he explained.
“I thought northerners were all warriors,” said Adda in a questioning tone, hoping to get a clarification on what exactly he was.
He sensed her line of questioning and shrugged without interest. “They were, once upon a time. At least many of them. In the days of Olaf Trollblood, Sindri Stonecrusher, and many others. But those days are long gone. The weaklings that inhabit the north now have nothing in common with those human bears. Those were men. These are boys. Girls, really.”
From the way he said the words, she could sense more than reverence: familiarity. And as it dawned on her exactly what she was talking to she could feel her blood rush. “You’ve met them.”
He snorted derisively. “Hardly. I was never the warrior my father wanted me to be, no matter how much I tried. Some men are born greater than others—a harsh fact of life. But I did lay eyes upon them, yes. And they were wondrous to behold. You want to hear a funny story?”
Adda licked her lips and hoped it would not be her last. “Sure.”
“Once after a battle, this kid, might’ve been twenty summers old or so, he caught the ire of Trollblood. Trollblood, drunk as all hell, gave him a choice: either the kid face him in battle or dive down from where they were encamped to the cliffs below.”
Adda could see where it was going. “He jumped.”
The northman laughed. “He did. Certain death. Yet it scared him less than whatever Trollblood might do to him. Now that’s a real warrior, a man frightening enough that you’d avoid him by facing death itself,” he said proudly. “Not what you see today.”
The northman stopped in front of her again and raised his fingers carefully to her face. With an almost fatherly touch, he brushed the hair out of her eyes. The white tips briefly grazed her skin and they were as cold as stone. “I’ve always liked you southern girls.”
“I’m not a southern girl. I’m a gypsy.”
“Well. Whatever you are, I like it. Why are you here anyway, princess? Hmm?”
Anyone else and Adda may have lied. Or answered in jest. But she felt so close to death that she could not see the point. “I’m sad,” she said.
“A pretty girl like you? Sadness over what?”
“A boy. And other things.”
The northman burst into a grim chuckle. “I suppose I knew that. And this boy, what did he do?”
The memory of Manu caressing her face and kissing her flashed through her mind, but Adda shook it away. “Lied to me. Used me. Promised he’d take me away. And now he pretends I don’t exist.”
“Young love can be fickle,” said the northman with a sagely nod. “You aren’t even a woman yet. Someday, you’ll find a better man. But not if you go out begging to die like this. Come now. Let me get you back to your people.”
As frightening as the northman looked she could almost sense… compassion coming from him. At least more than ever came from her parents or anyone else in the clan. “I don’t want to go back to them.” Tears came to her eyes.
Weeping, she put her hands up to her face. The northman clicked his tongue. “And you want to die over that, little girl? You have a life ahead of you. You’re not thinking.”
“Nobody wants me anyway. Dad just beats me. And the rest don’t care at all.”
At that, she could his fingertip lifting up her chin. “Beats you? Beats you how?”
The way her eyes bore into her sent a chill down her spine. Even her hot tears seemed to freeze at her eyes. “Just does.”
“My father beat me as well. Oh, did he beat me. I think he thought it would make a greater warrior than him, but he was wrong. It only made me hate him. You know, I don’t remember much from back then—bits and pieces. But I remember what I did to him. I remember being worried that I would regret it later. That maybe, someday, I would grow old enough and wise enough to see why he needed to my own father needed to beat me like that. You know that’s the thing with kids: you beat them enough, and they’ll start to think they deserve it.”
He went quiet and Adda thought about what he said. At length, she shook her head. “I don’t deserve it. And if he keeps beating me like this he’s going to kill me. Or I’ll kill myself.”
The northman raised his brows and grinned. “Then it doesn’t sound like we have many options.”
----------------------------------------
When she woke up, Esmi could hear shouting outside. It was hard to make up exactly what was going on. The sunlight was so dim it couldn’t have been morning yet.
She slipped out of her bunk bed and then gently opened the door of the wagon to get a peek. Adda’s mother was on the ground, surrounded by a few people, including her parents. “Where is my little girl!?” she yelled. “How could you let her go out there? In this cold. My baby girl…” Tears streamed down her face. “My baby girl is all alone…”
Esmi closed the door and felt her heart sink. Adda had been different lately, but she did not forget that they were once friends. Two-three years ago, it wasn’t uncommon for them to run around together playing hide and seek, telling stories, complaining about their parents while daydreaming about what the future held. Talking about traveling together to distant lands and getting married.
I should’ve gone with her, thought the ten-year-old Esmi, and though she really had no say in it, she felt she had committed a horrible act of betrayal by turning away from her only real friend. No matter what her mother cried out, she should have gone with her.
The more she thought about it, the scarier it became, and she was beginning to imagine Adda out there lying in a pool or blood or frozen to death. Ad, I’m sorry…
Suddenly the door opened and her mother cursed to find her blocking it. “Esmeralda! Why are you up so early?”
Esmi quickly wiped her tears. “I heard you outside… Mom, we need to go look for her.”
Sandra clicked her tongue in annoyance. “Shush, will you? Bad enough your dad is out there looking for this damned idiot. Who runs off in winter? Let her freeze. Like I care.”
The harsh tone that her mother was using made her mad. “Stop talking about her that way.”
Sandra cocked an eyebrow. She studied Esmi for a few seconds, then grabbed her by the arms and leaned in pointedly. “Listen to me, Esmeralda. The world is an awful place. There are ways to suffer which you haven’t even begun to imagine and hopefully you won’t ever have to learn about. This girl had everything she needed right here, but she chose to give it up and go out and die. That was her choice. Now, you can decide to be stupid as well, and mourn someone that doesn’t even care enough to protect herself, or you can do what’s best and look out for yourself, for your family, and help only those that actually want to help themselves. Life is long and hard. Don’t waste your energy on those undeserving. Do you understand?”
Esmi did not agree. But the way those large dark eyes held her there was nothing she could do but nod in agreement. If not, she may have gotten a slap on the bum. “Yes, Mommy…”
“Good girl.”
In the end, she surrendered to her mother’s will yet again, hoping her father, or Manu, would track Adda down and find her before it was too late. Looking out the tiny window, she sought the sun in the thick grey clouds, but there was no sign of it.