Kaiser stiffened.
How does a blind girl know that? She wasn’t supposed to know any of this. More importantly, that's the most crucial information kept from everyone except a few. Most of the warriors themselves didn’t even grasp the full extent of their hopelessness. And yet, here she was, a blind girl devoid of the typical connections or resources to access such crucial information, laying it all bare before him.
Then again, this was Cia he was talking about.
This was the same girl who, despite her severe disability, had ascended to the ranks of elites back in their former world. She couldn’t read textbooks or see the world as others could. She had never experienced a normal perspective or interacted seamlessly with others like most did. Yet, despite all odds, she managed to achieve more than most students who had every advantage at their disposal.
Kaiser sucked in a shaky breath, his chest tight. His aware of her superiority in that aspect, but not to this degree. Her intelligence was startling, honestly. What else should he expect from someone who had ranked among the top students of their generation? Those achievements aren't earned by nothing.
"I may be blind, but I'm not stupid. The commands they throw exposed it, they're too obvious. Arranging to escape immediately without much consideration, haste were the moves of the desperate. They gathered volunteers, too. Which shows the severe lack of forces, additionally, mobilizing the migration so soon, it must have meant that the invaders had superior traveling speed. And then there's you."
Her lips curved faintly, though her smile was devoid of humor. “Knowing you, it takes a lot for you to lose your cool. But your tone had been unstable this whole time... Admit it.”
“You’re wrong! we can make it. There’s a plan. I just need to—” Kai lied, though his voice lacked conviction. His fists clenched tightly, his nails biting into his palms.
“There’s no plan, is there?” she interrupted, cutting through his weak denial like a blade. “Or if there is, it’s a desperate one.”
True... Cia's words struck him hard. He opened his mouth, searching for something—anything—to say, but there was none. For there had never been.
“But don’t lose hope entirely. I’ve figured out there’s one possible way to survive. Kaiser, in our circumstances, it all depends on speed. Pray that the carriage you’re assigned to has a fast enough mount to outrun the invaders.... Thankfully, you're fortunate.”
“What are you trying to say?”
Cia exhaled shakily, her sightless gaze distant. “They know you’re a Player, Kai. They know what you could become someday—what you could achieve if given enough time to prosper. I believe in that too. If I were them, I’d make sure the fastest mount in the village was pulling your carriage, to ensure the Player's survival above all others.” She paused, her voice softening. “That’s why I believe you’ll live, Kaiser. You’ll survive, with the memories of this village.”
Indeed... A Player's life was too significant to disregard due to their rarity and unimaginable potential. Greenland was said to be a former wasteland, transformed into a haven it is now by a Player's ability. Therefore, they can't let him die at all costs. Garba, the Chief and Alfred must have intended to send him away in this fashion.
Kaiser stared at her, his chest constricting as the weight of her words settled over him.
He'll live. The carriage he'll board will surpass others. Yet... Why does he feel no joy? He should be happy, right? The higher ups had specifically taken consideration of his preference, giving him an option to leave together with those he cherished.
Probably because the words left unsaid told an unbearable sacrifice. The numerous villagers traveling on foot were anticipated to become collateral damage for his sake, likely delaying the invading creatures while he fled.
"... I don't want that, but that's the only realistic option." She shook her head slowly, her expression unreadable. "Kai, please. Can you give my spot to someone else, so they could live in my place.”
The silence that followed was deafening.
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“No,” Kaiser said sharply, his voice low but firm. His jaw tightened, his confused frustration simmering just beneath the surface. “Why the hell would I do that?! Why would I exchange your life for someone else’s?”
Cia flinched but didn’t back down. Rising her voice with trembling emotion. “Because, Kai… I’m tired. I’m tired of living. Even if I make it through this, I know the same thoughts will come back. Again and again and again. You can save me as many times as you want, but it won’t matter. I… I just don’t want to live like this anymore.”
Kaiser slammed his fist against the floor, his breathing ragged. “Why? Is it because you’re blind? That’s it? That’s your reason?!”
“It’s not just that!” Cia's shout echoed through the dimly lit room, her voice cracking as fresh tears streamed down her face. “It’s everything! It’s the way I’m always a burden, always slowing people down! I’m *worthless*, Kai! Do you even understand what it’s like?!”
Words began spilling out like a dam breaking, each one more anguished than the last.
“You don’t know what it’s like to be me! To constantly hear people pitying me, saying, ‘Oh, poor Cia, she’s so strong for living like this.’ But they don’t mean it. They’re just glad it’s not them! I can’t do anything without relying on someone else! I can't eat without others, I can't bathe on my own, I can’t see the sun, the stars, the faces of the people I care about! All I have is darkness, Kai. Just… darkness. And I’m tired of it. I’m tired of pretending I’m okay when I’m not! I'm not... Still, I once tried to become someone, I poured everything! but where did that get me? Here, where I'm basically just a piece of meat being carried around...”
“I’m so tired of being *me*… I'm worthless, so please, I beg of you, give my chance to someone who actually had a future. I can die content that way.”
Kaiser sat frozen, his heart breaking with every word. He wanted to tell her she was wrong, to shake her and make her see how much she mattered. But the raw pain in her voice, the depth of her despair left him momentarily speechless.
Kaiser took a deep, trembling breath, his words a mix of exhaustion and sincerity. “Cia… you’re not worthless. You’ve never been worthless.”
"Stop it, Kai!" she cried out, her voice raw and broken. "You don’t understand! You’ll never understand what it’s like to live like this, without worth or anything!" Tears streamed down her face, and the sound of her sobs felt like daggers against the quiet night.
He leaned back against the wall, his gaze fixed on the floor. Cia's words echoing in his head, mixing with his own doubts.
'Worthless...'
A faint, self-deprecating smile tugged at his lips.
“But I do, Cia,” he said quietly, in a tone carrying the weight he rarely allowed to surface. “I know exactly how it feels to be worthless. Probably better than you think.”
She turned toward him, startled by his calm tone.
“You’ve asked yourself what it means to be worthless. Well, let me tell you. Who I am before we got here, I was nothing. Kaiser of Class F—the bottom of the bottom. I lived in the smallest, cheapest rental box you could imagine, scraping by on leftovers. No family, no real friends, no talent, no purpose… just an empty shell, floating from one day to the next.”
He ran a hand through his hair, his gaze growing distant. “I’d wake up every day feeling… dead. Not physically, but inside, you know? Like the air I was breathing wasn’t meant for me. I’d spend my days staring at a phone screen, waiting for night to come so I could sleep and forget how useless I felt. But the next morning, it’d start all over again. Day after day, I drifted, waiting for something to change—knowing it wouldn’t. It will never, why? What do you expect in a life of a nobody, it's just a cycle of nothingness.”
He chuckled bitterly, his laugh devoid of humor. “You’d think all those years of studying would’ve amounted to something, but they didn’t. To tell you the truth, after graduation, I was on the verge of becoming homeless the day after. No job, no savings, no hope. Funny, isn't it? But when I think about it, I guess being a beggar really suits me. After all, I'm just a trash heap of a person waiting to rot. I hated myself, but I didn’t know how to fix it, no, i never had the motivation to fix myself. I thought that was it for me—just a slow, miserable fade into nothing, where I really belong. But that's fine, I like it that way... I'm already dead inside long ago, and no one would be sad if I'm gone. Heck, I'll be you all my life if someone actually attends my funeral. If I'll even have one. Strangely enough, I thought it was okay.”
Kai's voice softened as he glanced at her, his eyes carrying a mix of vulnerability and determination.
“Then I met Ariella… and you. At first, I thought it was some kind of cruel joke. The gods handing me her to take care of because they're too lazy, and then, she made me take you, too, when I couldn’t even take care of myself. Funny, isn't it? I mean, what the f*ck is this?" Kaiser sighed. "I’ll admit it—I wanted to run. Leave you both behind and go back to my pathetic little life alone where I'm comfortable and probably rot somewhere. But… I didn’t. I couldn’t.”
He exhaled deeply, his tone shifting to something warmer, more honest to the point he sounds like crying. “And I'm really glad I didn't... Because before I realized it, I started to care. Your reliance on me… it made me feel something I never felt. Important. Needed. Like I mattered, you two needed me, a lot... So I couldn't die, I couldn't run. It's like an anchor, I can't possibly leave you both alone, no, will never, just thinking about it hurts me more than anything else. What would happen to you idiot without me? Eventually, it becomes something I’m never willing to give up.”
Kaiser leaned forward, his voice dropping to a near whisper. “You and Ariella gave me a reason to live, Cia. I’ve spent my whole life feeling like I wasn’t worth anything, but with you two, I finally feel like I have a purpose. So no, I won’t let you go. I won’t let you throw yourself away when you mean so much to me.”
He paused, then looked away to hide his embarrassment on what his about to confess.
"...The Truth is. I wanted to make both of you smile, to be happy, to live, to be with you two... For my own selfish reasons. I'm afraid of becoming the sh*t I am before, I'm afraid of going back, of losing you and feeling dead all over again. You see, I, I lost my only family at a young age, I had no relatives, either. So, uhh, when the two of you came into my life, I was confused about my feelings at first. But eventually, I think I understood what I felt... guess I, finally got it, what having a family feels like. It's warm and strange, addicting, even. Cia... I don't think can't take it if I lost you, that's why, please. I’m scared of losing you—of going back to being the useless, empty person I was before. You’re… you’re kinda my family now. Both of you are. And I’m not going to let you go. Not ever.”
The room fell into silence, heavy with unspoken emotions. For a moment, he wondered if he’d said too much, let too much of himself slip out, which he indeed did, now, why did he say so much? Now he feels like his heart is about to explode at any moment while his brain is malfunctioning. He wasn't even sure what his doing anymore, why did he come here again? He forgot everything except this stomach twisting moment. But then, he heard movement behind him.
Followed by two big and warm sensations pressing on his back, hair touching his neck and soft hands clutching his chest.
His heart skipped a beat.