With the reassurance that Kyla’s feelings for him remained strong, he threw himself into work with greater ease. One of the most wonderful things Jasper appreciated in a woman was when she didn't stress him over having to show continuous affection and reassurance of his feelings toward her. It helped to know that he could focus on work while she occupied herself well in that time and didn’t begin overthinking and unnecessary worrying.
One afternoon, after an important meeting he had been preparing for the past few weeks went well, he checked his watch. It was a little too late to return to the office before the end of the work day, and anyway he wasn’t much in the mood for more work after the high deliverable achieved that day. Her office wasn’t too far away. She would enjoy a surprise visit from him, wouldn’t she?
It had been quite some time since they chatted on the app, and ages since they had met in real life. He missed her scent and her warm hugs. He missed the way she praised him whenever he shared news of his most recent achievement at work. He missed sharing happy moments with her. He missed her. They say distance makes the heart grow fonder. Jasper shook his head and chuckled softly. He never imagined himself to be one sentimental enough to understand that saying.
He tried his luck and logged onto the game. To his delight, spirit player Charis was online.
“Hey, are you available for a few minutes?”
“It’s in the middle of the afternoon, I’m at work,” Kyla replied.
Jasper was amused, entertained by the thought that Kyla might enjoy their conversations so much that she kept the app running in the background all the time.
”I know. I’m outside your office building,” he typed.
”What?”
”Free to meet for coffee?”
”Are you serious?”
”I’m standing outside. It’s pretty hot here.”
”I can’t get away from my desk right now.”
”That’s okay, take your time. I can wait.”
”Until what time?”
”I have to leave around five-thirty to pick up my kid. But before then, I’m all yours.”
“I think I’m going to be stuck in a meeting until six. You don’t have to wait for me. Drive safe.”
”Can’t you make up some excuse to come out for a few minutes?” He asked. “I miss you.”
”I’m sorry. It’s an important meeting. I can’t afford to miss it.”
”That’s okay. I understand. I should have let you know earlier. I’ll make sure to do that next time.”
The rest of the day couldn’t have passed any slower. For some reason, Jasper found it difficult to shrug off the feeling that perhaps Kyla didn’t want to see him.
***
“I’m sorry I didn’t have time for you earlier this evening,” Kyla typed later that night when Jasper came online.
”That’s alright. I showed up unannounced. It wasn’t right of me to give you time to prepare.”
”I’d appreciate it if you don’t look for me at the office.”
”I thought it would have made you happy that I came to see you.”
”I was,” she typed, “But I thought you were afraid of being seen with me. You have good reason to be.”
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“I’m not. If we bump into one of my acquaintances, as long as we’re not holding hands or anything, I could just say I’m catching up with a past intern.”
”Oh.” Then after a while, she typed. “I guess that makes sense.”
”I miss you.”
”I miss you too.”
”I want to see you.”
”Then make actual plans to come see me,” she replied, knowing fully well he wouldn’t. “Or you could send me a picture,” she said, confident that he couldn’t. “I’m not making it that easy for you. If you want to see me, you’ll have to earn it. You could start by giving me some warning and not showing up unannounced.”
“Got it. See you soon.”
”At the usual place?”
”Huh?”
“In dreamland?” Kyla suggested. That was their safe space, their only meeting place—well, apart from Eternal Echoes anyway.
”Haha. For now.” He shook his head and smiled to himself as he typed, “Goodnight Kyla. Sweet dreams.”
”Goodnight,” she said, knowing Jasper wouldn’t like it if he mentioned his real name in-game. No record, no trace, no worries. Additional stress is the last thing she wanted to give him.
***
Jasper felt so blessed to have such an understanding woman in his life. He often wondered what he had done to deserve this. And, as all men do when they feel fortunate, he started to take her presence for granted.
He logged on only at odd hours of the night after he cleared enough work backlog to placate his workaholic tendencies and even when he was online, he was too tired to give Kyla any real attention. Naturally, their conversation turned mundane and sporadic, worlds apart from the stimulating, lively conversations they once shared in the budding of their friendship.
“You’ve been busy,” she said. “You’re always busy.”
”I have work. You know that.”
”And a family.”
”Yes,” said Jasper, matter-of-factly. There was no point in sugar-coating things. Then, realising it might come off a bit rude, he continued, “Kyla, talk to me. I’m here. I’m here now.”
”When you’re busy you don’t have time for me,” she typed. “When you’re not busy, you’re giving your time to your family and anyone else but me. And even when you have time, you’d rather spend it alone, exercising than spend time with me. Then, if you come online and we finally have time to talk, all you say is that you’re too tired, you have a headache and you have to sleep soon. And I let you because I care about you. But it doesn’t feel like you care about me. What it does feel like is that you don’t care about me. You’d be perfectly fine without me in your life. That’s already true most of the time. And you’re not afraid of losing me. That’s why you treat me like this. I’m angry with you. But I’m even more angry with myself because I let you treat me like this because I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
”You have my heart.” Kyla said despite herself. It had been quite a long time since she had not been in possession of a physical state of being.
”You have my heart too,” Jasper replied.
”How much of it? Half? You love her too, don’t you? You can’t love her and love me at the same time. You don’t love either of us. You only love yourself.”
When he didn’t reply after a few moments, she continued.
”You love your family. They make your heart full. You can lead a perfectly happy life without me. I’m always on the other side of the screen, waiting for you. I’ve always been waiting for you. It hurts knowing that you’re able to be perfectly happy without me while I’m always crying because I can’t have you by my side. You tell me that you can’t see me. But the truth is you don’t make time for me because you don’t want to. You just keep me around because I’d be useful if you ever feel lonely. But now I’m lonely.”
”I’m here,” he said.
“No, you’re not.”
”I’m here,” he repeated.
”I said don’t tell me that.”
”I’m here, Kyla.”
“I said don’t tell me you’re here with me when you have no intention of being with me.” Jasper’s heart ached, reading all that she had said. He didn’t have to see Kyla to know that she was crying.
The old Jasper would have suggested that they take a break, or maybe it wasn’t such a good idea that they had started on this path since her expectations of him seem to be growing at an unsustainable pace. Perhaps she was starting to realise that she does want the things she said she didn’t want when they first decided to develop a relationship in a virtual space—the things he told her he would not be able to give her. The old Jasper would have suggested for them to go their separate ways.
But he was not the old jasper. He wasn’t going to give up. She meant a great deal to him and it was his fault for inadequately conveying his feelings.
”We should talk. In person.”
”No, I don’t think we should.“
“I want to see you.”
”No you don’t,” she said. then she was gone.
In the few days she was away, Jasper realised just how much he missed her. For as much as he missed her in the few months of her absence, he seemed to miss her more than twice as much this time around. Jasper wondered how Kyla had been able to stand all the times he made her wait for weeks, months. Even just a few hours seemed torturous in the uncertainty of her return into his life.
He couldn’t leave things like this. He couldn’t leave her. He didn’t want her to leave him. Day and night, there wasn’t a moment that went by without him thinking about her. Why do men only realise that they love a woman after they have lost her?
He had to look for her. He had to find out if she was okay. He had to fix this. He was going to.