I’m a trained counselor for what we call ‘harem members’. Sometimes there are clients who are planning on being a harem member. Whatever stage they are in, I guide them.

An Author mandated contract is required before I take in a client. No leaks allowed. A lot of celebrities are my clients. One of them even hid their harem member status till she retired from the scene.

I’ve been in this job for twenty years. I’ve guided some people to stay in their place or to leave and seek a conventional relationship.

This place for actual harems not ‘Oh a lot of girls/guys like me situations woe is me I have to pick one’. But that’s called a harem in books, you say? Those books need a different genre. Multiple love interest or something. But I digress.

It’s not just women as well. A lot of men also seek advice. Some have harems when they can only handle one. They bit off more than they could chew and flame out.

There are also men in ‘Reverse harem’ situations. Though none of those work out. Harems already fail over seventy percent of the time. In ‘Reverse harem’ situations, once the girl gets pregnant, all bets are off. That ends almost all of those.

I had a client in a so called ‘harem’. It had multiple men and women and they shared. Not a harem. That’s just an orgy. I don’t have a license for orgies. I recommended her to my friend in the other room.

Yes. You need a license to do this. It came from the Author above after I finished my training. Anyway. I have a client right now.

“Thank you, doctor! You were right. I just needed to do it with our husband there and I came like mad,” says my patient codenamed: my husband likes to watch.

“Congratulations ma’am, I hope you enjoy your newlywed life,” I say.

“Thank you again, doctor! I really thought it wasn’t for me when I didn’t like the touch of my harem sisters, but I’m so glad it was just because my king wasn’t there.”

She shakes my hand and leaves my office with an enormous smile on her face.

A successful harem contains three things.

The harem king must be lucky. You need this, but it’s the least important.

The harem king must be exceptional and have special talents. This is important, but not enough.

The third and most important part. The harem members must be a special sort of crazy.

They say people are all crazy. But that’s just plain wrong. Most people are normal as hell and act like they’re crazy. Case in point: me.

My king has a harem. That makes him lucky.

He can go on for days and still looks younger than me when he’s in his sixties and I’m at forty plus. He’s born with it. The Author blessed him.

Now me? I’m a crazy woman. Crazy enough to marry someone poorer and older than me. He didn’t even court me. It was his wife who invited me in. Not to mention I’m still staying with him for twenty years! My other two harem sisters are also sick in the head. I will not disclose their information here, though. Trust me. They’re worse than me. I’m the normal one.

Why am I even in this relationship? I love him so much!

Let’s stop, the readers will think I’m nuts.

“Doctor?” Oh? It’s a new client.

“Come in, miss, milk and flowers.”

An absolute bombshell walks in. She has bombs on her chest that can kill a man by touch. Whoever this woman’s king is, he hit the jackpot. I notice the large bump on her stomach. She came in pregnant before seeking my council? An automatic plus one on the crazy scale.

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Crazy score: 1.0. You need a 5.0 in order to succeed in a harem. Most girls at that level stay, no matter what.

I make her sit down and tell her to relax.

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“Careful with your pregnancy, miss.”

“Oh, don’t worry doctor, I’m not pregnant.”

Delusional. Another plus one. She must have seen my doubtful face as she tries to convince me.

“I’m not lying, doctor! This always happens whenever me and my brothe—husband make lo… love. I know this is important. I’m telling the truth!”

“Oh, so you have that condition! Don’t worry, miss, I believe you.”

Wow. This is rare. Her king has the A.S.S. short for Author’s. Special. Semen. That’s a bonus plus 2.5 on the crazy scale. Girls get addicted to that stuff. Her king is living the harem life in easy mode. I heard her say brother as well. Let me check the files if it’s a step-brother or actual brother situation.

I read the files, and it says here that they’ve been together since birth. Alright, that’s a plus two. Real sibling relationships are a plus four, by the way. Step-brother stuff that lasts only five years? Plus 0.5 max. Any less won’t register on the crazy scale.

So, she’s at 3.5 discounting the 2.0 from delusional earlier. We’re off to a great start. I tell her to start from the beginning and it’s clear this girl’s in love from the start. He is so amazing. He can do that. Brother this. Brother that. She doesn’t even try to hide the brother thing anymore. Overall, that’s a plus 1.5. Alright she’s cleared the scale.

She continues on and I check the documents to match her story. I see a picture of her room. It’s filled to the brim with his photos… Uh-oh, this one might be a yandere and that kind can be a plus 3.0 or a -6.0 as it depends on the harem king. You can’t have a harem when you’re dead.

She continues on and it looks like she’s not a yandere. She is just a stalker. That’s a plus one. She’s more of the deredere kind. She just loves everything about him it seems. That’s a bonus plus one.

I look at the docs. The picture and name of the first harem member pops up. Saori Renido. Former name Saori Akers. Wait. The Akers family? The one where all their male descendants are harem kings? That same legendary family? I check the documents and see her family members. She is part of that family! Her brother and five of her sisters were my clients! That’s another plus one.

Why can I access this much information? The clients agree with this. Plus, my contract won’t allow me to spread any of their information. Anyway, that’s not important!

Isn’t she the same Saori Akers from the show ‘Will you still love me?’ She’s this hot without makeup? I flip to the other side and it shows her harem king. Atlas Aoi Renido… it’s him, the emperor of the show! They are all hot! This is a bonus plus one!

She continues her story, and she tells me the story of how they got together. Even her marriage is extraordinary! They even passed the Author’s trial! Why even come to me for advice? That’s a five on its own!

13.0! on the crazy scale. That’s higher than mine!

It’s not the highest score though. It’s not even in the top five for women. Yes. The top five are all from the Akers family. Her score is in the top ten, though. She finishes her story and thanks me.

“Doctor, this was a really great experience! Can I come again next week? You helped me feel normal again.”

I did little. Also, you might not be as crazy as your sister, but I don’t think you’re normal at all. She needs no more counseling… I’m interested though…

“Alright miss, you can come to vent, but don’t worry about the payment next time,” I say.

“Really? Won’t I waste your time then? Is there anything I can do? This was a really refreshing experience. It really helped me and I feel guilty getting this for free,” says miss milk and flowers.

“Uhm, well… miss milk and flowers. Can I ask for a favor?”

“Sure doctor! What is it?”

I grab a framed photo of the kissing scene of the empress and emperor from the show. Now that I look closer, there’s another body in the background… Is it her? Wow! That makes that scene so much better!

“Can I get an autograph from Ms. empress and Mr. emperor? Also, can you also sign it?”

“Sure doc, that’s not a problem, but keep their identities secret alright? Are you sure about me signing it, though? I’m just a manager.”

Don’t worry about that. They must have done that scene for real, huh? My body feels hot.

“Don’t worry, miss! I can’t hide it from my king and harem sisters, but the contract prevents them from spreading it. The contract is Author mandated you can trust it.”

“Alright, I understand. I’ll send it to you, doc when I come back next week.”

I grab two more framed photos.

“Can you sign these two as well? My harem sisters are also fans.”