From the moment I set foot in Colsir for the second time in a day, I knew I was in trouble. Everyone I passed on the way to the train station stared openly at me. Some showed contempt, some showed me nothing but pity, and others still looked at me like I was crazy.

Granted… It could’ve been because of the bloodstained robe I was wearing. Which I’d shrugged back on after leaving the Academy grounds because the sun was beginning to set, and the temperature drop. It would be something like thirty-nine degrees by nightfall, and I would much rather receive a few odd stares, than catch a cold or some other illness.

But with a travel bag slung over my shoulder and a round-trip ticket for the last train before the academic year began acquired from the administration department of the Academy, led by head mage Annika Le-Doux, I had no choice in the matter. I was either going to be in Ziral by this time tomorrow of my own volition, or a certain someone was going to find me and drag me there by my ear.

And the threat of that was enough to temporarily assuage my fear of the Guild master.

“ULVANI!”

I didn’t stop to confirm who was calling my name. I took my travel bag under my arm and sprinted towards the train station. I cursed my luck with every step and thanked God that most of my weight loss program involved cardio, because I wouldn’t have made it a single step, otherwise.

“You owe me a new carpet!”

I didn’t respond to the provocation. I knew she would be chasing me, and if I wasted time or focus on trying to plead my innocence, I knew she would catch me, and I’d miss the train— something caught the collar of my robe, and only by sheer instinct toss my bag and throw my arms back, allowing the robe to slip off.

I snatched my travel bag out of the air, just inches before it could hit the ground to the sound of a scream of pure, unadulterated rage, followed by something being thrown to the ground.

But I didn’t look back, not when I was so close to the train station. It was less than a hundred feet away, and to make matters even more stressful, I could hear the conductor calling for everyone to board.

Don’t get caught. Don’t get caught. Don’t get— something wrapped around my ankle, and I went down. My travel bag was flung free of my hand and slid across the ground some ten feet away.

It was only at this moment that I decided to risk looking back: the guild master wasn’t an imposing woman. In fact, I’d wager that no part of her, could even be considered remotely scary… To anyone viewing her from afar.

Kleia, the guild master, was a forest nymph. But instead of being a seductress looking to find the main character’s twig and berries, the forest nymphs of God’s Favored Arcanist were three-foot tall plant women with thick, trunk like tails that ended in a hand larger than the rest of her body combined.

Looking down at my ankle, I found said hand wrapped around my foot.

God Damnit— my body lurched as she yanked me off the ground and dropped me directly in front of her.

“You owe me a Tal for cleaning expenses.”

“Hello to you too. How have you been— oh, I’m fine, thanks for asking. Got a slight headache from being dropped on it, otherwise I’m A-OK.”

She squatted to look me in the eye, which inadvertently gave me a great look at the perky mountains she’d stuffed into a too small shirt emblazoned with the Guild symbol— which was a silver and blue rendition Imperial seal. “Sorry, Aren. Rules are rules. If I start letting you get away without paying, then everyone else is going to throw a fit when they inevitably have to pay.”

“I understand that. And I’m sorry for running, truly, I am. But was it really necessary to drop me on my head?”

“Was it really necessary for the son of a noble, and a Duke at that, to run away from a single Tal?”

“In my defense, I figured it would be much more, and I’m a little short on Tals this month… What with all the increases in cafeteria food prices.”

She frowned at that and helped me to my feet. “What do you mean by that? Cafeteria food in the Academy is free for students.”

“No,” I argued. “I was told we had to pay for the food. Something about importation costs.”

“Aren,” she sighed. “The Academy doesn’t charge their students for food. I should know, half of my employees come from the Academy. Who told you that you had to pay?”

“The cafeteria manager, Mrs. Jones.”

Kleia’s face scrunched into a frown, and she hummed quietly. “Fine, go on about your business and don’t worry about the Tal. Say, when was last time you saw the cafeteria manager?”

“This afternoon, around lunchtime.”

“Thank you. Have a safe trip Aren.”

“You too— Er— I mean, have a good day.”

She returned my awkward goodbye with a wave. I watched her walk towards the Academy for a few seconds before my brain kicked into gear and I remembered that I was supposed to be on a train.

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Crap— Crap— Crap!

I scooped up my bag and sprinted the rest of the way to the train station. Which was currently lacking the train I was meant to be riding.

“Hey, kid. You missed the train.” An old timer called out to me. Further inspection led me to believe that he was actually the stationmaster.

Maybe it was the way his eyes seemed to scream his love for trains, or maybe it was the calluses on his hands from pulling levers all day, every day, for decades— or maybe it was the pin on his lapel that said “stationmaster” in big, bold letters.

Yeah, it was probably that last one.

“So, I see… Hypothetically, if someone were to board the train after it departed, how much trouble would they be in?”

“Kid, I hate to break it to ya. But you’re not catching up to Old Cyrus, it’s impossible.”

“You call the train “Old Cyrus”? Actually, never mind. But hypothetically speaking—”

“If this “hypothetical” person were to somehow run down the train and board after it left station. As long as they presented a ticket, there are no rules that state they would need to be punished. But again, I must warn you that you’re not going to be able to—”

“Thanks stationmaster.” I said, interrupting him before he could get going. I opened my gate and called forth a single ghoul.

“Divines!” The old-timer exclaimed.

The monstrous abomination skulked towards me, it’s crimson third eye staring directly at me while it’s other eyes looked on lifelessly.

Maybe eating that troll did something for them after all.

I moved to its side and used one of the bones jutting from its back leg as a stepladder, which enabled me to sling my other leg over it. I settled onto his back and took hold of a bone piercing through the flesh at the back of its neck.

I kicked at its sides and mentally commanded it to follow the tracks.

Before departing the station, I took one last glance over my shoulder at the old-timer— and winced as I saw him lying on his back, unmoving.

I quickly summoned an imp from the depths of my gate.

The Imp was my second summon; The savage little creatures behaved in a way that reminded me of the way goblins were portrayed in other shows, but their appearance marked them as an altogether different animal: Though their skin was now the same color blue as the Ghouls, originally it was closer to the color of a raging inferno.

Throw in bat-like wings and a prehensile scorpion’s tail jutting out of their ass, and they looked more like demons, than goblins.

Its ugly face scrunched up in annoyance at being called, and serpentine eyes showed nothing but distain for me— But it immediately went to fulfill my unspoken command.

The imp would make sure the old-timer was found, even if it had to drag someone over to him.

It didn’t take long to catch up to the train. Ghouls might not have been as comfy as a horse with a decent saddle, but they were just as fast, and didn’t suffer from that pesky thing known as exhaustion.

There was a small, fenced in platform on the caboose with an attached door. Next to which was a metal ladder that went to the roof. While I could try to jump to the ladder like some kind of hero from an action movie. The safer, and therefore smarter move would be to climb down from the roof.

The ghoul ramped up the speed once we were only fifty feet from the rear of the train— thirty feet, twenty feet, ten feet, then it leapt.

It landed on the roof of the train with a loud *Thunk* and bent down to let me climb off. The moment my foot touched the roof, I almost lost balance and fell. It was only thanks to grabbing hold of the ghoul to steady myself that I was able to “safely” stand up.

I crouched low to the roof and shimmied over to the ladder. It took some careful movements, but I eventually managed to get my balance and climb fully onto the ladder— something caught my attention ahead of the train and I looked up in time to see the ghoul’s body get pulverized by the wall of the tunnel the train was passing through.

I winced as the ghoul was shredded by the impact; blood, limbs, and organs sprayed everywhere, covering my body in a foul-smelling liquid and making the ladder slick with viscera.

I looked back at the mouth of the tunnel in time to see the body of my ghoul splat against the tracks… And then stand up, as if nothing happened, and jog after me.

Thank God it’s on my side…

I finished climbing down to the platform. Once my feet were on solid ground, and I was no longer in danger of becoming roadkill, I opened my gate and mentally commanded the ghoul to return home.

With that done, I tried opening the door…

No, no.

I tried the door again, but I had been correct the first time. The door was locked, because of course it was.

I pressed my back against the door slid into a seated position. I was tired, hungry, and desperately in need of another layer.

I opened up my travel bag and searched out the light gray jacket I’d remembered to grab before I left. I’d forgotten to grab food… and water, but I remembered the jacket.

I sighed contentedly as I slipped on the jacket and pulled the hood over my head. The relief was immediate, as the wind chill was effectively cut in half.

Hey, you still there?

[Are you referring to me?]

No, I’m talking to one of my other personalities.

[My mistake then. I will not interrupt.]

I’m kidding. Yes, I’m talking to you.

[I see. User, if I may? Perhaps you could try to find a book or journal on the subject of jokes and study it for a fortnight?]

…You’re mean.

[Apologies. It was not my intent to be cruel to the user. I was only suggesting what I believe would help increase your meager talent towards humor.]

Just… Stop talking. You’re making it worse.

[Understood. This program will now cease vocal activity.]

Thank you. Now, can we continue our conversation from earlier?

[…]

Construct?

[The user asked me to cease vocal activity. I am trying to comply.]

I didn’t mean— look, forget that. Can you tell me more about your functions?

[Do we have time? I would not want to distract you from the view. It is very pleasant.”

It’s cold is what it is. Please, start talking so I have something to focus on besides shivering and the clacking of my teeth.

[Very well. Initiating introductory presentation. I will only be able to give you a fraction of the information, as you would need to see me in order to fully understand most of what I’m about to tell you.]

Well, come out here and show me.

[I cannot. I exist primarily inside your mind; my physical form only exists inside the phenomenon known as the “summoner’s gate” you are so fond of using. I cannot leave this place. Do you still wish for me to begin?]

I thought about it for a moment, during which the train reached the massive freshwater lake I’d mistaken for an inland sea the first time I saw it. However, the presence of numerous fruitless fruit trees, barren bushes, and a half dead field of flowers proved otherwise.

I was surprised to notice that the resident lake monster; a fifty-foot-long serpent locally known as Corju, was conspicuously absent.

Which led me to two theories. Either Corju had gone to sleep for the winter… Or he’d left the lake. And somehow, the idea of a fifty-foot-long serpent crawling around the Academy did little to brighten my day.

Yes, go ahead and give me the cliff notes version.

[ Understood. Reinitializing introductory presentation; shortened version…]