Chapter Three, in which I Make a Valiant Effort to Fulfill the Expectations of My Job Description

* * * *

I set aside the personal dining table and got some more paper for Spirit-san to communicate with. Perhaps it was a long shot, but my hope was to deal with the ghost here and now before she could wreak whatever kind of havoc she potentially had in mind upon exiting the mansion.

“Before we head off, how about we rest here a little longer? We can play a game.” Since Spirit-san wasn’t holding anything, it was difficult to know where to look. I had to just pick one of the walls in the room and talk to nothing in particular, like some lunatic. “I don’t want to hike right after eating, and we have all day.”

After a few seconds a paper and ink brush lifted off the floor, and Spirit-san began to write.

I don’t really want to play go again.

It didn’t look like she was upset about the delay. “Don’t worry, I have something else in mind.”

Rather than attempt some advanced exorcising technique, I decided to stick with the basics. The ofuda was the most trusted tool of the ghost hunting trade—I just needed to get the ghost to interact with the right variety.

“You seem like the creative type, Spirit-san. Are you familiar with the fine traditional art of folding pieces of paper into the simplified likeness of a flower or long-billed water fowl?”

Spirit-san wrote her response. I love origami! What do you want to make?

I sat down beside a small stack of paper talismans I had prepared. Each one had the name of a different kami worshiped in the region, or a deity that held special significance to lingering spirits.

I held out an ofuda for the ghost. “Can you make a fish?”

The spirit immediately proceeded to fold the talisman into the shape of a fish, complete with little fins sticking out from either side of it. She had to set it down a couple times before losing her grip on it, but it was obvious she had lots of experience with origami.

It was also obvious the ofuda had no effect on her whatsoever, as she didn’t even wait to pick up another one. It seemed the ghost was waiting for me to say something else for her to fold.

“Um, how about a fox?”

A part of me wondered if the ofuda could affect the ghost if she were to fold a specific kind of animal. Perhaps one with some religious significance? A fox would work in that case… I was truly grasping at straws though. Who had ever heard of spirits being banished through ritualistic origami?

In the end, Spirit-san’s paper fox turned out even better than I thought possible. I could even make out the thin slits for its crafty little eyes.

“You’re pretty good. Do you…” The ghost grabbed another talisman before I could finish my sentence. I couldn’t help but smile. She was really getting into this.

“Okay, how about a turtle then.”

The ghost folded a turtle. It really looked like its head and legs were poking out of a paper shell. And it hardly took her any time at all.

Clearly, I needed to come up with something a little harder.

“Let’s see you make a tanuki, Spirit-san.”

She made a tanuki.

“Hm… a whale?”

That one was way too easy.

Perhaps I needed to pick something other than an animal. Maybe a flower? She probably knew how to fold every kind of flower in the world. Boats and houses were probably just as easy for her, and chances were she could make paper dolls of people too.

The next paper talisman bobbed up and down impatiently.

I said what came to mind first. “A ghost. Make a ghost.”

Spirit-san immediately set to work. I realized that the request was a bit of an odd one, but it appeared Spirit-san didn’t mind.

It made me curious. What would she fold, exactly? She could just make a paper doll of herself, right? What she folded didn’t look anything like the self-portrait of hers from earlier, though.

The final result was the image of a long-haired figure in a plain kimono, but this person didn’t have legs—instead it possessed what I inferred was the smoke-like tendril found in many depictions of ghosts. On the figure’s head was the headband with a triangular forehead cover—the hitaikakushi typically placed on a corpse.

It was a very basic depiction of a ghost. The sort of thing people always thought of when the topic of haunting spirits was brought up.

“Is this how you are now, Spirit-san?”

A message formed on a new piece of paper. No, I really haven’t changed much since I died.

I looked up to the ceiling a few moments to collect my thoughts. “Then… when I said to fold the likeness of a ghost, you should have just folded a person, since they look the exact same.”

This is just art. It doesn’t have to be true.

I guess that made sense.

The ghost added another line. This is what people usually think of for a ghost though, right?

“Yes, that’s true.” The depiction did make me wonder about Spirit-san’s death, however. Or rather, what became of her after her death. I had guessed she was here as a ghost because she had some unfinished business, but it was possible she simply didn’t have a proper funeral. My books all made it clear that when people died without any particular rituals being performed, they were likely to linger on as spirits.

The depiction of ghosts with smoke-like qualities made sense in this context—they were the unusual aftermath of a death and no longer had substance, yet continued to exist and affect the world in some manner. The life of flesh and bones was a mortal, temporary thing, but a spirit could have trouble vacating this realm should there be anything holding the individual back. The abandoned, the discarded, the forgotten. Without legitimate ceremony, the deceased could find no peace.

“Spirit-san, you said you died falling down the stairs, right? Did your parents make sure all the proper rituals were done for you afterward?”

The ghost dabbed the calligraphy brush in some ink, but took some time before writing anything down. Apparently this was a response she had to think about.

Yes, everything was done as it should. Why do you ask?

“Simply curious to understand your situation a little better. Your motive for haunting this place feels rather unlikely, is all.” Perhaps I said too much, but I was curious to see how the ghost would respond.

She set the paper back down and wrote. Not every ghost needs an ill motive.

I thought over this phrase she used. An ill motive. Who was to discern whether or not a ghost’s haunting was justified or not? If you were so wronged in life that you couldn’t stand to just move on and leave things be… it seemed it would be quite easy to claim honorable motivation.

* * * *

The ghost handled every single paper talisman I gave her, but as far as I could tell they were all useless. Perhaps it meant this was the wrong way to go about dealing with this ghost, but maybe I was just doing something wrong. The fact the ghost was making contact with the ofuda of her own accord was perhaps the issue here.

Are we ready to go then? I’m ready whenever you are.

I set aside Spirit-san’s paper and walked to my room—or rather, the room I was staying in. What was there left for me to try before leaving the mansion? Perhaps there was one simple thing I had overlooked this whole time…

I surveyed everything in the room. Was there some tool I could utilize to deal with this ghost? Some resource I could turn to, that I hadn’t thought of? There was my pack, my coat, my umbrella, and my rolled-up futon tied to my pack. Then there was the very nice futon I was borrowing from the old man. A floor lantern. A folding screen. Sliding doors.

Ah, maybe this was the real problem. The futon I laid out was directly in front of the entry to the room. The placement of my futon was not aligned in accordance with the geomantic principles of feng shui. I slid it to the side of the entry a ways and repositioned the lamp and pack a bit to allow for the life force energy of the room to flow more smoothly.

For all I knew, the very essence of misfortune had built up and piled upon me all throughout the night, leaving me in my current predicament. Of course, this was all rather superstitious of me, but the concept of invisible forces suddenly carried a lot more weight now that I had met a real-life ghost.

So maybe this would help? Or even better: Maybe this was all I needed to do in the first place?

“Are you still here, Spirit-san?”

A piece of paper floated into my hand.

Yes.

“I see that.”

That was the best I could do for now. No option left but to go along with the ghost and see what happens. How could I even begin to predict what this phantom would have in store for me?

The ghost’s paper flipped over to reveal a new message.

This is going to be so much fun, Naoki-kun!

Complete with tiny stars, flowers, and hearts.

* * * *

I slid open the front door, a bit unsure how I was going to know if the ghost was actually keeping up with me over the course of this trek through the woods. Spirit-san said she wanted this to be some sort of date, but I couldn’t guess what she had in mind for the time it would take to walk to the village. Was I going to have to carry some papers, ink, and a book for Spirit-san to write on? She’d only be able to write a little bit before handing everything back to me, since she could only carry items for a brief time. We would be at it all day.

More importantly, what was she really after here? She had something in mind for the village.

I turned around, assuming the spirit was standing behind me. “Are you ready?”

There was a piece of paper on the floor, and I watched as a brush scribbled a series of kanji for a reply. I can’t leave this mansion on my own.

“What do you mean?” Didn’t that make all her plans doomed from the start?

I came to this mansion several months ago, and I’ve been stuck here ever since. I don’t know why, but I can’t leave, the ghost wrote.

I bit my lip and tried to work out the ramifications of this piece of information. She was able to enter the mansion, but could not exit it. My books went into detail regarding the many different types of spirits in the world: some were free-roaming spirits capable of traveling wherever they pleased—but most were site-bound spirits, haunting a specific location. Often it was simply their very nature that they remain at one location, be it a building, a graveyard, a well, or some spot in the woods. Bound by their hatred, their despair, their craving for revenge, or their passions, spirits build upon their feelings year after year, rooting themselves to a site that holds special significance to them.

Was Spirit-san actually a spirit bound to this mansion? She may have been lying about coming here from the village. She may have been lying about everything.

The ghost wrote something more. You can help me out of here, right?

Perhaps her only goal all along was to get out of the mansion. Wasn’t it possible she’d been stuck there for a hundred years? The old man had said that’s how long the place had supposedly been haunted…

A competent onmyoji would probably be able to free the spirit, but the average ghost hunter would just exorcise her. Did that explain Spirit-san’s proclamation of love then? She wanted it to look like there was some deep emotional connection between us, so that I wouldn’t exorcise her. Spirit-san took a gamble and chose this roundabout means of achieving her freedom from this house.

It made sense in my head at least, but knowing this didn’t really change the status quo.

“I can help you out, Spirit-san, but I’m curious why you think I would,” I said. “Most onmyoji wouldn’t find much incentive in courting a ghost.”

Most people in general wouldn’t.

Spirit-san responded. You’re a nice onmyoji! You’ll help me out, won’t you?

She thought I was nice? “It’s very difficult to free a ghost from the place she’s tied to. Not to mention dangerous. It’s not worth the risk just to let you take a walk.”

The excuse sounded legitimate enough, but the ghost was already writing something more as I said it.

You can definitely do it if you try, Naoki-kun.

“It doesn’t work like that.” You don’t become capable of something just by trying. You can try something a million times, and even then it might not change a thing.

You must be a great exorcist to be called to this great mansion! There’s no way you’ll fail.

She kept writing these words of encouragement, but how was that going to change anything? Shouldn’t she have just attacked me? Or start burning the house down, or something? A ghost was supposed to be dangerous. Threatening. Spiteful. Cruel. Destructive. Anything but… this.

I walked back inside and closed the door. I wasn’t going to be able to help Spirit-san with whatever it was she needed. I needed to give a reason for this of course, and I couldn’t say it was because I wasn’t a real onmyoji. “I can’t help you with anything without enough information to work off of. I don’t even know why you are tied to this mansion. What is your relation to this place? Did you die here? Did you know the old man, or somebody else who once lived here?”

Spirit-san wrote, I didn’t die here. I had never been here when I was alive. I’ve never known anyone that’s lived here.

Going by everything I learned from my books, this sounded unlikely. A ghost doesn’t attach to a random location for no reason. And spirits don’t linger on for no good reason in the first place.

“You were able to walk over here from your village, right? Why did you come here? What is keeping you here?”

I don’t know, the ghost wrote. I just walked this way, and felt like I needed to go inside. And then I couldn’t leave.

“Well, you’re some kind of anomaly,” I said. “Even for a ghost.” If she really couldn’t leave though, that spelled trouble for me.

My mind quickly worked out a potential solution. Perhaps I just needed to persuade her to stop bothering the old man? If she never wrote any more bloody messages, the old man would think the ghost was exorcised. He’d be none the wiser.

“How about I make a deal with you, Spirit-san. Why don’t we just have our date here, and then… if you don’t want to be exorcised, then you can just agree to stop painting the old man’s walls with your blood. Doesn’t that sound reasonable? If all you really wanted in life was to spend some time with an exorcist, then we can just do so here.”

The ghost started writing again, and this time didn’t stop until she had several lines inked.

That’s no good, Naoki-kun! I just want to get out of this house for a bit. After we spend some time at my village, I’m fine with being exorcised. I just wanted to have a nice experience before I passed on.

“What? You had your whole life to have nice experiences,” I said. “Sticking around as a spirit isn’t worth it just to play some games and go sight-seeing with an onmyoji.”

The ghost was already writing her reply. It will be worth it. We’re having fun, aren’t we? We’ll have some more fun.

I wasn’t sure how to respond. She thought this was fun? What was fun about trying to deal with a ghost? It felt like my life was on the line.

But as soon as these thoughts passed through my mind, I began to question myself. The ghost hadn’t really done anything bad to me. And just going by the way she acted and by the things she wrote, it did feel hard to believe she was out to get me. Was my life really on the line? And going over each of the things we did together…

Well, it was kind of fun. In a very strange way.

“You’re really determined to go through with this. But why would you want to spend time with me so badly?”

The ghost’s response was a short one.

I’m lonely?

Of course. I considered this possibility before, based on the fact Spirit-san had been all alone ever since she died. Is that why she said she loved me? She was just excited, thinking she had finally found someone who could see her and interact with her. Someone who understood ghosts. She acted friendly like this in hopes that an exorcist would spend some time with her before purifying her. She had set everything up, picking out a mansion owner who would want to hire an exorcist and would be willing to leave for some period of time.

It was a decent plan, if that were the case. She just had the misfortune of winding up with me. But perhaps there a way I could make things work out for her somehow? I did find a way to communicate with her, but I didn’t see how I was going to get her out of the mansion.

A new message appeared. I have an idea for getting out of here. Maybe I can just possess you?

The paper set back down once I finished reading it. Was this spirit capable of such a thing? I quickly recalled everything my books detailed regarding the subject. Things usually didn’t end well for those possessed by ghosts… I needed to convince the spirit to not bother making the attempt.

I held my arms out in front of me, taking a stern defensive position. “No, possession is out of the question. It’s too big of a risk. There could be any number of complications that—”

I think it’ll be all right, a voice rang out.

My heart nearly leaped to my throat. I scanned the room, turned around, then turned around again. There was nothing. I distinctly heard a woman’s voice. Someone was here.

The ghost, right?

“Was that you, Spirit-san?”

Yes, came the voice again.

I heard her, and she was so close! “Where are you?”

I’m possessing you, so… in your head? Or in your whole body? That’s how it seems.

It did sound like the voice was in my head. Almost like one of my own thoughts, but more… distinct. And outside of my control. And feminine.

So this was Spirit-san?

“When did you possess me?” I asked.

Right after I set the paper down. I’m sorry if I surprised you.

It was unsettling to hear a voice other than my own in my head. I kept wanting to check if someone was behind me.

I lifted an arm and wiggled my fingers a few times. It seemed I was still in control of my body, so this wasn’t a full possession. Apparently the only ill effect of this situation was the presence of the ghost’s voice.

Well, I’m ready to go now, Spirit-san said. I immediately found myself turning around and walking to the door. It felt so natural I barely realized it wasn’t actually my will to do so. I slid open the door and stepped out onto the mansion’s deck, all without my intention.

It was the most bizarre feeling in the world. Like sleepwalking while fully awake.

I shut the door and locked it, then proceeded to walk down the wooden steps that led to the entryway. My mind struggled to keep up with it all, despite how mundane each action was. There was no fighting any of it—I simply did it, and that’s all there was to it.

Ah, finally! It feels so good, feeling the sun shine down on me. Breathing the cold fresh air. There’s a whole world out here to see!

Without even thinking to do so, I ran down the stone walkway and raised my arms out to either side of me, as if pretending to fly. After a bit of this I began spinning in a circle, an ecstatic grin spreading across my face.

“Hold on, Spirit-san,” I said, my smile dissipating in the process. Apparently I was still able to speak as I wished, but I continued to spin in place. “You’re… you’re making me dizzy.” I was running out of breath, and this sudden turn of events was giving me a headache.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

“Okay, you’re outside of the mansion now, so you don’t need to possess me anymore.”

I finally stopped spinning. Taking a few deep breaths, I bent down a bit and placed my hands on my knees for support. It felt like I was doing this of my own volition, but it was hard to tell. Maybe I was only doing this because my body required it, and it was thus a natural response for the ghost.

But this is fun, Naoki-kun. We’ll be able to talk easier this way.

I blinked a few times and tilted my head to the side—my body moved as I intended. The spirit was just easing up on her control over my body, it seemed. Reflecting on what precisely entailed the nebulous topic of ghost possession, I recalled my books never delved too deeply into it. It was likely difficult for people to describe the act of being possessed, and the situation was perhaps different for each individual.

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Are you set to go? I’ll let you lead the way.

My first instinct was to order Spirit-san to stop possessing me, but I wondered if that would be wise. If she declined, it would be strange of me as an onmyoji to not then force her to vacate. My inability to do so would make it all too clear that I was not an onmyoji at all. I needed to just pretend I was fine with this setup for now—that I was willing to go along with Spirit-san’s wishes in return for her abandoning the mansion.

As much as I didn’t like the idea of being possessed, it was technically getting Spirit-san out of the house.

“All right, let’s take a look at your village then.” There was surely a specific reason she wanted to go there, and it probably wasn’t something good if she didn’t want to tell me anything about it. If it was going to take a couple hours to walk to the village though, I at least had an opportunity to figure things out before Spirit-san sprung her potential trap.

“It’s not a bad day out,” I said. “Let’s take the scenic route.”

* * * *

I walked down a snow-splotched path through the woods, somehow accepting my fate to carry a conversation with a voice in my head. Perhaps this was what it felt like to have a split-personality? I had to hope things wouldn’t turn even more bizarre.

The scenery wasn’t particularly noteworthy in this area, but Spirit-san had something to say about every single thing she saw. Or every single thing I saw, whichever the case might have been.

Look at the moss on those rocks! I found myself pointing toward some large stones up ahead.

“Yes, I see it.” I placed my arm back down.

Moss on that tree too, Spirit-san added. All those tiny patches… It’s like a starry sky.

I glanced over the nearby trees until I spotted the one the ghost was referring to—and indeed, specks of moss were scattered about the surface of its trunk. I personally didn’t feel there were enough bits of moss for the comparison to be made, however.

For the most part the snow wasn’t very deep, which was fortunate since I didn’t have any boots. The canopy of trees caught most of the snow that fell here, it seemed. And with the season approaching its transition to spring, there had been sunny days that melted some of the snow—but also enough cold nights to freeze most of it up again. It made for a winter scene that lacked most of the qualities haiku and tanka tended to describe the season with. Instead of a crisp, pure blanket of snow covering the earth, this path provided messy snowdrifts, clumps of dirty snow, crackling sheets of ice, misshapen ice chunks, and areas marked with a frozen layer of dead, muddy leaves and pine needles.

Look at the little icicles on that tree! Against my will, I hopped off the path and made my way toward a large tree.

“Careful, you’ll get my socks wet,” I said, trying to keep Spirit-san from stepping in the deeper sections of snow. Of course, right when I said so I planted a foot into a slight dip full of mushy snow, which went well past my ankle.

Spirit-san either didn’t notice or didn’t care, because I just kept making my way toward that tree. Once I reached it, I proceeded to pick off little icicles from each of the lower branches.

“Do you have to take off every single one?” I asked.

I worked my way to the other side of the tree, where my eyes immediately honed in on a branch holding a long line of tiny, evenly-spaced icicles. Or perhaps more accurately, it was Spirit-san’s fixation on the icicles that caused me to stare at them. A smile spread across my face, but I wasn’t sure if it was due to Spirit-san’s glee or if it stemmed from some amused exasperation on my part.

I lifted and held my right arm straight out to my side, then ran down the length of the branch, knocking off all the icicles in one fell swoop. I laughed all the while.

Thus began my life as a schizophrenic… however long that was going to last.

* * * *

It grew colder as the day drew on. I had put on my scarf after leaving the mansion, and fortunately I thought to bring a change of socks with me in my pack. I brought a good chunk of my provisions with me, actually, just in case I wasn’t able to get back to the mansion that night for whatever reason. Chances were Spirit-san was was going to do something once we reached her village, and there was no way to guess how long it was going to take—particularly since there was little chance I’d really be able to fulfill whatever task it was she had in mind for me.

I had to wonder… Could the ghost read my thoughts? She was always speaking in my mind, after all. I focused on a single unwholesome thought to see if I could get an immediate reaction out of her.

Whoa! Spirit-san’s voice emerged. Did you see that bird? That had to be a hawk.

So no, she couldn’t read my thoughts.

This trend of Spirit-san noting every little thing continued for a good while. I tried to tune out her talking a bit so I could think of the right questions to ask her. It was very difficult to brainstorm and analyze my own thoughts though, when another voice kept surfacing without warning.

Hey, Naoki-kun. How about you tell me a little about yourself? I already told you all about me. I want to learn about you too.

She really hadn’t told me that much about herself, but I decided not to bring it up.

“One day I was born, my parents raised me for some time, and then I became a ghost hunter.” I closed my eyes and raised a hand in the air for dramatic effect. “And one day, I will die. Perhaps in the very near future? My life hangs by a spider’s thread every time I deal with a ghost.”

Spirit-san laughed. She saw it as a joke, of course.

You’re a good actor, Naoki-kun! You’ve never had any trouble with ghosts before, have you?

I didn’t have to lie at all to answer that question. “Indeed, no trouble at all. But that doesn’t make the job any less dangerous, you know.”

Do you think I’m dangerous?

“How could you not be? You are a ghost, I hope you’ve realized.”

Spirit-san waited a bit before shifting back to her earlier question.

There’s nothing else you want to say about yourself though?

“If I say anything more, the sense of mystery will vanish entirely.” I raised my index finger to emphasize my point. “Doesn’t the title of ghost hunter imply a hidden past? Questionable motives? A wistful yet unwavering disposition? Besides, the mysterious aura I emanate is likely the quality that appealed to you most when you suddenly chose to proclaim your love in blood.”

Are you really that mysterious though?

“Yes.” Why not?

That’s neat! But that’s not the thing I like most about you, Naoki-kun.

I tilted my head and closed my eyes a few moments. I had a strong suspicion I was going to get a ridiculous response to my question: “And what would that be, Spirit-san?”

The ghost chuckled. It was just a whisper, but I could still hear it.

Oh, there’s so many things I like about you, it’s hard to choose just one.

After having only known me for a day? And even then, most everything she could know about me was a farce to begin with.

You have a really cute laugh, Naoki-kun. And the way you fall asleep instantly and just lie there motionless like a rock all night long is quite surprising. There’s this straightforward way you like to do things. And in general, you always like to be doing things! Even when I first talked to you, you wanted to play a game in the meantime. I thought that was really funny. And when you eat rice, you have this really laid-back way of holding your chopsticks.

Once again, I had no idea if the ghost was being serious or not. She certainly sounded earnest… I also had to wonder if she had just implied watching me in my sleep all night long.

I stared at the path ahead, but my thoughts were entirely lost in the ghost’s rambling at this point. “So… what you like about me are… random quirks that don’t actually amount to anything?”

They amount to everything, Naoki-kun, and I’m not done yet. You see, I like how friendly and reliable you are, and how well you handle everything. You’re the sort of man who doesn’t judge people right away, and can accept things for how they really are. That’s the impression I get. And I’m never wrong about these things.

“You’re never wrong when judging a person’s character?”

I’m never wrong about anything! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

I almost laughed as well, though there was something about Spirit-san’s laugh there that made me tense up a bit. Was it possible she really did see right through me?

A ghost bored out of her mind… It made sense she would want someone to mess around with, and what would be more exciting than to engage with an exorcist? My understanding of Spirit-san continued to shift with each passing hour.

* * * *

I decided to take a short break when I found a clearing with some large, dry rocks. I sat down and set my pack aside. For a moment I wondered if the last leg of this little trek would be the last hour of my life. But it was also quite possible this was going to lead to absolutely nothing. Perhaps Spirit-san really did just want to have some fun. And now that she was out of the mansion, she could spend the next chunk of her poltergeist life making mischief in this village. My job would be completed, and if she caused trouble for the villagers… Well, they could hire a real onmyoji to deal with her.

I slid a gourd flask from my pack and took a few gulps of ice-cold water.

That was amazing! Spirit-san yelled in my head. I lifted my hands so I could cover my ears, but stopped when I recognized how little that would have helped.

“What’s so amazing?”

The sweet, exhilarating taste of water! That was so tasty…

I found myself shoving the canteen straight back to my mouth. “Wa—!” I couldn’t get out a single word before Spirit-san forced me to take a few more deep gulps of water.

Aaaaaahhhhh! I never realized just how delicious water could be. So refreshing, it’s practically overwhelming. That slick, icy texture coursing down my throat… Or your throat? Doesn’t matter. It feels so good! I might just melt into a puddle of water myself.

I chose not to respond to this nonsense and placed the canteen back into my pack. I didn’t want to waste all the water if I couldn’t get more at the village.

It was interesting though. It had been at least a year since Spirit-san had a drink. And if she were lying about when she died, it could have been up to a hundred years. I couldn’t imagine how thirsty she must have been. And for that matter, she must have been really hungry too.

Do you have something to eat?

Right on cue…

“No, I’m afraid not.”

We’ll have to eat a bunch of food when we get to the village. Something sweet, and something savory. And everything else that’s yummy.

“Don’t act like I can afford all of that,” I said. “I’m not planning to eat out, unless of course your next reveal is how you have a secret cache of gold coins hidden in the village.”

Don’t be ridiculous. I don’t have any money. But you sure do! You’ve already gotten a bunch from the old man for this job, right? I can’t count this as a real courting if we don’t go out for a romantic dinner. And lunch. It’s almost lunchtime.

She was still insisting she only haunted the mansion just so she could spend some time with me. Perhaps I shouldn’t have found that so impossible though—after all, I hadn’t dealt with a real ghost before. Maybe it was typical of ghosts to linger on for trivial matters like this? The stories everyone hears about ghosts are much more dramatic of course, but then again most people don’t tell stories in the first place if they’re not interesting. Who would care about the story of a ghost who just wanted to go on a fishing trip?

“I’m not sure I could ever satisfy a hungry ghost,” I said. “I’m not about to go digging for corpses.”

I’m not that kind of ghost. Yuck! Just give me some nice hot soup.

“Soup? Isn’t that a boring choice for your first meal in over a year?”

No, soup is the best. There are as many types of soup in the world as there are people. You just need to change the ingredients, or even just the amount of some of the ingredients, and you have an entirely new soup. Every day you can have a soup that’s different from the last. In other words, every meal you ever have can be a new and exciting experience.

Soup is an art form, and you can spend your whole life trying to find the perfect soup. There probably is no perfect soup though—it’s all a matter of opinion after all, and there’s so many good kinds it’d be hard to pick which one’s the best… But anyways, it’s still winter time, so a hearty soup is definitely the perfect food choice. We should have some when we get to the village.

Plugging my ears wasn’t an option, so I had to accept the ghost’s lecture on the most banal food in the world. The fact she sounded so genuine though at least made me think she was serious about her wish—but would a stroll through the village and a quick bite to eat really be enough to appease her?

It was difficult to know if I could really trust someone I couldn’t even see. And given how I hadn’t interacted with a ghost before, I couldn’t be certain of her honesty. I had no true frame of reference to go off of.

All these years as a ghost expert, and I had nothing to work with at all.

* * * *

My walk with Spirit-san continued to lead into unpredictable directions. Only about twenty minutes passed before my body stopped again. What was it Spirit-san wanted now?

Is that a pond over there?

I looked through the trees and found the sheet of ice she was referring to. I walked toward it, unsure if I was only doing so because Spirit-san wanted to. The distinction between doing something for someone and doing something because of someone had become quite blurry.

“It’s frozen solid,” I said. The pond was a decent size, perhaps a hundred meters or so to walk all the way around it. It didn’t look deep, and the ice that wasn’t covered in snow was a nice dark blue.

We should go ice skating!

“Ice skating? What country do you think we’re from?” The very idea that I’d be possessed by a spirit who wanted to go ice skating…

It’ll be fun, I promise.

I had to state the obvious. “I don’t have ice skates.”

You can slide around without them. I can show you how.

“I’m just going to slip and fall.”

No, you won’t! It’ll be easy. We’ll have lots of fun. Come on, let’s go skating. What can be lovelier than ice skating together on a crisp winter evening?

Technically it wasn’t even noon yet. And it couldn’t really be ice skating together when there was only one person on the pond.

Prepare yourself, Naoki-kun! It’s time for your first skating lesson.

Spirit-san took control of my body again and tried sliding forward onto the ice. I quickly lost my footing and only managed to turn enough to keep from landing flat on my face. My right shoulder and the side of my head collided against the ice instead. I wearily rolled to lie flat on my back. An exhausted groan struggled its way through my lips.

Oooowwww, Spirit-san whimpered. That hurt a lot! Ha ha ha ha!

Suddenly the phantom had become a masochist. Or rather, a sadist! It was my body getting battered about here, after all.

Hey, let’s try again.

Did I have a choice in the matter? I shakily attempted to get back on my feet, but I slipped again, landing hard on my butt.

Oooowwww, Spirit-san whimpered again. That hurt! A lot more than I expected… Ha ha ha!

“This is hurting me more than it’s hurting you, you know.” I felt like I was in control again, and managed to get myself to stand up. I had to hunch forward and hold my arms out to either side to maintain balance, though.

There you go, you’ve got it.

“You said you were going to teach a skating lesson, right?”

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I’m not sure how skating works, to be honest. I thought it’d be easier than this. But I think we’ve almost got it! Let’s keep at it a little longer.

Since I was on the ice and had already injured myself, there probably wasn’t much left to lose. It seemed best to keep going along with the ghost’s wishes for now.

One step at a time, and skate, skate, glide… Skate, skate, glide…

The directions were useless, especially since I was still trying to get myself to stand up straight. I wished there was something I could hold on to.

You’ve got it. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four.

I managed to start shuffling forward. Lifting my feet would only make me slip and fall, so it felt best to keep them on the ground at all times.

Let’s do a spin, Naoki-kun. We’ll do a few spins, and then start skating backwards, holding hands. Then you can lift me off the ice, and we’ll do another spin.

It was going to be a small miracle just to make it to the other side of the pond without sustaining critical injury, but there was something infectious about Spirit-san’s delusions of skating grandeur. With each careful slide forward I wobbled in some random direction, never quite able to predict which way my body was going to go. It seemed an apt metaphor for being possessed by a ghost.

Spin, Naoki-kun, spin!

I was satisfied with shuffling forward, so I tried to just stick to that. It wasn’t long before I found myself trying to turn to the right, however, and I immediately lost my footing entirely. Since I had slowed down before turning, I at least managed to land on my hands. The ice scratched at my palms as I slid forward, but I couldn’t shift my body out of the position I found myself in. Once I slowed to a stop, I maintained this uncomfortable pose for a bit so I could work out how to get up again.

We’ll have to work on that technique some more, Spirit-san said.

I inched my hands back until I could regain my footing. Once I found my center of gravity I gradually lifted my palms off the ice and stood up straight.

The rest of the ice skating charade didn’t entail much more than me falling to the ground repeatedly. Overall the ghost seemed impressed with what little progress I was making, if it could really be called that. But maybe she really just found it funny, making me slip and fall at her expense—making me the imbecile of a manzai stand-up comedy.

I worked my way toward the edge of the pond and tripped once more. I hadn’t quite learned the proper way to stop… The end result was my entire body sprawled out in the snow. To some degree it felt like a relief. Was the frigid snow easing my pain, or was I just feeling comfort in the fact I made it off the frozen pond in one piece?

That was the greatest, Naoki-kun! It was like we were flying. There was no stopping us. Ha ha ha ha! I’ve never had so much fun before. We’ll have to do it again some time! We’ll do it again some time, right? We’ll definitely do it again some time.

Obviously we wouldn’t, but her eagerness made me smile. It was a bizarre experience to be sure, but there was a sort of fun to it.

It made me wonder about Spirit-san though. She really did seem to find joy in flailing about across the ice with a random stranger. She didn’t mind the pain that entailed. She just lived for the moment. Was that natural for a ghost? Or was that natural for her?

* * * *