2 lines. I blinked. What did that mean? My mind went completely blank. I'm on the verge of panicking, but I keep it down because I hear other schoolgirls on the restroom with me. My phone. Where's my phone? I searched my bag and found my phone at the bottom. I immediately searched Google for what 2 lines meant.

"No..." My hands started shaking. No... This can't be happening to me! I put my phone back inside the bag with shaking hands. I couldn't breathe. I could feel goosebumps all over my body. "This must be a fluke." Right. That must be it. I grabbed the paper bag hanging in front of me and tore open the two other packages I found there. I repeated the process and hoped and prayed that the first one was just a fluke. I can't. Please, God... I can't be pregnant.

You must be wondering why. Let me tell you about myself. I'm of what modern families might consider the marrying age, unfortunately, my family doesn't belong to that category. Mine is more of the old-fashioned one. My parents are both accomplished-my dad's a doctor and my mother is of old money and the current head of the family business. My brother, the eldest, is determined to be the heir of said business. My sister, the bane of my existence and the absolute daddy's girl, is on her way to becoming a doctor herself. And then, there's me- the unexpected-slash-unplanned child who just can't keep up with the family prestige. For as long as I can remember, I've been working hard and pushing myself to not be left out, to prove my family that I can be great and successful without the need to use their names or influence. I've been doing well until I met him.

He wasn't perfect. I wouldn't even call him good-looking, but as I fell more in love with him, he became the most handsome in my eyes. Before my feelings overpowered my mind, I was hesitant to give in to him. He was kind to me and he was such a good friend with a one-of-a-kind sense of humor. Whenever we're together, we're both full of laughs. We can make fun and bully each other without worrying that one of us is gonna get hurt. We shared personal stories and future dreams. Sounds great, right? The only problem was, my parents wouldn't like him. I'm certain of it like I am of what day it is today. My parents won't approve of me dating an undergraduate. Some of you might think that it's a snobbish standard, and I would agree with you, but that's just how they are. My family never had their image tarnished and I didn't want to be the one to destroy that. But we just can't help who we love, can we?

After a month of courtship, we officially started dating. A month into the relationship that will end in 7 months, I started noticing things. Little things. I was never one to spy on a boyfriend's phone and account even if I were given the passwords, but those little things changed me. I caught him spying on his ex's account, not on the act, but he left it logged in on his phone. I confronted him that first time and got shouted at. In the end, I had to apologize and make amends. He promised not to do it again, but of course, I caught him 2 more times. Even the pictures that he promised to delete even before we started dating, were still on his phone. I never asked him to, but 3 months into our relationship, I couldn't help but ask why he kept them. I mean, he was the one who promised. Besides, he assured me that he's already moved on and that they're never getting back together because the girl cheated on him several times. So I accepted that explanation again, when I confronted him about it and after being yelled at, again.

You must know by now how that relationship ended. I went home for the New Year's celebration at the end of December, and we made plans to meet at my apartment a week after. However, we never saw each other again. He broke up with me the day before we were supposed to meet, and he made sure that I understood that this time, it was final. His reason? It wasn't me, but our relationship was toxic. And yes, that wasn't the first time he asked for a breakup. I was confused and hurt when he asked to break up 2 days after our first month together. The second time around, I was devastated. And this time, I felt everything altogether at once. I couldn't stop crying for days. A week after, I was just numb.

That's why I can't be pregnant.

But now, I know I am.

Because 2 lines. In all three tests.

"God, what am I going to do?" I mumbled to myself. "Please... This can't be..." My heart is beating so fast. I keep breathing hard and slow to keep the panic at bay. Tears are starting to blur my sight.

I can't have this baby.

I can't.

But this baby's already alive... that's what we were taught at school.

There are many Catholics who have done this, so why can't I?

Tears start falling from my eyes as I start considering thoughts of abortion. My family is Catholic, but as someone who chose to have different beliefs, I consider myself, and am even proud to say, that I'm a Christian.

A Christian... having an abortion...

God, I'm so sorry...

I started breaking down at the cubicle in one of the restrooms at school. School. I haven't even graduated college yet. This just can't happen right now... I have- I have to... I forced myself to take huge breaths to calm the tears and the meltdown that I know I can't have just yet.

Do I tell him?

Do I have to?

What if...

I have to. Right? It's his baby too.

I tried to message him on Facebook and Instagram, only to find out that all my accounts have been blocked. I also called him multiple times. My close friends, the ones I trusted not to oust me, also tried calling him to no avail. He never answered, and sometimes he even turned his phone off. 2 weeks of calling him using different numbers never worked. And I gave up.

My friends, who actually knew him and became his friends as well, had different advices. We were all outraged, disappointed, and scared for my future and my wellbeing, because at that point I was just depressed. Not the feeling but the I-just-want-to-die depressed. My craving for takeout became strong, as well as the fatigue. I started having really bad mood swings. I blamed him, blamed myself and my stupidity. I never thought someone could even do something like this to me. I was a lover, an optimist. I was known to have the patience of a saint. I tried to understand and accept all of his faults and this is what I get?! My life was on a downward spiral and I was drowning.

And I just made it worse by coming to his house.

Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

His mom was there but she didn't even let me in the house. She just told me, "You're beautiful and there are are still a lot of men in the world. If he really doesn't want you back, just let him go." I wanted to lash out but I kept it all to myself He met me at the terrace. Before I came to his house, I was so sure that I would crumble. I missed him. But when he's finally facing me, with his brows turned down and his face looking sour, all I could think about was This is the man who told me he loved me up until last month? I told him I was pregnant.

His reaction was way worse than I imagined. "Is it mine?" I wanted to yell at him. Slap him. But all I could do was cry.

He apologized because he knew I'm never going to be anything but loyal. I dared to ask him if he wants me to keep it. He couldn't answer. Didn't answer. He shushed me because he didn't want his mother knowing. It was hopeless.

He asked me to wait because he'll need time to think about it. I already knew the answer.

And yes, it never even came.

"Are you really sure about this?" Lila asked me for the 3rd time. Still, I couldn't speak. I don't know what to say. My heart is at war with my mind. I don't want to do this but I don't have a choice. I stared vacantly in front of me, with Lila holding my hand in her right, and her left caressing my back. I felt no comfort from it. I knew nothing ever will, after what I'm about to do.

The doctor poked her head out of the door. "You ready?"

I was numb. I don't even know how I got inside.

Do I really want this?

This baby... my baby... is already alive.

It's not his fault. None of this is his fault.

I felt the prick of the injection.

I'm sorry...

I'm so sorry...

Tears have clouded my sight, so I closed my eyes. As I welcomed the darkness, all I'm thinking was, I'm sorry.

A week after the surgery, I was feeling like myself again. I had cramps and minor bleeding the first few days, but everything went back to normal after that. Except for the nightmares. And the cries that I started hearing whenever sleep is about to take me. Oh, the cries. Was that my baby crying?

Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I wake up to persistent crying. Was I going crazy? Is this Your punishment to me? God, why is this happening to me? But I got no answer. He has always been good to me. But I guess this is my fault. I had stopped praying when my depression started. Instead of asking for his help and guidance, I turned my back on Him, thinking He turned His back on me first.

I thought everything else in my life will go back to normal. I shouldn't have expected it to be. The worst thing happened 2 weeks after the... I can't say it. I still can't say it. Surgery. Yes, the surgery. My sister came to my apartment on a weekday. After school hours. I was confused because she never visited me before. I opened the door to a livid Gina. My sister grabbed my arms and started screaming at me.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!"

I started shaking. What...? What have I done...?

I didn't answer, I couldn't, so she slapped me and asked again.

"I... I don't know... What are you-"

Another slap.

"You just killed a baby! You killed a human being!" She was so angry and focused on hurting me that she didn't notice my crying.

I killed a baby... My baby... The truth of what I have done never really struck me before, as I was numb with disbelief those first two weeks. Disbelief that I really went through with it and disbelief that I could go on with my life like it never happened.

"Do you know how disgraceful and sinful what you've done is?!"

I do.

I know it better than anyone else.

"You call yourself a Christian?! You're a devil is what you are!"

"I know! I know what I did is wrong and sinful, but-"

"Then why did you do it?!"

"Because I know mom and dad! I know you and Jake! I know our relatives and the people who look up to our family! Do you think I didn't think this through?!"

"You didn't! Just admit that you didn't because I will NEVER AGREE TO KILLING A CHILD!"

"I know you won't but will you have accepted me?! NO! THEY WOULD'VE DISOWNED ME! YOU AND JAKE WOULD FOREVER THINK OF ME AS A MISTAKE LIKE YOU ALWAYS HAVE!"

"I have never-!"

"YES, YOU DID!" I was angry at her. At them. For I would never have done what I did if not for their superficially high standards of me. I was angry at myself. For choosing to be controlled by the pressure and expectations of the people who never saw my accomplishments but always noticed the mistakes. "You never failed to make me feel like I will never be as good as you. That I will never succeed without your help, without our parents help. You always judged me for everything I did! In your eyes, I never did anything right!"

"And you never really did!"

It was a lost cause. I know because we've had this argument for a hundred times now.

I pushed her out the door.

I slammed the door at her face, at her warnings that it she'll bring it up to my parents.

I fell on my knees and cried in my arms on the floor.

It hurts.

The fact that I killed my baby was tearing me apart.

At the back of my mind, I can hear his cries. Mommy, did you not love me?

I cried harder.

I'm sorry, mommy. What did I do?

I love you.

Mommy. Why did you do it?

I dragged myself crying all the way to the bedroom. Over and over, I kept talking to that little voice in my head. "I'M SORRY! It's all my fault. I'm sorry!"

I grabbed the bottle of pills I stashed in my bedside table back when I was in the depths of depression. Mommy... Why did you let them take me from you?

"I know... I'm sorry..." I went to the kitchen and looked for alcohol. Any alcohol will do. My sobs became frantic cries of apology to the baby who will never hear them.

It hurt mommy.

They tore me away from you.

It hurt! Why did you let them hurt me?

I swallowed the pills down with alcohol and waited.

I laid down on my side and hugged my knees to my chest. Nothing.

Nothing yet.

Mommy, why did you do it?

Mommy!

MOMMY!

I started feeling lightheaded.

Then, the chest pains came.

There. I'm close. Closer.

Baby... I'm sorry... I shouldn't have-

I can't breathe... Can't breathe. I shouldn't have! I'm sorry! Please forgive me... my baby.

I'm sorry...

I forgot to tell you...

I love you.

I'm coming to you.